MATT: Welcome, and hello everyone to the next
episode of Critical Role. A silly show where a
bunch of us voice actors get together and play
Dungeons and Dragons on Geek and Sundry's twitch
stream. So for returning fans, welcome, and to all
the new folks tuning in finally, welcome to you as
well. So before we get into the meat, a few
announcements and such, let's roll that intro.
TRAVIS: Silly?
[dramatic music]
MATT: And welcome back. So, a couple things I want
to get off the bat to you guys. Our subscription
giveaways this evening. For every hundred
subscribers, we are giving away special care
packages with D&amp;D books signed by the Critical
Role crew, as well as a signed photo, comics,
other goodies. So the next one will be at 5,300,
we will do another giveaway. Remember, you have to
be in the chat room to be able to acquire one of
these packages. So tune in to get something. Keep
that in mind.
LAURA: Yeah.
MATT: Also, for those who may not remember from
last week, we are in a very interesting month of
Critical Role, as the party has been split due to
a circumstance where, in the city of Vasselheim,
the party, chasing after a hydra that seemed to be
harrying the outside walls of the city and
slaying it, got in the way and accidentally broke
the laws of the Vasselheim by hunting and slaying
when they weren't approved to do so. Being called
skags by a band of hunters that works for the
Slayer's Take guildhall. A guild that pretty much
regulates most hunting of monsters and creatures
within the vicinity of Vasselheim. So, as opposed
to going up and dealing with charges at the seat
of justice, they instead were given the option by
the head of the guild hall to possibly join, but in
order to do so, they would have to fulfill a
contract and prove themselves worthy of being a
member of the guild. And the guild master, our
fantastic Huntmaster Vanessa Cyndrial, hand-picked
two different groups, splitting up the twins, and
they have all set out to return the next day to
join, and figure out what their contract will be.
So, this week we have playing: we have Grog. We
have Vex'ahlia. We have Percy. We have the 
shortly arriving here Scanlan,
who has been fighting L.A. traffic.
TRAVIS: He's here!
(cheering)
MATT: Quite literally shortly arriving, Scanlan.
TRAVIS: Like Superman, that was amazing.
MATT: And eventually to join the party as they
slowly make their way there-- mysterious head
kiss. This is the best Thursday ever. We have
joining us eventually at some point we have the
very wonderful and talented Mary Elizabeth
McGlynn. A fantastic, talented voice actress and
director and amazing person.
MARY: Hello, sorry.
MATT: So look her stuff up online. She is also a
great musician, singer, and this is her first time
playing Dungeons and Dragons.
TRAVIS: Newbie!
MARY: Newbie!
MATT: Yeah, I'm super excited.
TRAVIS: I'm going to kill you.
MARY: Yes.
MATT: Probably. And in the middle of the other
table, we have our other illustrious guest this
evening. The so-called headmaster of Geek and
Sundry herself, Felicia Day.
Thank you for joining us, Felicia.
(cheering)
FELICIA: I like to refer to myself as Duchess,
Grand Duchess.
MATT: Grand Duchess, also viable.
SAM: Golf claps.
FELICIA: Golf claps, very appropriate.
MATT: (laughs) So yeah, thank you so much for
joining.
FELICIA: I'm so excited to be here. I'm a huge fan
of the show, so I spend my
Thursdays watching you guys.
SAM: Who is your favorite character on the show?
LAURA: Say Trinket, say Trinket
FELICIA: Not the one with the scatological
problem.
SAM: I think of it more as a gift.
(laughter)
TALIESIN: That keeps giving and giving and...
MARY: The one who likes to talk to poo.
TRAVIS: Well that's a lot of us, actually.
MATT: Before we get into the nitty gritty, do we
have any announcements we want to make? Anything
in particular coming up? I believe, Laura, you're
bolting at the end of the game.
LAURA: I'm leaving probably during the game, to
catch my flight to go to GenCon for the
Titansgrave panel. Tomorrow!
MATT: Yeah! Which for the record, I want to point
out guys, this is how much Laura loves you. She
was going to miss today's game but then bit the
bullet, changed her flight, just so she could be
here to play with everyone.
FELICIA: Golf claps.
LAURA: Well, after I saw my glorious Trinket
yesterday, there was no choice really.
MATT: (laughs) The Trinket that devours, by the
way. Every person that's hugged that bear has
vanished, temporarily, within its physical form.
It is a new wonderful addition to the chat room--
I mean to the whole show, and thank you to the
Critters for making that happen. It's ridiculous.
It's-- you guys are the best, I have no words.
Anything else anyone wants to announce?
Anything coming up?
MARY: I'm off to San Antonio tomorrow morning,
very early, for San Japan. With Steve Blum. So
come on out and have some fun in San Antonio.
MATT: Heck yeah. It's a great convention, I went
there last year. They're really, really good, so
all you folks out there.
MARY: We were both there last year.
MATT: That's right, we were.
MARY: Yes!
MATT: So go check out Mary in San Antonio. You
guys should go. Also, we've had a lot of questions
through twitter, from a lot of the fans, and I
like the idea of transparency, and mentioning how
first off, no game or game master is infallible
and rules do shift and change and there have been
a couple of minor alterations to the rules. Which,
you know, you house rule things in a game and you
test it out and balance can shift. For those who
have looked at the gunslinger martial archetype
that Percy plays with, I have made a few
adjustments to it, balancing out a few elements
there. DCs for different shots and--
TALIESIN: Definitely some foam darts that I'm
shooting now. That's all I'm saying. I'm saying
there is a lot of pump action and then a foam dart
comes out.
TRAVIS: Really?
TALIESIN: With a suction thing at the end.
MATT: You don't get foam darts until level 18.
That is a higher level ability. The noise happens
at level 19-- you level up to get the actual
sound. So check out the gunslinger archetype,
there's been some changes to it. Also, for the
sorcerer points, we had house ruled a
configuration where sorcerer points would be one
point per spell level of spell cast. As the levels
got higher it got a little overpowered in some
combat circumstances, so we narrowed that down.
Which is still a bonus over the actual rules which
allow you to only cast one spell per round and a
cantrip. We made it so that you can cast, with
quickened spell, any spell and then a 2nd-level
spell maximum in the same round. Slight
variation.
LAURA: I don't understand anything you just said.
TALIESIN: Made no sense to me.
MARY: Two spells at once? Two spells.
MATT: That's okay. It's for the sorcerer, you
don't have to worry about it. Minor house rule
adjustments, so all you guys out there who GM and
DM don't be afraid to adjust balance as you go, as
long as you talk to the players about it. Anyway,
that's it and that's all on my end. Shall we
go ahead and begin?
TRAVIS: (loud maniacal laughter)
MATT: Calm down, Phillip.
TRAVIS: All right, but I'm not Phillip right now,
he lost. I'm a winner.
LAURA: Phillip doesn't exist anymore.
TRAVIS: (cries)
LAURA: Phillip's legacy is 1,000 gold to repay.
TRAVIS: Phillip is training to an 80s training
montage right now. In a beef locker somewhere.
MARY: Because everyone needs a montage.
TRAVIS: Yep.
MATT: Glorious. I think that is an important
circumstance. All right, so getting this started.
The party has found themselves in the city of
Vasselheim; a very deity and religion based city,
in a very harsh environment. It's far up
north in this continent and the weather itself is
very cold, the landscape is very harsh and rugged,
and outside of the city itself, there is an
extremely dark, oppressive, almost unnaturally
fast-growing forest known as the Vesper
Timberland. This is where you encountered the
hydra, last time. You just barely trekked out of the
the city and found that creature. Who knows what
else lies out there, but the city seems very well
prepared to defend itself against whatever
atrocities make their way towards the outskirts of
the city. So, after Grog fought very gloriously in
the Crucible and just barely lost due to a test of
strength that just didn't fall in his favor, he
sulked via ale and ladies back at the tavern.
TRAVIS: Yeah.
MATT: Now, after defeating the hydra, being called
on their law breakage in Vasselheim, have been
tasked to return the next morning, as separate
groups, to figure out what contract is being given
to them and what members of their team await them
as they arrive. So, you guys have taken the
evening to rest. The next morning has come about.
You find yourselves awakening within your
respective tavern rooms, the members of Vox
Machina. What preparation would you like to embark
in this morning for whatever mysterious trek
awaits you?
TRAVIS: Do they have a weapons closet?
LAURA: In the tavern room?
TRAVIS: Oh shit, I thought we were in the
guildhall.
MATT: Not yet. You can go there if you want to,
but if there is anything you want to do before
arriving at the guildhall, that's up to you.
TRAVIS: Scanlan.
SAM: Oi!
TRAVIS: Do you want anything from the tavern
before we leave?
SAM: What time is it?
TRAVIS: What time is it?
LAURA: What difference does it make? I want to
take a shot with my brother.
MATT: All right. So as you and Vax'ildan get
together at the bar, you have the strongest form
of nasty Vasselheim liquor that they could
possibly muster. It looks somewhat murky, it has
elements of blue and gray to it. The barkeep
assured you that this is-- "This is what you're
"looking for to wake up in the morning, trust me."
LAURA: Does it taste like NyQuil?
MATT: As you down the shot, it's-- not knowing
what NyQuil tastes like because there is no such
thing as NyQuil in this world.
LAURA: Right.
TALIESIN: Ye olde NyQuil.
MATT: The flavor would be reminiscent of licking a
wagon wheel that has seen
at least 100 miles of travel.
LAURA: Tastes like your feet smell, brother.
MATT: Of which, Vax immediately cringes his face.
"Oh well, that is rather uncouth, dear sister"
TALIESIN: And not having Liam here, I'll just--
like that.
TRAVIS: Get rid of it. Put it down.
MATT: The foot's healed now. The foot is healed.
So you finish your shots,
you say adieu to each other and--
LAURA: See you on the other side
MATT: "Indeed, stay safe."
TRAVIS: Bye Vax! (laughs)
MATT: "Bye Grog." And he gives you a silent finger
as he leaves the tavern, in true Vax fashion.
TRAVIS: He always mixes those fingers up.
MATT: Any preparation on your guys' end?
SAM: I'm going to load up my-- whatever this thing
is.
MATT: Your Ioun Stone?
SAM: Is that what I have? That's the thing here.
I'm going to load that up with an Invisibility
spell. Is that a thing I could do?
MATT: Yeah, you can put up to three spell levels
into that.
SAM: That's two in there, right?
MATT: You may have even been able to do before
you slept the night before, so then you would
have all your spells back. So we'll say you did that. 
So you have an extra Invisibility
spell in your Ioun Stone.
SAM: And I can store three spells in there,
right?
MATT: Three spell levels.
SAM: Three spell level-- So only one spell at a
time?
MATT: Or you can do three 1st-level spells.
SAM: Oh! Then never mind. I thought it was three
different spells. I've already got an extra
Lightning Bolt in there. I won't add to it, never
mind.
MATT: Then yeah, that is a full Ioun Stone. That
thing is pulsing with energy and going,
"I'm good."
SAM: I'm good, didn't understand.
MATT: Fair enough. Percy.
TALIESIN: Other than just tinkering on a few plans
that I have rolling around. I don't really have
the equipment to build anything particularly
interesting before we head out.
SAM: Grog might have something in the bag of
holding that you could use.
TRAVIS: Oh yeah! I've got lots of shit. We have a
salt lick rock, we've got three firewood bundles,
dried food rations...
SAM: How many fancy cloaks left?
TRAVIS: There's... two.
SAM: Well, that's something.
TALIESIN: And we've got that leather from that
weird bat creature from the Underdark.
TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm sure it doesn't smell bad.
LAURA: Oh, yeah.
TALIESIN: Is there any metal canisters in there,
of any kind?
TRAVIS: I mean, I've got my hooded lantern, but
you can't have that. It's dark in places.
TALIESIN: No, I don't want that.
LAURA: I bet Tiberius has metal canisters, he's
got so many canisters.
TRAVIS: Two pieces of armor. Just armor
TALIESIN: I may take a piece of armor and see if I
can put together some sort of frag grenade thing.
SAM: A what?
TALIESIN: I just want to make a--
SAM: Is that a thing?
TALIESIN: You don't know me.
(laughter)
TALIESIN: Just make a canister, put some black
powder in there, put the thing together. It
doesn't even have a fuse, it's something I can
toss and shoot to trigger.
TRAVIS: Ooh.
MATT: Interesting. I will say, due to time
constraints, you would probably have to skip a
decent breakfast to do this. So, be aware you
may be hungry later on.
LAURA: I've got food.
TALIESIN: Done
TRAVIS: We've got dried food rations in the bag.
TALIESIN: I'll have a granola bar.
MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check.
TRAVIS: Roll good, you're starting us off. Roll
good.
SAM: I'm going to try to inspire him.
TRAVIS: Roll good.
TALIESIN: You're going to inspire me?
SAM: I'm going to inspire him with a little,
(sings) Boom, clap, the sound of your gun, the
beat goes on and on and on and on. Boom, clap--
That's all I got
MATT: You can take your d10 bardic inspiration, as
his song blares into your left ear as you search
the town for a decent location to possibly
construct this.
TALIESIN: 19.
MATT: Total of 19?
TALIESIN: Total of 19.
MATT: All right. Asking around and speaking to a
few folks around Vasselheim, you eventually find a
few folks that point you toward this long
abandoned workshop that's been burned down, and it
hasn't really been touched. As you go to it, you
have to push some of the burned wood out of the
way, but there is indeed a currently functional,
if for a long time unused, forge and anvil
available. In poor condition, but
functional. Given about two, two and a half hours,
you might be pushing your arrival time at the
guildhall, but you could probably do it. Do you
want to go ahead and give it a shot?
TALIESIN: I'm going to give it a shot.
MATT: All right. Do you want to use another one of
your bardic inspirations on this?
SAM: Can I do that?
MATT: You can use it up to-- I think it's like
five or six times.
SAM: He's fine.
(laughter)
TRAVIS: Stingy motherfucker!
SAM: At this point I'm probably drunk.
TALIESIN: I don't get a montage then, never mind.
It's all right, save it for later. We're
going to need it for later.
MATT: So it takes you a while to rummage through
the ground to get everything set up. You have the
tools from your tinker's kit that you usually keep
with you anyway, and you begin hammering away at
the metal, preparing yourself a nice little
spherical container. Using your black powder,
which you're starting to get a little low on
black powder between your bullets you've been
constructing and other stuff.
TALIESIN: Got to get home, I know.
MATT: So something you can either, some point in
the future try to scavenge up the materials for or
make yourself. But just letting you know, you're
starting to run a little low. So go ahead and make
a-- I'm going to say make a tinkering check with
your proficiency bonus of four and we will say
with your dexterity. Since this is very
meticulous, to make sure this doesn't detonate
during construction.
SAM: Wow, you could really use some
inspiration right now.
TALIESIN: No, I don't. That is a 29.
SAM: Stingy works.
TRAVIS: Like two-nine?
TALIESIN: Like two-nine. Not two nines, but
two-nine.
MATT: What did you roll?
TALIESIN: I rolled 19.
MATT: Yeah. That'll do it.
(laughter)
MATT: All right, so, in spite of the terrible
materials at your disposal-- As far as the forge
itself, you barely get it lit, but you can manage
to heat it at enough, at least, to ply a soft
metal. There is an aluminum base type that you
construct as the container, and then coat that
with chunks of very, very hard steel that you
think will work as shrapnel. You manage to
complete it. You're not sure how effective it will
be, but at least you know it will travel safe, and
that is really more important than anything else
with these type of makeshift explosives.
TALIESIN: I made a holy hand grenade.
(laughter)
TRAVIS: Awesome.
MATT: Indeed. All right, as the rest of you gather
up, you've had your breakfast, you rested, you
make your way towards the Slayer's Take guildhall.
Approaching the front steps again, the wooden
engraving on the front doors, you step into the
main foyer area and are greeted again by Mertin,
the gruff looking halfling, who is in the process of
thumbing through some books. He has some dried
fruit on the side of his chin. He's a little
groggy, like he
didn't sleep well the night before.
TRAVIS: He's a little what?
MATT: He's a little groggy.
TRAVIS: Lucky chap.
MATT: He looks up as you guys approach. "Very nice
you all could finally make it, it appears you are
"only a grand total of 25 minutes late."
LAURA: 25?!
MATT: "It's not too much of a problem."
SAM: What's a minute?
MATT: "It's... All right, there is not too much
going on at the moment. I will not mention this to
"the wife. I mean the Huntmaster. Don't mention to
her that I referred to her as my wife."
TRAVIS: Kord's strength to you, sir, you've got a
little bit right here.
LAURA: Oh, that's lovely.
MATT: "I appreciate the heads up."
TRAVIS: Not a problem, not a problem.
MATT: "I hate to lose papaya. So. Let's see, we
have the four of you here. This is the required
"necessary group for the first travel this morning,
I am excited to see what the mistress has
"available for you. First, and foremost, let me
introduce to you one of your traveling companions
"for this. Another hopeful for the Slayer's Take.
Let me retrieve her."
And you see Mertin walks off to one of the back
rooms, opens the door and whispers out, "Hey
"quick, your team is here." Opens the door, and
walking out-- if you want to describe yourself.
MARY: I walk out in a black cloak.
SAM: This is exciting.
MARY: My hair is white, and I have silver eyes,
and a long staff with four dragons and a moonstone
planet, as it were, in their midst. I walk out
slowly and I look them all over, one by one.
Saying, I don't know you, I don't know you-- as my
tail whips back and forth. I don't know you--
almost hitting you with my horns. You, I know. I
saw you at the Crucible, didn't I?
TRAVIS: Maybe.
MARY: Well done against the Hammer.
TRAVIS: Thank you, I often get confused with
Phillip the Terrible.
MARY: Yes, I'll bet you do. You don't look that
terrible to me, though.
TRAVIS: Grog begins to blush, a large blue color
on his cheeks.
LAURA: What's your name, woman?
MARY: Zahra.
SAM: What?
MARY: Zahra. Zahra Hydris.
LAURA: Lovely.
MARY: And what's yours?
SAM: Me?
MARY: Yes.
SAM: Well, I'm known by different names in
different places.
TRAVIS: Ain't that the truth.
MARY: Really?
SAM: Some call me Kingslayer.
(laughter)
SAM: Some call me Scanlan. Some just call me when
they want a good time.
(laughter)
TALIESIN: Mostly we just call him Scanlan.
MARY: I'll keep the good time in mind. And you?
TALIESIN: Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel
Klossowski de Rolo III.
TRAVIS: You can call him Percy.
TALIESIN: They just call me Percy.
MARY: I see you have many weapons on you.
TALIESIN: Yes, I dabble
MARY: You dabble a bit?
TALIESIN: I do dabble.
MARY: Yes. Any forging?
TALIESIN: Yes, actually. I just picked it up
recently. I've been working on things. I pull out
the holy hand grenade.
MARY: Ah.
TALIESIN: Getting better.
MARY: I saw one of those in Antioch once
TALIESIN: It's where I've seen them written of.
It's something new.
MARY: We'll have to compare notes sometime.
TALIESIN: Absolutely, charmed.
MARY: I'd love to see your technique.
MATT: There is something mildly off-putting by her
intense red skin, her relatively pointed incisors
and the very prominent tiefling demonic blood in
her body.
TRAVIS: You're a tiefling?!
MATT: Nevertheless, there is an elegance to the
way she walks, and there is this look of silent
judgment as she continuously passes her eyes over
the rest of the group.
LAURA: Did you want to know my name?
MARY: Yes I would. Now I'm not so sure, but
please. Humor me
LAURA: Vex'ahlia. It's a pleasure
MARY: The pleasure is all mine.
LAURA: Yes.
TRAVIS: Oh that's an icy hand grip, isn't it.
LAURA: I love being out here without my brother. I
just love it.
MARY: You have a brother?
LAURA: I do.
MARY: Oh. How fascinating.
TRAVIS: I am Grog, the unintimidated.
MARY: It's nice to know your true name Phillip-- I
mean Grog.
TRAVIS: (whispered) I think she knows.
TALIESIN: I would like to run a quick perception
test.
MATT: What are you trying to do?
TALIESIN: I'm trying to figure out if she's
titled. She certainly strikes me as titled. I
think she has blood. She may not have blue blood
but--
LAURA: (whispers) She's got blood.
MATT: This would be more of an insight check.
TALIESIN: Insight check, all right.
TRAVIS: (whispers) She's a tiefling!
TALIESIN: Ten.
MATT: Best you can tell. From her posture, the way
she walks, there is definitely a, for lack of a
better term, a non-arrogant self importance to how
she holds herself. But there is something about it
that... there is a mild hint of insecurity there.
TALIESIN: Interesting. All right.
TRAVIS: Could I ask you what your weapon of choice
is?
MARY: That would be my staff.
TRAVIS: Oh, right, yeah.
MARY: It took many years to forge it.
LAURA: You made it yourself?
MARY: I did.
LAURA: Damn, that's impressive.
MARY: Thank you.
MATT: At this point Mertin is looking angrily at a
small pocket watch that he pulls out and looks at.
"This is very unusual. Let me see who is supposed
to be leading your group. Hold on just a moment."
And he gets up and exits the room briefly.
LAURA: Leading?
MATT: He comes back after about two minutes with a
small handbook and reads through. "Yes, well, it is
"customary that as a part of these trials, there is
a member of the Slayers Take is to accompany you
"on this journey to make sure that you--"
SAM: I volunteer to be leader of the group.
MATT: "That is not up for discussion. I am sorry,
small man."
(laughter)
SAM: I magically make a cup appear.
MATT: He looks slightly impressed, but only
slightly. By the way, being called 'small man' by a
halfling is a feat within itself. "All right, so,
the assigned leader to be your guide slayer for
"this venture... Oh... really. Well, this should be
curious indeed. She's late, it seems." At which
point, the door opens to the guild hall and in
comes stumbling a human female.
FELICIA: And I run and I-- Oh my gosh I'm so sorry
I'm late, I'm so sorry-- and then I trip,
ridiculously, and I spill cut papaya everywhere.
