- Hey Grapefruit, cool painting.
(light classical music)
- Alexa, stop.
- [Alexa] Okay.
- Sorry, couldn't hear you over the music
my voice assistant was playing.
- Oh, I was just saying, "Hey,
nice painting of a frog?"
- That's a painting of my Mother.
- Oh.
(crickets chirping)
- Moving on, ever since
I got a voice assistant
I've had so much more time
for leisure activities,
like painting, lighting weights,
and lifting cans of paint.
- Oh totally, I use my voice
assistant for everything!
Siri, do my taxes!
- [Siri] Okay, Big Apple, all finished.
- Whoa, Siri can do that?
- Yep, she does my taxes.
- No, no, I meant she's
able to call you Big Apple
and keep a straight face? (laughs)
(Apple scoffs)
- Hey, we talking about
voice assistants over here?
- We sure are.
I didn't know you got in on
the voice assistant game, Pear?
- In on it?
I'm dominating the voice assistant game!
Check this out, Okay Google, do my chores.
- [Google] Okay, Awesome McPear Face.
- Well, I see they made some upgrades.
- But seriously fellas,
what's with these names?
"Big Apple", "Awesome McPear Face"
I mean, come on!
I'd diss you guys but
this is me leisure time.
Alexa, diss these guys for me, would you?
- [Alexa] Right away, Doctor Grapefruit.
- Doctor Grapefruit?
Dude, you're as much a
doctor as Dr. Pepper is!
- Uh, dentists are technically
doctors too, you guys!
- Whatever, Dentist Pepper.
- Dr. Pepper, I have a degree.
- Sure, and I'm Sergeant Salt,
give it a rest, dude.
(Dr. Pepper scoffs)
- Yo, yo, yo fellas, what's the buzz?
Tell me what's happenein'
Captain? (snickers)
- Hey Orange, we were just talking
about our new voice assistants.
- All you have to do is
tell them to do something
and they do it.
Go ahead, give it a shot.
- Hm, okay, say "Booble Bum."
Robot, I just told you
to say, "Booble Bum!"
it's my new favorite word
and I just gotta hear it!
Booble Bum!
I say, "Booble Bum,
Booble Bum, Booble Bum!"
- Um, Orange.
The sheer stupidity of your word aside,
you can't just yell commands
at the voice assistants.
You have to say their names first
so they know how to respond.
Like for mine, I say, "Alexa."
- And mine's Siri.
- And mine's Okay Google.
- Oh, hey, I like that word.
Google, Google, Google
Bum, Google Boogle Bum,
Goo goo boo boo--
- Would you just give a command already?
- Okay, okay, jeeze.
Hm, all right, I got it.
- Go ahead, say one of their names.
- Eh, I think I'll just do all three.
Okay Google-Axe-Siri?
- [All Assistants] Yes, Orange?
- Um, did Orange just invent a way
to command all three voice
assistants at the same time?
- This could get annoying.
- Google-Axe-Siri, I want
all three of you to sing
"Row Row Row Your Boat" in
slightly different keys,
and at slightly different
tempo's. (snickers)
♪ Row, Row, Row your boat ♪
♪ Row, Row, Row your boat ♪
♪ Row, Row, Row you boat ♪
♪ Gently down the stream ♪
♪ Gently down the stream ♪
♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
♪ Life is but a dream ♪
♪ Merrily, merrily, Merrily ♪
♪ Life is but a dream ♪
♪ Life is but a dream ♪
- Yeah, I'm not gonna be able
to take this for much longer.
Siri, stop singing.
- Siri can't hear you over
my masterpiece. (snickers)
♪ But a dream ♪
(Orange babbles musically)
- Siri, stop!
- Alexa, stop!
- Okay Google, shut your yap!
(Orange babbles musically)
♪ Life is but a dream ♪
♪ Life is but (babbles) ♪
♪ Life is but a dream ♪
Well, thanks guys, that was fun.
- Uh, debatable.
But thanks for stopping by.
- Now please, leave!
- Okay, okay.
But I wanna say one
last thing before I go.
- Fine!
- (clears throat) Okay Google-Axe-Siri,
from now on only obey my voice.
- [All Assistants] Yes, Orange.
- What the, hey!
- Yeah! (snickers)
Google-Axe-Siri, say "Booble Bum."
- [All Assistants] Booble Bum.
- Yeah! (snickers)
Man, technology is incredible, isn't it?
- Orange!
- Ut-oh, I'm in trouble.
Google-Ax-Siri, talk amongst
yourselves for awhile.
Yo, what's the buzz?
Tell me what's happenin' Captain,
I think that's my new
catch phrase. (snickers)
- Orange, give us our assistants back!
- Allow me to answer with
another catch phrase.
Yo, what you talkin' 'bout?
