*slapping the air* TOP OF THE MOURNING TO YOU LADDIES!
MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE
and welcome back to the top
AND WELCOME BACK TO 'TO THE TOP'!
- to the top
To the... top. To the top-- WHAT THE FUCK?
- to the top
what the f*ck
(jack already sweared and we're 3 seconds in)
(Good 'ol jackaboy)
It's just some dude's face drifting around here!
just some dudes face- drifting around here
Did you see that? The giant baby head?
did you see that
The Giant baby head
WHAT THE JESUS?
what The JAYSUS
Okay, it's to the top. There's a rocket, for some reason.
oKAY ITS to the top
theres A ROCK
rocket for some reason
So, I wanted to play more of this game because it was way too much fun last time not to!
so I wanted to play more of this game
Because I had way too much fun last time to not to
It was f*cking awesome
IT WAS FUCKIN' AWESOME, I LOVED IT!
I loved it
So, we're gonna do the easy levels. Apparently we didn't play anything that was easy last time.
Apparently we didn't play anything that was easy last time
Oh wait, we did.
Oi we did
Rooftop p-
'Rooftop Park'. Okay. THE BRIDGE!
- Okay the
Bridge
That's a good place as any to start.
that's one of the places i'm gonna start
People are f*cking (ThAT Disgusting jack)
PEOPLE HAVE FUCKIN'-- Augh... SPAZKOGA!
-Uh spaz coga
50 Secounds
50 SECONDS?!
oh jesus
Oh Jesus...
Oh, this is weird. This does not feel like I'm standing on the ground.
This does not feel like I'm standing on the ground
oh okay there we go back on normality
O-KAY! There we go, back to normality.
Hello, little deer friend
(Hey deer!) HELLO LITTLE DEER FRIEND!
Um...
-umm
What the fuck and why?
what the f*ck and why
oh but th- wow
OHH WIT- WHOA AHHH I HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY OVER THERE!
OHHH NOOO!! *jack's fear of height intensifies*
I have a city, though. That's awesome! Okay. Are we ready to start? Okay.
GET LIMBERED(?)! GET READY TO FUCK! (okay, jack. everyone, get ready to fuck.)
Okay! *climbingnoises.mp3*
JACK KNOWS HOW TO FUCKIN' GAME NOW!
WOO! OH SH IT OH SHITTTT! (he always spoke too soon)
THAT IS NOT THE RIGHT DIRECTION!
OHH GOD!
THA- WHAT THE FUUCK?
HOW AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO--? Oh, like that. That's how I'm even supposed to!
Thank you. THAAANK YOUU!
LET'S GET READY!
LET'S FUCKIN' GO YALL!
This is how we do it~
Oh God... I didn't get it- I didn't get it. I didn't get it.
WHAT THE FUCK *incoherent words*!
(awh scared child)
OHHHH THAT WAS A BAD IDEA!
Why did I think that was good? HELLO BIRD!
(calm) Okay. (higher pitch) Okay. (HIGHER) OKAY! (SCARED) OKAY!! OHHH NO!!
FUUUUCK!
I'm supposed to climb you.
Okay, like this.
And... OH NO!! THIS IS FUCKIN' SCARY!
OHHH I DON'T LIKE YOU!
Oh God. OH GOD! I'M FUCKING... scared! ㅠ_ㅠ
*sobbing*
Just go. Just do it! Where is forward?
Oh NO! AUUUAAAGH!
Tip top tip top tip top.
EUGHAHAHHAHA
Fuck me...
(so when he told us to get ready to fuck-- okay im sorry jack ily)
I have to grab a truck!
Okay. I got it. I can do that! That's fuckin' simples!
Grab it, grab it! YESSSS!
HAHA! THIS IS LIKE CLUSTER TRUCK NOW, THAT'S AWESOME!
Aww man! *a moment of silence for the crystal he didn't get*
Hoosh! Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!
NOOOOO! (hes like a baby who didnt get his toys. TOO CUTE)
Okay. Well I lost a-- Oh, fuck, Jesus... I LOST A BAJILLION TIMES BECAUSE OF SHIT TRACKING!
THAT'S FINE! I DON'T EVEN CARE! WHY WOULD I NEED GOOD TRACKING?
I just need to play the game is all. LET'S GO!
THERE'S NO DRIVER!
ANYBODY ELSE SEEIN' THIS?
OOOH SHIT! Okay. Okay
Ooh God. I almost fucked it up.
Hello! Huhaha!
UHHHH WHERE?
WHERE AND WHY?
Okay.
