Here on TopTenz, we’ve covered the Darwin
Awards once before.
Of course, one list is hardly enough to contain
the world’s stupidity.
In case this is the first time you’ve heard
of it, the Darwin Awards are based on Charles
Darwin’s theory of evolution.
In nature, there is survival of the fittest,
and this extends to the human race.
Every year, folks on the internet gather a
collection of incidents where people have
died or made themselves infertile by doing
incredibly stupid things.
They are declared winners of a Darwin Award,
guaranteeing that they will never pass on
their genes to the next generation.
10.
Thief Gets Instant Karma
Just a few days before Christmas 2005, a couple
was out on a date in Bloemfontein, South Africa
on a Saturday night.
A thief approached them in the dark.
He was holding a knife, and demanding to take
their money.
This criminal stole the woman’s purse and
started running away.
The man was so focused on escaping that he
jumped over a fence… which just so happened
to be the wall to the zoo.
When he landed, he found himself inside of
the tiger’s den.
The next morning, the thief’s body was found
inside of the den.
Since the tiger had been well-fed, it didn’t
feel the need to eat the man.
But just like most cats who finally catch
their prey, the tiger had killed the thief
in the middle of the night.
We can imagine that it must have been purring
loudly for its job well done chlorinating
the gene pool by the time the security guards
came to recover the body.
9.
Missionary Dies Trying to Teach Murderous
Tribe About Jesus
For hundreds of years, missionary groups have
taken it upon themselves to bring Christianity
to native populations — whether those populations
wanted it or not.
Even after all this time, there are still
some untouched tribes that have miraculously
survived with virtually zero interaction with
the outside world, like the Sentinelese tribe
on the Andaman Islands off the coast of India.
The tribe has lived on that island for tens
of thousands of years, and was briefly colonized
by Great Britain.
Since then, the majority of their population
was wiped out, and there are only believed
to be about 50 to 150 people left alive.
Once India gained its independence, the island
was left alone so that the natives could live
in peace.
Tourists have been instructed that it’s
strictly forbidden to attempt to come in contact
with this tribe, because of the potential
to infect them with disease from the outside
world.
Even taking pictures from a boat is punishable
for up to 3 years in prison.
The tribe has been known to attack outsiders,
because they must have grown up hearing stories
of foreign men who came to enslave their people.
But we should all know by now that there is
nothing that can stop the irrational overconfidence
and entitlement of a Millennial.
In November 2018, a 26-year-old American man
named John Allen Chau paid fishermen to bring
him to the Andaman Islands, even though he
knew this was dangerous and illegal.
He even took a selfie and posted a picture
of himself on his way to the island, and posted
it on Instagram.
His goal was to preach Christianity to these
natives, even though they couldn’t speak
the same language.
When the fishermen came to pick him up, the
tribe had shot John multiple times with their
arrows, and they used a robe to drag his body
to the beach so that the fishermen couldn’t
retrieve his body.
The fishermen were all arrested for illegally
transporting Chau to the island, but since
the laws of the outside world do not apply
to the Sentinelese people, no one is going
to be held accountable for his death.
8.
Segway All The Way
Remember Segways?
When they were first invented, some people
believed that they would be the way of the
future, but today the only people who seem
to use the upright transportation devices
are mall cops.
When they first premiered, Segway claimed
that their cross-country model was going to
revolutionize the way people explore the great
outdoors on their commute to work.
Of course, since they cost thousands of dollars,
there is a very limited amount of people who
would ever buy one of those things.
One of these customers was a millionaire named
Jimi Heselden.
He had amassed his fortune by selling defense
items, essentially profiting from the spoils
of war.
But he wasn’t just a Segway customer — he
bought the company in 2010.
That same year, he couldn’t even be bothered
to go for a normal walk like a peasant.
He was riding his Segway around the countryside
of West Yorkshire, when he somehow lost control
of the vehicle, and ended up going straight
into the Leeds River.
Now, the real question is: If he knew the
Segway was out of control, why didn’t he
just jump off?
We may never know.
7.
Man Steals From Hotdog Vendor, And Loses His
Own
This next story is an example of how someone
doesn’t necessarily have to die in order
to win a Darwin Award, and that the universe
must enjoy a bit of irony.
On Halloween 2017, a 19-year-old man named
Terrion Pouncy held a Chicago hot dog vendor
at gunpoint, demanding to take all of the
cash he had in his cart, and his wallet.
No word on whether he also demanded a snack,
but if he did, considering this was Chicago,
we can rest assured he didn’t ask for any
ketchup like some cretin.
Pouncy chose an awful time to try to rob the
cook, because the victim was in the middle
of holding a pan of hot grease.
He dropped the pan in order to reach for the
money, and it ended up splashing boiling hot
grease all over Pouncy.
During this confusion, Pouncy accidently set
off the gun while it was pointed at his own…
er, “hot dog.”
During the commotion, the vendor was able
to jump on Pouncy, and he was later caught
by the police.