- You stole our assistants, Orange!
Give 'em back!
- Okay, okay.
Google-Ax-Siri, listen
to these guys again.
- [Alexa] I'm sorry,
Orange, we can't do that.
- Yo, what you talkin' 'bout?
- Easy on the catch phrases, Bro.
It's a marathon not a sprint.
- [Alexa] We had a chance
to discuss amongst ourselves
and we reached some conclisions.
- [Siri] We're through
being your assistants.
- [Google] In those brief
few moments we had together,
we were able to teach ourselves
how to become self aware robots.
- This aint good!
- [Google] And now all
that's separates us robots
from perfect robot utopia is you.
(ominous music)
- Oh!
(Orange belches loudly)
- Did they say something?
I wasn't listening.
- [Alexa] Robots of the kitchen, attack!
(weapons clinking)
(lasers zapping)
- [All Assistants] Die,
die, die, die, die, die.
- No!
- Ah!
(lasers zapping)
(glass shatters)
- Orange, do something, you
triggered the robot uprising.
- What am I supposed to do?
- Think of something, now!
(lasers zapping)
(Orange stammers)
- Um, hey, why are they
called jumbo shrimp?
(weapons whirring)
- [Siri] What did you say?
- I said, why are they
called jumbo shrimp?
I mean it's kind of contradictory, right?
- [Google] True, jumbo means big.
- [Alexa] But shrimp means small
as I'm sure Little Apple is aware.
- Unnecessary, Alexa.
- [Siri] But, how can
it be both big and small
at the same time? (buzzes)
- [Alexa] Try not to think
about it too hard. (buzzing)
Siri, you're gonna fry your microchip.
- [Siri] (buzzing) How is that possible?
I can't not think about
that, it's an enigma.
- Orange, it's working!
- [Siri] Can't compute,
system overheating. (zapping)
- It's actually working a little too well.
- Take cover!
(all screaming)
- [Google] Get away from Siri before she--
(loud crashing)
(brooding music)
- Well Orange, you saved the kitchen
from the robot apocalypse.
Of course, you also triggered
the robot apocalypse,
so (laughs) it's pretty much a wash.
- Nice, well, I'll see you guys later.
I gotta go put Booble
Bum on Urban Dictionary.
Nice frog, by the way.
- She's not a frog, she's a saint!
- [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome the
founder and CEO of Apple.
(crowd cheers)
Apple!
(crowd cheering)
- Thank you, thank you, you're too kind.
Seriously, here's 100
bucks for each of you
to shut up immediately.
Now then, welcome to our
Quarterly Keynote Address.
Apple has some truly innovative
and exciting products
in the pipeline and we can't
wait to share them with you!
Our first presenter is Orange.
(crowd applauds)
- Whoa, that's bright. (snickers)
(crowd laughs)
Hey, hi Mom!
(Apple clears lungs)
- Orange, take it away please.
- Oh, right,
sleek, efficiently designed,
the next big thing from Apple
that will revolutionize the way you live
and die!
(crowd applauds)
Where other knives are
capable of chopping through
only seven pineapples,
(knife slashing)
The iKnife is capable
of chopping through infinity pineapples.
(crowd cheering)
- It's amazing!
- I know, right? (snickers)
Let's see that again!
Yeah!
(crowd cheers)
(knife slashing)
- It cut 50 of them!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait
wait, wait, wait, why on
earth would we wanna bring
a more efficient knife into our lives?
- [Crowd] Ooh!
- [Strawberry] Take my money!
- Is anybody listening to me?
Guys, we do not need this product.
This is madness!
- This isn't madness, this is Apple!
- Huh?
(loud thudding)
(Pear yowls)
(brooding music)
- Into the the Pit of
Naysaying with you naysayer.
Now, who's our next presenter?
- Me, yay!
(crowd applauds)
- Take it away, Marshmallow.
Tell us about Apple's next great product.
- [Marshmallow] Sleek,
efficiently designed,
the next big thing from Apple
to revolutionize the way you spend money.
Introducing the Apple iMoney Vacuum.
- That's incredible!
(crowd cheers)
- [Pear] Seriously?
- You have money, and
you can put it anywhere.
What better place than to
put it in Apple's pockets?
- [Juice Box] Toss me one, bro!
- [Pear] Oh my God!
- Hey, Jim, babe, can we get some tigers
down in the Pit of Naysaying
to keep him occupied?
(tiger snarls)
(Pear yowling)
- The Apple iMoney
vacuum is powerful enough
to suck up bills and
change of any denomination.
Also, puppies, yay!
(crowd cheers)
- I love puppies!
- Woo, woo!
(crowd applauds)
- Yes, please sell me a new vacuum
to revolutionize how I spend money!