EUAGGH I DON'T LIKE THIS! Oh Jesus fuckin' Christ...
Yes. Yes. Yes
Ooh God... THIS IS THE FUCKIN' WORST BUT ALSO AWESOME!
Go around. Go around the edge!
There you go. I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO REACH THAT!
...Oh.
Able to reach that, though.
Oh no.. OHH *scared laugh* AHHAHAHAHA!
Can I just win?
YYYYESSS!
OH THANK FUCK! I DID IT!
OKAY! ROOFTOP PARK! NOT SO BAD! IM BACK TO NORMALITY HERE!
This is like-- THAT's an evil man's base.
That's an evil lair right there.
This is just like the Burj Khalifa. That's just like a bank! That's just... like a Madison Square Garden(?)!
That's a fuckin' evil fortress!
Is no one gonna stop ???(Elon Mosk...?)from making his giant... spike f- whatever, fine. See if I fuckin' care.
Time goals! Where's my relationship goals?
GO!
OOOH! THESE ARE WAY OUT OF FUCKIN' ALIGNMENT!
WHY RIFT? Or, not rift! VIVE! WHY'RE YOU BEING SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT TO ME TODAY?
I'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT GOOD TO YOU MY WHOLE LIFE!
Slide down this.
What the fuck does that do?
EUUGH GOD THAT'S A BOUNCY!
OHHHH FUCK!
WHOA!!! YEEEAH THAT'S THE FUCKIN' SHIT YO!
FUCK YES!! THIS IS WAY MORE FUN ALL OF THE SUDDEN!
Can I grab it? No.
That's my favorite one-- oh shit.
I feel like a fuckin' cheetah.
YEAAH! Do that one! Fuck- that looked embarrassing.
That's fine. My whole life's an embarrassment.
That's too far...
I can't get over there!
Okay. ROUND TWO! ROUND FUCKIN' TWO!
Go this way. Go that way! NO!
FUCK YOU!
ROUND TWO NUMBER TWO!
I-It's round two of round two!
That's what Captain Jack likes!
Where am I going?
Fuckin' nowhere, apparently. That's embarrassing.
Make me look cool! YES!
...
FUCK!
It's easier to go down this.
OOOOH BUT IT'S A FASTER WAY TO DEATH! DON'T LOOK DOWN!
Oh hello black void, my old friend.
Nice to see you.
I gotta go down this.
That's really fuckin' hard!
YYYYYEAHHH BABY!
Oh, look at this shit!
ARE YOU SQUEEZING MY TIT? (*wipes tears* he has such a way with words)
OH SHIT THERE- STOP THERE! I DIDN'T FUCKIN' SEE IT!! GOD-DJSDJNSDKDDJKN
DJNFKDFNKDF PUNCH THE WALL!
Yeaaaah here we go!
THIS IS THE MOST FUN! THIS IS THE ONE!
FUCKIN' LOVE THIS! THIS IS MY SHIT!
SPEEDY UP TO THE TOP OF THE ROOF-- THAT DIDN'T FUCKIN' WORK!
BUT I STILL LOOK AWESOME!
WHO WANTS TO GO? WHO WANTS A PIECE OF JACK'S GARBAGE?
You actually want a piece of my garbage? I was only like... making a joke.
That's kinda gross, dude. Why'd you want my garbage?
WHY ARE YOU FREAKING THE FUCK OUT?
LAST I SAW MY HANDS ARE ATTACHED TO MY BODY, NOT THE FUCKIN' SKY!
Where the hell am I going?
Okay. Checkpoint. Checkpoints are always nice, I like the checkpoint.
WHOA! I'm not getting the fuckin' super score of-- *says dude's name incorrectly* Whatever he got- 50 secs? Yeah, I call bullshit on that.
Nice! OH GOD IT'S ALL OUT OF LIMIT!
Okay. Follow this down. FOLLOW THIS DOWN!
OH! Just like the child that was born 27 years ago. YOU'RE A DISAPPOINTMENT!
This is nice. This is easy.
It's this part that I hate. Okay. Okay. OKAY. OKAY. YYYYES!
Couldn't just give it to me, could ya?
Ya had to dick me over at every opportunity possible.
FIVE FUCKING MINUTES! Hi. Hello.
Goddamnit. Why- who the fuck got 50 seconds?
I CALL TITS ON THAT!
AWH I need more things to unlock it?
Weeeeelll! That's a little garbo! (*garbo and malloy flashbacks*)
Okay, here's one.
Flyin' around at the speed of Jack~
I-It's not very fast.
Wait, it still says 11/14.
