(typewriter clicks)
- There's a war going on out there
and we need warriors.
Social Justice Warriors!
Maggot!
Are you ready to promote social justice,
acceptance, and tolerance?
- Yes, sir!
- What did you call me?
- Yes, ma'am!
- You wanna try that again?
- Yes, gender neutral pronoun!
- There may be hope for you yet!
Maggot!
Let me hear your war cry!
- [All] Everyone deserves
basic dignity and respect!
- Basic training begins now!
On the battlefield you
maggots will encounter
fake facts and you must
know how to disarm them!
Blacks are lazy and eating
up all the food stamps!
- Actually, the majority of food stamps
go to white families.
- Planned Parenthood harvests
baby parts for profit!
- That claim is based on
an intentionally misleading
video from anti-abortion activists.
- Muslims were celebrating
in New Jersey after 9/11!
- There is zero footage
or eyewitness reports
that ever happened.
- All right, maggot, this room simulates
the YouTube comments section.
Consider this your trigger warning!
- Okay!
- [Man whispering] Ban all Muslims.
- [Man whispering] First grade
teachers need to be armed.
- [Woman whispering] Donald
Trump should be president.
- [Man whispering] Build a wall.
[overlapping whispers]
- [Warrior] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, God!
- [Warrior] Who thinks
like this any more?!
Oh my God, (sobbing) I-
I can't take it in there!
I don't feel safe!
- We're coming, buddy!
- Yes, we can!
Here's your granola bar, it's all organic.
- We support you, we love you.
- Good job, maggots!
We're in this war together!
And for your final test,
you'll have to pass target practice!
- Feminism isn't about taking
away the rights of men.
It's about equal rights for everyone!
- Political correctness is just
treating others with respect.
The bigger question is, "Why do you want
"to say politically
incorrect things so badly?"
- Why aren't you saying anything?!
- There's nothing for me to say!
It would be inappropriate
for me to dominate
this particular conversation!
- Good job, maggot!
- Can you stop calling
us "maggots," please?!
- It's disrespectful and fly
larva are an invaluable part
of our ecosystem.
- Excellent point, ma- soldiers!
Congratulations!
You are all officially
Social Justice Warriors.
You will be on the front
lines of social justice.
Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Reddit threads,
and I know you will make me proud.
Now go out there and give them hell!
Respectfully.
(upbeat music)
- [crying] There's just
so many microagressions.
And macroagressions, too!
- What did they say?
- They said white privilege didn't exist.
- Okay, that offends me.
I've benefited from white privilege.
That offends me!
(upbeat music)