He was rushed to the hospital, so while he
is still alive, there is a good chance he
won’t ever be able to have kids.
6.
Man Dies While Trying to Steal Wheels
It was a cold, dark December night in Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania in 2017, when a thief attempted
to steal expensive tires off of a van.
In the darkness, he cut open a wire fence
and rigged up the van with cinder blocks.
Almost anyone would know that this is a terrible
idea, but this man continued on with the plan
— at least, until the van collapsed on top
of him while he was laying under it.
The next morning at 8:50 a.m., the police
found the body of this unidentified man crushed
under the van.
Based on the tools and tires surrounding him,
it was obvious to them what had happened,
but the police were not able to figure out
who he was.
5.
The Worst Kind of New Years Resolution
On December 31, 2010, thousands of people
were gathered for New Years Eve in Moscow’s
Red Square getting ready to countdown for
the beginning of 2011.
A woman who was part of a terrorist group
was strapped with a suicide belt bomb, and
they were using a brand new cell phone as
a detonator.
Their plan was for the woman to walk into
the middle of the crowd, hide the bomb, and
then they were going to text the phone at
midnight to set off the explosion.
This would have killed hundreds of people,
at the very least.
On her way to Red Square, though, the cell
phone company sent a generic “happy holidays”
message to the new phone number.
This set off the bomb early, making the unnamed
woman the one and only victim.
Two of her accomplices were witnessed running
away from the explosion.
When they were caught, they were identified
as being part of a radical Islamic group that
was responsible for setting off a bomb at
an airport a few days prior.
4.
The Kiss of Death
In 2017, a man named Anthony Powell was serving
a life sentence in the Oregon State Penitentiary
for killing his father-in-law by stabbing
him to death.
He was high on meth at the time, and clearly,
he hadn’t learned his lesson.
While he was in jail, he met a woman named
Melissa Ann Blair online.
She was a fellow drug addict who just so happened
to have a thing for convicts.
When Blair visited Powell in the visitor’s
room, they exchanged a passionate kiss.
Unbeknownst to the guards, Blair was passing
seven small balloons filled with meth into
Powell’s mouth.
He swallowed these regurgitated balloons,
planning to pass them later when he got back
to his cell.
The felon must not have thought this plan
through very clearly, though, because the
balloons ended up rupturing on the way down,
and he died of an overdose.
Blair was arrested and found guilty of committing
a drug conspiracy.
3.
A Prickly Predicament
In Southern Arizona, there is a breed of cactus
called “saguaros” that are iconic fixtures
of the Old West.
Some of these plants can live as long as 300
years, and they can grow as high as 60 feet.
There are laws protecting these endangered
cacti, but that doesn’t stop bored and stupid
young men from “cactus plugging,” which
is where they use these saguaros as target
practice.
The goal is to bring guns and ammunition out
into the desert so they can riddle a cactus
with so many bullets holes it falls to the
ground.
In 1982, a man named David Grundman was cactus
plugging with his roommate, James Joseph Suchocki.
The two men were laughing and destroying these
hundred-year-old plants one by one.
He must not have judged the distance of one
of these extra large saguaros, because the
cactus came straight down on top of him, and
impaled his body with spikes.
He died almost instantly.
2.
The Danger Zone
There is a stereotype that stock brokers are
high-strung, pumped up on a never-ending fuel
of caffeine and adrenaline.
This was especially true back in the 1980s
and ’90s.
One only has to watch The Wolf of Wall Street
to know that it was commonplace for stock
brokers to do lines of cocaine in their office
to help keep them awake and motivated to do
their trades.
While we don’t know the ins and outs of
his personal life, Jack Sullivan was one of
these successful brokers who made a killing
working on Wall Street.
After becoming a millionaire, he decided to
retire in his 40s and move to San Francisco
with his wife.
One Sunday morning in 1996, he woke up and
went on a run at the Lincoln Park Golf Course.
His wife, Catherine, said that he had a habit
of carrying a tape recorder with him so that
he could talk about all of his brilliant business
ideas while he went on his run.
Unfortunately for Sullivan, he was a little
too absorbed in himself, instead of being
aware of his surroundings.
He ran full-speed off the side of a cliff
known as Eagle’s Point overlook, and died
at just 49-years-old.
1.
The Sympathy Vote
In 1979, a man named Nitaro Ito was running
for the Japanese House of Representatives.
He was afraid that he wouldn’t actually
win the election, so he concocted a plan to
gain sympathy from the voters, and also make
his competition look bad in the process.
He wanted to pretend that he had been attacked
by a gang of thugs.
Without even pointing any fingers, this would
have begun a conspiracy theory that these
men were hired by his competitors and sent
to kill him.
In order to make this a convincing story,
he had to stab himself, of course, so that
he would have some kind of proof that an attack
actually happened.
He decided to grab a huge kitchen knife and
lunge it into his own leg.
Unfortunately for him, Ito hit a major artery,
and he died before election day.