Oh my gosh, that is disappointing. That is just
disappointing. Oh my gosh, you are so
impressive, how lovely. Mertin, I brought you some
papaya. I'm sorry. It's all over the floor right
now. I-- you know what, I will go get a broom, I'll
clean it up right now--
MATT: "No, no, don't worry about it, I insist--"
FELICIA: Somebody might slip--
MATT: "Stay. With your group. We have important
business to discuss. I appreciate the papaya."
TRAVIS: (under his breath) She's the leader?
FELICIA: Well I just wanted to-- this is my group.
Yay!
(desultory yays)
FELICIA: So nice to meet all of you. You are
large. You are not. You are so pretty.
LAURA: Oh, you are too.
FELICIA: Oh my gosh, I've heard about her, she is
something.
LAURA: She is... yeah.
FELICIA: Anyway. Nice to meet you, nice to meet
you.
ALL: Hi.
FELICIA: Hi, I'm Lyra.
ALL: Lyra? Lyra.
FELICIA: Yes, very nice to meet you all.
MATT: And you can see from her-- she is dressed in
a nice blouse, her just-past-shoulder-length,
somewhat curly hair, is kept as much as a frazzled
woman would keep. A large pair of glasses adorn
the front of her face, and she definitely is not
who you were expecting to be considered leading
this group into its journey.
TRAVIS: Nope.
MARY: No.
LAURA: What sort of fighter are you, Lyra?
FELICIA: Oh, this is so exciting. This is-- I'm
getting out Mertin, they are letting me out! This
is so exciting.
MATT: "This is probably a technicality. I'll have
to make sure this was maybe not--"
TALIESIN: Please, yes.
FELICIA: Oh, no, I don't think so.
MARY: Do you find yourself sitting behind a wooden
structure most of the day? Something flat like
this? Like a desk or a table?
FELICIA: Oh my gosh! Do you have psy abilities?
MARY: Just intuition, I guess.
FELICIA: Oh, no. This is so funny. I've seen you
from afar, but I'm very busy in the back room. You
know, I'm very-- I'm invaluable. Right, Mertin?
MATT: "She is. Useful. Yes."
FELICIA: Yes. I'm very good at alphabetizing.
Listen, we are going to catch up so much. I'm just
really excited. They are letting me out, Mertin!
SAM: Have you led a group like this before?
FELICIA: No, it's so funny. You wouldn't be able
to tell, right?
TRAVIS and LAURA: Not at all.
MARY: You seem very experienced.
TRAVIS: Veteran.
LAURA: Very in-charge.
FELICIA: Thank you. Thank you. I mean, listen. I
just wanted to welcome everybody. No, no. They
don't actually let me out a lot and I was-- you
know-- when I got the scroll in front ... it was
just-- This is my best robe.
MARY: You've got a little papaya juice on the
front of it
FELICIA: Oh no, oh no, oh no! And then I'm like
brushing it and accidentally-- the robe falls off.
(gasp) Oh my god! That was inadvertent.
MATT: You hear this awkward smack sound as Mertin
has face-palmed, as unbelievably hard as he can,
at the edge of his desk. "I shall retrieve the
Huntmaster." Then he gets up and leaves. You guys
are left alone in the foyer for a moment.
SAM: So Lyra, you are already a full fledged
slayer?
FELICIA: I am, in fact.
SAM: Have you slain?
FELICIA: I am a member of the guild. Well, if you
want to be technical--
SAM: You seem like someone from The Guild.
FELICIA: Yes, I'm a guild member. It's funny
because it's kind of a technicality. I don't know
how that happened, but I'm here.
LAURA: What do you normally do? Bookkeeping?
Storage?
FELICIA: Oh, well. It's a really long story. Can I
tell you all about it?
SAM: Abridged. Abridged.
LAURA: Grog look, papaya.
TRAVIS: Rah!
FELICIA: I guess some of it's still clean.
SAM: He doesn't care.
TRAVIS: It's still good.
FELICIA: Yes, so.
LAURA: And Trinket, Trinket too. This is my bear.
SAM: Oh, do we get Trinket?
LAURA: Yes, of course we get Trinket!
Scanlan Do we get Trinket on the trip?
MATT: As you turn, you see that the door after you
pass, and the giant armored bear has made its way
in and pushes past your shoulder abruptly. And
immediately goes nose down and joins Grog, eating
papaya off of the ground.
TRAVIS: Hey, get your own papaya.
LAURA: This is Trinket.
MARY: Fascinating. What kind of bear is he?
TALIESIN: A big one.
LAURA: A brown one.
TRAVIS: We start to wrestle. Gently. That's my
papaya you-- let go!
FELICIA: Does anyone have any allergies, if I take
some to-go lunches?
LAURA: Oh, that would be lovely actually.
TRAVIS: Cats.
LAURA: Actually I think Percy is quite hungry.
TALIESIN: I actually am quite hungry. I was-- I
don't know if I am quite capable of eating papaya
off the floor, but if there is, I don't
know, something brunchy?
TRAVIS: I have some dried food rations. Would you
want one of those?
TALIESIN: It will do in a pinch.
FELICIA: Here is a crumbled biscuit.
TALIESIN: A crumbled biscuit sounds-- I like her
already, that will do.
TRAVIS: I will remember this slight.
SAM: So have you slain-- have you had any battle
experience at all?
FELICIA: Well, it's funny. I'm actually from this
city, but I was in Emon, and I was studying. I'm a
wizard. You know, the wizardly arts.
SAM: Oh, I've heard of them yes.
FELICIA: Yes absolutely.
SAM: I dabble with them myself.
FELICIA: Exactly. My uncle is actually the
diplomat from Emon here, in Vasselheim.
SAM: Oh, we are from Emon, as well.
FELICIA: That's so funny.
LAURA: Perhaps you've heard of us?
SAM: Vox Machina?
LAURA: Castle Greyskull Keep.
SAM: Castle Greyskull. Some know us as the
S.H.I.Ts.
TALIESIN: Kind of a big deal.
FELICIA: No. No, but I would love to hear all
about it. I'll put it on a scroll. Anyway, so I
came here because my boyfriend, Aldor, is here. He
is going to be my boyfriend. It's a long story.
SAM: We've met Aldor.
LAURA: We have?!
SAM: We have.
LAURA: Where did we meet Aldor?
SAM: Yes, we met Aldor.
MATT: He was the leader of the team that found you
guys in the forest.
TRAVIS: That's right!
LAURA: (gasps) That guy!
SAM: We tangled with him. Our first run in with
Aldor was not fortuitous.
FELICIA: Did he look good? Did he look healthy?
LAURA: I mean, he looked kind of like a dick. If
you want my personal opinion but--
SAM: She means he was--
TALIESIN: Strapping!
SAM: Strapping, like a dick.
FELICIA: Well he is very large, and we won't talk
about that area. I have seen it, but let's not talk
about that either.
TRAVIS: What is your weapon of choice, Lyra?
FELICIA: Oh, I have a wand. I have a wand. It's
right here. See? It's not very long.
MARY: What's it made of?
FELICIA: Oh, it's ash. Which-- it's
lovely. It's very nice. Do you want to know more
about it?
MARY: I would love to.
MATT: At which point the Huntmaster arrives.
Vanessa Cyndrial steps into the room and looks
about the rest. "Very nice to see that you've all
gathered your teams for the day, and I am also
"curious to see your first foray into leading a
group of slayers yourself, Lyra."
FELICIA: Well, I just want to thank you. Thank
you, Vanessa. Thank you for entrusting me with
this group. I have been reading up a lot, lately.
I'm very excited to use the commanding presence of
a guild leader, and prove my membership of the
guild.
LAURA: I would like to thank you very much, as
well.
TRAVIS: (muffled) Yeah, me too.
LAURA: For putting us in her capable hands.
MATT: "This was a... more of a choice of
convenience, and a test universally. As you are a
"team of unproven fighters, in the eyes of the
guildhall, and, well. We have a relatively
"unproven member, as well."
FELICIA: Well. I mean, I'm a member.
MATT: "Technically, yes. However, I think that her
knowledge and experience would be of very good use
"on such a trek."
MARY: Yes, it should prove to be quite
educational, I would think.
SAM: We'll learn a lot from hearing her talk.
FELICIA: Yay! Thank you.
SAM: You're welcome.
TALIESIN: You should try the biscuits. They are
slaying me. That's all I know.
LAURA: What do you eat? Do you eat-- does it get
stuck in your teeth a lot?
MARY: Well, it does sometimes, but you grab a twig
and just work it out after a while. Gives you a
little something later to chew on.
TRAVIS: Twigs work great. Don't they? I like
twigs.
SAM: Don't we have some guilds to prove membership
to?
TRAVIS: Yeah, can we kill something now please,
before we learn anything else.
MATT: She snaps her fingers loudly, and Mertin
comes rushing from around the corner carrying
something in his arms. "As you are on this journey
for us, and for the guild, and your own personal
"name and title within our establishment, we would
like to provide you with a semblance of
"protection, or at least a useful little package. A
gift, from us to you." She puts her hand on the
table and Mertin comes over and hands you what
looks like a small leather chest. It's made of
sculpted leather. Rolls back, and pushes it
forward. You can hear the clinking of glass as he
does so, and on the inside you can see there are
four glass vials, prepared with some sort of a
swirling red, silver-ish liquid inside. You
recognize these as healing-based potions.
SAM: Like Moderate Healing?
LAURA: Superior? Perhaps.
MATT: These would constitute as Greater Healing
Potions, and there are four in total. You can
distribute as you see fit.
SAM: I think the members of Vox Machina should get
them.
LAURA: That doesn't seem really--
MARY: Is that what you think?
SAM: Well, just because I-- I defer to--
FELICIA: As the leader, I enjoy being hospitable,
and I agree with this small person.
MARY: Well Scanlan, if you feel you need it.
TALIESIN: I already have a couple, so I will
gladly give one to somebody
who is going to need it.
LAURA: I've got plenty. Take it. If you need it.
MARY: I have plenty myself. Thank you very much.
SAM: I will. More for me.
MATT: "Very well. Now that we have this situated.
Has everyone gathered the provisions they require
"for this journey? Are you ready to embark?"
TRAVIS: I mean, we don't have a body bag for some
of these chumps.
SAM: Did you eat enough, Percy?
TALIESIN: The biscuit was very filling. It was
extremely filling.
FELICIA: You're very welcome. I can get some more.
Can I just go to the kitchen and grab some-- no?
MATT: "Anyway. This is a secondary gift.
Temporarily lent out for your contracts." Mertin
brings up what looks like another satchel. It has
a series of metal snaps across the top. These
little buttons that snap together and enclose it
entirely. It's an over-the-shoulder-type throw. As
he opens it and you look inside, it resembles the bag
of holding, but it's not quite a bag of holding.
"This is used for the transportation of, how do
you say, perishable aspects of your quarry. Things
"that you would harvest from the creature you have
been assigned tend to, depending on the creature,
"rot away within a very short period of time. When
placed within this, they should be sustained for a
"few weeks at the very least. So, please do be very
mindful and careful of this. Should it be lost,
"there is a very small chance you will be able to
fulfill your contract. So, who shall be taking
"this on the journey?"
SAM: You've already go the bag of holding.
LAURA: I'll hold onto it.
MARY: I shall.
TALIESIN: You're kind of stealthy aren't you?
MARY: I shall take it.
LAURA: I shall take it.
MARY: I shall take it.
LAURA: I will--
TRAVIS: Roll for it.
SAM: Why don't we roll for-- Why don't we flip a
coin for it?
MARY: Do you know Roshambo?
SAM: That would be great.
LAURA: Ha!
MARY: Congratulations, I'm so happy for you.
SAM: Oh, wait. Should we ask the leader of the
group, here?
MARY: I'm so sorry.
LAURA: Sorry Lyra.
FELICIA: Oh that's quite all right. Thank you for
actually including me.
LAURA: Of course.
FELICIA: As the leader of this party, I will agree
with the roshambo.
SAM: (chuckles) So it is decreed.
MARY: Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for my tail to
hit you in your rear end so sharply. Sometimes it
has a mind of its own.
LAURA: It's like a whip.
MARY: I know.
MATT: At which point Vanessa is just watching with
a grin on her face. "It is good to see you have
"already established a pecking order within your
traveling companions. This bodes well for your
"journey, most certainly. To you." And she hands
you the satchel.
LAURA: (gasps) But I won. I won. Give it to me.
What? Please.
MARY: I'm sorry, I don't think it was given to
you.
LAURA: I already have it. I already have it on my
shoulder. It's too late. I'm writing it down.
MARY: I certainly hope you don't lose it during
our quest.
TRAVIS: Vanessa, I have a question. What happens
if we don't come back
with all of the members we left with?
MATT: "Well, then I suppose they would not be
allowed into the guildhall."
TRAVIS: Oh, good.
MATT: "Mostly for no longer returning to the city
of Vasselheim, but that is not our problem. There
"is danger in this which I should get to,
actually."
SAM: Yes, please tell us. Where are we going?
MATT: "You have now received your gifts and your
various required implements for this journey. A
"contract has just recently come to us from the
Crown of Erathis, within this portion of the city.
"It has been approved for slaying. This will prove
quite a challenge. Based on how highly you spoke
"of your abilities, I will warn you. The quarry is
quite dangerous. Should you find yourself in
"trouble, I wish to remind you that it is better to
live and fail, than to be foolish and die. Let me
"pass on to you the contract that has been
selected for you." Then she reaches out and hands
this over to you, Percy.
SAM: Should Lyra?
FELICIA: Oh no, let me try. Oh no! Maybe you
should read it.
MARY: I cast Mending on it.
SAM: You can do that? So sexy.
MATT: As she flicks her wrist a small spark of
purple-ish dark energy shoots from her finger,
slams into the side of the contract, and the tear
in the contract repairs itself immediately.
FELICIA: Oh wow.
TALIESIN: Scotch tape would do it too.
MARY: The Scots have nothing to do with it.
TALIESIN: "Ordered and paid in advance by the
alchemist Oswind Grund, the client... This
"contract, binding in honor of the elements, set
upon the agreed members of the Slayer's Take
"guildhall the task of locating and slaying the
below-mentioned entity and the recovering of the
"below-listed harvested anatomy items. Any anatomy
items not recovered or not in functional condition
"will be deducted from the final payment, and will
be refunded to the client. This client--"
MARY: I'm sorry, could you go over, again, what we
are harvesting, please?
TALIESIN: Ah, we haven't gotten to that yet.
MARY: Sorry.
TALIESIN: Oh, it's all right. "This contract is
good for three days, and should the contract not
"be fulfilled within that time period, then all
payments are null and void, this contract is null
"and void, and the membership within the Slayer's
Take is revoked, outside of the Huntmaster's
"willful forgiveness."
SAM: This is the fine print, get to the details.
TALIESIN: "Quarry has been approved for hunting by
the Holy Paramounts of the Crown of Erathis. The
quarry: one adult white dragon--" One adult white
dragon?!
LAURA: A white dragon? Would I know? I would know,
because I've studied them.
MATT: Yes, having dragons being a very favored
enemy for you. White dragons are one of the
chromatic dragon circle. They are considered
largely very spiteful, arrogant, a little more
bestial, and very, very dangerous foes.
MARY: Yes, they are glorious.
LAURA: Didn't we kill a white dragon?
TRAVIS and TALIESIN: No.
SAM: Platinum dragon?
LAURA: No, I thought the ice dragon thing-- wasn't
she white?
MATT: Once upon a time, you battled, back at
Westruun.
SAM: I don't see race so I don't know.
FELICIA: What kind of element is a white dragon?
MATT: Ice and frost.
TALIESIN: Oh, that's right.
LAURA: Yeah, the woman and then she turned into a
dragon.
TRAVIS: Yeah, Ashley killed her. I mean, Pike.
MATT: "This bodes well. If you have already
defeated such a creature, then this should be a
"very simple task."
TRAVIS: Yeah, no problem.
FELICIA: This is going to be easy.
TRAVIS: What do we have to bring back?
TALIESIN: They want eyes, tongue, heart, claws,
and teeth.
LAURA: So anything else we get to keep ourselves?
TALIESIN: Two eyes, one tongue, one heart, six
claws, and 20 teeth, is what they are requesting.
SAM: And do we get paid for such items?
TALIESIN: Yes. There are individual prices for
each individual object. Eyes, 900 gold each.
Tongue is 1,200 gold. The heart is 3,500. Claws,
250 gold each, and teeth are 50 gold each.
FELICIA: If there are any remaining organs, we can
roshambo for it.
MATT: "Very good."
LAURA: And scales, definitely. There will be
plenty of scales.
TALIESIN: Plenty of scales.
MARY: Yes, there will be plenty of scales. Very
good for armor and--
TALIESIN: Very good for armor.
TRAVIS: Does it say where this dragon lives?
TALIESIN: No.
MATT: "Ah, see. That is part of the job. To find
one's quarry is why we are so specialized, in the
"Slayer's Take. You may now embark. Once we signify
the pact of the contract." And as she reaches out
and touches the edge of it, you can see there are
these arcane sigils that are on the contract
itself. They glow and pulse briefly and she just
walks across the group. First, to you Percy, as
you were holding it. "Place your hand against the
contract." As you do they light up, and you feel a
surge of warm energy go through your torso. At
which point, you now see, at the bottom of the
contract, your name inscribe itself, magically,
into the contract. She then takes it and passes it
to each one of you to the same point. As the spell
binds--
LAURA: What about Trinket? Does he use his paw?
MATT: "I suppose he is part of your band." And she
reaches out the paper.
LAURA: Trinket. Shake.
MATT: Slams it out of her hand, knocking the
contract onto the ground, and there is a brief
moment where she pulls the paw back and the paper
is wrecked a little bit, but there is indeed a paw
that inscribes itself on the bottom of the
contract for Trinket's insignia. "Now, I have a
"busy day to attend. I wish you the utmost of
safety, good luck, and safe travels."
SAM: Thank you, I guess.
FELICIA: Bye! I'll alphabetize the rest of those
ingredients when I get back. Don't worry. It's
going to be fine.
MATT: "I'd appreciate that, good luck."
FELICIA: Okay, great. Bye-bye. Thanks again for
giving me a chance.
MATT: "That's great. Please, go."
FELICIA: Okay.
SAM: Are you the housekeeper here?
FELICIA: No, no. Listen. No, I am a guild member.
On a technicality, but I am a guild member.
MARY: Tell me again, what have you slain?
FELICIA: Well, well, it's--
MARY: No, very abbreviated, just a short-- can you
say the word of what it is.
LAURA: Just the biggest one.
FELICIA: It was a worg. Who almost absconded with
my boyfriend, Aldor.
And at the last minute I interceded.
LAURA: You killed someone who was sleeping with
your boyfriend?
FELICIA: No, no. It was worg. A worg!
LAURA: Okay.
SAM: Is that a thing?
FELICIA: It's a thing
SAM: We haven't encountered one of those, I don't
think.
LAURA: It's a person that changes into animals, am
I right?
MARY: No, it's something that-- it projects itself
into animals?
MATT: In certain book series, yes.
(laughter)
MARY: I'm a very prolific reader. And I've never
read of worgs other than in that circumstance.
SAM: In Twilight, that's true.
MARY: That could have been the fairy tale section
of the library.
TRAVIS: It also sparkles. Sparkles in the
sunlight.
MARY: But only in the sun.
MATT: Worgs in this world are essentially a side
breed of large bulbous, wolf-like entities.
ALL: Oh!
MARY: A bulbous dire wolf.
LAURA: Oh you killed a wolf?
MARY: A bloated wolf, basically?
FELICIA: It's a large wolf.
MATT: It's not quite dire wolf sized.
LAURA: No, yeah, that's great.
MARY: A gaseous wolf?
MATT: For instance-- out of character here,
outside of the world. In Lord of the Rings, the
things that the orcs ride.
ALL: Oh!
LAURA: Oh, they're really scary.
FELICIA: It was quite a situation. It was either
the worg or Aldor, and I would do anything to save
Aldor. What did he look like, when you saw him?
TRAVIS: Oh god, here we go again.
SAM: He was a little dirty.
LAURA: I mean, he looked actually kind of
frightened.
FELICIA: Was he wearing armor? Like, a
red-ish sort of very fantastic armor?
SAM: It was hard to focus on his armor with all of
his screaming and panting.
LAURA: And whimpering, really.
FELICIA: He is very brave. He must have been
injured.
LAURA: No, yes, he seems like he would have been
had he hadn't--
SAM: We tease because we love. He did fine. He
fought well. He fought bravely,
and he treated us fairly.
LAURA: Especially when he got burned by Tiberius.
FELICIA: You burned my.... kind-of-boyfriend?!
SAM: Not the face. Not the face.
LAURA: His face is fine.
SAM: I didn't do it.
FELICIA: We need to talk about this more on the
road, but we should get going.
SAM: Let's certainly start talking.
MARY: Yes, let's do.
MATT: As you all leave, the Huntmaster expectantly
waiting for you to exit the guildhall, you find
yourself out amongst the streets of Vasselheim.
With no particular direction in where to find the
white dragon in three days.
LAURA: Three days?
MATT: Three days to slay it, yes.
SAM: Hey, Vex. Can any of us sense a dragon within
six miles of here?
LAURA: That's what I'm doing. I'm checking that
out.
FELICIA: Oh, yes. I can cast Locate Creature too.
LAURA: Oh, that works too.
FELICIA: Yeah, let's do it. Together.
SAM: Do we need some sort of-- anything for you to
cast the spell?
FELICIA: Oh no, I have all of my ingredients.
SAM: No, but do you need to know something of what
you are trying to locate?
Or does it work on name alone?
MATT: As per the Locate Creature spell, it can
only locate creatures within 1,000 feet of the
ritual that is completed. But it locates them with
pinpoint accuracy.
LAURA: Oh, that's great. Well then we can use it
in conjunction. Because I can use Primeval
Awareness and find any dragons within six miles.
FELICIA: Oh you are very skilled.