What's 11/14? (it's ya bday shawty it's ya bday)
Whoa, there's a whole fuckin' section over there... and stuff.
Can I... Can I go back to the main menu?
Oh God. Please tell me that counts as me actually finishing that level.
Hello? Hi! Jesus Christ, that menu came out of nowhere.
Easy. 11/0.
What...?
0/5. What am I missing?
Oooh! I can change myself. HELLO!
Can I have a mask? YEEES!
THAT LOOKS BADASS!
I LOOK COOL NOW! LOOK AT MY HANDS!
They're detached to my body for ease of use.
Hello. HAHAHHA. DEUCES!
Or I can have this mask on-- oohh!
That'd make me very creepy. I'd be a creepy baby, then.
No. I like this one.
That's cool. Dude, I'm just gonna customize now!
'Bodies'.
Do I wanna be slender or do I wanna be buff as fuck? BUFF AS FUCK! Of course.
I only hav one set of hands. That makes sense.
I was born with these.
So... I might as well just keep 'em.
Do I have to like... get a good time or something on these?
I don't know. This place is fuckin' freaky! It's awesome!
Oh! I didn't play this level!
Did I? I feel like I'd remember that.
I don't think I played this. I'd remember GRABBING THESE WALLS.
Can I grab you?
People also said "Doesn't Jack realize he can use one hand at a time?"
Yes, but you have to use... BOTH HANDS if you wanna do the jumps.
If you just grab with one hand and let go, you do nothing. You don't go anywhere.
So I have to use both hands to do this kinda shit.
WHAT?!
This is more like it. THAT'S MORE FUCKIN' LIKE IT!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
'kay I'm a ton of fuckin' super speed now.
This is the shit, yo!
OOH! I FEEL FUCKIN' GOOD ABOUT MYSELF NOW!
HELLO SELF ESTEEM!
GLAD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, BUDDY!
COME ON!!!!
I let go! I LET GO! I'M GRABBING WITH BOTH HANDS!
That's supposed to allow me to do a thing!
Oh shit... Oh God. I have to go backwards?
THE FUCKIN' TRACKING KEEPS GOING OFF! IT'S FINE!
IT'S FINE! I DON'T NEED TO DO WELL-- I NEED TO DO WELL!
I was only joking! It was just a fuckin' prank, bro!
So maybe that's why I couldn't unlock anything! Cause I didn't do all the fuckin' levels.
Oh Jesus. OH JESUS. Did I get a good time? OH I DID!!
I GOT A FUCKIN' GREAT TIME! PLEASE TELL ME THAT COUNTS.
Oh Jesus Christ!
That counts, right?
It fucking does! I GOT SILVER ON THAT!
THAT MAKES ME THE GOOD!
Current medals: 13. Ahh, so I DO have to get-- I have to get 1 more medal.
Ohhh yeah. 'cause I did Oracle... and then I went ahead and just... picked one of these.
I GET IT NOW! I want to do an easier level to get way better score.
OOOH! I didn't do this level either!
Hello, lil car!
Aaaand we're in!
Okay! I feel like I can get a score on this!
I KNOW that! I don't care about that.
Level start! Okay.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
This is a weird one, because there's no jumpy dudes.
Well, there IS. But I'm not doing them because it's gonna fuck me up.
AUUAAGH IM GOIN' THIS WAY! I don't fuckin' know-- agh!
Is this good?
Am I goin' the-- a good way? Oh! Yep! That's a good way. That's a good way all right.
AUAAAAGHHH FUCKKK! FUCK FUCK FUCK MY LIFE!
Okay, I got the geodude, anyway.
GET IT GET IT GET IT FUUCK YOU!
Where am I going? WHERE am I fuckin' going?
'kay. Up. Up. *distressed* UPPPPPP!!!!
BABY WANT UPSIES! (picks up baby jack)
BABY WANT UPSIEDOOS!
I want the checkpoint. I-I NEED the checkpoint.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DIRECTION I'M GOING. I'M IN A CHILD'S ROOM.
OH GOD. It's so fuckin' finicky.
I got it, though. I got it, though.
Yeay! You ain't gonna stop my fuckin' spirit!
YOU WILL IF THE WHOLE SCREEN GOES BLANK *chuckles*
Yes. Up and over the coils!
Fuck going through them, when you can go over them!
If I was super, I'd be able to cheat the system.
That's probably what people are doing. Not cheating, but finding out a way to go like, super far, so you can skip entire sections of the game
This is my favorite place so far, I DON'T KNOW WHY! Just can't put my finger on it.
I can't grab them-- okay, now I can.
