 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I feel that time is running out for men
We are panicking
Have you noticed?
That there is an epidemic
Of guys
with beards
Taking over the whole world
I am one of them
9 out of 10 guys
Jisko nahi hai woh draw kar raha hai
Kajal se...
I think it's happening because
as a guy, what else is left?
to display
your Mardaangi
Because everything a guy can do
girls are doing better now
Tell me one job a girl cannot do
...may be Shiv Sainik...may be
may be
What do we do now to feel special?
We don't have to go hunting and fishing anymore
Sab mil raha hai...
D-Mart main
Guys were good at a few things, now they are gone
What do you expect us to do now?
Suddenly grow a personality?
 
We have tried everything, it is not working
Girls will tell you they like a guy who has a sense of humor
But even they know it's not true
They are just being polite
The max you can do now as a guy is
rush out in the interval
And buy that expensive popcorn for her
That is the height of modern chivalry
What a fall from grace!
Knighthood - Popcorn!
Anyone here has bought that PVR waala expensive Popcorn?
Rs. 500 waala
Yaani Rs. 500 ki note a ka vazan
Aur popcorn ke tub ka vazan ek hi hai
Yaani andar se gaand jal chuki hai!
Phir bhi de raha hai bechara
Like it's a prize catch
And even then she is not happy
She is like, 'I had said caramel...'
'You don't listen only...'
'You don't love me anymore...'
'...Chodu!'
Woh bolti nahi hai
Niche aata hai
sub-titles main aata hai
I think max 100 years are left
After that even evolution will give up on us
Phir daadhi aayega hi nahi
Ladki log ko aayega shayad
Complete role reversal
And even in these last few years
They are selling us products
Have you see this new exciting range of products
Called Men's Grooming Products
Men's - Grooming
As if; that's possible!
Kya kya mil raha hai market main
Beard Wax
Beard Oil
Beard Toner
Yaani itna kheti Punjab main bhi nahi hota hai
And all that kharcha
Just to look like:
Every other guy on the street
We all look the same now
Ye apna Hijab hai na...
Because that is how cosmetics work
Women know it already
Abhi apna turn hai
Katvane ka
They must be laughing at us
behind our backs
'Haan, acha dikh raha hai...chu...'
We all look so similar
Sometimes at home in the mirror I get confused
Ki yaar ye Virat Kohli ghar pe kaise aa gaya?
It's dangerous right?
Imagine, if I get mistaken for Kunal Kamra
To khaali-fukat jaana padega na
Jail main
without the twitter followers
That's a tragedy
Kyonki ye desh main Insaaf sirf Twitter pe milta hai
Imagine you are going for a friend's wedding
Indigo is saying: No no, you cannot fly
Jio ka network gayab ho gaya!
Auto waala to pehele se hi bol raha hai nahi jaayega
I think nikal dena chahiye, kya lagta hia?
Dude, how did you start keeping a beard?
Aisa kya hua tha aapki like main?
Ki aapne bola, abhi bhai badlega game ko...
 
Audience member: "Just randomly..."
Ek din you woke up and 'I am this guy now!'
I started keeping a beard purely out of laziness
Ek baar maine bahut le liya tha Sick Leave
The I had to go back to office
You can't just turn up like that
You have to ease yourself back into society
Look the part
So I kept a little stubble
Rest is part of history
Rest is on YouTube now
I have seen some guys try a lot
Bahut mehenat karte hain daadhi pe
Kuch log daadhi rakhte hain
Kuch log daadhi ko paalte hain
It is their spirit animal
Sehela raha hai usko...
Dekh raha hai...
Kitna mehenat karte hain pata hai?
Itna cut
Yahaan se cut
Yahaan se cut
Poora North America ka map bana diya hai
Phir bhi visa nahi mil raha hai
And you can't blame him because he has to try...
Agar daadhi aur gym membership hata do
To andar sirf khokalapan bachta hai
There is no personality inside
Which is why...
...If you are a single guy in the market right now
My advice to you is
Just grow a beard, shut the fck up!
The moment you open your mouth you are losing points
Simple, grow a beard, shut the fck up!
Or you could grow a beard, say whatever the fck you want
You might become
Prime Minister
That's the other route...
 
There are a lot of women in the audience
My request to you is that
If your guy fcks up
Which is...everyday
Before you get mad at him
At least for a few moments
Just try to  imagine him  without a beard
Aapko taras aa jaayega us pe
Ki nahi yaar ye to chuha hai bechara!
Gau hai Gau
*Raja Beta* hai andar se
He just looks like a creep sometimes...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