TRAVIS: Can I try to grow my beard, real quick?
MARY: You can grow a beard?
MATT: Yes.
SAM: Sometimes.
TALIESIN: Not really.
TRAVIS: 33.
SAM: That's better, that's better.
MATT: At this point, and you guys noticed it and
didn't make a mention, because for some of you
this was just a very dire morning. But since Grog
woke up this morning he had a very, very nice coat
of somewhat bristly, translucent-- not very
attractive facial hair,
but facial hair by definition.
LAURA: It's like fishing line coming out of his
face.
TRAVIS: I'm a damn pirate now. Watch out.
TALIESIN: Like a 14 year old whose father doesn't
love him enough to
teach him how to groom himself.
TRAVIS: (laughs) Jesus... Oh. Wow.
SAM: That's dark.
TRAVIS: There's a story there.
LAURA: Percy's seen some shit.
MARY: Yeah!
TALIESIN: There's no parental issues over here.
None.
LAURA: So, can I do that then?
MATT: You can. You, along with Trinket by your
side, you find a small space--
LAURA: I can't find his exact location, but I
can...
MATT: You can gather the general--
MARY: How far away are we, from the wood, at this
point?
MATT: You are still in the city of Vasselheim. You
are in the Quadroads district, which is the most
central portion of the city-- it's the Erathis
driven area. You are about a 15 minute walk from
the nearest walls that exit out into the Vesper
Timberlands.
TRAVIS: 15.
FELICIA: Do I know anything about where the dragon
might be?
MATT: You have no idea. This would be one of those
occasions where your best bet would be research or
asking around.
TRAVIS: Dragon! Drag--!
SAM: No, don't do that.
LAURA: So can I--?
MATT: So, you take a moment, you ground yourself,
and you place your hands on the dirt and take in
the general feel of all natural creatures and 
unnatural beasts that you are attuned to in the
vicinity. You focus on the essence of what is
dragon and dragonkin, dragon kind. And
find that within the six mile radius, there is
nothing that catches your attention.
LAURA: Shit.
SAM: All right. Lyra. Lira? Lyra.
FELICIA: Lyra. Thank you for asking because some
people just don't care.
SAM: Yes, well I want to get it right. Who--
you've been living here for quite some time, I
imagine, as a guild member.
FELICIA: Well, I grew up here, with my uncle--
Uncle Randy. Do you want to meet him?
SAM: No. Unless he is knowledgeable about dragons.
I was going to ask you where should we go to ask
who might know things about the woods, about the
wilds, about where dragons might keep?
FELICIA: That's a very good question. I would say
Aldor, but he will not talk to me.
SAM: That's unfortunate.
FELICIA: It is, really. Do you want to talk about
it, because I could use some advice.
SAM: We can have some girl talk later, but right
now, focus on the dragon.
LAURA: Zahra, what about you, do you know about
dragons?
MARY: I don't know where the dragons are, but--
I'm so sorry. I do not mean to interrupt-- but I
can use Beast Speech, so if we come close to
anything, I could ask, potentially, to understand.
Maybe get an idea, or--
FELICIA: There may be somebody at the Abundant
Terrace who might know something about the woods
and direction. That might be a good place to
start. It's a section of town where they
concentrate on-- yes. So we can go there.
LAURA: All right, let's do that.
TRAVIS: Let's go there. Please, god.
MATT: All right, so in following Lyra towards the
Abundant Terrace, which is on the western side of
town. This area is very different in visual style.
As soon as you approach this small hill that leads
into the terrace proper, it is almost entirely
farmland. In this strange, harsh environment there
is something about this entire district that is
structured to be the source of vegetation and
crops, and to be essentially feeding a large
portion of the population here. You also see there
are a series of small temple towers and statues
that are focused around a particular deity. I
want you guys to go ahead and 
roll religion real fast.
LAURA: Roll a d20, and add your religion.
MARY: Starting off well.
LAURA: Great first roll.
FELICIA: That roll is not good.
SAM: 23.
TALIESIN: 22.
MATT: Which, you know this information. But before
you can even say it, as you are eager to mention,
you sense that there is worship of Melora here.
Melora which is considered the goddess of
wilderness and the sea and is one of the five--
soon to be six if Pike's temple raises-- deities
that essentially rule the belief system and
lifestyle of the city of Vasselheim. So through
the blessing and touch of Melora in this district
they are able to treat the land as magically
fertile territory to grow. You gather upon
stepping inside that there's a cluster of dirty
looking, but very, very cluttered and busy
taverns, inns and general stores, like the entire
portion of the district that isn't farmland is
jammed into this one little corner. Go ahead and
make an investigation check.
TRAVIS: Six.
FELICIA: 21.
SAM: 22.
LAURA: 20.
MATT: Percy?
TALIESIN: 17.
MARY: 17.
MATT: 17, all right. You guys split up a bit
briefly to try and find more information. One of
the groups that coalesces is Vex, Scanlan, and
Lyra. The three of you come upon a place called
The Midnight Breath Tavern. You step inside and
speak for a bit and eventually you meet the
co-owner, a gentleman named Dagon, who is an older
human who has what looks like a reddish, but
somewhat patchy red and brown beard, a couple
scars on his body, but nothing battle worn-- more
just a person who has existed in this harsh
landscape for a while. You guys are asking around
and talking about dragons, mentioning dragons, and
somebody points in his direction and says, "Ah,
"dragon. You're gonna want to talk to Dagon about
that. He's the one who sees dragons."
LAURA: Sees them?
SAM: Let's go.
FELICIA: That's nice.
TRAVIS: I walk over to Dagon--
SAM: You're not with us, are you?
MARY: No.
TRAVIS: What?
LAURA: You're not with us.
TALIESIN: You're with me. We're still wandering
about like idiots.
MATT: You guys are wandering about.
MARY: Are we outside?
MATT: You guys are in the process of asking
around. You'll meet up
with them in just a moment.
FELICIA: Vex, you're very attractive. Use your
wiles.
LAURA: Oh, thank you.
SAM: Her wiles kill.
LAURA: Dagon, is that your name?
MATT: "That's my name." He's cleaning a glass.
LAURA: I've heard many things about your knowledge
of dragons.
MATT: "Correct."
LAURA: Yes.
MATT: "Y--You've seen it? You've seen the
dragon?"
LAURA: I have seen dragons, and they suck.
MATT: You hear a couple of snickers down the bar
and he goes, "Shut the hell up!"
LAURA: Unless you like them. Do you like them?
MATT: "No, no one around here likes a dragon
proper. At least, none that I've come across. No,
"I swears it. I swears it. I saw this one. I was up
north, about two days' travel northwest of here via
"the Glasswalk Road. That's two days' travel
horseback, mind you."
LAURA: The Glasswalk...? The Glasswalk... Road?
MATT: "The Glasswalk Road, yeah."
LAURA: Yes, of course.
MATT: "I was heading to Muldire to, you know, visit
my brother and some of my family lives up in that
"northern area. It's freezing cold, too chilly for
my tastes but-- I was going to visit and no more
"than two days up there, a nasty blizzard blows in
out of nowhere, just starts wrecking the entire
"roadside, slick with ice. We decide to go ahead
and make camp, me and a couple of the others who
"were journeying with me. We head off the road, set
up a small camp, throw up some tents, and
"thankfully, at least within the canopy of the
forest, it's easy enough to escape the barrage of
"the elements, but it was a very, very cold night.
Our fire began to go out,
"and we were a little worried."
LAURA: And then there was a dragon?
SAM: Yeah, get to the dragon. I'm sorry.
MATT: "Hold on, let me tell my story."
FELICIA: That was very rude. I am so sorry.
SAM: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
MATT: "It's all right, I'm used to it." And a
voice over there says, "Yeah, he is!"
"You. I will kick you out. I will kick you--"
LAURA: I believe that you saw a dragon and I
believe that it was white because you were in a
blizzard. Right? Am I right?
MATT: "I'll get to that. Patience. Now, we're
sitting there--" And you get the feeling around
you that, there's like eight other people in
this tavern who are all face in their hands, like
this story has probably been told dozens of times.
Over and over again.
"So partway into the night, we're trying to keep
warm when suddenly we hear this terrifying roar,
"that streaks across the sky. We could hear it over
the blistering sound of the snow and sleet
"battered against our tent. I rush outside to take
a look. Not sure what to find, but instead, I see
"what looks like a pack of four dire wolves
converging on our camp. Large, nasty beasts--"
LAURA: Very much like a worg, if you will.
MATT: "Worg-like, a little larger, yes."
FELICIA: How large? Do you want to tell-- How
large proportionally would you say the...? No?
Okay, keep going.
MATT: "Well, no. I mean, if you want to get into--
if you're talking worg versus dire wolf, worg is
"still pretty large. About a good three, four--"
FELICIA: I know, I've seen one. You know what
happened with me? I got into the guild because...
TRAVIS: Oh god, here we go.
LAURA: Well. Actually. Dragon.
MATT: "So, this pack of dire wolves are converging
on me. I myself am fearful, but I know that, if
"I'm gonna make a stand, now is the time to do it.
So I reach over and draw my dagger, and prepare
"myself to defend--"
LAURA: That's a giant dagger, if I've ever seen
one.
MATT: "Thank you." He re-sheathes it, a little
blush to his cheeks. "I prepared myself to accept
"possible defeat at these terrifying beasts. Then a
secondary roar breaks out. This time not from
"around, but above. Incoming, streaking out of the
clouds above, I see, believe me, a dragon.
"Wing-span huge, claws and teeth gnashing--"
LAURA: I would never have guessed that's where
that was going. White dragon?
MATT: "White as the snow that encased the skyline.
It streaks down and snatch! Takes one of the worgs
"in its jaws. Lifts up the worg, screeching about
angrily. It throws it into the air, and from its
"mouth cascades a blistering, freezing cascade of
ice and sleet.
"The worg itself freezes in mid-air."
LAURA: Whoa.
MATT: "Before it can plummet, the creature then
closes its jaws, snatching down on that worg, and
"biting it in two. Only one fell stroke. As the
pieces of ice clatter to the ground, the rest of
"the worgs scatter. I believe that dragon saved our
lives that night."
LAURA: That's great. How did you make it back,
without dying?
MATT: "Well apparently the dragon had its fill and
the dire wolves went off. So we packed up and went
"right on back. Never made it to Muldire."
LAURA: Did the dragon keep flying in the direction
of the Glasswalk Road? Or did it go east or west?
Or which way?
MATT: "I have no idea, actually. We just ran. We
turned tail and got the hell out of there as fast
"as we could."
SAM: That was quite a story, quite a story.
FELICIA: That was stirring.
MATT: "You believe me? You believe me on this?!"
LAURA: We believe you.
SAM: Not only do we believe you, but we want to tell
others of this. In fact, I'm a bit of a performer.
I may write a song about your exploits.
MATT: "Could you?"
LAURA: Actually, could I roll for perception or
insight to see if he's
telling the truth on everything?
MATT: Go ahead and roll insight.
SAM: Roll! Two.
LAURA: Oh yeah, two. No, 17.
MATT: 17.
LAURA: No, is that a 17 or an 11?
TRAVIS: 11.
MARY: That's 11.
LAURA: 17.
MATT: 17. All right. He's not the most complicated
man. So, reading his intent is easier than a lot
of individuals you've had to keep an eye on
previously. He is eager to tell the story and is
in full belief. The frustration, and the only
things that detract from his child-like excitement
at telling this tale, is his moments of side
looking frustration to the other members of the
tavern that do not take him seriously, it seems.
Dagon does seem to be truthful in, at least,
believing what he is saying to you.
FELICIA: Thank you so much for your information-- I
take a gold coin and I'm just like, is this
enough? Yes, that's good. Thank you. So we-- we'll
be going. Yeah?
LAURA: Can I perception and see how heavy that bag
of gold actually looks? I just want to know.
MATT: Make a perception check.
LAURA: Okay, I'm going to roll the gold dice. 24.
MATT: 24. As she reaches into the pouch-- there is
a rather large, visibly bulging pouch to her side
that is, in no way shape or form, even attempting
to be covertly hidden.
SAM: She's got a Scrooge McDuck bag?
(laughter)
MATT: Seemingly.
MARY: Does it make her limp? So sorry.
FELICIA: Oh goodness. Guys. We are going to have
to get some warm clothing. It seems like that. So
let's go shopping.
LAURA: I love this plan.
TRAVIS: Oh God.
SAM: Dagon. Dagon?
MATT: "It is! Dagon. Remember the name Dagon for
your song."
SAM: I will definitely write a song for you.
MATT: "I can write it down for you."
SAM: No, I can remember that. Will we have any
trouble finding this place? Will we need a guide?
Someone who's possibly been there before? Would
that make the journey--
MATT: "Oh, I ain't going back! Y'all's crazy if
you're going back there. I would say just look for
"where the blizzard is coming from. That seemed to
be the harbinger of the beast."
LAURA: Go to the blizzard.
TRAVIS: Two days on horseback, or two days
walking?
MATT: "Two days on horseback. Up the Glasswalk."
FELICIA: Oh my gosh, we'll have to get horses,
too. Well, let's go.
LAURA: Does the guild give you money for..?
FELICIA: Um.
MATT: As far as you know, horses are provided to
full-fledged hunting members. You got the feeling,
in your very, very brief preparation for this,
that part of the test was to secure your own
transportation.
LAURA: Lovely.
FELICIA: I think we are on our own. I mean, I
think it's part of our perseverance to prove that
we are worthy of being-- I mean I am in the guild,
just to be clear.
SAM: You're a member?
FELICIA: We are just going to have to-- Yes, I am
a member. Did you hear how I got in? It is really
a fascinating story.
SAM: No, I heard it was sort of a technicality.
FELICIA: Oh, well it was but--
SAM: I can't wait to hear it.
FELICIA: Maybe around the campfire!
SAM: Yes.
FELICIA: You could sing!
SAM: I could, if you told me the details. You know
what, I do forget a lot. Maybe you could just
write them down quietly to yourself and just give
me a note later.
FELICIA: Okay, as long as it's a love story
between me and Aldor-- I'll tell you how to spell
it. Okay! Well, let's go meet the rest of the
group!
SAM: Thank you, Dagon.
LAURA: As we're leaving, I walk up behind Lyra and
I put my hand on her shoulder, and then I reach
down and grab her bag of gold and I (clears
throat) and look down to it and say, you might
want to keep a better eye on this, darling. There
are very very nasty people around.
FELICIA: Oh my goodness.
SAM: You're traveling with some of them.
LAURA: I didn't take anything, I'm simply letting
you know.
FELICIA: That is so nice of you! I'm going to buy
you the prettiest cloak as thanks.
LAURA: Thank you so much, darling. You have lovely
eyes.
FELICIA: Thank you! I've never had a friend
before! This is so great!
LAURA: Maybe when we shop you can tell me all
about Aldor.
FELICIA: Oh my gosh, he is so handsome.
MATT: As you guys step out of the tavern, you walk
up to the other members of your party: Zahra, Grog
and Percy.
TALIESIN: Oh, thank god.
MARY: What have you discovered?
SAM: Northwest. Cold.
LAURA: Blizzards.
SAM: Dragon. Blizzard.
LAURA: It ices things.
SAM: Two days. We need horses.
MARY: Two days?
LAURA: We'll definitely need some sort of
protection against ice attacks.
MARY: Right.
TRAVIS: I have a question. I'm not good with
numbers, but it's a two days' journey there? And a
two days' journey back?
LAURA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: We do have an airship.
TRAVIS: Is that four, and we have three days to do
this in?
TALIESIN: Don't we have an airship?
LAURA: How are we going to do that exactly?
TRAVIS: I mean, I'm not the brightest in the
bunch, but.
MATT: You know that contracts are complete upon
the quarry being slain.
ALL: Oh!
FELICIA: We have three days to get home. It's
hard. You were reading it a little bit fast
MARY: Two days to get there and one day to slay
it?
LAURA: Thereabouts, yes.
MARY: Is that about it?
MATT: Once the creature is actually slain, and the
pieces are harvested, then the contract is
completed. Then you can take your time returning.
TRAVIS: Thank God.
MARY: Great. We can ride it down the mountain.
TRAVIS: Really?
MARY: No.
SAM: We need to get some horses up in this joint?
FELICIA: We need horses, we need cloaks, we need
furs, wools...
LAURA: We definitely need warm things. Actually, I
have warm cloaks for the party and half of our
party isn't here so we can have them.
SAM: Will you need some cold weather clothes,
Zahra?
MARY: I believe, it would be nice.
SAM: And Lyra did you bring anything?
FELICIA: Well I can go by my uncle's house and get
pretty much anything.
SAM: Yeah? Oh wait! Would he have enough for us?
FELICIA: Oh! Well goodness he's a trade ambassador
to here. It's funny. We have a lot of warehouses.
It's so funny.
SAM: Let's go do that!
LAURA: Seriously? Wait, so does he give discounts
to family members?
FELICIA: Oh I can just, you know. I can persuade
him to-- because he's nice and--
LAURA: Lyra, I think we're going to be best
friends!
SAM: Way to bury the lede!
MARY: Lyra, does he have access to horses?
FELICIA: Um. I don't--
MATT: You haven't ever had any sort of discussions
with him in regards to horses. You know there are
a few liveries throughout town, but you don't
think you have any family ties to them directly.
FELICIA: Not directly. I mean, it's trade more
than that, but I know some places.
SAM: Is this your Uncle Randy?
FELICIA: Uncle Randy! Yes, you know about him?
SAM: He's legend. His legend has been sung far and
wide.
FELICIA: He's so fantastic. He's so kind-hearted.
He took me in when I was-- anyway we'll talk about
it over fire camps!
TALIESIN: Come on, everybody.
LAURA: So can we find horses in the area?
MATT: You briefly look about and you find a livery
not too far from the outskirts of this district.
As you enter, the gentleman who runs it there is
eager, "Have you come to buy some horses? Well,
"certainly."
SAM: Rent them. Let's rent them for a week.
MATT: "The thing about renting is, in this area if
you're riding out with horses, a lot of them don't
"make their way back."
LAURA: How about we rent them, and if they don't
make their way back we'll pay you the difference?
SAM: We'll leave you a hefty deposit.
MATT: "That could possibly work, yes."
MARY: May I cast Suggestion?
LAURA: Oh, try it. Do it!
MARY: Are you all right? Am I all right to--
SAM: Go for it.
MARY: I cast Suggestion.
MATT: Okay, so while you guys are in this
conversation, you stay back and make a few symbols
with your fingers, whispering under your breath,
you complete the Suggestion spell. What's the DC
of your spell? It should be on the top of your
spell page. The top of your actual sheet that has
all your things listed.
LAURA: DC 17.
MATT: All right. What do you want to suggest?
MARY: You shall lend us the horses, knowing that
we shall take very good care of them. We may keep
them for as long as we like.
MATT: As you're having this conversation he looks
over at the group and goes, "You know what? You
"all look like a very trustworthy group. I wouldn't
wanna breed any sort of ill will for future
"business."
LAURA: Right. I mean, Uncle Randy after all.
MATT: "Tell you what. I'll give you the horses,
rental, half price. I trust you'll bring 'em back.
"Don't worry about any sort of deposit. I believe
you're trustworthy folk."
SAM: Wow. Thank you, sir!
LAURA: That's lovely.
MATT: "So for six horses, we're look for a rental
price of around... Say, 50 gold for the lot, rental."
TRAVIS: Done!
LAURA: Wait, well--
SAM: We can save a little if I shared a horse with
you.
FELICIA: Oh. Wha-- no. No, I'd rather have my own
horse. Thank you.
SAM: Okay.
LAURA: You can ride with me, Scanlan.
SAM: No, thanks.
(laughter)
LAURA: But, Trinket--
TRAVIS: Shut down!
LAURA: Does he ride-- is he as fast as a horse?
MATT: (chuckles) Trinket would probably be
struggling to keep up with you guys.
LAURA: Well, how--
SAM: Should we leave Trinket?
LAURA: No!
SAM: I always want to leave Trinket!
LAURA: Why do you always wanna leave my wonderful
bear?!
SAM: Because he only almost dies every time.
LAURA: I know, he almost dies every time I put him
in battle. It's ridiculous.
FELICIA: I think he's adorable, and it would be 
really nice to have him along.
LAURA: He is adorable, isn't he?
FELICIA: You guys, it's so beautiful to see
the friendship that you have. If I had that with
another person-- say, Aldor-- it would be--
SAM: Aldor is--
TRAVIS: Oh God. Do you have any Clydesdales or
giant horses for me?
TALIESIN: Have you thought of getting a cat, by
any chance?
FELICIA: Hm?
TALIESIN: Just a suggestion. I don't know.
MATT: "I think we could... probably facilitate. I
can't say that it'll have much of a shelf life,
"depending on how much you ride it, but--"
TRAVIS: That's what people say about me. That's
fine.
MATT: He pulls out a very, very nice looking
warhorse that looks like it's designed to carry
very heavy soldiers. Still unproven as to whether
or not it will be able to carry you,
but we shall see.
TRAVIS: Yeah!
MATT: And once again, the horse travel wasn't two
days of straight gallop. It was--
LAURA: Oh! Okay.
MATT: A casual trot, in which Trinket could
probably keep up, but you guys might have to take
a break every now and then, because he's still a
bear.
LAURA: Okay. Well, it's doable.
TRAVIS: Make him earn it!
TALIESIN: At the bear-est mean.
MATT: Oh.
TALIESIN: I've got, like, five more. I've been
saving them up for this entire game.
SAM: I missed...
TALIESIN: Nothing. No-- it's nothing.
TRAVIS: Oh, puns yeah.
MATT: For every bear pun that happens, an angel
loses its wings.
MARY: So do we give you our gold and--
SAM: Yes, yes. Here's our gold.
MATT: Certainly, certainly! I'll get you your
horses.
LAURA: Wait, who's-- who's paying?
TRAVIS: The party is.
LAURA: But it-- half our party isn't here, so--
TRAVIS: Vex.