*amazing continuous set of noises*
Imma just sit here, that's fine!
Oh, having the fuckin' time of the world here!
Imma just sit here too, that's fine!
YESSS! The finish is in sight!
I see it, oh I do!
...........
...Where am I?
Okay, we're still good-- Uh, no we're not. I fucked it up.
Okay. Give me a good time.
LOOK AT THE FUCKIN' SPEED OF THIS!
Give me a good time!
Okay. OKAY! Give me a good time.
Okay! I got a fuckin- yes!
Thank God. That's enough! That's 14. That's enough for new levels.
Hello! Oh, God... Those were easy?
Oh..... NO!
This one's called Spin! I love the spin! And the swing! And the shimmy! And the sham.
That's what I like in life.
Okay. I think I'm bleeding from the ears.
Um.... Oh JESUS.
Some of them go down, some of them go up. THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!
OH YEA! OHH THE SENSE OF SPEED!
A lil bit key! The speed is a lil bit key right now!
Did you even grab with your fuckin' thiff?! (i feel like that was a combination of tit and teeth)
Sorry, I didn't mean to say that you grab with your tits. That was a mean thing to say.
I APOLOGIZE! I apologized, didn't I? Be nice to me!
Thank you!
Oh shit....
Got it. GOT IT. GOT IT. IT FUCKED ME UP.
DONT GET THE THINGS. They fuck you up.
Jacksepticeye protip. D-don't get the things, they fuck you up. Tha-that's my tip.
Okay. Okay. Okay. OKAY. This is fine.
Gettin' it! Gettin' it!
OHH FUCK YES! OHH THIS IS FUN! HEY! I'M IN SONIC LAND!
CAN YOU TRACK?
I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING! THE WHOLE GAME IS FROZEN! Son of a bitch!
It's fine. I don't need to see where I'm going!
It's all good!
Oh yeah! This Vive setup is so much better than what I used to have, he said, reluctantly, last time.
Okay. Finish is right there. Finish is right there.
What-- What am I even grabbing?
Is that good? Did a get a good time? YEEAHH THAT'S FUCKIN' 2 STARS!
I feel like I could've done that! 1:39:609. I'm doing that again! I'm doing that again.
I can do it. I can do it.
I got it. I got it. I got fucked up by dickatry last time. So I got it this time.
You're about to see HISTORY in the making, folks!
I'm doin' it! I'm doin' it! I'M DOIN' IT!
KOBE!
Oh shit. Oh shit! I'm not doing it anymore! I'm doing it.
Don't worry. I said I wasn't doing it, but I'm still doing it, guys!
Ah shit. AH SHIT! Just get over. Just get over! You can do it-- Okay. I'M IN SOMETHING!
Come on! Really? I can't see!
Fuck you, game! Ya piece of shit.
YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Still fuckin' did it! Even with all the bullshit going on.
I'm sorry, game. I didn't mean to insult you like that.
Yes!!! 1:30. Top 5 runs.
HEY! I'M IN THE TOP 5 RUNS! Oh, wait... those are MY top 5 runs, right?
Nevermind, that doesn't fuckin' count.
Well, that does it for this episode of To the Top!
I apologize if any of that sounded like I was getting too angry.
Because it's just-- It's SO unbearably warm in here.
I mean like, SO WARM. I'm actually like, sticky from it, it's insane.
And, doing games like this is a bit... harder. Because you're flying all over the place so you're working out a small bit.
So you get even warmer.
And I'm having serious desync issues.
There's still a thing on the screen. I don't know if they were showing up, or if they're going to capture on the screen, saying that the Ps is out of sync.
T-that being these things.
But y'know what, you guys don't need to worry about that. I just need to tinker with the settings a small bit.
And mess around with the Ps and... reconfigure a few things. For next time.
And we won't run into issues like this. Well, especially for games like this.
Where precision.. is of the upmost importance, and you have to get through things.
That's kinda bullshit, though, when I was  going up, and then you grab something, and you go through things? The whole screen goes black.
I don't know if that showed up /there/, but on my screen, everything just goes black, and then you can't see anything. And then it just resets you somewhere.
So I feel like there should be something in place to kinda stop that from happening?
Because... like I was flying along, and I was trying to get up really high.
I was actually doing it, and then when that happens, it's just like... oh.
You're not allowing me to go as fast as I possibly could, because I got stuck in your geometry.
That, or the sync is messing it up and it's not actually the game's fault. BUT ANYWAY!
(outro)
(praise the flamingo shorts)
But hey, at least I'm gettin' a good workout. At least I'm losing weight. *chuckles*
