a while ago I did an episode examining
the psychology of abusive relationships
using the film I Tonya as my reference
point the response I got was really
great and a lot of you sent messages to
me about that episode I'm not the type
of person to only focus on negatives so
I decided to examine the other end of
the spectrum and look at the qualities
of loving relationships and I picked a
film which I think does this perfectly
if you gave me a million years to ponder
I would never have guessed the true
romance and Quentin Tarantino would ever
go together if you were to Google how to
have a successful relationship no matter
what link you clicked on you'd likely
get the same answers time and again
although Tarantino is an unlikely source
I think true romance is a movie which
perfectly understands all the key
elements of a successful loving
relationship true romance tells the
story of a lonely comic book store clerk
named Clarence who happens upon a girl
who seems to enjoy all the same things
that he does she's playful fun easygoing
and instantly makes him feel relaxed
after sleeping with him she reveals that
she's actually a hooker paid for by his
boss to get him laid on his birthday
unfazed by the information Clarence sets
out on a quest to free her from the pimp
controller which leads to a pretty crazy
adventure filled with drugs
gangsters shootouts and general danger
so far you're probably not seeing how this
film exemplifies romance but it's only
because I haven't told you yet
it's established in this opening scene
where Clarence tells a random girl how
much he'd like to fuck Elvis that he's
friendly polite lonely and honest why
else would you make such an unusual
confession he's introduced as a
character who is open to the possibility
of finding a partner and even actively
pursues it he just lacks the social
skills to actually attain it in this
scene
he's rejected because of that honesty
also he does try to take her on a date
where all they're gonna do is watch
kung fu movies and who would agree to that
later when he actually goes to the
movies he meets Alabama who was also
there to see three kung-fu movies in a
row she spills her popcorn on him and
then sits next to him using the excuse
that she needs catching up on what she's
already missed they have a great time
and then go to get some pie and talk
afterwards and as it turns out they
share a lot of common interests and a
shallow was those interest may be they
give both people an opportunity to
connect now it's true that later when
she reveals that she was paid to be
there and entertain him on a date it
devalues the conversation a little bit but
ultimately it doesn't really matter
because those things didn't really
matter the point that really mattered
was genuine the connection a cynical
person would say that she was only there
because she was paid and that it wasn't
really assured interest at all but an
observant person who would see that
actually she really did dig kung-fu
movies and her enjoyment of the date was
entirely genuine not only does this
movie understand the need for shared
interests as a method of bridging
awkwardness it understands the use of
shared interests but the movies give
both of these things all wrong often
showing two characters as polar
opposites that attract they then portray
these interests that make them polar
opposites as really important character
defining things they're not
at least not in real life anyway in real
life shared interests function as a
simple means to connect with someone the
things themselves are not a deal breaker
whether you can connect while talking
about them is originally I wrote these
as two separate sections but truthfully
speaking their intrinsic to each other
the number one trait quoted as
important in relationships is trust
and/or honesty they're so intrinsic
because the minute you give one the
other comes automatically if you trust
someone they become honest with you and
if you're honest with them they come to
trust you Tarantino nails this when
Alabama reveals that she was paid to go
on the date rather than instantly
rejecting her and become an angry which
is pretty much what every other movie
does he accepts her because of her
honesty a neat reversal of what happened
to him at the start she comes clean
enough to realize him what a great guy
he is and worst and never be dishonest
with him again she never is this pattern
of trust and honesty continues
throughout the entire movie regardless
of what the topic or question is when
Clarence asks about Alabama's pimp she
tells him what he wants to know when he
returns from killing Drexel she asks
what happened at this point he has two
choices he can lie and say he got into a
fight and Drexel agreed to release her
or he could tell the truth and say he
killed Drexel the majority of people
would very likely be tempted to lie for
a number of reasons but chief among them
is that killing someone is generally
considered to be a bad thing and most
people would then judge you pretty
negatively after you reveal it Clarence
picks option B and tells the truth this
is important for two reasons one ensures
that he trusts her not to judge him or
reject him and two it gives her the
opportunity to appreciate and value such
a damaging level of honesty rather than
reject him or scorn him she accepts his
honesty and appreciates of what he did
no matter how terrible
was done only to protect her in essence
these two characters thanks to their
foundation of honesty of trust are
non-judgmental of each other's actions
because they understand the context
behind them without that complete
honesty and trust they wouldn't have
that context than would maybe slip into
being judgmental this film goes to great
lengths to demonstrate how vital honesty
and Trust are in loving relationships
and gives multiple examples of honesty
and trust being positively reinforced
it's not just training the characters to
think this way vicariously it's training
you as well though it doesn't make many
relationship prerequisite lists teamwork
is pretty vital in a relationship being
on the same page means you both support
each other it also ties in with trust
and honesty since without those you
can't have this the most significant
example of this in is during the scene
in which Alabama had been discovered by
one of the mobsters and his questioned
it's pretty clear from the very
beginning of this exchange that he's got
violent intent should things not go the
way he wants she begins by attempting to
spin a lie to protect Clarence and
herself when it becomes obvious that
he's not buying the line Alabama has two
choices she can give up Clarence and
potentially save herself or she can
remain a team with Clarence and give
the mobster nothing for many people
giving up their partner to spare
themselves a vicious beating and
probably death from a person who has
little to no morals when it comes to
violence would seem like the most
sensible choice at the very least it's
the easiest choice
Alabama chooses option B and stays a
loyal to Clarence even though she knows
it will mean being tortured by the mob
enforcer it's an extreme example but
sticking by a partner is another key
ingredient to a successful relationship
even when those partners choices who may
have put you in a difficult position
I feel as though it's important at this
stage to point out that I'm not
advocating sticking by your partner no
matter what terrible thing they might
have done I'm advocating that if you
trust them to have made decisions in
your best interest even though they
might not have turned out as planned
then you should stick by that person
just like Alabama does with
Clarence
sometimes being a team is as simple as
small words of encouragement for me this
is perhaps the most overlooked aspect of
any relationship and certainly one that
many movies miss or don't fully
understand the idea you should be ready
and willing to sacrifice what you want
for your partner wants sometimes a good
relationship understands that both
partners will be willing to sacrifice
for the greater good of the other this
is the message I think is demonstrated
the most obviously throughout this film
true romance is a bit more on the nose
with its use of sacrifice as both
Clarence and Alabama are willing to
sacrifice their lives to save the others
Clarence is willing to sacrifice his
life for the chance of freeing Alabama
from Drexel can later she's willing to
sacrifice her life for the chance of
saving Clarence's it's even
demonstrated when Clarence's dad is
willing to sacrifice his life for his
sons but there are other smaller
examples as well because sacrifice isn't
just about the big sacrifices sometimes
it's about smaller things too Clarence
is willing to sacrifice his reputation
to be honest with Alabama she was
willing to sacrifice her time to spend
it with Clarence yeah I know she was
paid but if were taught the honest any
of the street-level call girl would
probably have found the quickest
possible way to sleep with him and get
paid she didn't she was also then
willing to sacrifice the relationship
she had just built with Clarence in
order to be honest with him
the film throws a plenty of examples of
times when one of them is willing to
sacrifice what they have for the greater
good of the other person and it's this
element of sacrifice a complete
willingness to put someone else's
happiness before your own that gives this
movie that feeling of true romance