FELICIA: I'll just-- Don't, don't-- I'll just do
it!
SAM: Oh, thank you!
FELICIA: There you go. Thank you! Bye-bye, nice to
meet you!
MATT: "Thank you kindly."
TALIESIN: Oh! You're so kind! That's excellent.
TRAVIS: Thanks, Lyra
MARY: Well done, Lyra. Very good.
FELICIA: Now, I need to talk with you. Can-- can
we go out? Are we leaving yet?
(laughter)
MATT: Yes. The stable boy is bringing the horses
over, the rest of you begin like putting your
materials up and strapping them to the saddles.
And what did you want to do?
FELICIA: Listen, missy. I am a leader of this, and
the fact that you pulled out a spell and did not
say-- and it is just-- it's just not even the way
I want to conduct my team. So. You. If you're
going to use underhanded tactics you need to clear
them with me first because I am the leader.
MARY: My spellcasting is actually overhand,
but...
FELICIA: Wha--?
MARY: I understand. And I shall keep that in mind,
and I do apologize.
FELICIA: Really?
MARY: Yes, I apologize very deeply. Very, very
sincerely.
FELICIA: I was just a leader! I did it.
TALIESIN: Oh, well done!
FELICIA: Yay! We're going to have a great
journey!
SAM: That was impressive. You put her in her
place.
FELICIA: I did!
SAM: Asserted yourself, but you were--
FELICIA: Firm, but polite, right?
TALIESIN: You were firm, but fair.
SAM: Firm, but fair. Yes.
LAURA: I am very, very nervous that somebody is
going to die when we fight this dragon.
TRAVIS: Oh, I hope it's me.
MATT: So. Horses ready and mounted up? You guys
gather all the rest of your materials, you ride up
back through the Braving Grounds to the
northwestern exit to the outside wall.
Anything else?
LAURA: Ooh! So, protection against ice magic. Does
anybody have stuff that works for that?
SAM: Didn't we need to go to Uncle Randy's?
LAURA: Lyra do you know any--
FELICIA: Well, we were going to go and get
some...
MATT: That's right.
FELICIA: Yeah, we're going to go to the warehouse
that's on the edge of the district.
MATT: Okay.
FELICIA: Where we're going, we're going to get
some furs and all that sort of stuff.
MATT: Easy enough. You guys follow Lyra down to
the outside of the Quadroads. There is one
warehouse she goes to, she knocks on the door and
as it opens up, you can see a rather comely
looking gentleman with a nice soft, almost a
purple-blue beret. Little bit of a heavyset neck
bulge that rests over the top of his little
doublet. And he opens it and he looks up. "Eh,
what can I-- oh Lyra."
FELICIA: Hi! Oh my gosh. How are you?!
MATT: (groans) "What do you want this time?"
FELICIA: Well, it's funny. Because I finally got
an assignment with the guild! Can you believe it?
It's like whoa! Uncle Randy's going to be so--
MATT: "No, I can't believe it."
FELICIA: Oh. Really?
MATT: "But good for you."
FELICIA: Thank you! So anyway, me and my friends--
these are my friends now.
SAM: You know what? She's sort of our leader.
TALIESIN: Hello.
SAM: If you must know, Randy.
FELICIA: Right?!
MATT: He gives a very, very long, judgmental,
mistrusting look across all five of you.
LAURA: Should we call you uncle?
MATT: "Please, don't."
(laughter)
SAM: You know what, Mister Randy? We had our
doubts about your--
FELICIA: Oh, no that's not-- No no no no, he's not
my uncle. No-- my uncle is not here, he's just--
this is just one of his--
LAURA: Oh!
FELICIA: Managers. Yeah, very important.
SAM: Oh, okay.
FELICIA: He's going to be-- Uncle Randy is going
to eat his hat, isn't he? I got a leadership
position! Anyway, can you help us out?
MATT: "What do you need, Lyra?"
FELICIA: We're going into the cold-- we're going
into a blizzard, can you believe that? And you
know how much I hate the cold, but we do need to
be provisioned, so what do we have in the crates
that we can help...?
MATT: He closes the door.
(laughter)
MATT: A minute goes by.
SAM: Did you--
LAURA: Um, I thought--
MATT: Two minutes go by.
FELICIA: Oh, he's going to hook us up. He's going
to hook us up, really.
SAM: Really?
FELICIA: Uh! (Knocks)
MARY: I use Mask of Many Faces and I disguise
myself as Uncle Frank.
LAURA: Uncle Randy?
MARY: Uncle Randy!
(laughter)
MARY: Frankly, my dear! I am Uncle Randy.
TRAVIS: Bob? Peter?
TALIESIN: Don't talk to Frank anymore.
MATT: All right. You have not seen Uncle Randy.
MARY: Oh, balls!
MATT: Which is the only downside to that.
MARY: Balls and a half!
MATT: Um. You could--
(laughter)
MARY: There's no pictures on the wall anywhere I
could look at outside?
SAM: Just go on Facebook. Facebook!
MARY: A great big, beautiful... this is where he
sells things! Great.
MATT: Unfortunately, no. But if there's any other
form you'd like to take you're welcome to.
MARY: (whispers) Bollocks.
TALIESIN: Oh, bloody hell. I'm going to knock
loudly.
FELICIA: Well, this is just very-- this is is a
very egg-on-face situation.
TRAVIS: He's looking for stuff, right? He's--
MATT: The door opens at this point, almost pushing
you back on your heels. You catch yourself as he
comes out carrying a large pile of what look like
relatively well-kept furs and thick leather
cloaks, and shoves them into your arms. "Be safe,
little one." (bff) Closes the door.
SAM: Bye.
TALIESIN: We'll try to get her back in one piece.
FELICIA: Thank you. That's sweet. See? I came
through, guys. I came through.
TALIESIN and SAM: You did!
FELICIA: Just remember, that I came through.
SAM: We'll write a good comment card when we get
back.
LAURA: Definitely.
MARY: Can I get the one that's slit up the back so
my tail doesn't--
SAM: All right, we're loaded up. We've got horses,
we've got healing potions, we've got--
MARY: Loaded for bear, as it were.
LAURA: We're great. Trinket's wonderful.
MARY: Yes, he is!
MATT: He nuzzles up alongside
Vex.
SAM: Shall we set off?
TRAVIS: Go? Yeah.
MARY: Yes, let's do.
SAM: Do you want to go, one more time to the
Braving Grounds, Grog, and just--
LAURA: No.
SAM: Try your hand against-- no?
TALIESIN: Why don't we slay the dragon first, and
then--
LAURA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Then he can punch things.
LAURA: Since we're on a time crunch, Scanlan.
SAM: You're right. You're right, there is a--
MARY: Everyone is good on weapons?
LAURA: I'd say yes.
TRAVIS: I haven't finished my training montage
yet. Got to run through the snow, got to do
pullups on trees.
MARY: (sings) Gonna need a montage.
TRAVIS: Inverted sit-ups--
MARY: (sings) Even Phillip had a--
MARY and TRAVIS: (sings) Montage!
SAM: All right, we go west along the Glass...
Hand... Road.
TALIESIN: Glasswalk Road.
MATT: You embark on the Glasswalk Road, which
forms right on the outskirts of the Braving
Grounds. You are let through the front gates of
the outside of the Vesper Timberlands, and this is
the first time you've actually seen a formal road
that is carved and at least traversed enough that
the Timberland hasn't completely consumed it. You
can still see various tree roots and branches are
progressively, almost angrily, pushing in towards
this gate, but you get the feeling based on the
cuts that whoever goes through here-- at least
some people go through here, they keep it
relatively well-kept for travel up north. You ride
out into it and the canopy almost completely
encloses it, so it's like a tunnel of very dense
tree, vine, and leaf structure. You push forward
out into the cold air and begin to ride for the
remainder of the day. A good eight or nine hours
hit before the chill begins to grow. The sun
begins to find itself setting across the far
mountains, and the forest around you grows darker
and darker still.
LAURA: Probably need to make camp.
FELICIA: I think we should make camp! 
I-- should we make camp? Yes! We should
make camp!
MARY: I shall take first watch.
TRAVIS: I have a firewood bundle that we can make
a fire with.
LAURA: There's also lots of wood around, Grog.
MARY: Yes.
TRAVIS: And I have an axe. Let's do that instead.
Can I find a really tiny tree and start hacking
away at it?
SAM: Tiny?
TRAVIS: Yeah, tiny. We don't need to kill, like,
Grandpa Tree. We kill Baby Tree.
LAURA: Keyleth would be proud.
TRAVIS: Don't-- how about don't tell Keyleth?
LAURA: I miss my brother.
MATT: Okay. You guys get off of the main road, as
that's probably not a very good area to be out in
the open. You find, after about a five to ten
minute walk, a small opening and along the way you
find a tree that looks viable. There's a small
slope of hill that heads up to an upper platform
area maybe about five to ten feet up, and a small
opening that you think would be a fitting place to
put a fire that wouldn't be in danger of setting
the nearby vegetation aflame. You go ahead and
start looking for firewood. Go ahead and make an
athletics roll.
TRAVIS: 16.
MATT: All right. After a good 15, 20 minute
period-- relatively brief for most folk-- you come
back with a nice, hefty stack of firewood from the
driest small tree you could find.
LAURA: Good job, Grog.
TRAVIS: Hey, Zahra?
MARY: Well done.
TRAVIS: Impressed?
MARY: Yes.
(laughter)
SAM: Kord's strength to you, sir.
MATT: Throwing the wood down, you begin to set up
small stones into a fire pit establishment, and
begin building a fire as the entirety of the sun
disappears behind the distant mountain range. At
this point, the temperature has gotten extremely
cold, and most of you begin to pull up your winter
cloaks and get your bedrolls ready for an
evening's bit of rest. Is there anything in
particular that you guys want to do before the
night and sleep take you?
MARY: I would like to go out. Has the moon risen?
MATT: About two hours into nightfall, you can see
a gentle bit of moonlight begin to appear off the
distant horizon to the northeast, from your
position. It's hard to see because the trees are
so thick, but you take a moment to walk through,
and you can see little bits of
the moonlight peeking.
MARY: I just bask in what little rays I can for
ten, 15 minutes before retiring.
MATT: All right. Anything else you wish to do?
FELICIA: I'm going to change my stone, my
Transmuter Stone, to be resisting ice or cold.
LAURA: Ah, that's really good.
TALIESIN: Clever.
MATT: Good call. Good call, indeed.
LAURA: I need something like that. Do we have any
magic stuff that makes us resistant?
MARY: I have a Ring of Protection. May I do that
around the camp?
MATT: The Ring of Protection is an actual ring you
wear.
MARY: Oh! I have a ring.
MATT: Yes, and it protects you.
MARY: And it protects me.
MATT: Yep. (laughs)
MARY: You see? I'm learning everything. Not all at
once.
LAURA: I have one, too.
MARY: Oh, you do? Oh, yours is nice.
MATT: Very helpful.
LAURA: Yeah, but we don't have any ice-resistant
things, outside of that damn--
TALIESIN: Or fire spells. Fire spells would be
very--
FELICIA: Oh, I have a fire spell.
TALIESIN: Excellent.
FELICIA: That's how I took down the worg. So,
anyway, we were in the forest--
MARY: How powerful is it? Because I can conjure
something and it would be very-- too large for
this particular--
FELICIA: I mean, I think a Fireball would not help
here. I can do Firebolt, but there's really no use
until we get there.
LAURA: Are we starting a fire?
FELICIA: I can start the fire.
SAM: Do we not have a fire going?
LAURA: Yeah, of course we do.
MATT: You guys look over and Grog is sitting
there, rubbing wood together.
LAURA: Grog, one second. Here--
TRAVIS: No, I'm probably getting so close.
(laughter)
TRAVIS: Fine. Take all the joy out of everything.
MATT: The ranger, who is very well-experienced in
surviving in woodland areas, starts the fire that
had taken you a good five, six minutes of
aggressively fighting against the water-soaked
wood of this woodland. (snaps) She lights the
flames.
TRAVIS: I warmed it up first.
LAURA: Thank you, Grog. You did. You really did.
TRAVIS: Yeah. You're welcome.
MATT: All right. Anyone keeping watch?
TALIESIN: I'll keep watch.
MATT: All right, so you're taking first watch.
TALIESIN: I'll take first watch.
SAM: She had already-- Zahra had volunteered.
FELICIA: Zahra had first watch.
TALIESIN: I'll take second watch, then.
FELICIA: You can take second watch.
MATT: All right, so Zahra takes first watch. Percy
takes second watch.
LAURA: Can I watch with Zahra?
MATT: If you'd like to.
TRAVIS: Third watch.
MATT: Third watch for Grog. All right.
SAM: No watch.
FELICIA: I'm-- I would take watch, just for the
record, but I just get so peckish--
TRAVIS: You just sleep. You need your beauty
rest.
SAM: I'm sleeping, yes. Thank you.
TALIESIN: You're going to be clear for leading
tomorrow.
FELICIA: I really need my head clear, and I just
cannot function without sleep.
There was one time, when I--
TRAVIS: Oh, man. No, no, yeah.
MARY: I think-- shall we?
LAURA: Yes.
MARY: First watch, Percy.
LAURA: No.
MARY: Oh, is it you and I?
LAURA: It was us.
TALIESIN: I'm second watch.
MARY: I'm so sorry.
MATT: All right. As the rest of you make your
bedrolls, prepare and gather around the fire,
eventually drift off to sleep. Vex and Zahra are
left awake.
MARY: You need help carrying your purse? Your
bag?
LAURA: Oh, no. It's quite comfortable against my
side, actually.
MARY: Could I feel how heavy it is?
LAURA: It's not heavy at all. We don't have
anything in it, darling.
MARY: Oh, all right.
LAURA: Where do you come from?
MARY: (exhales) I come--
LAURA: We just don't see very many tieflings
around here.
MARY: No. I come from very far away. It took quite
a long time for me to get here. I come from the
land of Feren.
LAURA: Feren.
MARY: Yes. Very far-off, mountainous, dark. Very
dark.
LAURA: And you left because...?
MARY: My father was killed, and I was left on my
own in the woods, so I left.
LAURA: That sounds familiar.
MARY: Oh, it does?
LAURA: Yes, actually.
MARY: Why? Why is that?
LAURA: My mother was killed.
MARY: She was?
LAURA: Yes.
MARY: By whom?
LAURA: A dragon. (sighs) I wonder if it was
white.
MARY: I wonder if it was.
TRAVIS: Shit. I mean, (snores)
MARY: What about your father?
LAURA: My father's alive.
MARY: And what is he?
LAURA: An asshole, actually.
MARY: Really? Mine was an asshole too.
LAURA: Really?
MARY: He was. He was a dark wizard. He was awful.
LAURA: Oh, wow. Mine's just a jerk.
MARY: He kept me in a cage.
LAURA: Zahra.
MARY: I know.
LAURA: Getting a bit personal here around the
fire.
MARY: Sorry. I thought we were bonding.
LAURA: (laughs) Here. Have some food.
MARY: Thank you. God, what is this?
LAURA: Disgusting. Grog found it. I don't know.
TRAVIS: It's wood.
MARY: Is it wood? All right, well at least it's
elm.
LAURA: Oh.
MATT: As you guys munch and awkwardly make your
way through conversation through the evening,
eventually your watch comes to a close, and you
guys are able to rest.
Percy, you take up second watch.
TALIESIN: I do.
MATT: About three, four hours go by--
TALIESIN: (whispers) Oh, bollocks.
MATT: Without incident. Eventually, your watch
comes to a close. You find yourself just past the
middle of the night period of the evening. Who has
the third watch? Is that--
TRAVIS: I do.
MATT: Grog. All right.
TALIESIN: Wake up, Grog.
TRAVIS: What? Mom? (screams and flails)
LAURA: Ugh. Grog.
TRAVIS: Sorry.
MARY: Is he always this loud?
LAURA and TALIESIN: Yes.
MARY: All right.
TRAVIS: All right, keep sleeping! (whispers) I
mean, keep sleeping. You're safe while I'm out.
FELICIA: Aldor! What? Huh?
(laughter)
MATT: As the rest of you maintain or continue your
sleep. Grog keeps a very watchful eye in the
darkened woods around. Grog, go ahead and 
make a perception check.
TRAVIS: Shit. Me?
MATT: Yeah.
SAM: Oh, he's the worst.
TRAVIS: I see everything. Yes! Minus... 16.
MATT: 16. That's good.
All right. As you're keeping your eyes
around for any sort of dangerous or encroaching
villainy, the fire itself is slightly mesmerizing
in its pattern, and you look off to the right. You
hear the slight snapping of a twig about 15, 20
feet off from the camp.
TRAVIS: I go to check it out by myself.
LAURA: What? (groans)
MATT: Okay. You stand up, lifting your axe and
begin to take a few steps away from the camp. As
you turn around one of the nearby tree trunks, the
first thing you're greeted by in the darkness-- do
you have Darkvision?
TRAVIS: I have low-- Wait, the Dwarven Belt of
Beard Power gives me-- I have Darkvision out to a
range of 60 feet.
SAM: Wow.
MATT: You do. So as you turn the corner, you get
about a step before you notice, about 15 feet away
from you--
SAM: Your beard tingles.
MATT: There is a very large fur-covered, wolf-like
creature that is (snarls).
MARY: Is it a worg?
MATT: Snarling at you with bony protrusions from
parts of its body. It stands, from ground to top
of its shoulder, almost up to your entire height,
and it is currently snarling, and behind it you
can see there are two very gingerly stepping
humanoid figures in the darkness.
TRAVIS: (chuckles) I yell out, PLAYTIME!
MATT: As you all wake up--
MARY: Where is he?
MATT: We're going to go to our break.
(cheering)
MATT: All right, so we're gonna take a quick break
here for us to go ahead and feed real fast on the
wonderful food purchased by our beautiful
chatroom.
(cheering)
MATT: And we'll be back here. We're also going to
show a really cool video as we recently put up our
challenge to the Critter-verse-- of all the
Critters that watch the show, the-- (chuckles),
the Cancer Cream Pie Challenge. Those of you who
haven't seen it can go look it up.
LAURA: Cream cancer.
MATT: Cream cancer.
MARY: Cream cancer.
MATT: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Cancer of the cream.
MATT: Cancer of the cream, if you will. A bunch of
our fans took up the challenge, and there's a
wonderful video compilation of that. We'll go
ahead and put that up here in a moment, but we'll
be back shortly to to see what dangers have been
unveiled in the nearby forest.
TRAVIS: Yar.
MATT: See you momentarily.
[break]
MATT: Welcome back. So, a couple things we wanted
to mention before we jump back into the game. I'm
sure you guys have noticed our new format. We're
trying out different-- new visual styles for the
show to match the mood and up the quality of it.
We're working out some kinks and appreciate you
hanging with us in that, and things will
progressively get better as we push forward from
here. We hope you like the new format. This is all
put together by our wonderful Overlord and his
crack team of twitch experts. Also, wanted to
mention to you guys the '5k and a bear' t-shirts
that are up because of the ridiculous Trinket--
LAURA: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
MATT: 5k arrival from last week's episode, is
available for one more day. So if you want to get
that, get it soon, because once it's gone it's
gone. So make sure to go check that out if you're
interested. Other than that, are we good to go
ahead and continue? Perfect. All right. First and
foremost, I would like everyone to roll
initiative.
LAURA: Oh God.
TALIESIN: Yay!
LAURA: How did I just immediately forget that's
what we were doing?
MARY: How do I do that?
TRAVIS: You take a d20.
MARY: Okay.
TRAVIS: And roll it.
TALIESIN: Eh.
FELICIA: (retches)
TRAVIS: Look at that. Add initiative, which is...
MARY: Oh. Heh. I don't know how that's possible,
but yeah!
TRAVIS: Shit. Better.
FELICIA: Oh, it's a pen.
TALIESIN: There should be a laser in there
somewhere.
FELICIA: Oh yeah!
TALIESIN: So that way you can vaguely say, move me
there.
FELICIA: I love it.
LAURA: Oh! I have to put my glasses on today.
FELICIA: Yeah, it's far away.
SAM: You mean your magic glasses.
LAURA: My magic glasses of seeing.
MATT: Indeed.
SAM: This is so exciting!
MATT: All righty. So.
SAM: Mary and Felicia don't know. This is fun,
come on.
FELICIA: Thank you.
MARY: This is amazing, guys.
TALIESIN: It's okay.
MATT: Cool. So. Initiative rolls for everyone--
TALIESIN: Blind Matt Mercer.
MATT: There will be a mild surprise round here
except for Grog, but we have initiatives from
here. Percy, what you got?
TALIESIN: 16.
MATT: 16 for Percy. Felicia?
FELICIA: Four!
(laughter)
TALIESIN: Whoa!
FELICIA: Thank you, Thank you.
SAM: Eight!
MATT: Okay, Lyra and Scanlan.
LAURA: Eight.
TRAVIS: Holy crap.
LAURA: Yep.
MARY: Five.
LAURA: Oh God. Why did we all roll terribly.
MATT: You guys. (laughs)
TRAVIS: We'll be dead. We'll be dead before we
leave.
MATT: Oh this is wonderful, you're all going to
die.
SAM: You're all going to die, man!
TALIESIN: That's never a good sign.
LAURA: I should have grabbed some of that dessert
that's here.
TRAVIS: 16.
MATT: Percy, you were 16 as well?
TALIESIN: 16.
SAM: I just had a couple. They're great, and I'm
sure Liam could get us some more.
MARY: Maybe your brother--
MATT: All right. So. In this regard, Grog.
TRAVIS: Yeah?
MATT: You are actually going first. Everyone else,
you're currently in the process of waking up so
there's going to be a round before it gets to the
rest of you.
LAURA: Trinket! Wake up!
MATT: Trinket wakes up. Grog.
TRAVIS: Eh?
MATT: You look, and you see the big, dire
wolf-like creature is currently staring at you
across the way, and you see other entities,
humanoid, coming towards you. As your Darkvision
allows you to take up their features you can see
these are very heavily fur covered, dense leather
armor protected, roving band of straight up orcs
that are currently converging on the campsite from
the center of the woods. What are you going to
do?
