I think that every single day,
if I am honest with you,
every single day,
I will think about taking my own life.
So every day that I fight through this,
is a success as far as I am concerned.
Having PTSD is like living in a storm
for me, in my head all the time,
that's the best way to describe it.
I am always anxious,
I am always feeling paranoid.
I need to be in sort of fight or flight mode,
I am always concerned at the back of my head
about something happening
I am always smelling something or hearing something,
that's making me remember
something else,
intrusive thoughts all the time.
It's like a non-stop fight, really,
and I fucking hate it, to be honest with you.
This is Andy Price, an army veteran with post-traumatic stress disorder.
After leaving the army in 2009,
Andy has struggled to live a normal life.
So this is basically,
that's all I've really got.
That's obviously my dog tags,
that's a lanyard awarded to me by the US marines,
that's a friend of mine who was killed.
There's no sort of particular purpose to this.
It's just sort of keepsakes,
you know, it's a massive part of my life.
You know, the beret and the cap badge,
it's something to be proud of,
as far as I am concerned.
This is a bit dusty, isn't it?
Does it look like the same guy who wore that?
No, not at all.
This mission in Afghanistan
is obviously not yet won.
Britain will send up
to another thousand troops.
The UK has been in continuous conflict
for over 15 years.
Experts have long warned of a looming mental
health crisis
as a direct result of this large-scale deployment
and a lack of support services
available when soldiers return.
Thousands of veterans now struggle
with alcoholism, drug addiction and homelessness,
with suicide an all too common result.
Despite this, there are no official statistics
but the government deny
they are ignoring the problem.
Now living at home in Portland
with his wife, Jackie, and young family,
Andy has had to take much of his PTSD
care into his own hands.
What's the punch bag for,
apart from the obvious?
Jackie got it for me
because I've got a habit of,
or used to take out my frustration
on hitting walls,
that wall and the walls indoors.
If I am frustrated about a thing
I just come out and slam my fist into that instead.
Which makes more sense and
I don't hurt myself.
Let's look at your hands.
Those days are hopefully gone.
These are your daily meds?
Yeah, I take three of these a day,
it's 150ml.
The doctor was telling me that
this is the most common things to use
for people with PTSD.
But I didn't really want to go up any higher
because it makes me feel shit, basically.
The whole point of me asking
to go on meds was because I felt
like I was going back to the same place
where I had the breakdown last year
and they want me to take diazepam
as well but I haven't taken them yet
because I just, I don't like drugs
and diazepam is really addictive as well.
I'm going to roll with these for now,
just see where it goes from there.
The Weymouth and Portland area
is steeped in military history,
but is today one of the most deprived
areas in the country,
with thousands of jobs lost
to cuts in the defence industry.
Fed up with a lack of mental health
services in his area,
Andy founded the Veterans Hub,
a peer-to-peer support network.
With no money or funding for premises,
the hub’s weekly meetings take place
at Weymouth’s old ferry terminal.
I think if we have a WhatsApp group just
for the Veterans' Hub,
if anyone here is needing to talk to anyone,
you can just ping a message on there,
and there’s always going to be someone about
to have a chat or have a brew with.
First of all, not everyone wants to go
into a clinical environment,
you just want to be around people who understand
what you are talking about,
and probably have a little bit
of empathy with you.
And you’ve seen yourself,
everyone’s quite relaxed.
There's a lot of banter when I am about.
There doesn't seem any pressure on people
to do anything.
Yes, that's it.
I've had that problem for years, mate.
It makes it easier for the guys and
girls that come through the door
to open up and talk, you know?
Because I'm like, 'this is me,
this is what I am going through,
this is why I am doing this …'
And when I started posting videos
about what was going on,
people said that's really helped
because you don't often see people
talking about it openly.
I think last week, four or five days ago,
I can't even remember what day it was,
I made the decision to come off my meds,
I'm on 150ml of sertraline a day
and I am on something else
for another problem.
I had some hideous flashbacks,
which I've never experienced before in my life,
really visual stuff.
Full blown panic attacks.
It's not easy at all,
it's just not anyway.
That's it.
Do you know where my beret is?
Darren, a disabled veteran suffering with
PTSD, anxiety and depression,
was one of the hub's first members.
So, I've got Iraq, Kosovo,
Afghanistan.
The MoD have nothing down here,
for support.
Their idea is we've used you,
we've broke you, now go to the NHS.
The MoD have accepted culpability
for the accident that led to Darren’s disability.