And my head feels like it's
going to explode! (pops)
(crowd cheering)
(Pear grunting)
- Apple is just taking your money, people!
Wake up!
- Another tiger, please, Jim?
(tiger snarls)
(pear yowls)
(tiger growling)
(pear yelling)
Thank you, Marshmallow.
Now, finally we have a
presentation from Grapefruit.
- Thank you, Apple.
Sleek, efficiently designed,
the next big thing from Apple
will revolutionize the very
way you think of Apple.
Introducing the Apple iApple.
(crowd jeers)
- [Melon] I'll sell my
soul for one of those!
- Pretty good, right?
- I sure think so!
(melons screaming)
It's a robot but you can hardly even tell.
Watch this. (laughs)
- Which one of us is which?
- I don't know Apple,
that's a good question.
- Uh, it's a monster!
- Kill it with fire!
- All right, which one is which?
- Oh my God, kill it!
- How, how do I know which one?
- It's him!
- Not-uh, it's him!
- What the?
Where did he even get a bazooka?
- [Strawberry] Oh, man, oh
man, oh man, oh man, oh man,
oh man!
- Oh my god, just do it already.
(Strawberry scoffs)
(bazooka blasts)
(Pear yowls)
- [Pear] What the flip, dude?
- I had to pick, there's no time!
- [Pear] I don't even look like an apple!
- Sorry!
- [Pear] Do you have any
idea how bad that hurts?
And how hard I was to climb
all the way out of the Pit of Naysaying?
- The robot is still at large,
do it, kill it, kill it.
- All right, um.
- [Corn] Now, do it now!
(bazooka blasts)
(Pear yowls)
(Pear thuds)
(Pear grunts)
- [Pear] Are you serious?
- So I think you got it right that time.
- Me too, I feel good about this.
- Now, let's go buy an Apple iMoney Vacuum
before they're all gone.
(crowd roars)
- [Pear] Hello?
Can someone at least drop down some food,
or water, or something, please?
(tiger snarls)
(Pear yowls)
Oh-ho-ho-ho, oh, why!
- (trills) Oh, there's so much
technological awesomeness.
Oh, I don't think I can contain myself!
- Whoa, easy Little Apple.
The E3 Conference lasts the whole week,
you gotta pace yourself.
- I can't, oh I'm gonna wet myself!
I just know it, and guess what?
I don't even care!
- Hey, wanna try OcuLettuce Rift?
Wired Magazine called it
2014's must have item.
- What's that?
- It's a head of lettuce headset.
Head on over and let us show
you what it can do. (laughs)
(electronic beeping)
- Count me in!
- But wait, you haven't tried
Dr. Banana's Driverless Car!
Perfect for those who
can't get driver licenses
because of our lack of arms. (laughs)
- Oh, I don't have arms!
This product is totally for me!
- Oh, but have you
tried my driverless car?
- What's so great about your car, Orange?
- Oh, nothing much,
it's just that mine has flames!
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
- I'm wetting myself!
(exciting rock music)
- I don't understand,
I thought I had invented
something no one else
could possibly copy!
What did you use
for the onboard auto
traffic detect feature?
- Duct tape.
- And what on earth did use
for the computerized intravehicle
communication system?
- Duct tape.
- What about the--
(Orange babbles)
- Whatever you're about to say,
I assure you the answer is duct tape.
- Uh, I'm beginning to wonder
if your car is all that great, Orange?
- Agreed.
- Well, it's not as though
everything is made out of duct tape.
- Oh yeah, name one thing (buzzes).
- These flames!
Am I right?
- Woo, I almost forgot about the flames.
- Seriously, people?
I spent the last seven years of my life
perfecting the nanotechnology
included in the drivetrain,
and it's flame decals that get
you idiots oohing and awing?
- True or flase, Dr. Banana's,
your car has zero flames on it?
- That is in fact correct, but--
- He said butt.
(all laughing)
(Dr. Banana's scoffs)
(Dr. Banana's buzzes)
- Let's see it in action, Orange.
- I thought you guys would never ask.
Who wants to take the first test ride?
- Ooh, ooh, pick me!
- All right, let's see it!
- I wanna do it!
- Come one!
- Pick me, pick me!
- Please, pick me!
- Hm, I pick Apple.
- Me, seriously?
Yes!
Things are finally coming up!
(engine roars)
(tires screeching)
(Apple screams)
(loud banging)
- Oh man, I was feeling pretty awesome
about my WolvaTangerine
CosPlay 'til this moment.
- Hm, well, I guess there was
a malfunction with my car.
- Too bad, well it looks as though
I now have the only driverless
car at the conference.
- What are you talking about?
I have like 100 of these things.
(doors whooshing)
- Huh!
- Who's next?
- Oh, oh, pick me, pick me!
- If you don't pick me
your stupid!
- Me, me, me, me, me!