TRAVIS: You look like someone I just saw recently.
I would like to Rage, and I will charge the dire
wolf puppy-thing and swing at its head with my
great-axe.
MATT: All right. So you immediately go into a
Grog-style charge. You guys can hear Grog yelling
in furious anger, echoing through the nearby wood
in the direction you heard his initial shout that
woke you up. Grog, you rush forward towards the
dire wolf. Go ahead and make your two attacks.
TRAVIS: 26.
MATT: That hits.
TRAVIS: Ah! 25.
MATT: Both hit!
TRAVIS: That was really good.
MATT: Nice. Go ahead and roll some damage.
TRAVIS: Thank you. Ten and 18, is 28.
MATT: Great. So as you rush forward, your axe
hits into the side of the dire wolf.
Slamming into its shoulder, you can see as you
draw the axe out of the wound, you've left a nice
hearty gash into the muscle tissue that holds its
arm to its shoulder. The other one, as you bring
your axe around the other side it slams into the
upper part of its back. It sinks a good three or
four inches into it and the dire wolf (rrgaaah)
just reacts to the pain with a guttural screech
and then looks up at you, releasing its lips apart
for these nasty looking, sharp, long dire wolf
fangs revealed as it prepares itself to pounce
back. That ends your turn?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
MATT: As part of this round, the dire wolf is
going to return, as the two nearest orcs charge in
to flank Grog.
MARY: Oh no.
MATT: This guy is going to move... One, two,
three... six... can't quite-- there. Is going to
use its action to dash in here and loom over. So
as you're waking up you see this orc come
lumbering around one of the trees--
FELICIA: (gasps)
SAM: Oh no! You? You're eating!
MATT: -- with this giant club and just
gets in front of you. As you're freaking out,
another one flanks around and comes up towards
Percy.
TALIESIN: Hm!
MATT: Another one rushes up behind Scanlan there.
And you see, behind-- another growl and a series
of heavy footfalls as-- not quite an ogre, not
quite an orc; like some sort-of ogre/orc
crossbreed, comes walking behind one of the other
trees to go up behind Percy on that side
LAURA: Oh God!
SAM: Oh my Grog.
FELICIA: Oh no!
TRAVIS: (laughs) Oh my Grog.
MATT: And from the far end over here another orc
moves forward one, two, three, four, five... six--
And he's going to use his action to finish his
movement here on Percy, as well.
TALIESIN: Oh God!
LAURA: Are they attacking Percy?
MATT: Yes. Currently there's only two attacks on
you from this ogre-like creature and this orc. Oh,
that's not going to be very good. That would be a
nine?
TALIESIN: No.
MATT: What's your AC?
TALIESIN: 18.
MATT: 18, that is not going to hit. And then we
also have-- that'll be a 22.
TALIESIN: That's going to hit.
MATT: All right, so the giant ogre-ish type
creature comes rushing towards you. Swings with
its giant club and slams the ground next you as
you manage to roll out of the way and get up to
your feet, and as you do the orc to the other side
swings with what looks like a heavy axe and it
nicks you in the side of the shoulder blade,
dealing 12 points of slashing damage.
TALIESIN: Hm!
MATT: We have-- this guy just barely gets to
Scanlan. Scanlan, as you're standing up one of the
orcs rushes up behind and you see he's holding
another large, double-handed great axe--
SAM: I sing-- (sings) No I don't want to get hurt,
by you. Doo doo doo doo.
MATT: All right, go ahead and roll the d10 to
reduce the attack modifier on that one.
TRAVIS: (laughs) Where does this come from?
MATT: Rolled a 24 by the way.
SAM: Okay, so I reduce that by two.
MATT: 22.
SAM: Yes, so he'll still hit, but he got a song
out of it.
TRAVIS: (laughs) Lucky bastard.
MATT: Well there you go. All right, that will come
to another 12 points of slashing damage. As the
axe swings down, you manage to just pull out of
the way so it hits the armor and deflects, but it
leaves a huge gash in the front of the armor and
just the sheer weight of it kind of shook you for
a second.
SAM: Ahh!
MATT: That'll bring us to Grog, who is currently
being heavily flanked. First the dire wolf is
going to snatch at you because it's not happy with
your series of attacks, and with Pack Tactics it
has advantage because it's within five feet of
other allies. So, its bite attack against you with
advantage is a-- natural 20.
LAURA: Oh no.
FELICIA: Oh no.
MATT: Using my new Critical Role dice.
LAURA: We're all going to die.
TALIESIN: Thanks chatroom. Thank you.
FELICIA: Yes, chatroom.
MATT: It's 21 points of piercing damage from the
jaws which is reduced
by half because of your Rage.
TRAVIS: Yes, so 11?
MATT: Yep. That finishes the dire wolf's turn. The
two other orcs are also going to swing at you from
the sides. They have advantage because they're
flanking you. That's going to be a 17.
TRAVIS: Misses.
MATT: And then with advantage on that one: 16.
Also misses. They're just swinging
at you with no effect. That completes the surprise
round. The orcs have pounced onto your campsite.
Back at the top of the order we have Percy. What
are you doing first?
TALIESIN: Going to cry a little. So,
I have three orcs basically-- or two orcs and a
god-knows-what?
MATT: Yeah, it's too small to be an ogre but it's
too big to be an orc. A very unholy union of the
two probably created this spawn.
TALIESIN: The first thing I'm going to do, is I'm
going to take a Fire Shot to the right to that
giant monstrosity and spend a Grit point to try to
shoot him in the foot.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: -- makes a constitution saving throw.
Okay, these rules are new, so pardon me if I'm a
little iffy. So shot with Pepperbox is-- wow,
what's wrong with me? 28 to hit.
MATT: 28 definitely hits. He has to make a saving
throw or be knocked prone?
TALIESIN: Well yeah, there's damage plus a saving
throw.
He has to make a constitution saving throw.
MATT: All right.
TALIESIN: Eight plus my proficiency modifier plus
my dexterity modifier.
MATT: Four plus six, so it would be 18?
TALIESIN: It's actually ten. 18, yeah, you're
right.
MATT: Yeah, he does not make that. So you shoot,
he gets knocked prone. As you shoot
his foot out from under him, he stumbles to one
knee and then you just kick out and push him onto
his back. That's the first shot.
TALIESIN: And it does six points of damage-- I'm
sorry, it does 12 points of damage plus three
points of fire damage.
MATT: Nice.
TALIESIN: And now my other shot. Marking that off.
I'm going to shoot him while he's down.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: So, do I get a bonus to hit there?
MATT: You have advantage because he's prone.
TALIESIN: Okay, I get advantage. So I'm actually
using--
MATT: He's right there in front of you and he's
not able to really dodge effectively, so I'm going
to give you advantage on this attack.
TALIESIN: Okay, so I'm using Sharpshooter then.
TRAVIS: Get him Percy!
TALIESIN: Thank God. Natural 20! So, this is going
to suck for him!
MATT: Which regenerates your Grit point you just
used, by the way.
TALIESIN: Does it? I'm back to three?
MATT: You get a Grit point whenever you crit.
TALIESIN: Every time I crit, that's right!
Math! Okay, so I get double points
right? That's how this--
MATT: Roll the dice and double the number you
get.
TALIESIN: Okay. Oh, that kind of sucks. Seven, 14,
24, 25... 30 points of damage.
(cheering)
MATT: While it's on the ground, it looks up at you
and snarls. You removed your boot from where you
kicked it down. You bring the gun down, aim it,
and give it a glare as you fire with the
Pepperbox. As you do, you blast part of its jaw
off and you see it-- You see blood
starting to trickle and pour down the front of its
chest and it's trying to get up angrily, reaching
for its club which is currently in the half snow
floor of this forest interior. It's looking pretty
rough, but it's looking very intent on getting
vengeance on you.
TALIESIN: Out of idle curiosity, if I try to make
a break for it they would get two attacks of
opportunity against me, right?
MATT: Yes. Yes, they are harrying you pretty
heavily right now.
TALIESIN: Ooh, that doesn't make my life any
better does it. No, never mind then.
TRAVIS: Do it, Percy!
TALIESIN: Actually, you know what? I'm pulling an
Action Surge. Two more shots.
MATT: Go for it.
TALIESIN: I'm shooting him two more times while
he's on the ground.
MATT: All right.
TALIESIN: Same thing with a plus ten to hit with a
Sharpshooter.
MATT: Yep. He still has--
TALIESIN: Disadvantage?
MATT: Advantage to your shot because he's still on
the ground.
TALIESIN: 23 to hit.
MATT: 23 hits. Go ahead and roll damage on that.
TALIESIN: Let's see. Sorry, trying to do this...
five plus 16, so 21 points of damage.
MATT: 21 points of damage. All right, with that
shot as it's getting up and reaches for its club,
it gets hold of it and starts bringing it in an
arc towards you. You lower the gun again, this
time shooting for the other side of its face.
With an echoing blasting sound you see the
remainder of its lower jaw and head just blown out
the back of it. Its eyes roll back.
(cheering)
LAURA: Instakill!
TRAVIS: Damn! One turn!
TALIESIN: And now, I'm going to take that last
shot and swing up and shoot at the one that's to
the right of--
MATT: This one?
TALIESIN: That one right there.
MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll to attack.
TALIESIN: Oh, God. Natural 20!
TRAVIS: What the fuck?!
FELICIA: What the heck?
LAURA: This is the best night for Percy, ever.
TALIESIN: I'm just sitting in the corner going
(maniacal laughter)
TRAVIS: You were sleeping. Are you doing all this
naked, since you were woken up so quickly?
LAURA: Yes, definitely.
TALIESIN: I'm in the pajamas with the butt flap,
and the butt flap is down.
MARY: Yes!
TALIESIN: The butt flap is down!
TRAVIS: I applaud.
MATT: All right. Good to know, because that will
affect your armor class.
TALIESIN: And that's eight, 16, 26, 27, 28, 29,
31, 32 points of damage.
MATT: 32 points of damage.
TRAVIS: What the what?
LAURA: That's insane.
TALIESIN: It's a crit.
LAURA: Can we all get inspiration from seeing
Percy just massacre?
FELICIA: It's like a John Woo film right now.
TRAVIS: Yeah, right? With the doves--
MATT: You all are a little distracted by the other
ones that are currently pushing in. You hear the
explosions and you see off to the corner, but you
have too many things around you right now. Okay,
so as you pull back the gun, the orc that's in
front of you that's currently holding its one
handed axe with two hands is rearing back. You
fire right towards its face. It tries to duck out
of the way and you smack into its shoulder. With
an explosion you can see its leather armor
splinters, and its fur kind of burns and curls
back from the flame of the blast, and beneath you
can see that most of the muscle tissue and exposed
bone is visible as you've blown a giant crater in
its shoulder.
LAURA: Gross!
TALIESIN: That was brilliant. I'm done. Sorry.
MATT: Grog, you're up.
TRAVIS: I'm up. I would like to go into a Frenzied
Rage now that I've got all my playmates around me.
And I would like to take one giant swing in a half
circle, trying to get all three at one time.
MATT: All right, so attack for each one. Go for it.
TRAVIS: So that's a 22.
MATT: That hits the orc. Dire wolf.
TRAVIS: That's a 23.
MATT: Hits. And for the last orc.
LAURA: Hell yeah.
TRAVIS: 26. 25!
MATT: Okay, roll damage three times, and it's in
order. This orc over here?
TRAVIS: 15. 12. And 17.
MATT: All right. As you (whoosh) swing the axe
around, it clips across the chest of the orc who
is almost pushed off his feet from the sheer
force. The axe swings, slams into the front
throat, chest area of the dire wolf with so much
force that it cuts clean through leaving this open
wound where its main veins just begin to pour its
lifeblood.
FELICIA: Ew.
MATT: The dire wolf just gurgles for a
second before slumping onto the ground, motionless.
With the inertia carrying through its body
it slams into the other orc, who actually has a
small buckler shield that manages to catch. It
shatters most of the leather and metal that
encompasses the piece, getting stuck into his
forearm and he yells in your face
with this kind of guttural shout and he pulls his
own arm off the blade of the axe
as you withdraw it.
TRAVIS: Ooh.
MATT: That concludes your turn. It's now their
turn. All you low initiative rolling motherfuckers
got to wait!
(laughter)
MARY: (sings) Mother! Motherfucker!
MATT: Let's see. First and foremost, the two guys
that are-- in that motion, the two orcs that you
just slammed rear back and then retaliate very
heavily against you. They both have advantage
because they have you flanked. That'll be 22.
TRAVIS: Hits.
MATT: And a 14.
TRAVIS: Misses.
MATT: Yes. All right. So the one with the buckler
and what looks like a longsword strikes you for
eight points of slashing damage, of which you take
four.
TRAVIS: Great.
MATT: That ends their turn. The one orc that's
overtop of you, Lyra, goes (rggh!) and swings
in a wide arc down towards you. 
That's going to be a 14.
FELICIA: I have a 13.
MATT: Aw, okay. So, as its two handed axe swings
down on top of you, you take six points of
slashing damage.
FELICIA: Ouch!
MATT: You instinctively freak out and back up out
of the way and it actually doesn't hit you, it
slams into your bedroll. But the sheer impact
shakes you and you can feel the sweat beginning to
pour from your forehead. That's going to bring us
to this guy here, who's attacking Scanlan. That's
going to be a 12.
SAM: Miss!
MATT: He swings towards your head. Thankfully he's
not used to attacking things so small. You duck
quickly out of the way.
SAM: Fuck you!
(laughter)
MATT: And that's-- Oh, and the two on Percy, who
are now looking for retribution. They're looking
a little shaken by the whole experience. The one
that you shot in the shoulder too.
TALIESIN: I'm just screaming in their face like a
manic pixie. (screams)
FELICIA: Manic pixie dream gunslinger.
TALIESIN: Thank you.
MATT: That'll be a 20.
TALIESIN: I walked into that.
MATT: 20 to hit.
TALIESIN: I'm going to spend a Grit point and--
Wait, if my armor class is 20, does that mean they
still hit?
MATT: I thought you were wearing your pajamas with
the butt flap?
ALL: Oh!
SAM: Details, details.
LAURA:That's so mean.
TALIESIN: One day, far in the future, I'll figure
out a way to make you pay for that.
(laughter)
TALIESIN: For now, fine. That hits.
MATT: Sometimes you-- This is what I heard.
TALIESIN: Damn it.
TRAVIS: The visualization was worth it alone.
MATT: And 22 for the second attack.
TALIESIN: That hits.
MATT: So both of them strike at once. You don't
quite know which way to dodge, and as you try to
duck out of the way both blades hit you
simultaneously on the sides.
LAURA: Oh no!
MATT: You take four points of damage from one.
Rolled really low.
That one rolled pretty high, you take 12.
TALIESIN: 12 total?
MATT: The total would be 16.
TALIESIN: Okay, 16.
MATT: You take 16 points of slashing damage from
the two of those orcs. Now we come to Scanlan.
SAM: Okay, I turn to the orc who just missed me
and I cast Dominate Person.
TRAVIS: Yes!
SAM: With my-- through my Hand Cone of Clarity, of
course.
MATT: All right. So, as you finish your casting of
the spell you can see the anger in its face
suddenly drop and subside, and it gives you this
expectant look.
SAM: I command him to protect our goliath, with
his life if he needs to,
and retreat from me instantly.
MATT: Okay. It nods and looks over
towards where Grog is and with this kind of slack
jawed expression turns and looks like it's ready
to make its way towards Grog next round. Do you
want to move at all? Or are you staying here?
SAM: I will move a step towards Lyra.
MATT: All right. Yeah, he's not currently
threatening you because he is controlled by you.
So you step back with the fire to your
back, you can feel the heat flickering behind you.
SAM: And I will just be backup for her, and I also
will inspire her.
MATT: All right.
SAM: With a little-- I turn to her, and I start
singing. (sings) And I raise my hand to Lyra and
say that you could use some Scanlan today.
Tonight I give you a d10.
(laughter)
MATT: So with that you have a d10 inspiration dice
that you can add to any d20 roll you need to make.
It could be an attack, could be a saving throw.
FELICIA: Okay, great. Thank you.
MATT: You can roll and if that's not enough, you
can add a d10 to it.
FELICIA: Okay, great. That's so nice.
MATT: So that ends Scanlan's turn. Vex, you're
up.
LAURA: Okay. I'm going to cast-- How many people are
on Percy?
MATT: Two currently, flanking him right there.
LAURA: I'm going to do Hunter's Mark on the
damaged one.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Should I get-- Yeah, the one that's
damaged.
MATT: The one that's damaged the most is going to
be this one.
TALIESIN: Yeah, that's the one.
LAURA: Yeah! And I'm going to shoot him.
Through my-- I'm going to shoot him through
my Flaming Bow.
MATT: All right.
LAURA: And I also am going to have Trinket attack
him twice. How about that?
MATT: You can do that.
LAURA: All right.
MATT: All right, so Trinket runs around the tree.
SAM: Never happened before.
MATT: An unexpected circumstance. So as you turn
around, you go ahead and you point at the orc to
the side with a flicker of slightly shimmering
white energy. You can see your attention focus and
clarity crystallize on this one orc who glances
over at you, returning the gaze.
LAURA: 19 attack.
MATT: 19 attack does hit. And as the arrow is
released from your bow--
LAURA: Yes.
MATT: Go ahead and roll damage.
LAURA: Plus the d10 for the flaming. 17 to hit,
and then Trinket's attacks?
MATT: Yep. Roll twice for Trinket. As the arrow
(sploof) hits him on the chest area and (boom)
bursts into flames, igniting part of his shoulder.
As he looks down you hear this guttural growl from
around the corner. As he glances over Trinket
comes jumping out of the shadows
from behind the tree.
LAURA: Trinket! I never know what to look at
because I never attack with Trinket.
MATT: Attack bonus.
LAURA: Okay. That's 22 for one.
MATT: 22 hits. Roll for the second attack.
LAURA: The second one is a 16.
MATT: 16 just barely hits.
LAURA: Oh my goodness!
SAM: Trinket's doing something.
LAURA: I know! You guys! Does that mean he can
bite twice?
MATT: Yep.
LAURA: Okay, he's going to do that. Oh wait, no.
One is going to be bite
and one is going to be claws.
SAM: And he dies.
LAURA: Oh, I didn't do Hunter's Mark on the
previous one. Four for Hunter's Mark.
MATT: Four additional damage for Hunter's Mark.
LAURA: 13. No 12, for one attack. And then-- What
did I just do? I did it wrong. That was wrong.
TRAVIS: What?
LAURA: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is 11 for the first
one.
MATT: 11 for the first one. All right.
LAURA: And then the second one. This is so new and
exciting. And 12 for the second.
MATT: All right. So, as Trinket rushes around the
corner with one claw (whacks) hits him in the back
of the shoulder sending him onto the ground. The
orc now, shoulder in flames, is on its back.
Trinket leaps on top, reaches down and with its
jaws around its head
just bites the head off.
ALL: Ohh!
MATT: As you see the head flip into the air, 
catches the head in his jaws and
crunches down on it.
LAURA: Yes! Have a meal, buddy!
TRAVIS: Oh yeah, you want to cuddle with that?
LAURA: Hell yeah I do!
MATT: Zahra, it's your go.
MARY: All right. Is that an orc right behind me?
MATT: This is Vex right there.
LAURA: That's me.
MARY: No, I can't see where I am.
MATT: You're right here.
MARY: Okay. Who are the three strongest orcs right
now?
MATT: This one and these two here all look pretty
untouched. This one is actually untouched. Four.
One, two, three, four.
MARY: And I can only Hex one creature, is this
correct?
MATT: Correct.
MARY: All right. I'm going to Hex the one by-- in
the back, sorry. I'm going to Hex him.
MATT: Him? All right.
MARY: And I'm going to incant Agonizing Blast, and
cast Eldritch Blast on those three orcs.
SAM: I've never heard of any of these things.
MARY: Because there's three blasts that come from,
yeah?
MATT: Well, Eldritch Blast is three different
beams, and that's just Eldritch Blast for your
turn. Or you can do Agonizing Blast, you choose
one or the other.
MARY: Oh, I thought Agonizing Blast was a--
LAURA: Cantrip?
MATT: Oh. It's one of your abilities?
MARY: Yes.
MATT: Oh, it just improves the Eldritch Blast?
MARY: Yeah.
MATT: Oh yeah, you can totally do that.
MARY: I want to do that.
MATT: Okay, so you turn around--
MARY: I'd like to do that with my Staff of
Dragons.
MATT: You hold the staff forward and for a second
your eyes, which are normally a vibrant bright
white suddenly close with this darkness and then
reveal a pale blue like the moon in the sky. As
you do, this hue of light blue energy begins to
emanate from this orc right there. He looks down
confused as you pull your staff up and slam the
ground with it. As you do, these three streaks of
pale, blueish green energy streak out towards it.
MARY: Ha!
MATT: Go ahead and roll three attacks.
MARY: Oh my god.
MATT: Adding your bonus-- your spell bonus to each
one.
MARY: 13 plus 11.
LAURA: So 24.
MARY: 24.
MATT: That hits.
MARY: That was a good one. 30.
MATT: 30. Okay.
SAM: What?
MARY: And 21.
MATT: Are you adding the plus--
MARY: Oh and plus two to each of them.
LAURA: That's damage.
MARY: Oh, I'm sorry. So it's Eldritch Blast, it
gets plus 11.
MATT: Right. So what was the last one?
MARY: 21.
MATT: They all hit, so go ahead and roll damage
for each, and each does additional Hex damage,
because it's three different hits.
MARY: Yes. And the damage is 1d10 plus seven times
three?
SAM: Too much math.
MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll that three times.
1d10 plus seven, 1d10 plus seven,
1d10 plus seven.
MARY: Okay. Oh, help me.
LAURA: That's not a d10, that's a d12.
MARY: Sorry. Sorry!
