>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW!
CONAN O'BRIEN IS WITH US HERE,
AS YOU GUYS KNOW, AND WE DON'T
GET TO TALK THAT OFTEN.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: SO I JUST WONDERED
IF YOU EVER WANTED TO CATCH UP
NOT IN FRONT OF THE AUDIENCE IN
A MORE PRIVATE AND PERSONAL WAY.
>> YEAH.
I MEAN, I WOULD, ACTUALLY.
THAT WOULD BE A NICE EXPERIENCE.
>> Stephen: GREAT.
WELL, JOIN ME NOW.
( LAUGHTER )
IN "THE LATE SHOW"'S PERSONAL
SPACE.
♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
CONAN, THIS IS "THE LATE SHOW"'S
PERSONAL SPACE, WHICH WE HAVE
MADE TALLER FOR THE FIRST TIME
JUST FOR YOU.
( LAUGHTER )
AND IF I COULD GET AN APPLE BOX,
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
SOMEBODY COULD JUST PUT ME ON
THE SAME FOOTING AS MR. O'BRIEN
HERE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
PUT THAT RIGHT THERE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, CITIZEN.
( LAUGHTER )
READY TO DO THIS, CONAN?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
SO I PUT MY HEAD --
>> Stephen: PUT YOUR HEAD IN
THE BOX.
>> AND YOU ASK ME QUESTIONS.
>> Stephen: I WILL SEE YOU --
IN THE BOX.
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERING )
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERING )
THANKS FOR JOINING ME IN HERE.
THIS IS NICE.
>> I WOULDN'T MISS THIS FOR THE
WORLD.
>> Stephen: UM, YOU HAVE BEEN
A HOST FOR 25 YEARS, AND, IN MY
OPINION, YOU'VE DONE AN AMAZING
JOB, AND I ADMIRE YOU, I LOOK UP
TO YOU, SOMETHING OF A MENTOR --
>> WHY "SOMETHING" OF A MENTOR?
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU'VE
NEVER ACTUALLY MENTORED ME IN
ANY WAY.
IN MY MIND, YOU'RE A MENTOR
BECAUSE I LIKE FOR PEOPLE TO
THINK YES WIE KNOW EACH OTHER.
WHAT YOU HAVE YOU LEARNED IN 25
YEARS I HAVEN'T LEARNED IN 14
YEARS?
WHAT'S THE NEXT 11 YEARS?
WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT
HAVING THE LONGEVITY YOU HAVE?
>> YOU'RE GOING TO LEARN NEVER
HUMILIATE A GUEST.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE SEEING
WHAT I'M SEEING -- THIS IS
ABSOLUTELY TRUE -- BUT I'M SO
CLOSE TO YOU RIGHT NOW THAT YOU
HAVE ONE EYE.
( LAUGHTER )
DO I HAVE ONE EYE?
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE ONE BIG
BLUE EYE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IN THE MIDDLE OF
YOUR FACE.
>> YEAH.
AND I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A DREAM
I'VE HAD WHERE YOU'RE STARING AT
ME WITH ONE EYE AND WE'RE
TRAPPED IN AN ALTERNATE
CARDBOARD DIMENSION.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU HAVE
FOR LUNCH?
( LAUGHTER )
>> GARLIC CHICKEN.
( LAUGHTER )
BROCCOLI WITH, I BELIEVE,
GARLIC.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT CHECKS OUT.
THAT CHECKS OUT.
>> THEY MAKE A GARLIC SODA NOW
YOU CAN HAVE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: YOU'RE FAMOUS FOR
YOUR HAIR, AND I'VE LONG ADMIRED
IT.
I DON'T HAVE THE LOFT ANYMORE
THAT YOU HAVE.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD
GIVE ME THE HONOR OF ALLOWING ME
TO BRUSH YOUR HAIR.
>> I WOULD BE THRILLED IF YOU
WOULD BRUSH MY HAIR.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING
TO --
( LAUGHTER )
>> HOW DO I LOOK NOW?
( LAUGHTER )
>> HOW DO I LOOK NOW?
>> Stephen: I CAN'T SEE THAT
HIGH.