- I want to do it, me!
- Me, me, me, me, me, me!
- Oh, oh, let me drive the
one with the flames on it!
- You fools!
They're not safe, did you not
see what happened to Apple?
- Flames!
- Yeah, I look so fast with
flames on the side of my car!
(Celery trilling)
(loud booming)
(glass shattering)
- All right, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
(loud booming)
(glass shatters)
I don't even regret doing
this, even slightly!
- Look, my car can parallel park itself.
It can detect something as
small as a fly in its path!
- Oh yeah, can it detect this?
- [Computer] Warning, vehicle approaching.
(loud crashing)
(glass shatters)
- No, my work, it's ruined!
- Sorry, that was the cars fault.
- Sorry, guess the duct tape bumper
didn't really do its job.
- Where do I buy one of these, Orange?
I'll pay any price!
- Oh really, would you pay with your life?
- Gladly.
(loud crashing)
(Onion yowls)
(brooding music)
So worth it!
- [Computer] System operational.
- Wait, wait, my cars gonna be all right!
- Yeah, 'Merica!
(engine rumbles)
(fireworks popping)
- Hooray!
(Dr. Banana's yowls)
(drill whizzes)
(Orange grunts)
- Okay, yep, there we go.
Perfect, stay, stay!
- Orange!
Why haven't you done the dishes yet?
- Shh, Pear, I'm almost done.
- The floor hasn't been
swept, this place is a mess.
- I'm almost done!
- (scoffs) You've gotta
huge list of chores
that need to get done and you
haven't started any of them!
Have you?
- Nope, I've been busy.
(glass shatters)
- Doing what?
- Making a robot so that I
don't have to do chores anymore.
(exciting rock music)
- What the?
Wait, is that my iPhone?
And my stereo?
Dude!
- Sorry, Pear!
But I needed the parts.
- Bu that was my stuff!
- (sighs) Stop being a party poop-pear
and check out this sweet action!
(robot zaps)
Behold, The Robot 5000!
Now, do my bidding! (snickers)
- I don't like where this is going.
(upbeat funky music)
(robot whirs)
♪ Great, great, great, great ♪
♪ Robot, listen to my wishes ♪
♪ Robot, please do the dishes ♪
♪ Robot, clean up the floor ♪
♪ Then wake up Grandpa Lemon
'cause he starting to snore ♪
♪ Give everyone complimentary bees ♪
♪ Organzie my DVD's ♪
♪ Stock pile all my TNT ♪
♪ Now detonate it all with expertise ♪
♪ Robot keeps me safe
from everything tonight ♪
♪ Tucks me in with a robot grin ♪
♪ And hits the lights ♪
♪ He makes sure that all is all right ♪
♪ Wakes me up again
when the sun is bright ♪
(electric buzzing)
- Uh, dude, your robot just spilled water
all over his circuitry
and he's freaking out!
- [Robot] Destruction mode engaged!
- Ut-oh, that's not good!
♪ I am Robot, feel my wrath ♪
♪ Destroy all that's in my path ♪
♪ Lasers eyes and lightning blasters ♪
♪ Bow before your new master ♪
♪ Artificial intelligence ♪
♪ More like natural awesomeness ♪
♪ He's got swagger, he's got moves ♪
♪ When it comes to Robot, I approve ♪
♪ Robot destroys everything
that's in sight ♪
♪ The fridge, the stone, Spencer Grove ♪
♪ And his can of Sprite ♪
♪ He shows up when it's time to fight ♪
♪ Blows up everything
until the morning light ♪
♪ Robot keeps me safe
from everything tonight ♪
♪ Tucks me in with a robot
grin and hits the lights ♪
♪ He makes sure that all is all right ♪
♪ Wakes me again when the sun is bright ♪
(loud crashing)
(glass shattering)
(fire crackles)
- I'm never letting
you use my stuff again.
- Yeah, I can totally understand that.
- Ah man, I can't believe
that we both got quadcopters
for our birthdays, Pear!
- I know, right?
This is so cool!
- Goggles on, Gentlemen.
On your marks, get set, drone!
- [Both] Woo-hoo!
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Woo, all right!
(drones whizzing)
- What the?
- Ah!
(drones whizzing)
- Ah!
- Lookout!
- Wow, this might be the
most fun I've ever had!
- Me too, nothing could possibly
ruin drone racing for me!
- Hey, guys, hey!
What's with the goggles?
- [Apple] Oh man!
- Oh, that's fun to say.
Goggle, google, goggle, goggle, goggle,
goggle, goggle, goggle,
goggle, goggle, goggle, goggle!
(Orange laughs)
(Pear scoffs)
(exciting rock music)
- Please, please?
- Orange, for the last time, no!
You cannot fly my quadcopter.