MATT: It's all right.
SAM: She's a guest.
MARY: I'm a guest.
LAURA: Oh, you know what, I was rolling eights
instead of tens. That's okay.
MATT: Too late now. Next time.
MARY: Two plus seven. Two plus seven is ten.
SAM: Nine. Nine.
MATT: All right.
MARY: Two plus seven is nine, thank you.
LAURA: Ten.
MARY: Ten plus seven is 17.
MATT: All right.
MARY: And five plus seven is--
TRAVIS: 12.
MARY: 12.
MATT: 12. And then then add-- roll a d6 three
times because each time you blast them you do the
additional Hex damage.
TRAVIS: Holy crap what are you?
MARY: Two.
MATT: All right two.
MARY: Six.
LAURA: Fuck.
MATT: Eight total.
MARY: Five.
TRAVIS: Whoa!
MATT: 13.
LAURA: It's like a Hunter's Mark all on your
own.
MATT: So, after the beams streak out-- all three
blast simultaneously into the torso area of the
orc that's standing by Percy. It's glaring at you
with this look of surprise, and fury, and
frustration and before it can even try and mount
any sort of attack, the three beams strike it in
the chest. You can see this scattering of brackish
liquid as the back of its torso is blown out like
a shotgun blast.
MARY: Yes!
MATT: And it falls to the ground with
this gurgle in its throat, and for a second you
swear you see the glistening moonlight colored
energy that you had Hexed upon it almost sucks the
soul from its body and then it dissipates into the
air above it.
MARY: Thaumaturgy makes my eyes go fire.
(laughter)
SAM: Wow.
MATT: A big blast of flame. Great. So that will
end your turn there.
TRAVIS: You did really well.
LAURA: How is she so cool?
SAM: She just changed the game.
MATT: That will bring us to Lyra.
TRAVIS: She can stay.
FELICIA: Is that 30 feet?
MATT: Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. 30 foot is right
there. From you.
FELICIA: Who are the bad guys? This one, this one,
and this one?
MATT: This one, this one, and these two there.
FELICIA: Okay. So I'm like-- (screams) Oh, that
was cool. Okay. (pff) And I use my Chain
Lightning. You have to do a save on that. That
just automatically hits.
MATT: That just hits, yeah.
FELICIA: Okay, so it's 10d8.
SAM: To whom?
FELICIA: To one guy, and then it can hit up to
three people within 30 feet.
SAM: Are they within 30 feet?
MATT: These two are not but this guy is.
FELICIA: Ten, is 21. Plus 21 plus 24. 21 plus 24
is-
SAM: 45.
FELICIA: 45 points of damage to that guy, and then
it goes to the other guy.
MATT: This guy there. These guys are a little
too far away, unfortunately. This guy is not.
FELICIA: Oh, okay. Get that guy.
MATT: As you freak out you back up and as an
instinctual maneuver you put your fingers out, and
there is a loud crackling sound as a condensed
thunderstorm blasts forth from Lyra's hands. The
orc that's threatening her and actually managed to
try and strike you gives you this look of sudden
pity before its entire upper body is fried
instantly from the electricity that just
destroys-- You can see all its flesh is now curled
back and cracking from the sheer amount of energy
that's flowing through it. The bolt then streaks
off and slams the one that you dominated that was
currently running in the other direction-- all of
a sudden gets hit in the side. However, maintains
the Domination.
(laughter)
MATT: He did take half damage to that one. But
this one is blown off the map. The other one over
here is looking pretty rough now. It's
hobbling forward currently with
one of its legs ruined.
LAURA: (laughs) That poor orc!
MATT: It's pretty rough. It's been a rough day for
him. Do you want to stay where you are or do you
want to move?
FELICIA: I'll stay where I am. Wow, that worked!
SAM: Wow, that was amazing!
I turn around and sort of barf because I just
saw a guy's upper half get incinerated.
(laughter)
MARY: Suck it up, Scanlan.
MATT: All right. Top of the round. Percy, Grog.
TALIESIN: You first or I? I'm going to start
running towards Grog.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: How far can I get? About that far. And
while I'm running I'm just going to take-- Oh
hello, where are we? There we are. I'm just going
to take two pot shots at him as I'm running by.
SAM: My dominated guy is not going to live to see
his--
TALIESIN: And just because I don't really care I'm
going to take the negative-- the Sharpshooter plus
damage negative to that. So.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: 16.
MATT: 16 does hit.
TALIESIN: And I'll just do both right now. And--
FELICIA: Oh my god!
LAURA: Did you get another 20?
FELICIA: Yes!
TALIESIN: I got another 20!
FELICIA: That's a very good dice. That's a very
good die.
TRAVIS: You can spread them out over several
games. You don't have to--
LAURA: We have to fight dragons soon. A dragon.
TALIESIN: Thank you. This is phenomenal, I know.
I've got such terrible things that are going to
happen to me because of all this good luck. So
that's-- I'll do the first one really quickly.
That's 20 points of damage for the first shot.
TRAVIS: Leave none alive, my boy.
MATT: First shot smacks into its thigh, and you
can see where once there was an actual functional
thigh area is now a splintered femur that is
exposed through one side of his leg. You can see
it's barely keeping itself standing. It roars out
(raaah!) in pain as you fire again--
TALIESIN: 32 points.
MATT: With the final bullet in your Pepperbox's
chamber, the sixth bullet,
you fire the last round--
TALIESIN: You're going to make me change the
Sharpshooter thing by the
end of this round I get the--
MATT: No, no, no. Sharpshooter works well for a
reason.
TALIESIN: It's kind of spectacular. I keep rolling
20s! I keep rolling 20s!
MATT: That's what the dice does, man. It's worked
poorly in your favor before.
TALIESIN: Really poorly, normally!
MATT: It's great when it works awesomely. So with
this look of confusion as this orc that's trying
to do the bidding of this gnome that--
SAM: Protect our goliath!
MATT: It's trying desperately to go and protect
Grog but on the way there it gets its leg blown
out, and then suddenly it turns and the shot
enters one side of its temple and out the other
and there's just this very quick (shpt) sound as
it falls to the ground motionless and is no longer
a living organism.
SAM: Good job Percy. I sort of had that guy
covered but it's all good. It's all good.
TALIESIN: I'm coming, Grog!
MATT: Grog, you're up.
TRAVIS: For the gentleman that I'm facing right
now, I would like to take my first swing.
MATT: All right.
TRAVIS: Well all right, 24.
MATT: 24. That hits.
TRAVIS: And that is 19 points of damage.
MATT: Whew. All right.
TRAVIS: I'll take my second swing at him.
MATT: Same guy?
TRAVIS: Same guy.
MATT: All right, go ahead and roll for that.
TRAVIS: 26.
MATT: That hits.
TRAVIS: (laughs) Also 19 points of damage.
MARY: After the Hammer, orcs are nothing.
MATT: So, the first strike you slam into his upper
torso area and it actually digs about four or five
inches in. He reaches up and grabs-- drops his
weapon and grabs the axe and tries to pull it out
of his body. You, however, reach up with your fist
and slam it down on the axe shoving it about five
or six more inches. You can see his actual
shoulder and arm fall away from his torso as his
eyes roll back and he falls limp against the
blade.
TRAVIS: With my third attack, I'd like to turn to
his friend, grab him by the throat and go-- It's
death, or target practice for my friends. Talk.
MATT: Go ahead and make an intimidation roll.
TRAVIS: Yay. 19.
MATT: All right. The orc, looking at its current
fate and the rather rapid destruction of its
entire band-- (speaks Orcish) Anyone here
speak Orcish?
MARY: I speak Orc. So, my friend--
LAURA: What did he say? What did he say?
MATT: You hear him say, "Death may come, but the
rest will find you. You come into our wood. It's
"only a matter of time before you're eaten."
LAURA: Tell him we're just passing through.
MARY: We are simply passing through. We are in
search of something. If you choose to help us, we
may let you live.
TRAVIS: Yeah, 'may'.
MARY: And it is not one of yours.
MATT: Go ahead and make a persuasion roll.
MARY: What do I roll?
TRAVIS: 20.
MARY: What do I add to it?
SAM: Plus your persuasion.
TRAVIS: Nine.
LAURA: Heck yeah!
MARY: 24!
TRAVIS: Okay.
MATT: As you're speaking to him in his own
language, his--
MARY: (speaks Orcish)
TRAVIS: Bless you.
MATT: (laughs) You guys hear these horrible
guttural sounds, almost as
good as Keyleth's Giant.
TRAVIS: Almost.
MATT: Almost. You can see a look of fear and his
eyes dart about the rest of the party as they all
begin stepping out of the firelight and into the
darkness surrounding him. He gauges the scenario.
Looks down at the dead dire wolf. He gives you
another look and you still have the flaring blaze
of your angry Thaumaturgy eyes. He says in Common,
very broken Common-- "Very well. I live. I serve."
You can see his blood now trickling down to the
corner of his mouth.
LAURA: What, is he going to fight with us?
FELICIA: Can I see if he's truthful? Insight?
MATT: Make an insight check.
FELICIA: Aw, that's not my strength.
MATT: You can certainly try, though!
FELICIA: Oh good, I rolled a four!
SAM: Plus two!
FELICIA: Plus two!
MARY: That's a six.
MATT: He looks.... constipated? That's the best
way you can read it.
LAURA: Can I try as well?
MATT: You're welcome to.
TRAVIS: Constipated?
MATT: You're concerned, briefly, for the diet he 
usually eats. Vex, you wanna go ahead?
LAURA: 16, is what I rolled.
MATT: 16? Ah, there is definitely an intent for
self-preservation, but there is that
fight-or-flight look in the eyes as well.
TRAVIS: Let me kill him.
LAURA: Well, let's find out about our dragon
first.
FELICIA: Oh! I can cast Friend on him.
MARY: No, because he'll know you're casting magic
and then he'll come back at you.
LAURA: Will he?
MATT: He will.
FELICIA: Is that why it never worked on Aldor?
MARY: Yes, and he'll come back and attack you
afterwards and it can only be used for--
LAURA: How do you know?
MARY: Friends! Well, I can cast Friends.
MATT: Friends, however, has to be on something
that's not hostile, and you get the feeling that
even though he's currently docile, he's probably a
little hostile.
FELICIA: Okay, okay. I guess we'll just go
without.
MARY: Suggestion only works-- but Mass Suggestion
works for a long time.
LAURA: Why don't we just ask him?
SAM: Yeah! We got him! We can kill him in a second
if we have to, so--
MARY: You know we can kill you.
LAURA: There's a dragon. Where is it?
MARY: We are looking for a dragon. Specifically, a
white dragon, and we know it is to the north--
SAM: West.
MARY: -- west.
MATT: "This beast, I see-- in the sky. Takes those
who do not hide. Look for the tallest mountain
"that way." And points up the north area, a little
ways off the road and in the direction you're
travelling. "It... takes refuge top of the
mountain. There is no path. Just hiding."
MARY: How tall is the mountain?
MATT: "High."
LAURA: Do you know of a secret passageway to get
up to it?
MATT: "Only fools would try to scale a dragon's
mountain."
LAURA: Yeah, well we're pretty stupid. Do you know
of a path?
MATT: He gives you a look of momentary
indifference and kind of... no.
FELICIA: I don't believe him. I do not believe
him.
SAM: He's giving you sass.
LAURA: He is giving me sass!
MARY: Yes. Can we-- what do we roll to--
SAM: While they're talking, I'm going to loot the
other bodies.
MATT: Okay. As you glance around the corpses, you
find not too much on them, though it looks like
they've gathered from raiding other people they're
passing on the road, or just scavenging about. You
find 274 gold.
FELICIA: Vex, can you do your detect dragon?
Here?
LAURA: I can actually!
FELICIA: Because I'm not quite there, at a
thousand feet, but--
LAURA: I can most definitely detect the dragon.
So, you're saying that we need to not be out in
the open, because the dragon is attracted to
things that are not hidden?
MARY: Yes.
MATT: "Hungry, it will take you. But that's your
choice."
MARY: Have you ever seen it up close?
MATT: "No."
SAM: Would you like to?
LAURA: You want to come with us?
MATT: "No!"
LAURA: Then stop giving us sass!
MATT: "You say you'll keep me alive but you walk
towards death. One or the other way,
"I end up at the bottom."
MARY: We talk towards glory.
LAURA: Did you see how fast we killed your
friends? We're pretty amazing.
MATT: "Then go. Go and see your dragon."
MARY: Do you know of any more information on this
dragon? That's all? Any weaknesses? Anything?
MATT: He gives you a look like, he's on empty.
He's given you everything he's gonna give you.
TRAVIS: Well, now you're on empty, I take my
greataxe and I chop off his head.
ALL: Oh!
TALIESIN: Guys...
SAM: No. Wait. Stop.
FELICIA: Now this is just not right!
MATT: As the whole group gasps, Grog just shoves
him back and (whoosh whoom, pff pff). The head
rolls, hits a patch of snow and stops. The body
falls back and you see kind of dark blood begin to
pour out of the rest of the body and into the
snow.
SAM: Grog.
TRAVIS: What.
SAM: You should have checked with our leader
before you did that.
LAURA: Yes. Most definitely.
FELICIA: Okay. I think we're going to have to have
a talk circle. Right now.
MARY: Okay. Before that, do any of the orc have
any iron on them at all?
MATT: Looking around, there are bits and pieces
of, whether it be iron weapons-- you can see,
scavenged a few-- like some of the axes that were
being used have an iron or similar type metal that
is crafted in those, though it's usually pretty
beaten and not very well maintained.
MARY: It doesn't matter, I just want the iron.
Whatever I can, I--
MATT: I'll say you can harvest the iron blades
from three axes.
MARY: Thank you.
MATT: They're in relatively poor condition, but
you can mark that.
TRAVIS: Sorry, Lyra.
SAM: All right. Are we doing a talk circle?
FELICIA: I think we need to discuss the fact that
that was just very inappropriate and I am here as
a leader and I think that that was just not right,
we are better than that.
LAURA: We are. But here's the thing--
SAM: You did kill one of them too, though.
FELICIA: Yes--
MARY: Lyra, we are going to kill-- we are on our
way to kill something.
FELICIA: Well, it's-- we had a deal.
LAURA: Well, he probably would've led his friends
to us to kill us.
FELICIA: As a leader I choose not to pursue this
any more, but I will register my disapproval, and
I think we should just proceed, I'm very, I'm very
vexed.
TALIESIN: That's very fair, that's very fair.
FELICIA: Thank you.
MARY: Scanlan, can't you sing a song to make her
feel better.
SAM: I could sing a song to make her feel better.
MARY: But you don't want to.
LAURA: (sings) Scanlan make you feel good.
SAM: At least she's not talking about Aldor, so
I'm okay with it.
FELICIA: Oh, did you want to, we haven't talked
yet.
SAM: I-- we should go.
TALIESIN: You should write a song about Aldor.
TRAVIS: I go over and I pick up the orc's head and
I walk it over to Lyra and I go, here, I'm sorry,
you can keep this. It won't happen without me
asking again.
FELICIA: No, that's quite all right, it's--
TRAVIS: No, really, look, it's still got stuff in
it.
MATT: As he shakes it, you see spattering across
the--
FELICIA: No, okay-- that's quite-- I think we
should just proceed-- we should proceed,
everyone.
LAURA: I'm gonna try to see if there's a dragon
within--
TALIESIN: And I say we could just cut out the
tongue, it's not--
TRAVIS: Just the tongue?
TALIESIN: Like that yes, yes.
TRAVIS: I rip the tongue out of the head.
FELICIA: That's a good idea, Vex.
MARY: Do we need the pelt of the dire wolf?
TRAVIS: I put the orc tongue in the bag of
holding. And the orc head. Both.
MARY: Just asking.
MATT: All right.
TALIESIN: With the lip, now we-- you're slowly--
TRAVIS: The lip is in my belt, baby.
MARY: And I would like to extract the canines from
the dire wolf.
MATT: From the dire wolf, all right. I would like
you to go ahead and make a nature check.
MARY: What's that?
MATT: That's to attempt to harvest the creature's
canines.
LAURA: What's that? Sorry?
MARY: Sorry, what do I do?
MATT: Roll a d20 and add your nature check bonus.
MARY: Oh, that sucks.
LAURA: Can I Primeval Awareness the dragon?
MARY: 12.
MATT: Okay. As you begin taking a small dagger out
from the inside of your Cloak of Useful Things you
break one of the tooths in the
process, unfortunately. You manage to get one of
them, at least, so you do have one dire wolf
canine you can add to your items.
MARY: I would like to put my hands on the dire
wolf and just thank it, for no other reason than I
respect its life.
MATT: Very well.
TALIESIN: I don't think he's going to answer.
MARY: You know, it's not for you, Percy.
TALIESIN: Oh well, I'm just saying.
LAURA: The dragon, then.
TALIESIN: I'm trying to be helpful.
MARY: I understand.
MATT: All right, you take a moment and concentrate
and, for a six mile radius-- currently no dragon.
LAURA: Still? It's still-- oh right, it's towards
a mountain.
SAM: We've got another day's travel, it's got to
be 20 miles away.
TRAVIS: Should we keep sleeping, or should we just
pack it up now and go?
SAM: Is it nighttime?
MATT: It's still-- it's probably like a good two,
three in the morning.
SAM: Oh, let's go back to bed.
TRAVIS: Would you say a new day has passed? So can
I try for my beard again?
MATT: We will once you get a full-on rest.
TRAVIS: Shit.
FELICIA: Let's fully rest. I'm going to make a
leadership decision that hopefully everybody
agrees with that we need more sleepytime.
LAURA: Is it okay to keep sleeping right here, are
they going to come search for us? Probably not
more than one search party.
TALIESIN: Probably not.
FELICIA: Probably not.
TALIESIN: I'm in my pyjamas, I'm going back to
bed.
FELICIA: I think that's a good call that I agree
with as the leader of this group.
TALIESIN: What she said.
MARY: Are we always going to call it sleepytime?
FELICIA: I mean, that's.
MARY: I'm just asking, I like to put labels on
things. It's an OCD thing.
FELICIA: Whatever you would like to call it. Or
just, yeah.
MARY: No, you're the leader, I shall accept
whatever name--
FELICIA: Yes, sleepytime is the official name for
it!
(laughter)
MARY: Sleepytime it is. Thank you so much.
TALIESIN: I'm going to sleepytime, good night,
all.
TRAVIS: Is it-- is it still my watch?
MATT: It is.
SAM: You did your job.
FELICIA: You did your job.
SAM: I'll take the next watch.
TRAVIS: Thanks. (snores)
MARY: May I?
FELICIA: And we can heal up, right?
MATT: Yes, so the rest of you guys, you go ahead
and take your full evening's rest, at which point
your hit points and spells are restored. And Grog,
go ahead and make a percentage roll.
TRAVIS: Yeah! Come on, you big bearded bastard!
58.
MATT: 58, nah, unfortunately.
MATT: But you've still got that nice scruff, a
good like, y'know, half an inch to an inch of
whatever that is pushing through.
TRAVIS: Dire wolf blood all over my feet didn't
stimulate the growth at all?
MATT: Unfortunately no.
TRAVIS: All right.
MARY: That blood looked quite black.
MATT: Eventually you all complete your evening's
rest, the rest of the watches go without incident,
in the morning you wake up and the cold air was
pretty rough for a lot of you. Thankfully the fire
was there to help, but you're-- you get the
feeling that the further north you travel, the
weather's going to become an issue, even with the
warm clothing you currently have on. All right. So
you guys step back to where your horses are
currently--
LAURA: Oh. Our horses are okay?
TRAVIS: Oh shit, we forgot about those.
MATT: Thankfully, your horses were far enough away
from the area where you were, the focus was not to
make any noise when they came upon you, so the
orcish party knew better than
to attack the horses first.
LAURA: Oh, that's good.
MATT: The horses are still a little spooked from
the evening's events, but nevertheless. You get
back on your horses, you continue up the Glasswalk
Road. You had a question?
MARY: I use Beast Speech to calm them. Tell them 
everything shall be fine.
TRAVIS: You have just got all sorts of shit.
MARY: Everything will be wonderful and thank you
for leading us where we need to go. We shall try
and make sure that no harm comes to you.
MATT: And immediately with that, the horses who
were currently rattled, and some of them are being
unresponsive to your attempts to mount them,
settle down, come to a calm point and allow you
all to get atop them without an issue.
TRAVIS: Being fully asleep, I cast fart.
(laughter)
MATT: All right.
TALIESIN: The irony is, I was going to recommend
Dust of Tracelessness, but that works too.
LAURA: Oh, that works too. Can you--
TALIESIN: They would never follow that, so.
MATT: Dust of-- Cloud of Deterrence.
TALIESIN: Cloud of Deterrence, thank you.
MARY: What do you want to do, my love. Dear.
Whoever you are.
LAURA: Oh yes, Dust of Tracelessness. He's got
this stuff, we can cover our tracks.
TRAVIS: Should we sleep?
FELICIA: We slept already, we're on the horses.
SAM: It's the next day.
TRAVIS: Oh, it is?
LAURA: Yeah.
TRAVIS: Oh. We ride.
SAM: We ride!
MARY: And so we ride!
TRAVIS: And I take the Dust of Tracelessness and
I, in the back.
SAM: Do we ever run out of that stuff?
LAURA: Never.
TRAVIS: No, it's an infinite supply.
SAM: Wow.
FELICIA: That is very convenient.
TRAVIS: Yeah, it is, it's really nice.
MATT: (laughs) And so as you're on your warhorse,
which, as you can tell the more and more you ride
on it the more and more it's starting to slow.
Thankfully you're keeping pace with Trinket, it's
having a hard time keeping a goliath on its back
for extensive riding.
TRAVIS: Could I give it-- could I give it a health
potion?
MATT: Let's just say it's probably going to be a
little sway-backed by the end of this adventure.
LAURA: Oh, poor thing.
FELICIA: Poor little horsie.
MARY: It may need to ride you.
MATT: It's okay for now.