COMEDIANS OFTEN CRY ON THE
INSIDE.
DO YOU WANT TO CRY ON THE
OUTSIDE?
DO YOU WANT TO JUST GET A GOOD
CRY OUT?
>> I CAN'T.
I DON'T CRY.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN'T CRY?
I GIVE SO MUCH TO THE
AUDIENCE.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER
TRIED TO CRY?
>> I'VE TRIED TO CRY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO TRY
WITH ME?
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: READY?
WHAT DO I DO?
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.
THINK OF A SAD THING, MAYBE FROM
YOUR CHILDHOOD.
>> I DON'T NEED TO GO THAT FAR
BACK.
>> Stephen: READY?
( LAUGHTER )
>> I THINK WE'VE GOT SOMETHING.
READY?
>> Stephen: ONE, TWO, THREE --
SAD.
( LAUGHTER )
( SOBBING )
( LAUGHTER )
( SOBBING )
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET ANY
REAL TEARS?
>> I GOT A LITTLE BIT.
( LAUGHTER )
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
>> Stephen: THE FACT THAT I
CAN'T CRY.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING
ABOUT?
>> Stephen: WHAT?
I TOOK A REDHEAD IN NEW YORK
TO DO THIS SHOW AND YOU PUT MY
HEAD IN A BOX.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I'VE HEARD YOU'RE
100% IRISH, AND I'M 98.5% IRISH.
WE HAD MY DNA DONE JUST LIKE
YOU.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME?
A CHORUS OF DANNY BOY?
BECAUSE THE ACOUSTICS IN THIS
BOX ARE AMAZING.
>> LET ME GET THE RIGHT PITCH.
I'M UP HERE.
( HUMMING )
>> Stephen: THAT'S HIGH.
I LIKE TO GO HIGH TENOR ).
( HUMMING )
♪ OH DANNY BOY ♪
♪ THE PIPES, THE PIPES ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ FROM GLEN TO -- ♪
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T KNOW THE
WORDS TO DANNY BOY!
>> I DON'T.
I DON'T.
I DON'T KNOW THOSE WORDS!
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT IRISH?
NO, THAT'S PROBABLY PROOF I
AM IRISH.
NO REAL IRISH PERSON KNOWS THAT
SONG.
>> Stephen:.
♪ TURALURALURA ♪
♪ 
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT'S TOO LOUD.
YOU ASKED ME TO SING IN A BOX
AND THEN CRITICIZED THE VOLUME.
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW HOW
LOUD YOU WERE.
I'M NOT CRITICIZING, I'M
DESCRIBING.
I SAY IT WITH RESPECT.
YOU'VE GOT SOME LUNGS.
>> YEAH, I DO.
SOMETIMES COMES IN HANDY IN SHOW
BUSINESSNESS.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: I'M A FAN OF
YOURS?
>> CLEARLY NOT.
>> Stephen: I PROMISE YOU I'M
A LONG TIME FAN OF YOURS.
>> FIRST TIME.
>> Stephen: YEAH, AND I WAS
WONDERING IF I COULD GET YOUR --
( LAUGHTER )
THE OXYGEN, THERE'S VERY LITTLE
OXYGENS LEFT IN HERE.
>> THIS IS A BOX FILLED WITH
CARBON --
( LAUGHTER )
I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO THINK
STRAIGHT FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS.
I JUST SAW MY GRANDFATHER AND HE
PASSED IN 1976.
( LAUGHTER )
COULD SOMEONE CALL 911?
>> Stephen: COULD I GET YOUR
AUTOGRAPH?
>> OF COURSE, IT WOULD BE AN
HONOR TO GIVE IT TO YOU.
>> Stephen: I HAVE A PEN RIGHT
HERE.
NO, NO.
>> NO?
>> Stephen: JUST USE YOUR
MOUTH.
GOT IT?
USE YOUR MOUTH.
AND SIGN MY FACE.
>> USE YOUR MOUTH?
>> Stephen: USE YOUR MOUTH AND
SIGN MY FACE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: CONAN!
WEEK NIGHTS ON TBS!
CONAN O'BRIEN, EVERYBODY!
THANK YOU, CONAN!