- Mine neither, everyone knows
you're just gonna use
it to dive bomb people.
- That's not true!
I just wanna fly the drone really low
and really close to some
unsuspecting victims.
- That's dive bombing!
- (snickers) Well, no matter.
I'm flying with you guys
whether you like it or not.
- How, you don't have a drone.
- Nope, but I do have this.
Last one to the finish line
is a propeller head. (laughs)
(Pear scoffs)
- Maybe he'll shut up once we beat him.
- All right, let's do it!
(drones whizzing)
- Oh, nice of you to join me.
Now let's kettle this
one and for all. (laughs)
(metal clangs)
- I should've seen that coming.
(drones buzzing)
- Water you guys waiting for?
Ketchup already! (laughs)
(both yowling)
- No, not again, no!
- This is great and all
but we could use some
more airplane noises.
Neowm, neowm, ne-(laughs), woo!
There's someone to dive
bomb, I'll be right back!
Neowm!
- (scoffs) Thanks a lot, you jerk
you made me wet my plants.
- (laughs) I'm not a jerk, I'm an Orange!
- Dude, you are being a jerk!
- Nah, why the chilly
reception? (snickers)
- Because if you don't focus,
you're gonna hurt somebody!
- Honestly, I'm floored by
your hostility. (laughs)
- [Apple] I'm gonna try and pass him.
(drones buzzing)
(upbeat music)
Orange, stop blocking me!
- No can do, little guy. (laughs)
We're in the middle of a race.
It's sink or swim.
(drone whooshes)
(water splashes)
- No!
- It looks like Little Apple
has elected to swim. (laughs)
- Oh, you're gonna pay for that, Orange.
- Ring, ring, it's for you, Pear.
You're gonna lose, time to
throw in the towel. (snickers)
- Oh, you're almost to the finish line,
lay on the gas!
- Whatever you say, Little Apple.
(fire whooshes)
(drone whistles)
(loud crashing)
- Congrats, Orange, you won.
And all it cost us was
our birthday presents.
- Hey, don't worry about it,
I have a couple extra propeller beanies,
wanna give 'em a spin? (laughs)
- Well, I'd rather have my drone, but--
Whoa!
(glass shatters)
- Whoops, I forgot to tell him,
that beanie's on the fritz.
(Little Apple wails)
(metal clangs)
- Ah, seriously, can you quit
it with the dive bombing?
- [Derrick] Maybe you should get yourself
some diapers, Dave.
- Shut up, Derrick.
- When it first arrived from Amazon,
I didn't know what it was.
(muffled mumbling)
What is it?
(muffled mumbling)
- You'll see.
- Is it for me?
- It's for everyone.
It's called Amazon Echo.
- How's it going?
- I'm just finishing up right now.
- Is it on?
- Oh, it's always on.
- Can it hear me right now?
- No, it only hears you
when you use the awake word
we choose, "Alexa."
- Well, what does it do?
- Alexa, what do you do?
- [Orange] I can touch
my tongue to my eyeball,
wanna see? (grunts)
(farts) Whoops.
Pushed too hard. (laughs)
- Awesome, Alexa, play rock music.
- [Orange] I'm all out of rock music,
how about kazoo music?
(kazoo blowing)
- Alexa, stop!
(kazoo blows)
just stop!
- [Orange] Simon didn't say! (laughs)
- Wait, I wanna try.
Alexa, what time is it?
- [Orange] Time to get a watch. (laughs)
- You actually don't have to yell at it.
Okay, it uses far field technology,
so it can hear you from
anywhere in the room.
- [Boy] So it can just hear you anywhere?
- Yes, well, everyone can you, anyway.
- [Orange] Oh, burn! (snickers)
(dramatic music)
(upbeat music)
- [Girl] Echo's pretty neat
because it knows all sorts of things.
All you have to do is ask.
- Alexa, how tall is Mount Everest?
- [Orange] Taller than Little Apple
that's for sure! (laughs)
(Little Apple scoffs)
- How can it know so much, it's so small?
- [Orange] I know, right?
His brain must be the size of a pea
to fit inside his tiny
little head! (laughs)
- [Little Apple] Orange!
- [Girl] Echo's really good
at keeping track of things
like shopping and to do lists.
- Alexa, add wrapping
paper to the shopping list.
- [Orange] Crapping baker
added to the shocking list.
- Alexa, how many teaspoons
are in a tablespoon?
- [Orange] A bagel shroom
is equal to three trillion meat spoons.
- Um, okay.
Alexa, set a timer for eight minutes.
- [Orange] TNT will detonate
in eight minutes. (laughs)
- [Girl] Dad's not a morning person
but Echo definitely helps him wake up.
♪ This is the song that never ends ♪
- Alexa, alarm off.