TALIESIN: At some point you should give it a break
with the carpet.
LAURA: Yeah.
TRAVIS: I can't ride the carpet.
SAM: We don't have the carpet.
LAURA: Why did we--
SAM: Do we have the carpet?
TRAVIS: We gave the carpet to them.
LAURA: The other team has the carpet? Those
bastards.
FELICIA: I don't know them, but that's very-- that
is upsetting.
TRAVIS: Yeah. That is.
MATT: You guys continue traveling for a second
day--
LAURA: Why? Because Tiberius can fly, why the hell
did we give them the carpet?
(laughter)
LAURA: Sorry.
MARY: Oh.
SAM: It's all right, we don't need the crutch.
LAURA: All right.
TRAVIS: Second day.
SAM: We're fine.
MARY: Day two.
FELICIA: And so anyway, so, when I first met
Aldor--
SAM: Uh-huh.
FELICIA: -- he was hired to be my bodyguard and it
was so obvious that he was so capable when he
walked in the room--
SAM: How did he react when you first told him of
your feelings?
FELICIA: I mean, it was not a good evening, but he
was paid to be there so he couldn't leave, so that
was, well, that was good for me--
SAM: Always works for me.
FELICIA: It's not, it didn't work today, but it
could work tomorrow or the day after.
TRAVIS: Oh my god. Can we make an agreement. I
kill you, you kill me?
MARY: Yes.
FELICIA: And suddenly he disappears, it's so funny
that--
SAM: Well, you-- men are complicated.
MATT: A few hours of-- a few hours of travel
and--
MARY: Percy, any extra guns?
TALIESIN: What?
MARY: Sorry.
MATT: Learning the ins and outs of the extremely
tumultuous history of Lyra and Aldor, you
eventually come to a point where the clouds are
beginning to darken, and in the distance you can
see what looks like a very heavily obscured
curtain of snowfall to the north-northwest. You
get to a point of the Glasswalk Road where a
snowstorm is starting to pour over this vicinity.
You guys stop for a second and repackage yourself
with your fur and heavy winter clothing, and even
still it's very, very chilly. I'd like everybody
to make a constitution save.
LAURA: Are we still in the forest?
MATT: You are nearing forest, yes. So yeah, you
would be considered in forest area.
LAURA: Okay.
TRAVIS: Aren't I good like above 20,000 feet in
really, really cold environments?
MATT: Yes, you have advantage on this.
LAURA: Natural 20! Sorry, that was my first one.
FELICIA: You're so warm.
MATT: (laughs) So warm.
LAURA: It's bad thing to roll a natural 20 on.
TALIESIN: We're cuddling you for warmth,
apparently. You're like an oven.
LAURA: It's Trinket, you know.
MARY: 15.
MATT: All right.
FELICIA: 20.
SAM: Four.
TALIESIN: 24.
SAM: Hey, that adds up.
TRAVIS: Is this a constitution saving throw or
just a modifier?
MATT: It's a constitution saving throw, so you
roll twice and take the higher.
TRAVIS: Oh, wow. 23.
MATT: I think, I'm pretty sure that's how that
works. I'll check here with the goliath as the
mountain-born-- oh, you're just naturally adapted
to it, so you're fine.
TRAVIS: (laughs) I've got my chest out, my nipples
aren't even getting hard. It's amazing.
TALIESIN: Oddly, your face is a bit cold because
it's so bare.
TRAVIS: Your instinct-- that was a low blow. That
was a low blow.
MATT: All right, so all of you manage-- Scanlan,
mark yourself, you have one level of fatigue.
LAURA and MARY: Oh no.
SAM: What's that mean, what's that mean?
MATT: Fatigue, let me go ahead and make sure--
MARY: Too much listening to-- oh, sorry.
FELICIA: Does he look cold? I'm going to give him
my stone, I'm going to give him my stone of
resisting cold.
TRAVIS: That was bullshit, Percy.
SAM: What about you?
FELICIA: It's okay. I'm a leader, and a leader
sacrifices--
SAM: I can't let you do that, Lyra.
FELICIA: No, really, just take it. You listened to
me so good. It's like we're besties.
SAM: I feel-- I feel a connection, I do. You know
when you were telling me about Aldor--
FELICIA: It's not sexual at all.
SAM: No-- I-- uh.
FELICIA: I'm not attracted to you at all, like
literally if it happened I would be ill, but it's
really nice--
SAM: Believe me, you sexually? You repulse me.
FELICIA: Thank you!
SAM: Yeah, no, really.
FELICIA: Oh my god, I'm so with you right there.
SAM: Oh yeah.
FELICIA: But really, as a friend you are so nice.
SAM: I feel a connection too!
FELICIA: So here's the stone.
SAM: I have had some Aldors in my life, too.
FELICIA: I want to hear all about them.
SAM: Yes, mainly they were whores who kicked me
out early.
FELICIA: Oh.
SAM: But they-- in a similar way they disrespected
me, didn't see the true Scanlan
that I could've been.
FELICIA: I mean, I was-- listen. The one time we
were together it was after I gave him armor, but
he was not servicing me--
SAM: Wait, together?
FELICIA: Yes.
SAM: You've been with him?
FELICIA: Of course, I told you--
MARY: Oh look, we seem to be coming to something
interesting in the road.
FELICIA: Were you not listening?
SAM: I thought you meant that as a metaphor.
FELICIA: No, it was his birthday and I bought him
some very expensive custom armor that he-- you
said he had it on, which is-- he obviously has
feelings for me to wear that armor.
It was 10,000 gold--
LAURA: (gasps)
FELICIA: -- and he just, he was very attracted to
me that night and we had intercourse so. My uncle
was very upset with me.
TRAVIS: Intercourse.
FELICIA: And after that, he never saw--
SAM: Somehow you made that less sexual than I
could've ever imagined. Is there-- Grog, what's
the term for when your penis is inverted? The
opposite of a boner?
TRAVIS: Belly button.
SAM: Yeah, that's what I've got now.
FELICIA: Anyway, I was really certain after that
moment that we would be together forever and I
never saw him again.
SAM: You know men are fickle and when I-- I'll
have a talk with him.
FELICIA: He kept the armor, so he has feelings.
Let's just move on.
SAM: Let's do it.
FELICIA: Here's the stone.
SAM: Let's not dwell.
MATT: You take the stone and your fatigue fades.
You find yourself adjusting well to the cold
climate, thanks to your gift from your new leader
and--
SAM: I love her.
MARY: Leader-slash-lover?
MATT: All right, so as you guys pull off the side
of the road and use the cover of the forest to
help from the snow that's beginning to hit even
harder, you gather there is in this vicinity an
ever waxing-and-waning blizzard that pours
through. You can see a localized area that is not
really moving. You wait like a good 20, 30 minutes
to see if there's any movement but the blizzard is
not shifting from its location.
FELICIA: Should we try to do the spell, locate
dragon again, just to make sure
it's at the top of this--
SAM: Good leading, good leading.
LAURA: Sure, I will try it again.
MATT: All right. You sit and concentrate for a
moment and... nothing. Nothing-- wait. You sense
this very, very small blip at the edge, it's
moving quickly.
LAURA: There. There's a dragon.
FELICIA: Where is it, which, which--
LAURA: It's fast, wait.
SAM: Which way, east, north, south?
MATT: It's getting closer, you can sense its
energy up in the air.
LAURA: It's up in the air.
MATT: At that point you hear this distant guttural
howl, just a--
LAURA: We should hide just in case. How about we
hide?
MATT: (raaah!) comes bursting out over the air.
The wind begins to pick up and the snowfall begins
to become ice. The rest of you guys have to kind
of duck yourself out of the way--
LAURA: No way.
MATT: -- everyone make a reflex, or sorry, a
dexterity saving throw.
MARY: What's that?
FELICIA: I am very good at that.
SAM: I don't even know what this is, what is
this?
FELICIA: That's a nine.
MARY:12.
TRAVIS: Eight.
SAM: 13.
FELICIA: 11.
TALIESIN: 16.
LAURA: 24.
MATT: All right. All of you guys manage to find
cover under the nearest tree where the bough of
the forest is at its strongest. You avoid most of
the brunt impact, Grog unfortunately takes a good
portion of slamming ice-stone damage. Negligible
for most damage you're used to, but you still take
four points of bludgeoning damage from the falling
ice.
TRAVIS: All right.
MATT: The sleet. As you guys are currently in this
position, you can see barely through the very very
heavy snowfall a shape that (whoo) moves over in
the distance that circles around and then heads
back in a western direction.
SAM: Can we get its attention?
MARY: I cast Beast Speak and say, where do you
live?! I'm kidding.
TRAVIS: I was like, really?
TALIESIN: Thank you for that addendum, because
we--
LAURA and MARY: Not really.
MARY: Not really.
LAURA: All of us are like, ahh.
MARY: I have a sick sense of humor.
LAURA: Can I see which direction it's going back
towards the mountain?
MATT: Yeah. You look over in that direction and
you can barely make it through bits as the storm
intensifies and begins to subside a little bit,
you can see what looks to be the gentle outline of
a mountain range maybe about ten miles off from
the road. To the west of the road,
into the forest itself.
LAURA: Great.
SAM: We've got this.
LAURA: We got to go in the forest.
FELICIA: Okay. Let's go!
MARY: It should provide us with some cover from
the snow as well.
SAM: But who knows what lurks in those woods?
MARY: This is true.
LAURA: Well, I can also, you know, see what kind
of creatures are around.
SAM: All right.
MARY: Oh, yes.
LAURA: No, I can't. I can't see animals. Just
kidding.
FELICIA: Well, we don't really have a choice, we
have to get the dragon.
SAM: Let's plunge in.
FELICIA: And we have a time limit.
TRAVIS: You're the team leader.
FELICIA: We have-- we need-- now there's really no
other way to go,
we have to go through the forest?
MATT: Currently.
FELICIA: Currently.
MATT: Unless you guys have any other plan, right
now there is about ten miles of forest between
you, near the roadway, and this mountain range,
where apparently the dragon has returned to.
FELICIA: Great, okay. Well, there's nothing else
to be done, we just have to go as fast as we can.
LAURA: All right.
MARY: I could cast Invisibility and Fly, I could
fly us all somewhere.
FELICIA: I don't really have any other--
LAURA: Oh, you can't fly all of us, can you?
MARY: I think I can fly up to nine, I thought.
LAURA: You can fly up to nine people?
SAM: What?
LAURA: Tiberius can only fly up to three people.
SAM: What kind of devil are you?
FELICIA: Oh, should we fly? We--
SAM: Wait, can you fly?
FELICIA: I can't fly, no, but maybe Zahra can
fly.
LAURA: If we're flying, though, I'm just going to
put this out there. There's nowhere to hide if the
dragon comes back out.
MARY: I understand, but I can also cast
Invisibility.
LAURA: Well, that's awesome.
FELICIA: But that doesn't last as long, or--
MARY: I can target one additional creature for
each slot above third, what does that mean?
MATT: It means, if everything you cast is at
maximum level, it would be fifth level, which
means you could target three creatures with
Invisibility.
MARY: Three creatures with Invisibility and three
creatures with Fly.
LAURA: But is it at the same time or is it a
concentration?
MATT: It's a concentration either way. I will say,
as soon as you start thinking about flying and
getting there, you look up past where the trees
are. Flying in this weather
would be a terrible idea.
FELICIA: That's a terrible idea.
MARY: All right.
FELICIA: You know what I was thinking, it might
not be good. It might not be good. Let's just
ride, we have the horses, we can't leave the
horses behind. We only have--
TRAVIS: Right, okay. We start riding.
SAM: We could, we just rented them. 50 bucks, so.
FELICIA: Don't remind me of that, that was just a
thing. All right, onward! Let's--
TRAVIS: I'm still in the back doing the dust of
uhhh.
FELICIA: Yay, go.
MATT: Dust of uhhh?
TRAVIS: Nay-nay.
MARY: We ride!
MATT: As the flower girl picks up the back end,
you guys trudge on horseback into the heart of
this section of the Vesper Timberlands. It is a
very dense forest and you find that any
straight-road path is not going to function, as
you're constantly having to weave in and out from
the thick tree trunks and heavy foliage that has
taken over the floor. Plus a layer of snow that
tends to encapsulate the area, your movement is
relatively restrained than this pace you're
normally used to going. You have-- what bonuses do
you have because of the forest terrain?
LAURA: I have--
MATT: To the group's movement, if any?
LAURA: Yes, movement is fine for all of the
group.
MATT: Thankfully, though, you have Vex guiding you
on this path and where it would be a very
difficult experience pushing through this forest,
especially with the time limit you have, she is
able to find the quickest paths to dodge any of
the heavy areas that are dense
with dangerous snowfall.
LAURA: I would also like to perception ahead and
make sure that nothing is going to
sneak attack us again.
MATT: Understood, understood.
FELICIA: Very good call.
MATT: All right. In that regard, I would like you
to go ahead and make a perception check.
SAM: Oh boy. Something out there. Nope.
LAURA: That is lower than my passive perception,
though. Which is 21.
SAM: Your passive perception--
LAURA: -- is 21.
MATT: Right.
SAM: Wow.
LAURA: And plus five-- no, that's it, just 21. But
it's a 12. For right now.
MATT: It's a 12? Okay. You keep an eye out as you
continue to move forward.
LAURA: Oh, but I get to roll twice though, because
it's my favored terrain?
MATT: That's true, you do. Advantage on that.
LAURA: Okay. Shut up.
SAM: When the cameraman laughs.
MARY: When the cameraman is laughing at you, you
know it's a good roll.
LAURA: It's-- no, that's not that bad-- It's 15.
MATT: That's an improvement.
LAURA: It's a slight improvement.
FELICIA: Better than 12.
LAURA: That's right.
MATT: 15 is indeed--
MATT and TALIESIN: -- better than 12.
MATT: The things you learn watching Critical Role,
ladies and gentlemen.
SAM: (sings) The more you know.
TRAVIS: Learning.
MATT: So in following Vex through the forest,
weaving back and forth, about an hour of travel in
you-- I know you gotta get going soon. How soon do
you have to go?
LAURA: We're calling a car, and it's however soon
it gets here.
MATT: All right. Pushing forward, you eventually
manage to avoid what looks like a long frozen lake
in the center of the forest with a series of
heavily iced-over stone ruins.
LAURA: Don't walk on this lake.
FELICIA: Oh, good call, good call.
MATT: You move around and in the distance you
swear you see the glimmer of some glowing entity
in the midst of these ruins and you manage to keep
enough of a distance. Everyone make a stealth
check on this. So roll a d20 and add your stealth
bonus.
FELICIA: Add it, or take away? Because it's
negative.
MATT: For you it'd be taking away from your
stealth roll.
FELICIA: Great, that's great.
SAM: Clang-clang-clang.
FELICIA: 11.
MARY: 13.
MATT: 13.
SAM: 13.
LAURA: 16.
MATT: Grog? Stealth.
TRAVIS: Stealth is 14.
SAM: 13.
TALIESIN: 24.
FELICIA: 11.
MATT: All right, so. Though clumsy in form, the
group is able to pull you far enough away where
they cover your bases on this, and this glowing
entity doesn't seem to take notice of your passage
as it slowly fades into the stone ruins once
again. You press on towards the mountain--
SAM: Should we go check that glowing entity out?
MARY: What was it?
FELICIA: Do I-- oh, do I know? I have an arcana,
or would it be nature, or?
MATT: For this, I would say go ahead and make a
religion check, actually.
FELICIA: Oh, good, three. I don't know, it's 11.
MATT: It's spooky and you don't like it.
FELICIA: I don't like that so let's keep going.
LAURA: We should avoid it.
SAM: Okay. If you insist.
MATT: Pushing forward about another hour and a half,
two hours, you eventually make it through the
forest, dodging a few other areas where clustered
vines and almost thick brambles begin to close off
portions of the passage. Without Vex's help on
this it would be a very difficult element to
traverse, but you manage to find areas you can cut
through, and where the weak points of these
various interwoven nets of vinework are. You push
through until the forest comes to an end at the
base of a giant tree-covered mountain that is
currently coated in snow and ice. Looking about,
you can see that the highest spire is obscured by
the very blizzard clouds ahead. There is heavy
snowfall in this vicinity and your vision is
semi-obscured past a certain area. Only because of
Vex's keen sight are you able to make out the
details of that mountain
disappearing into the blizzard.
TRAVIS: This is very much like home for me.
LAURA: Do we see any-- anything along the bottom,
the edge of the mountain that looks like it could
open into a cavern of some sort?
MATT: There are a number of large rocks and
boulders that seem to have tumbled off the
mountain and embedded themselves in the ground in
sections. You do see what looks to be a cavern of
some kind that is in the-- at the base of this
mountain, it's about 20, 25 feet high and about 35
feet wide.
MARY: Should we maybe go in?
FELICIA: Does it look like we can climb the
mountain, or is it just too sheer?
MATT: Go ahead and make a perception check.
FELICIA: Oh, good, this is my best. Oh! Nope, it's
a nine.
(laughter)
MATT: You-- you've read about mountains.
(laughter)
MATT: And you've seen many pictures of them.
Seeing one up close? They're a lot bigger than you
thought they'd be.
FELICIA: Very large mountain, guys, I'm not sure--
as a leader I'd like to invite you guys to
evaluate whether we could possibly climb this
mountain.
TALIESIN: I would like to evaluate whether or not
we could climb this mountain.
SAM: You're delegating, that's good.
LAURA: Yeah, delegate.
TRAVIS: So I'm proficient here, right?
LAURA: Can we check?
MATT: You-- I'd say for this and since you know
mountain ranges pretty well, go ahead and make a
wisdom check on this, yeah.
TRAVIS: Shit.
MATT: Just add your wisdom modifier to the roll.
TRAVIS: Which is zero. (laughs) 15.
MATT: 15. As you're kinda taking a moment to
inspect it, you, your people, your actual race
being mountain-born people, you look at it, and it
could be scaled. It would be a dangerous climb and
you would need some semblance of simple climbing
tools to do so.
TRAVIS: So we got to make it come to us.
FELICIA: Well.
MARY: We could.
LAURA: Oh, that's smart, Grog. That's really
smart!
FELICIA: We have to lure the dragon down.
SAM: Or one of us could climb it and--
TRAVIS: Jump off?
SAM: -- bring it down as bait. I could do that.
FELICIA: I don't think that sounds like a good
idea. There's a cavern over there, should we
inspect it? Maybe there's some inner workings to
get to the top.
TALIESIN: I think this conversation would be
greatly improved by some sort of cover.
LAURA: We'll get into cover maybe just to be
safe.
MARY: I agree, I vote on going to investigate the
cavern.
FELICIA: Let's go to the cavern. Well, it's not a
democracy, but that's okay, I am totally open--
MARY: And I agree with your--
MATT: You hear this heavy sound of wind rushing
suddenly.
FELICIA: Oh god, get in the cavern, get in the
cavern! Get in the cavern!
TALIESIN: Cavern now!
MATT: Let's see. Oof. Okay. (laughs) Vex. On
horseback, you look over, and the snow that's
hitting your face-- you see a dark shape begin to
form in the snow. It gets larger and larger and
larger, and you realize it's not something that's
swelling or growing, it's something that's coming
at you very fast and it's very large. You
immediately try and turn your horse around, but
it's too fast, and it slams into the side of you,
sending you off the horse and tumbling to the
ground. You feel a heated pain in your side you
haven't felt in a long time from the impact.
LAURA: Ah! What?
MATT: You guys watch as a boulder about that big,
of rock and ice--
SAM: Oh, shit.
MATT: -- just smacks into the side of you.
SAM: Oh, shit.
LAURA: You're kidding me, right? That sucked.
MARY: Where did it come from?
SAM: It was just a random meteor.
MATT: You take 30 points of bludgeoning damage.
LAURA: You're kidding me!
FELICIA: What the--
MARY: Wow!
MATT: And you're knocked onto the ground.
FELICIA: Oh my god, Vex! (screams)
MATT: The rest of you, who are currently on
horseback, see this, and from the direction of the
forest you see a large, very large humanoid figure
begin to step out of the edge of the forest.
LAURA: It's a giant? Oh, no.
MATT: This low voice kind of
bellows out. You can see on it thick, snow-covered
fur, patchwork hide armor. The skin itself is a
dull bluish-grey in color, white eyes, a giant
metallic horn, what looks like some sort of
creature's horns that are affixed to the sides of
its helmet. A giant axe in its hand. This is
indeed-- and you recognize it immediately-- this
is a frost giant. You see it reach down
and grab another boulder and begin to toss it in its
hand. As the rest of you see this, you hear
another bellow.
LAURA: You speak Giant, you speak Giant, right?
MATT: Does anyone speak Giant here?
TRAVIS: I do.
MATT: You hear a voice come echoing from the
cavern behind you, saying, "Intruder!
"Take him down!"
LAURA: Oh no, no no!
SAM: What do we do, guys?
MARY: Talk to him, for--
MATT: A second frost giant steps out of the cavern
behind you.
LAURA: Shit.
MATT: And that's where we're going to go ahead and
end the session for today.
(yelling)
SAM: We're in between two giants and a dragon?
FELICIA: Without--
MARY: Hagawaga... hawafenor!
LAURA: I'm damaged.
FELICIA: Very damaged.
MARY: She's damaged.
MATT: Yes, on the ground. You marked your damage,
because that carries over to next week.
LAURA: I did.
MATT: All right, guys, we'll-- because I know you
had to leave soon and that would be a good place
to stop it for this point and this week, we're
going to continue this session next week.
TRAVIS: We're screwed!
MARY: No we're not!
LAURA: I'm dead!
MARY: No we're not.
MATT: Starting a battle with two delightful frost
giants.
LAURA: I feel like we did such a good job on the
last one.
TRAVIS: Two giants!
LAURA: Oh my gosh.
MARY: All right.
MATT: So first off, guys. Welcome to Critical
Role, Mary.
(cheering)
MARY: Thank you so much. It was such a bloody
delight.
LAURA: You have to be careful with my dice.
