-Hey, everybody.
Welcome to "Tonight Show:
At Home Edition."
It's me, Jimmy Fallon saying
hello and thank you so much
for watching
on a Wednesday night.
The week is halfway over,
it's basically Thursday.
So, you know, good job,
everybody.
Way to stay home.
Way to wear masks.
We're doing the right thing,
we're flattening that curve.
Come on, we got this, guys.
Let's go. It's Wednesday.
Two more days?
Come on, we got this, right?
Then the weekend's here.
Yeah, which is basically what
today feels like.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
Let's start with some jokes.
How about this?
I'm very excited about this.
My guest tonight is
New York Governor
Andrew Cuomo.
Oh, my goodness.
I called Governor Cuomo
yesterday and I said,
"Hey, man, you busy tomorrow?"
And he was like, "Not at all.
No, not doing anything
right now.
I'm actually --
yeah, kind of bored.
I need stuff to do.
Yeah, I definitely want to do
your show, Jimmy.
Thank you."
So that's cool, he's doing that.
Guys, this Sunday
is Mother's Day.
Oh...
-[ Giggles ]
I saw that Louis Vuitton
released a series
of free e-cards.
What's better than watching
mom's face when she gets
something from Louis Vuitton
and realizes
it's just an e-card?
Wow.
What?
[ Laughs ]
My mom would go level.
My mom would cry.
She would cry, right?
She would go off and just start
secretly crying somewhere.
-Mm-hmm.
Or nothing, really.
-[ Thick New York accent ]
"I just thought --
I opened up the card
and it's a Louis Vuitton.
I thought you got me a new bag.
And it's just a card.
It's very thoughtful."
[ Laughs ]
I can't believe this.
There's a new TikTok trend
that's going viral --
oh, come on,
it's called the
Pee Your Pants Challenge.
And it's basically
what it sounds like.
When I first saw it,
I thought, you know what?
We deserve the murder hornets.
Listen to this, researchers
have found that otters
are more likely to juggle rocks
or pebbles when they're hungry.
So if you're keeping track,
that's otter juggling study one,
coronavirus vaccine, zero.
But the otter study,
with the juggled rocks
when they're hungry,
yeah, that's proven.
So we got right on that one.
A new study was published
showing evidence
of ancient rivers on Mars.
Cool. Yeah, you could tell
they were rivers
because of all the ancient
Martian inner tubes
and beer cans.
A lot of tubing -- a little
Martian tubing up there.
[ Laughs ]
Tubing.
Oh, man, that's great.
I read that the pandemic
could lead to the end
of crowded office meetings
with all of your co-workers.
It's sad for the one guy who
loved hearing the really long
"Haaaaaa" at the beginning of
the happy birthday song.
♪ Haaaaaaappy... ♪
Everyone. Aaaa...
Not yet.
[ Sings ]
Don't start the harmony yet.
I know you're the one
who does the harmony.
♪ To you ♪
My dog just left.
Oh no, you're coming in.
Gary.
You like that?
Did you think I called you?
Man you're turning into kind of
a smelly dog.
I don't know what to do
with this dog.
I really can't take it
right now.
Gary, you got
to get out of here.
It's like being in like
a high school locker room.
I'm not playing a game.
Oh no.
Whew! Gosh darn it.
Gary!
Man, that is something else,
man.
What is going down?
-[ Laughs ]
-Gosh, Gary.
I know you're a dog,
but are you, though?
We never knew you were a dog.
[ Laughs ]
No, don't come --
I see the shadow.
Gary.
No, we've had enough.
Now, you had the ball
and you were over there,
and everything was fine.
You were taking a nap,
remember that?
Go back to do that.
All right, go.
You can go out that way.
Good girl, good girl.
Go out that way.
Lay down.
Lay down.
Lay down. Lay down.
Whew!
It's like she rolled
in something insane, dude.
What is happening?
I can't even look at you.
It's not your fault,
it's all right.
I'll take care of you.
Sorry, Gary.
I think I insulted her.
I'll give her a treat later.
Is it the treats
we're giving her?
-I do not know.
-I got her new treats.
-I don't know if she found
a nest and rolled in something
but the insane scrubbing
I gave her did not work, so.
-What in the what?
That is insanity.
-...after this.
-This is interesting,
I heard about a company
in South Africa that's offering
virtual safaris.
Yeah, there's actually a name
for virtual safaris.
It's called
"watching National Geographic."
So...
Kids, we got some
virtual safari now.
I saw that Texas will soon
allow hair salons,
tanning salons,
and gyms to reopen.
Which explains why the state is
changing its name from Texas
to Newer Jersey.
And finally, we've been seeing
a lot of great reporters --
TV reporters out there giving us
the news, and they're awesome.