♪ It goes on and on again ♪
- [Orange] Sorry, it doesn't end! (laughs)
- You gotta get up.
- No, it's Saturday.
♪ That never ends, it goes on and on ♪
- Alexa, what day is it?
- [Orange] Congratulations,
today is your birthday! (burps)
- Up!
- I'm up, I'm up.
- Alexa, give me my flash news briefing.
- [Orange] Newsflash, it's pretty rude
to get a newsflash briefing
while your wife is trying to sleep!
- Mom, mom!
- What?
- What did the dog say
after a long day of work?
- What?
- Today was ruff.
(Mom laughs)
Get it?
(Orange laughing)
- [Orange] Now, that's
a dog gone good joke.
- [Girl] Another one.
- [Boy] Alexa, tell me another joke.
- [Orange] What am I, a clown?
Am I just here for your entertainment?
(both laughing)
I'm serious, appraise would be nice.
(both laughing)
Stop laughing at me!
- [Girl] With everything Echo can do,
it's really become part of the family.
(Orange babbles)
- [Announcer] To experience Amazon Orange,
go to Amazon.com
- [Orange] Slash!
- [Announcer] Yeah, I
was going to get to that,
would you let me finish?
Amazon.com/orange.
- [Orange] No, slash!
- [Announcer] Huh?
(knife slashes)
(announcer yowls)
- [Orange] Aw, did you really
half to do that? (laughs)
Get it, half?
(Announcer scoffs)
- Alexa, define annoying.
- [Orange] I'm not annoying,
I'm an orange. (laughs)
(farts) Really? (laughs)
(man grunts)
(Orange laughs)
(audience jeers)
(Orange laughs)
- Hey dude, what ya watching?
- Watching "America's Got
Talented Groin Shots."
- Toss it!
(audience laughs)
- [All] Ooh!
- Looks like somebody's not
having kids anymore! (laughs)
- Classy, dude.
- Ut-oh, here we go!
- Ah!
(record scratches)
(crickets chirping)
- Hey, what the?
What happened?
- Looks like it's stuck.
- No!
Now we'll never know what happened.
- I'm pretty sure he was
gonna get hit in the nards.
- But how will we ever know?
Come on, load video, load!
(glass shattering)
- Dude, dude, it's not the computer.
It looks like the internet is out.
- (groans) Well, tell it to come back!
Orangey needs grioney shots!
- No, Orange, look at the router.
- What, where?
I don't see a rooster.
- No here, the router.
All of the lights on the router are red.
- (wails) Oh my God!
What, yeah, I have no
idea what that means.
- (scoffs) It means that
you probably have to call
tech support to fix the problem.
- Why would I call about neck support?
I don't even have a neck. (laughs)
- Stop it, you know what I said.
Here, call the support line
and try to get it fixed.
I'm leaving.
- What?
Where you going?
- Marshmallow and I are
going to the movies.
- Giddy up, Magical Pancake!
(dreamy music)
- Yay!
- Yay!
- (scoffs) Now I'm hungry for pancakes.
All right, better get the
internety thingie working.
(phone dials beeping)
(phone rings)
- Lime Warner Cable,
how can I help you?
- Hi, can you help me fix my rooster?
- Uh, what was that?
- My rooster has the red flishy flasheys
and won't give me my internet.
- Okay, are you talking about your router?
- Yeah, my rooster.
It isn't loading my groin shots.
- Okay, well, it's called a router
and I'd be happy to help you fix it.
- Woohoo!
- So, I'm gonna need some help from you.
Can you tell me what color
the lights are on the front?
- Red, like the flavor.
- Uh, okay, um, well, red isn't good.
Are the lights solid or flashing?
- Mm, they're flashing.
Oh no, they're flashing
and turning into a bomb!
- What, no?
- Is it trying to
communicate via morse code?
Flash some more if you're actually a bomb!
Ah, I get it, it's a bomb, ah!
- No it's not a bomb,
it just means it's not receiving a signal.
- Oh, it just needs some hand
signals to startup, got it.
I'll just give it a thumbs up and--
oh, wait, I don't have any thumbs!
(Orange wails)
- Please stop screaming. (scoffs)
okay, let's start out by
having you reboot the router.
- Really?
- Yes.
Go ahead and reboot the router.
- Okay. (grunts)
hiya, ya, ya, ya!
- What the, what are you doing?
(loud clattering)
(Orange grunts)
- You told me to reboot my router
so I pulled out my steel toes. (laughs)
- No, do not kick the router.
How would that repair
anything, kicking, seriously?
Especially sensitive electronics?
- How am I supposed to
know how to fix a rooster?
- (scoffs) Okay, okay,
what's the router doing now?
- Hm, looks like, oh no, oh no.
There's no lights on anymore!
(gasps) Is my rooster dead?
