-This Mother's Day, don't give
mom that bottle of perfume.
Give her something that says,
"I'm not a woman
I'm a mom."
Are you looking for the perfect
gift for mom this Mother's Day?
Introducing Mom Jeans,
exclusively at JCPenney.
-♪ Mom Jeans ♪
♪ Mom Jeans ♪
-Mom Jeans fit mom
just the way she likes it.
She'll love the 9-inch zipper
and casual front pleats.
Cut generously
to fit a mom's body.
She'll want to wear them
to everything,
from a soccer game
to a night on the town.
And with your choice
of ankle-length,
capri-length, or shorts,
you'll find the perfect jean for
even the least active of moms.
-♪ Put on your Mom Jeans ♪
-So this Mother's Day, don't
give mom that bottle of perfume.
Give her something that says,
"I'm not a woman anymore.
I'm a mom."
-♪ When you've given up ♪
♪ Given up ♪
♪ Put on your Mom Jeans ♪
-Get a free appliqué Mom Jeans
vest with every purchase
this weekend at JCPenney.
-It's Mother's Day.
And there's no better way
to express your feelings
than Hallmark.
Because every mother is special.
But your mother
is most special of all.
Because it's you in a dress.
Introducing the Hallmark
"Mother" Collection...
for weirdos.
Because you're not
just a good son...
you're also a wonderful mother.
So show yourself you care.
Because your mother
will never leave you
as long as you keep dressing
like her and talking like her...
-Aaaah! [ Sobbing ]
-...and being a good boy.
Because you're crazy
about mother.
The Hallmark
"Mother" Collection.
Available this Mother's Day.
-Flowers are nature's
most beautiful gift.
So this Mother's Day, I'm gonna
show my mom how much I care
with a little help
from 1-800-Flowers.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom!
-Oh, honey, I love these.
Thank you.
-The gift that's as wonderful
as she is.
-But maybe you should keep them
'cause your apartment is so sad.
-Because my mom
means everything to me.
And I love everything about her.
-Excuse me?
-Yeah?
-Are there nuts in this?
-There are never nuts
in eggs Benedict.
You don't have to ask that
every time.
-Well, I'm sorry for
double-checking, Kathleen.
-You're not even allergic.
Nothing would happen.
-I'd barf on my plate
is what would happen.
-I guess you could say
she's my favorite person
in the whole entire world.
You know that mattress store
downtown?
Mattress Factory?
-No.
-Mattress Warehouse?
-No.
-The owner hanged himself.
-Mom.
She's my role model,
my best friend,
and everything
I hope I'll be one day.
-I can't find my debit card.
I think my identity's
been thieved.
-I'm sleeping!
-Representative.
-Why are you up?!
-Representative!
2-4-5 --
-[ Screams ]
So this Mother's Day,
I'm turning to 1-800-Flowers
to help thank my mom
for all the amazing times.
-Hey, what's the latest
with that LeAnn Rimes girl?
-I have no idea.
-What a saga that is.
Geez.
-And, above all, how open and
honest we are with each other.
-Last week, your father and I
watched a porno.
-Why would you share that
with me?!
So call or click today
and make this a Mother's Day
she won't ever forget.
-Still can't find my debit card!
-Mom, I am doing a commercial!
-Gonna double-check
inside this guy.
God, I wish I was a lesbian so
I didn't have to carry a purse.
Where are you going?
Honey, it's your commercial.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
Come back! Come back!
-1-800-Flowers.
And buckle up,
'cause Father's Day is next.
-Kathleen,
it was an Asian porno.
-Dad!
-This Mother's Day, why not show
mom just how special she is
by surprising her with
one of millions of gifts
from amazon.com?
-Alright, let's be quiet.
Mom has no idea we're bringing
her breakfast in bed, okay?
Shh, shh, shh!
-Which means
there's a million ways
to give your mother a surprise
she'll never forget.
-Happy Mother's Day!
-What are you doing?
Get out!
-"Fifty Shades of Grey."
Isn't that that sex book?
-What? No.
Go outside.
-Look, a microphone.
♪ Mommy ♪
-[ Chuckles ]
-Because with Amazon,
a million surprises for mom
are just a click away.
-Surprise!
-Get the [bleep] out of here!
-Is that "Fifty Shades of Grey"?
-No, i-it's a cookbook.
-Mom, we got you bath stuff.
-I see that, Jonah.
Thank you.
You can just put it down
over there.
-On amazon.com, mommy surprises
come in all sizes.
-Mom, happy Mother's D--
-Oh, "Fifty Shades of Grey"?
-Get out.
-Is that Joel McHale?
-No, it's your dad.
Get out!
-So this Mother's Day,
go to amazon.com
and get mom
what she really wants --
"Fifty Shades of Grey"
on Kindle.
-Alright, come on.
Get next to the kids.
I want to get a picture.
Ready?
1, 2...
[ Camera beeps, clicks ]
Yay! Oh, honey,
you're not smiling.
-The Kindle
What are you reading, Mom?
We'll never know.