SAM: Do they break?
MATT: Very, very well done.
LAURA: I've got gems in here.
MARY: I hope we'll survive.
FELICIA: You never know.
SAM: Wow, that was amazing. Mary and Felicia are
so good.
MARY: Thank you.
LAURA: Oh my gosh.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
SAM: So talented. You killed people and stuff.
TRAVIS: Brilliant.
MARY: I mended a piece of paper.
LAURA: You did! And you--
MATT: Blasted the torso out of an orc.
MARY: And I killed an orc--
LAURA: And you made a guy like give us things for
super cheap, which is like
the best thing in the world.
MARY: I love a good sale, I do.
LAURA: I do too!
MARY: I love finding a bargain. We should
definitely go shopping.
FELICIA: Oh, I'm fine with it. I'm fine with my
trust fund, because my parents are dead, yay.
MATT: All right, we have our--
ZAC: We have some donations to go through, so
guys, just like last week because we're getting so
many donations we just don't have time to read all
the messages, so we'll just read off who the
donation was from and say thank you, and then I
will send an exported list with all your messages
in an e-mail form to all of our hosts so they can
see them. But it's just so many,
which is amazing.
LAURA: Yay!
MATT: You guys are ridiculous.
TRAVIS: Yeah. You guys are rad.
ZAC: We just don't have all night to go through
them. Oh, can I make a personal request?
MATT: Sure.
ZAC: Can you kill Felicia next week?
MATT: That's not up to me.
LAURA: That's just not appropriate.
FELICIA: What's that about?
TRAVIS: Wow. Wow.
MATT: That's really unnecess--
ZAC: In the game, in the game.
SAM: No no no no no.
MATT: Oh, in the game!
ZAC: In the game.
MATT: Oh, in the game.
FELICIA: Funny, like--
MATT: I was like, I got to think this through,
man. She's right there.
LAURA: I really have to go!
MATT: I know.
TRAVIS: Bye Vex!
MATT: Bye Laura!
MARY: Love you!
LAURA: I love you!
MATT: Everyone going to GenCon--
LAURA: Yeah!
MATT: -- go say hi to her.
MARY: Yeah, go say hi at GenCon, woo!
ZAC: You know what, if you wanna like Skype in
from GenCon, let me know.
LAURA: Well--
ZAC: You got it on your phone, right?
SAM: To what?
LAURA: I do-- to what?
ZAC: Us!
LAURA: Just for the heck of it?
ZAC: Just for the hell of it.
LAURA: But I'll be on a panel!
ZAC: The whole time?
LAURA: The entire time, it's a really long panel.
MARY: One long panel, it's unusual.
ZAC: That's crazy. Good luck.
MATT: That would be terrifying.
TALIESIN: Panel-con.
LAURA: All right, bye!
MATT: Bye, Laura!
TALIESIN: Bye, dear!
ZAC: So it looks like we start right around here.
MATT: Here, awesome. Gdi35 donated $50 to 826.
ZAC: Woo!
MATT: Thank you so much, that's incredible. Let me
see.
ZAC: I dunno where--
MATT: Oh, QBUltima5 donated $20 to 826, thank you
so much. WheelieFactoid has donated $25, thank you
again Wheelie, you're amazing and consistent, it's
incredible. Darastar donated $25 to charity,
Supalot-- supalot, that's delicious-- donated $50.
Thank you so much, Supalot, that's great.
Javabookgeekgirl donated $150, that's ridiculous.
Thank you so much. KleetaZX, xicxic, XCXC, I'm
sorry if I butchered that, but it's spelt to be
butchered so I'm doing my best I can.
ZAC: You're doing great, Matt, you're doing
great.
MATT: Donated $50. Thank you so much. We have
Markinthepark donated $50 as well, thank you.
MARY: Woo, Markinthepark!
MATT: Awesome. Kurtcole donated $100, that's
fantastic, Pippin42890 donated $250.
TALIESIN: Whoa.
FELICIA: What?
MATT: Towards the charity, thank you so much.
ZAC: And this is their first time watching live.
MATT: First time watching live, welcome to all the
guys who watch for the first time.
(cheering)
MATT: So welcome. Fantastic, we have Jeannie2343
donated $50, thank you so much Jean, or Jeannie,
however it's said. Norkalad donated $100, also
their first livestream, thank you and welcome!
FELICIA: Yay, first livestream!
MATT: All right, we have SirBugglez donated $25,
which is awesome. Foxyforsythe donated $23.89.
SAM: Buggles?
MATT: Thank you, I like that specific cent-number,
makes me happy. LastCalled2013 donated $50 towards
826, AstrocistofVaruul donated $25, incredible,
incredible. Immune0 donated $25, thank you
Immune0, that's fantastic. TheDuggenator8. Yeah
Duggenator.
FELICIA and TALIESIN: Yeah Duggenator!
MATT: Donated $25. Gaiaca donated $25, thank you
Gaiaca. Mylastnameisapalindr--
ZAC: Palindrome, I'm guessing.
MATT: Mylastnameisapalindrome is probably it.
Donated $25, thank you, and awesome that's your
last name. Magikthefireborn donated $20, thank you
very much Magik, that's fantastic. Joerker,
Joeker396 donated $111.11.
MARY and FELICIA: Wow!
FELICIA: One one one one one.
MATT: I like the ones.
SAM: Many ones.
MARY: One one one one one.
MATT: Make it rain. DaredevilKB donated $25, thank
you Daredevil, love your show on Netflix. Zern
donated $30, thank you Zern, that's amazing.
7bitRyan donated $50 and there are many comments
here about Lyra and Aldor storytelling, which I
think will haunt the party for quite some time.
FELICIA and MARY: Yay.
FELICIA: Oh, I'm excited, write fanfic.
MATT: Kariduck donated $25, thank you Kariduck,
and MZV5005 donated $25, thank you guys so much
for your donations for 826. It's astronomical,
your support for the show and everything you guys
do. Also a big thank-you to our fantastic artist
Kit Buss for knocking out
some fantastic profile art!
FELICIA: I love my portrait so much.
MARY: Kit, I love you so much, so much.
TALIESIN: I haven't seen it yet.
SAM: They have portraits already?
TALIESIN: Yeah, they've got portraits up, we get
to see them when the feed's up.
FELICIA: I have a portrait, it's really
fantastic.
MARY: Here, I'll show you.
MATT: You guys should tweet out your portraits.
MARY: Yes, I will now.
FELICIA: Oh yeah yeah! I will, I have to get it
set up.
MATT: You can see it.
MARY: Here.
SAM: Whoa, awesome.
ZAC: While Ryan's getting you guys' gifts ready, I
wanted to do a really quick announcement for
tomorrow's show. Tomorrow we are having a new show
pilot kind of idea premiere, with Hector doing
HeroClix with Alison Haislip tomorrow, it's gonna
be a lot of fun.
FELICIA: It's really fun!
MATT: Nice. HeroClix is fun.
ZAC: Yeah. Hector's got Doctor Doom and Gandalf on
lock, and he challenged anyone
to try to beat him, so.
MATT: By the way, I would watch that movie in a
second.
ZAC: Right?
MATT: I'm just saying.
ZAC: Doctor Doom and Gandalf together. I'm really
excited. And then after that--
MARY: Liam!
ZAC: We have one of our fan favorites, Robot
Teammate, coming in to do musical improv tomorrow
night as, and then Gather Your Party with everyone
else, so.
MATT: (hoarsely) Disadvantage.
ZAC: Tune in tomorrow night, guys. All right, I
think Ryan's got some gifts for you guys.
MATT: Yes, continue Critmas. Once again, I'm gonna
reiterate it. The outpouring of this fantastic
community, what you guys do for each other, the
support you guys have in playing together and
supporting each other is incredible and I-- every
week we're perpetually blown away and feeling
unworthy for all the gifts you send, and it's
amazing.
TRAVIS: Get out of my seat!
MATT: And it is appreciated, you helped decorate
both the set and our living spaces now with all
these amazing gifts, so we can see and be reminded
of you guys all the time. So thank you again, so
much, for all your incredible gifts. I love-- I
can't get over Grog's cask of ale that's just.
FELICIA: That Grog ale is amazing.
TRAVIS: It is my favorite thing. It's my little
baby.
MATT: I know.
TRAVIS: I love it.
MATT: So sweet.
LIAM: Is that your woobie?
TALIESIN: Hey now. That's not nice.
TRAVIS: Grog's ale, keep away from giants.
MATT: Hey congratulations chat room, by the way,
for choosing the contract tonight, adult white
dragon was definitely the tougher of the
selections.
TRAVIS: They chose that shit?
FELICIA: Wait, what? They picked the harder one
for us? Thanks, guys.
TRAVIS: We love you guys. It's not like we want to
live or anything.
FELICIA: You want Lyra to die, that's what you
want.
MATT: There were only a few requests.
FELICIA: Zac.
ORION: I was thinking the whole time, I was like--
dicks.
TRAVIS: Dicks. Why can't they pick like, you
know-- I don't know, goblins
or like really angry dogs?
MARY: When you see what we do to orcs.
ORION: I don't know what would be worse, a dragon
or a beholder.
TRAVIS: Oh, I'm thinking of that. That instant
death-ray.
FELICIA: Thank you!
They all are Critical Role dice, which is
pretty amazing.
MARY: Yes! That's awesome!
MATT: All right, guys, real fast we'll get to
these gifts here--, we have a few gifts to open for
the group here, from a Vincent Langolas. Open
this. Oh yeah!
SAM: Are they in the box of holding, there in the
box? Somewhere.
MATT: So, guys, for those who don't know, Vincent
has been--
SAM: Oh my god.
MATT: --progressively pumping out amazing episodic
fanfiction of Vox Machina, and sending us all of
it, the stories are really really awesome. If you
are inclined to, I recommend if you haven't
already put them online, then share them with the
rest of the Critter community,
they're really awesome.
FELICIA: There's a place called wattpad.com where
you-- a lot of people do post fanfic.
MATT: Oh, awesome.
FELICIA: I actually am on there for my book, it's
promotion, but when I started poking around there
was lots of fanfic, a lot of Supernatural fans
around there writing fiction. But like, it could
be a place that people could post.
LIAM: Have you written any?
FELICIA: Not yet, but I do want to. I have to
pick, it might be just Nancy Drew fanfic,
I'm not sure.
MATT: Well, I have Vax and Vex's copies here, I'll
get these both to you, Liam, to handle there.
SAM: One Dwarf Too Many.
MATT: I'll hold on to Pike's, Ashley's currently
absent, but we'll--
TALIESIN: This is chapter three?
MATT: Actually, why don't you hand these out, if
you could, thank you so much. This is the next
chapter in the One Dwarf Too Many saga.
SAM: One Dwarf Too Many.
MATT: One Dwarf Too Many.
SAM: As read by Sir Ian McKellen.
LIAM: Here's Percival's.
TALIESIN: Thank you.
MATT: That is awesome.
TALIESIN: I need to get these bound at some point.
I feel like I don't work hard enough every time
one of these comes.
MATT: All right, so from Joe, aka jockguy89 to
Matt Mercer, "Epic dungeon master
"needs an epic d20."
MARISHA: Oh snap!
SAM: It's made of dice.
TALIESIN: It's gonna be an engagement d20.
MATT: Oh, oh I get my own flashing d20 now.
FELICIA: Is it flashing?
MARISHA: Is that what it is?
(cheering)
MATT: I've seen these, I've seen these, I wanted
one. This is one that if it lands on a 20, it
flashes a bunch of LEDs on the inside.
TALIESIN: It gives you an alarm when you know he's
gonna kill a party member.
MATT: It's like this red glow beneath the shield,
I just kinda look up silently. It's going to be
great. Thank you so much, Joe, that's really
really sweet. I'm going to use that. Here we have
a letter. All right, Sir Drey, about 21
hours ago, block. "Hello there, Critical Role, my
"name is Drey, and my friends and I have created
our own Pathfinder D&amp;D group after religiously
"watching the show every Thursday." Awesome! "We
used Tabletop in which I purchased a battlemap,
"but we have really old metal figurines, I was
wondering if by chance you could point us in the
"direction of where to get better figurines? I've
checked Amazon and a few other comic stores and
"couldn't find any miniatures. It'd be really a big
help if you could point me in the right direction.
"I know you might not answer back due to busy
schedules, but thank you guys for putting on the
"show and entertaining us Critters. Sincerely,
Drey." Thank you, Drey. A lot of these minis come
from-- if you can't find it at comic stores nearby
there's good websites like Miniature, I think it's
Miniature Market. There is--Troll and Toad is one
of my mainstays, Troll and Toad has a good
selection of minis you can order. eBay is also a
good source.
TALIESIN: Hero Forge.
MATT: Hero Forge, you can customize your own
character minis, which is really great, and have
them 3D printed out for you. And then, there
is.... You can order on Amazon some of the packs
of D&amp;D figures. You don't know what's in there,
it's one of those kinda you know surprise figure
boxes, which is kinda fun in itself. I've bought
way too many of those. But you can find those on
Amazon, usually. Just look for Dungeons and
Dragons miniature boxes and Pathfinder boxes as
well, they have a whole slew of that, so. Those
would be your best bets.
MARISHA: They're like miniature grab bags.
MATT: Apparently. Oh, what? All right. "Matt, can
read on air." And then I can read that off the air.
That's the private conversation. Here we go, this
is filled with money! No, it's not. It's my
favorite fan.
MARY: It's a check!
MATT: I want to take a moment to say, I appreciate
that most of our letters we get are hand-written,
and that is such a rarity these days and it kinda
makes this little archaic happiness in my heart
sprout. So, "Matt, so far from my experience, DMs
typically have a ton of dice, so I thought why not
"make a little bug to help with the struggle." Bag!
Bag to help with the struggle. Oh. Read that
'bug'. I'm also bad at writing hand, reading
handwriting. I love handwritten letters, I'm just
terrible at them, I apologize.
MARISHA: I got really excited, I thought it was
gonna be like a dice bug.
MATT: Right, or just like a whole bunch of roaches
start pouring out, I'm like, this was a great
idea. (screams) "I made one for everyone but
started to run out of materials and only sent this
"one out. Hope you enjoy the candy inside." Ooh.
"Let's really hope it doesn't melt. Sorry if it
"does. Rebecca Christian." Thank you so much,
Rebecca! That's really sweet. What did Rebecca--
Oh! That is-- that is a chainmail dice bag.
ALL: Whoa!
MATT: That says DM on it in gold chains.
(cheering)
FELICIA: That's really hard to make, chainmail. It
really takes a long time.
MARISHA: Takes forever.
FELICIA: Yeah, takes forever.
MATT: It's full of coins. Let's share some gold
coins.
(cheering)
MATT: Catch?
FELICIA: No, no!
TRAVIS: Throw it at her!
ORION: Actually, just throw them all to Sam.
MATT: There you go. Sam! There you go.
ORION: Hey Matthew?
MATT: Also acts as a bag protector.
ORION: Nice sack.
MATT: Thank you. Oh my god, you guys are so sweet,
thank you so much. That's awesome. And then did we
find out who these are for? Ryan? Ryan?
RYAN: Yes?
MATT: Did you find out who these are for?
RYAN: Those are for you to distribute, they're
from jpcguy.
MATT: Jpcguy! Awesome, thank you so much! We got
two sets of elven dice to distribute here amongst
the party. Oh, these are really cool.
TRAVIS: I got dwarvish dice to distribute, too.
ORION: I already got a set, jpcguy already gave me
one, so I'm good.
MATT: Awesome. Thank you so much, that's amazing.
TRAVIS: These were from Eric, redzanwatt, "Grog,
thank you to all Critical Role for the joy you
"bring me and showing me the amazing world of D&amp;D.
These dice would fit in nice with the dwarf beard
"I hope you finally grow. Your fan, Eric." Very
cool, Eric. Thank you, man.
FELICIA: When are you gonna grow hair, Grog?
MATT: The dice pool we've slowly gathered over
this time. So, not to worry.
TRAVIS: Can I show this off real quick?
MATT: Yeah?
TRAVIS: So I'm a crazy Dallas Cowboys fan and
somebody sent me an autographed picture of the
original three, like, Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin
and Emmitt Smith.
ALL: What?!
MATT: I don't know who those are but I'm so happy
for you!
TRAVIS: It's instantly going on my wall next to my
Dallas Cowboys--
ORION: I don't watch sports, but I know these
names because that's when I used to watch sports,
and those are cool names.
TRAVIS: Thank you. Thank you thank you, I don't
know, the Cowboys are my team.
ORION: That is ace.
TRAVIS: It just came from Nostalgic, I don't even
know! Who sent it? It gave me this!
MARY: Nostalgic in Ohio.
MARISHA: Thanks, nostalgic.
FELICIA: In Ohio.
SAM: Wow, for a fan of the Cowboys to get that,
that's amazing!
FELICIA: How did they know that?
TRAVIS: Internet?
SAM: I am a fan of obscure Picasso art. And
sketches. Maybe Hundertwasser sketches, or
something.
(laughter)
LIAM: You're human? You can have these.
FELICIA: Oh yay! Oh, these are beautiful.
TALIESIN: These are fabulous.
MATT: These are awesome dice.
FELICIA: I had a whole, I used this color dice.
ORION: I have one more, we have a message, a
letter from our friends over at Gamechanger.
MARISHA: Oh, Gamechanger!
ORION: "Dear Critical Role and Geek and Sundry
team, huge thanks to all of you for having us on
"your show, promoting our charity and supporting
the DX15 campaign." Which is the Deus Ex campaign
we were doing. "Your support truly made a
difference in the campaign and Taylor and Jim had
"an awesome time in your studio. So cool!!!" Three
exclamation points. "We would love to work
"together in the future and hope that someday all
of you or some of you can join us at the hospital
"and deliver gifts and joy and inspiration to the
young patients and show your gaming-- show how
"gaming plays such a critical role in their
treatment." I accept that challenge, I will do
that. "Much love, from Gamechanger, Jake Hearst
and Jim Carroll." Flipside-- Oh, Zac, pay
attention. "We bought Final Fantasy Type 0 for a
giveaway during the Deus Ex thing, but never got a
"chance to promote it. So we would like to offer it
to you and the team members could give it away to
"your audience any way you'd like." Zac. "So no
strings, just a thank-you gesture, token of
"appreciation, and love to all the Critters out
there."
TRAVIS: That is amazing. Thank you, guys.
MARISHA: Thanks, Gamechanger! And we have some fun
stickers.
MATT: Thank you guys again so much for supporting
Gamechanger and our charities and our show and
everything you guys do, it's truly-- I've never
been progressively and continuously moved by a
community like this, and you guys make this so
special, so thank you.
LIAM: It's a happy little spot on the sea of the
insanity that is the internet.
MATT: I know.
MARISHA: It's true.
MARY: Yeah.
FELICIA: And thanks to the mods who keep the chat,
I watch every week unless I'm out of town and
like, the fact that everybody in the chat is
somebody I'd like to say hello to is pretty great.
So thank you for that, all your work.
MARY: Thanks for being so supportive for those of
us-- I mean, we had so much support coming in this
week from all the Critters, so thank you very
much.
MARISHA: Oh my gosh, you guys, get ready for the
fanart.
ORION: If Felicia's in that, it's gonna be fun.
MARISHA: It's coming, it's coming, I'm so
excited.
MATT: Oh man.
TRAVIS: With Aldor running away.
MARY: Aldor.
FELICIA: No.
MARY: Noooo!
MATT: I have to say, like, for your first time
playing Dungeons and Dragons, can I just say Mary
picked that up quick.
(cheering)
MARY: Thank you! I had some amazing help and
support from you guys.
MARISHA: Your like Jedi mind trick there at the
beginning, I was like, oh!
LIAM: Could somebody draw a picture of Scanlan and
Lyra talking about the birds and the bees? That's
a request I have. Please.
MARY: The rest of us sorting through Percy's
guns.
TRAVIS: Click, no. Click, no. Click, no.
MATT: Tiberius back, sitting in the background
with Bad News. He's not even in the group, but he
still can't take it. Thank you guys so much,
again, and I'm excited. I had Greg Tito from
Wizards of the Coast, Dungeons and Dragons, send a
care package, which we'll distribute once we've
got the whole group together again. With a bunch
of fun little gifts for the Critters that we want
to give away in the future, some gifts for you
guys in the group, and a bunch of really really
cool minis that I get to try and kill you guys
with in the future, so
thank you very much, Greg Tito.
MARISHA: Thanks, Greg!
MATT: And everyone at D&amp;D for sending us that care
package, you have officially helped facilitate a
TPK at some point in the near future.
LIAM: We're a big fan of what you do.
MARISHA: Yes, we love you, Wizards of the Coast.
MATT: Obviously. My little DM bag. I love it.
TRAVIS: Joe, a.k.a. jpcguy89, thank you for the
dice as well. I found his thing.
MATT: Thank you so much, buddy.
ZAC: Oh, it's his birthday!
(cheering)
MATT: Happy birthday, Joe!
MARY: Happy birthday to you!
ZAC: I was just talking to jpcguy.
(cheering)
TRAVIS: Happy birthday!
FELICIA: Yeah, happy birthday.
LIAM: Zum Geburtstag, ja.
TRAVIS: What?
LIAM: That's German for happy birthday, darling.
TRAVIS: Oh. Fancy secret agent.
MATT: Shut up, Nightcrawler. Well guys, thank you
so much again, I think we're pretty much good for
the evening, so we'll see you guys next week
Thursday.
TRAVIS: Two giants and a dragon, really?
MATT: Yeah, you guys are fucked.
ORION: Tune in for these ladies too, please.
TRAVIS: They'll be back next week.
FELICIA: Next week I'll be back, hi.
ZAC: Felicia might die!
FELICIA: I might die.
MARISHA: And then after that it's Wil Wheaton and
Will Friedle, so.
MARY: Tiefling!
MARISHA: They'll be here as well.
MARY: My tail is whipping in happiness.
MATT: Good night guys, good night.
ALL: Bye!