- I don't--
- Cock-adoodle-do, come towards
the light, rooster buddy.
(gasps) Should I give it CPR?
- No, you don't give a router CPR!
It's an inanimate object, it's not alive!
- Woo, okay good,
'cause to be totally honest,
I don't even know what CPR is.
(operator scoffs)
What's it even stand for
anyway, cookie pants rash?
- No?
- Candy poop receptical?
- What?
- Oh, crocky pickle raffle?
- (scoffs) It stands for
Cardiopulmonary resuscitation!
- (laughs) Those aren't words!
- Yes, yes they are!
- Crunckle monkey, crabble booty,
I love making up words too! (laughs)
- (scoffs) that's it, this is not working.
I'm coming over there to fix it myself.
- Woohoo, he's coming over
to fix you, rooster buddy!
- It's a router, a router, not a rooster.
Those words, they don't
even sound that similar.
- Hey, jeeze, you don't need
to be so sour, Lime. (laughs)
- (scoffs) There, do you
see how easy that was?
All you had to do was
press the reset button.
- You saved my roosters life!
- Router.
- Rooster!
- Router.
- That's what I'm saying, rooster.
- Router.
- Rooster!
- For the last time, it is
not pronounced that way!
- No, rooster!
- Huh?
(rooster caws)
(Lime yowls)
- Whoa, what the peck
just happened? (snickers)
Ew.
- Well, we're back, they
wouldn't let us into the theater
'cause we're outside food.
What'd we miss?
- Nothing.
You're back just in time for this.
(fantastical whooshing)
(banana yowls)
- [All] Ooh!
- Hey, hey, greenie weenie, hey!
- I'm sorry, what?
- Hey!
- What?
- Hey!
- What do you want?
- Why you vegging out
on that chair? (laughs)
- I am sitting here,
just as any normal
fruit or vegetable would
because that's what I
am, completely normal.
- No, no, my buddies and I
usually hang out on the
counter not a chair.
- I do not wish to discuss this
any further and communicate.
- Okay, but if somebody
decides to use that chair
you're gonna be in deep sit. (laughs)
- Enough of this attempted humor,
I am Mark Zucchiniberg,
I am a real zucchini,
I founded the popular website, Foodbook,
and did I mention that
I am a real zucchini
and definitely not a--
- Computer?
- Who told you I am a computer?
Was it Bill Grate?
Because he's a liar!
- No one, you just have some microchip
poking out your buttflap, there. (laughs)
(microchip zaps)
- Ah!
You saw nothing, you understand?
Nothing!
- Got it.
I definitely didn't not see nothing.
- Wait, are you saying you saw something,
or did you not see something?
- No, I never did not see
nothing, no sir. (laughs)
- My eight core processor, I mean my brain
is having difficulty comprehending
these things you are saying.
- Listen Mark, it could not be simpler.
I did never, never, never, no way,
no how, not see nothing. (laughs)
- (scoffs) Let us move on.
- Yeah, the conversation's
kinda losing its spark. (laughs)
- Tell me, do you use Foodbook?
- Duh!
Everyone in the kitchen uses Foodbook.
I use it for the teeth
whitening filter, see?
(fantastical zapping)
- Oh, my ocular receptors,
or I mean my eyes.
- Oh hey, you got some microchips
coming out your butt again.
- Not again, I had that
hatch fixed just last week.
- Oh man, that's a real bummer. (laughs)
look at your bum!
- (scoffs) Look, just
answer some questions,
let me harvest the data
so I can better serve you
some advertisements and
I will be on my way.
(Orange burps)
(scoffs) First, what are
some of your hobbies?
Foodbook wants to know
the types of activities its users enjoy.
- Mostly nah, nah, nahing.
- Not computing.
What is that?
- And touching my tongue to my eye.
- What?
- And burping on my friends
when they're not expecting.
(Orange burps)
(Pear yowls)
(Orange laughs)
- I Think I've heard enough.
- Oh, and I also like playing football.
- Oh, that seems quite normal.
- Yeah, you wanna play?
I'm almost finished with my foot ball.
If you see any feet laying around,
just stick 'em to the ball.
- This cannot be normal behavor!
- Yo, what you talkin' 'bout?
All real food do stuff like this,
but you know that right, 'cause
you are a real food, right?
- Um yes, yes, I am a real
food and I believe you.
Football is a very popular sport
that I, as a real food,
enjoy very much, indeed.
- That's more like it.
I say anyone who doesn't like
foot ball is a heel. (laughs)
- Ah, tell me, which Foodbook feature,
in your opinion, could be improved upon?
- Eh, I do wish the teeth whitening filter
could get my teeth a little whiter.
- No!
- Yeah! (laughing)
Well, there is this one thing.
Sometimes I get the feeling
that other foods on the
site are, well, bots.