Despite this, he has spent the last three
years
fighting to have the necessary modifications
carried out,
to make his home liveable.
They've taken out other electrical
sockets,
so we have a hole in the wall.
But they are not decorating up here.
This has taken a huge toll on his already
fragile mental health, and his family.
Darren and I have only been together
for seven and half years,
and this has been my house
for the last 18 years.
Obviously I am grateful it's
actually being done,
but he feels really bad
because he then blames himself.
If he wasn't injured,
if I hadn't married him,
then none of this would have needed
to be done.
The more it's gone on,
the more depressed he's got.
And I came home,
probably two years ago … sorry.
He was suicidal about the whole thing.
It has been a nightmare.
It has been a nightmare,
getting him to this point.
Before I knew about the hub,
I thought I was the only veteran in Weymouth.
But going there I've met so many.
It just feels
positive to be there.
It gives you a sense of purpose as well,
I suppose?
It does.
Because I've not had that
for four years,
when I left I felt useless,
I felt worthless,
and I was projecting my feelings
on to my family.
And then I thought that
they didn't want me here.
Because I was a burden
and I told my wife that,
that I am a burden to you.
Knowing what you know now,
would you have signed up in the first place?
No.
And it makes me laugh,
their adverts that they've got out
about this is belonging ...
My family gave me strength
but a lot of people don't have that.
So the hub, I feel can be
the strength for some people.
You know, others are more vulnerable
than myself
and haven't got the things I had.
I think the hub could be their family.
You know, I'm working and still
trying to push forward with the Veterans Hub
and I think, you know, the pressure
of everything is just a lot at the moment,
so, I'm getting a lot of anxiety attacks,
or panic attacks, whatever the fuck they're called.
I am determined not to let this affect it
but it's just really fucking hard for me
because I've still got things
going on in my life,
in my family and in my head.
There you go,
another day in my life.
Two months later, I’m back in Portland
to see how Andy’s getting on.
You said there was something you
were keen to talk about.
One thing, especially when I am doing my
therapy, that always comes up,
and had come up
for over a decade now is …
My friend Jonathan Kitulagoda, it was back
in 2004 basically, he was killed.
I was never able to understand why he didn't
come back.
Because, you know, he was such a good guy.
I still remember having
to clean a wagon out,
and wash it out the blood.
I think the following day,
I was been given Kit's weapon
and asked to clean it.
At the time it seemed really normal to me,
to be sat in a room pulling bits of my friend out
of his own weapon,
but it wasn't normal.
And that was it,
I was dropped off at a garage up the road
and that was it.
No concept of how to deal
with what I'd just been through.
So I just started hitting the bottle, fighting,
and looking for a self-destructive lifestyle.
That must grind you down.
I'm forty years old almost,
I can't holding down a fucking job.
I don't own anything.
I am angry all the time,
I can't sleep properly all the time.
I affect my family.
The MoD have built us up
to do something, you know
but they haven't taught how to switch off
and come back down
so they don't to allow us time to process.
Do you think you'll stop feeling guilty
or at least get rid of that?
Or do you think …?
I think for me now,
I think it's a case of just managing it.
I would say the hub
and Jackie and the girls
are what are keeping me here at the moment,
and then let's just keep pushing forward
and pushing forward.
It used to be Jack Daniels.
It's not Jack Daniels anymore.
And so the winner of the Young Person
of the Year is Robert Richards.
That evening, Andy invited me to an awards
ceremony honouring local heroes.
Though he wasn’t aware of it,
hub members had secretly nominated him for
a special award.
So this award has been given
to recognise the efforts of somebody
who has done something exceptional
and in this case a person who is helping
rebuild the lives of those most in need.
Let's take a look.
Andy runs the Veterans Hub
for Weymouth and Portland.
He founded it and it has just gone
from strength to strength.
And it's not just the veterans,
it's for their families as well.
Thank you.
Thank you so much mate.
Andy’s hard work is beginning to pay off.
Through fundraising, donations and word-of-mouth,
The Veterans Hub has seen
an increase in financial support.
We now have a full time Veterans Hub.
A permanent location
has become available in town.
We're so excited, it's unbelievable.
Allowing the hub to become more than just a weekly meet-up and expand into a community cafe.
One of the things me and Darren
were wondering about,
we were thinking about rainy days.
We wanted to, you know, a sort of veranda where
the guys can sit down here and have a coffee.
Yeah awning, thats the word.
Or just sit and watch the rain,
we love it.
Absolutely buzzing.
Buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. Can't wait.
Really exciting, isn't it?
This is Mike, another local veteran.
He was sleeping rough on the streets of Weymouth
when he first met Andy.
The hub have organised for veterans like Mike
to attend a horse therapy course
to help with their mental health problems.
What have you got here?
This is Pickles, he's just
the star of the show matey.
He just came up and gave me
a head-butt and we just got on.
That's the way to your heart, hey?
And Andy, you look a little bit nervous.
Which is nothing I've seen from you before.
I just don't think
horses like me.
Because it's just about calm and relaxed,
and I am never calm and relaxed,
it just stresses me out.
See how Andy is,
I was about 50 times worse than that
you could actually see my heart
coming out my chest, seriously.
All I wanted was the door.
And now look at me.
Is this the highlight of your week?
Yes, mate.
I was in a pub when Andy phoned me
and as soon as he said, 'come to the horse centre',
I stopped drinking.
Mind set was, if I come stinking of alcohol,
it's unfair on the ladies giving their time to me
and it's unfair on these guys
because they can sense it.
He's thinking about it, and he's off. And neutral.
How long were you on the streets for?
A total of five years.
Right.
Once you start getting that ethos into your head
that you are a worthless piece of shit,
you start treating yourself like a worthless 
piece of shit
and trying to get out of that,
it takes a long, long time to come out of it.
This is were I slept for ages.
If it pisses down with rain,
I have a natural cover.
If I was a junkie, they would help me but
because I'm not, they don’t want to know.
Because they don't know what to do with me.
And that's half the problem, they don't
know what to do with guys and ladies
that have got post traumatic stress.
They just don't know how to deal with us.
Do you get a sense of how your
life would be right now,
if Andy hadn't arrived on the scene?
I wouldn't be here.
And that's the god's honest truth.
The day Andy found me,
I was about three hours away from hanging myself.
We're dying at a high rate
and we are not in conflict anymore.
What's the reason, do you think
that the government aren't doing what they should do?
Because they are embarrassed,
they don't know how to deal with it.
And they just say it doesn't exist.
But it fucking does exist.
You've only got to look at myself,
Andy, and the guys that are in the hub,
we all suffer with it.
But the government won't actually
put their hands up and say, 'we've got a problem.'
Mike’s experience is not unique.
I was keen to understand
how so many veterans slip through the net.
We've got another lake
on the back end,
which is harder to fish, I find.
Chris spent eleven years in the Navy.
Despite sharing PTSD-like symptoms,
he has not been diagnosed.
That's where I wanted to be there.
Discharged servicemen and women
have only six months
to access official mental health services.
There's not a lot around this area,
this is why a lot of people drift towards the forces.
Do you think there's a naivety around
when people sign up?
They don't really know
what they are signing up for?
I don't think a lot of people do nowadays.
I remember an officer, a Royal Marine
where I was working,
started talking about a marine who had gone off
sick with depression,
and his words,
his exact words were:
'We all take a bite in the same
shit sandwich, get over it.'
And this was after all
my problems had started.
I was mortified that he actually said that.
There's no need for it.
At the MoD, I think they don't diagnose
a lot of guys with PTSD
because they know that down the line,
they are going to come back
and it's going to bite them in the ass.
That's why I think there's a lot of
blokes out there,
who are living with it,
they don't know they got it,
because they haven't been told,
they got it.
And the problem always is money, right?
British Legion is alright if you have got problems
with housing,
or financial problems.
Help For Heroes is good if you got mental issues,
or injuries or things like that,
but they can only help you up to a certain point,
they don't give you that social setting,
where no one's going to judge you, no one's
going to give a monkeys what you look like
or what you've done.
Andy has hit the nail on the head
and he's found exactly what we need.
What he has done is amazing.
For fuck's sake, where are ya?
It’s the day before the new hub’s opening.
Andy and Darren are busy making preparations.
I think last time you were down here,
you came and took a look at the place, didn't you?
Yeah, but we didn't get inside though.
I've had to quit my day job
and Darren's stepped up to do full time work
for the first time in a long time
because of his injury and everything …
Everyone's mucked in really well.
How's this going to work?
I am going to make the cakes,
Andy's going to make the scones.
And you guys are going to be here full time?
Yes.
Just the two of you?
Yes.
And then anyone who wants to volunteer.
Fantastic. You're going to be overrun.
I know.
Both with volunteers and with customers, right?
Fantastic.
I like that fact they've put established
in 2018 on there.
Yeah.