So thank you for doing all that
hard stuff, and that hard work.
We really appreciate it.
But what we also realized
is that some of the interviews,
the lighter interviews,
people are wearing face masks,
and there's a way to make them
kind of say
whatever we want them to say
because their face
is covered up.
I don't know, we gave it
a shot.
Check out this new bit
called "Face Mask the Nation."
-♪ Face Mask the Nation ♪
-What is the short term plan
in Miami-Dade county
if they're not going to
necessarily be
opening up the
beaches right now?
-So the plan is to go into the
ocean and pull the drain plug,
drain out the ocean, and refill
it when it is safe to do so.
-Let me show you how to
properly wear a mask.
First you're going to want
to tug on it
with your filthy hands,
and then expose
just a little bit of chin.
Tempt the virus.
Show a little skin.
Flirt with her.
Hey, virus, how you doing?
-I just feel like you say
you want a commitment,
but then when I get closer,
you pull further away.
-Can I say something?
-And then when I back off,
you tell me we feel distant.
-Are you done?
-So I don't know what to do,
Amanda.
Because everything I do seems
to be the wrong thing.
-Rick, I know about Debra.
-Ha ha! That was our monologue,
everybody.
We have a great show tonight.
As I said earlier,
Governor Andrew Cuomo
is on the show tonight.
Man, is he doing
an unbelievable job.
Thank you so much,
Governor Cuomo.
I got to talk to him about
everything that's going on
and what he's thinking
about everything
and what the next steps are
and how great New York has been
handling all of this.
He's just a smart, smart guy
and just really delivers
the facts.
So, thank you for coming on.
We also have Gabrielle Union
on the show.
Gabrielle is going to tell us
everything she's doing
for the LGBTQ community
as well as team up
with Questlove in a game
that we're going to play
later on in the show.
It's going to be fun.
And also, we have great music
from Brad Paisley.
We love Brad Paisley.
The song is called
"There's No I in Beer."
[ Laughs ]
That is great, man.
Oh, I thought of a country song.
"When it Rains, I Pour."
-[ Laughs ]
-It's about a dude, right?
When he's bummed out,
he goes to the booze.
-I love it.
-It's not bad, right?
-Love it.
-Is it a song?
-Yeah. Is he depressed?
-No, I mean,
is it a song already?
-Oh, no.
-All right, well...
Hey, guys, it's Wednesday,
so we're going to do
our bit called
"What Are You Doing Wednesdays."
Here we go.
-♪ What are you doing
this Wednesday? ♪
♪ What are you
doing this Wednesday ♪
-Hey, guys, we're doing
this thing on Wednesdays
which I think I'm just going to
keep up with the show
because it makes me laugh.
It's "What Are You Doing
Wednesdays."
I just see things,
people send me videos
of people online doing something
that just makes me laugh.
And so if it makes me laugh,
hopefully it will make you laugh
and bring a smile on your face.
The first one is from
Stefani Davis,
who thought of a way to
play wine pong.
Which, by the way, I think
I've heard of that before?
I know beer pong.
Wine pong is a thing?
But she thought of a way to play
wine pong by herself.
Look at this thing.
-Mommy! [ Shouts ]
[ Excited chatter ]
-Oh, that's...
-[ Laughs ]
-Ha!
-[ Laughs ]
"Hey, Mom?
Mom, can we come in?"
"Uh, Mom's showering.
don't come in."
This next one is called
"The Fence Hack."
And this is two
next-door neighbors,
they find a way to make
their fence
work better
in their favor.
Check it out.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
-I mean, if that just doesn't
say America for you.
And ingenuity and creativity
and awesome
and friendly neighbors
and the kids and everyone.
But distancing and just --
That is awesome, I love that.
Thanks for doing that, guys.
This last one here is from
@Alexpresley's family.
They got bored.
They invented a new game.
And I think this game
is going to take off.
I mean, bigger than football,
bigger than wrestling.
This is the new thing, this is
family backslide race,
where they're sliding
on their backs
and racing around
into the living room.
[ Laughs ] Watch this.
-On your mark, get set, go.
-Go, go, go.
-Oh!
-Wow.
-Oh, [indistinct]
So good!
-Oh!
-5:56.
-Whoo!
-Go!
-Go, Rudy, go, go.
-It's the mom.
[ Laughing ]
-She's moving.
[ Shouting ]
-[ Laughing ]
-Go!
-7:40.
-Not bad.
-Go.
[ Shouting ]
-Go, go, go, go, go!
-Whoo!
-Wow!
-[ Shouting ]
-4.2.
[ Laughter ]
You see mom cooking
right there?
She was going for it.
I loved it so much.
Guys, that was "What Are You
Doing Wednesdays."
Thank you so much.