The caff. That's a nice touch.
It actually looks really good, mate,
doesn't it?
Yeah.
There you go.
Sorted. Well done mate.
Andy’s army friend Matt has come to visit
with his family.
His 16-year-old son,
Bailey, has just signed up to join the army.
I wanted to know if PTSD had been
a consideration when he decided to enlist.
You know, he's been around
me and Andy,
he's been around a lot of the lads before
and after tour.
So I think he's as exposed to it
as he possibly can be.
He's still, like, adamant,
'I want to do this'.
If he did a couple of operational tours
then he came out and he did suffer then
I am sure there's a few of experienced
people around the table
that can help him through that.
But yeah, it's always going to be a nervousness
from my point of view.
Do you have PTSD, Matt?
Whether or not I want to admit it,
if it's PTSD, I am not sure.
You know, whether you have or
whether you haven't, whatever it is,
that's why I think the
Veterans Hub is massive,
that it opens its doors
to veterans and their families
and that's the main thing,
their families as well.
How is everyone, all right?
Welcome to the Veterans Hub,
on this absolute scorcher of a day.
Just a very quick one,
everyone, just to say, wow basically.
We weren't expecting this today
to be honest with you.
I started coming here
about three months ago.
And although I still have lots
of veteran friends around
I was sort of a little bit lost.
You know, coming down here
just means chatting to people,
it's the banter, getting that back,
you know what I mean,
and it means a lot,
I'm glad they are doing this.
People come,
they get the support, they get cuddles,
especially with us oldies.
It gives them a purpose.
Home life has just
become so much better, so much easier.
My wife cries now with happiness
because I am happy.
What do you think it's meant to the members
of the hub
to see that interest
from all over the community?
I hope it's invigorated them a little bit.
They talk about how bitter
and angry they are,
they talk about how no one understands …
But today they've been the centre of attention
and everyone's really been enthralled
by what they have to say and
everyone's been really supportive.
You know,
somewhere in the back of my mind,
I've still felt it's just us here,
and to have, what, I think we've had
about 200 people through the door today
you know, and it's just totally and
utterly blown my mind.
And to see all that support and love
for the guys and girls,
has been brilliant.
Hey all,
thanks for watching another Veterans Hub video.
Someone said to me the other day,
you know, I applaud the work
that you and people like you are doing
but you shouldn't have to be doing it.
The government and the MoD should already
be doing this.
They've had over 100 years to get this right.
Over a 100 years.
And they still can't.
They fob us off with a well done, a pat on the back
and a piece of tin.
Actually, do you know
what it means fuck all that piece of tin.
Anyway, I've got to go,
because I am genuinely really upset about all of this.
So take care, this call sign is out.
It’s late October - the hub’s first birthday.
In just a year, Andy’s small group meeting
has grown into a full time job.
What have you learned
throughout this year?
Being able to put a lot of what I am now in,
to help other people,
has helped me to control my emotions.
However, that said, my meds have been raised,
I am struggling in another ways.
And I think the key thing is, that I've learned,
until you open a support project
or community project
where they're trying to help
the vulnerable people that are in the community,
you don't realise how many people
there are out there that need support.
Is there a worry that you'll be a victim
of your own success?
In that because you're doing so well with the hub,
the government can have another reason to say:
'Look, these things are being taken care of
without our help, we don't need to get involved.'
The people that I work with now,
down at the hub and further afield,
we are happy to do this, OK?
If they really don't give a toss,
I'm fed up arguing with them now, OK?
They can go and do
what they're going to do.
They can keep on talking the talk,
and doing nothing about it
and throwing facts and figures,
or what they call figures, at us.
Writing off suicides,
as being a percentage.
I don't care either way anymore,
I just want to help the people I can help here.
And enable other people
to help other people.
Right guys, can I have your attention, please?
I know it hasn't been easy for a lot of us,
and I know there's been some bad
moments for some of us.
Not everyone who should be here,
is here at the moment, unfortunately.
But what we've got here is really
something special.
People are coming into us all the time and saying there is nothing else like this anywhere.
This isn't about profit,
this isn't about money
this is about us
looking after each other.
Actually, you guys have saved me
and you've saved my family.
And this wouldn't be here if it wasn't for
all of you.
So, just from the bottom of my heart,
thank you for helping us to get to the first year.
It means a lot.
Thank you, Andy.
Thank you.
Andy's unwavering dedication
has been humbling to witness,
but for many of the veterans
whose lives he's changed,
this is a battle that has no end.