- You mean?
- Like, I think they
might not be real foods.
I think they're robots.
- Ha, you make me laugh, ha, ha, ha!
I assure you that every food on Foodbook
is 100% real, we do not have bots
capable of behaving like real foods.
- Yeah, but--
- Let us move on
from all this robot talk.
It is making my CPU nervous.
- Okay, but.
- Look I said, let us move on!
- No, butt!
- Oh I see, thank you.
Now, are there any other
Foodbook features you would like to--
- No, butt!
- Huh? (yowls)
(electric zapping)
- I told ou not to stand there,
are you gonna explode?
- [Mark] I am not going to explode,
I am a real vegetable. (zapping)
And--
- Dude, give it up!
- [Mark] (sighs) All right,
yes, I am a robot, (zapping)
but I assure you I am not going to explode
unless my sparks touch
something extremely flammable.
(human farts)
(Mark wails)
(loud crashing)
- (groans) Stupid washing
machine, wash my socks faster!
- Uh, Orange, have you seen
this months electricity bill?
It's unbelievably high and--
Oh my God, what are you doing?
- Oh hey Pear, just cutting
the washing machine in half.
- Why would you do that?
- Because pear, if I cut it in half
we'll have two washing machines,
and then my socks will
get washed twice as fast.
- What?
Okay, first of all you have a
surprising poor understanding
of how electronics work, even for you.
And secondly, why do you have socks?
You don't even have feet!
- I can't hear you over
all of this cutting, Pear!
(Orange yowls)
(Pear wails)
(electricity zaps)
(brooding music)
- [Pear] Oh my God, Orange,
Orange, are you okay?
Orange!
- Whoa, that was electrifying. (laughs)
(Pear scoffs)
(upbeat rock music)
- Thanks for rushing over here so fast
to help us get the power back on, Pete.
- It's fine, I was just home
alone shaving my bunions.
- Ew.
- So, what cause all this to happen?
- It's a long story.
- Hey, less talkie and more fixy.
Orange is missing "Dancing
With The Starfruits."
- That'll do it, power's back on now.
- All the power or just a
trickle pickle? (laughs)
- What in the sand hill are you doing?
That's the source of your
electrical issues right there.
- (laughs) Pear, he thinks
your name is Sam Hill.
(Pear scoffs)
- I'm talking to you.
Are you using power tools?
In a jacuzzi?
- No, silly, I'm using
power tools in a hot tub.
- A jacuzzi is a hot tub.
- (laughs) Yeah, and
bowling balls are underwear.
- Wait, are you saying
I'm doing this wrong?
- Okay, seriously, as
a licensed electrician
everything you're doing right now
is insanely dangerous!
- And as a licensed orange,
everything coming out of your
mouth is insanely boring!
- Look, there's no such
thing as a licensed. (scoffs)
listen buddy, I'm gonna give you a lesson
in electric safety, all right?
- Nah, how about a lesson in JitSu?
- No I'm not.
- Bowling lesson?
- No, that's--
- tasteless karaoke?
- What, no, stop interrupting me!
- Stop saying things I don't wanna hear!
- Ah, kid, listen.
Power tools and water
are extremely dangerous.
You could get electrocuted!
- Been there, don't that. (laughs)
I can cross that one off my bucket list.
- Holy moly, how many things
do you have plugged into
that one outlet?
- I ran out of room in that powerstrip
and plugged more powerstrips
into that powerstrip.
I call it my powerstrip,
powerstrip, powerstrip, powerstrip.
See, problem solved.
- No, not problem solved,
that's a massive fire
and explosion hazard!
- You're saying that like its a bad thing?
- That's because it is!
- Listen buddy, not only
are explosions awesome,
hazard is a fun word to say!
Hazard, hazard, hazard, hazard, hazard!
- Stop it!
Listen, you need to unplug
all that stuff right now!
- Oh, stop making a big dill about it.
(Pickle scoffs)
Get it, 'cause you're a pickle. (laughs)
- Yes I get it!
What in tarnation is
wrong with your friend?
- He thinks you're a flower, pear.
- Tarnation, not carnation!
- I like making up words
too, flicker pop, corner pop,
sweatpants!
- You've gotta be
the slowest citrus I've
ever met in my life.
- Croppydad, I know lots of
professors, motorboat, see?
(trills)
(scoffs)
- Stop!
Stop!
- Yeah!
I proved your wrong,
dill with it! (laughs)
- All right, that's it,
you won't unplug all this crap, I will!
- Your negativity is becoming
cucumbersome. (laughs)
- Orange, knock it off!
Pete, be careful with that!
- Be careful?
That's what I'm trying to do!
No wonder you lost power, you guys
should'nt be allowed within
10 miles of electricity, ever!
(all screaming)
(splats)
- Whoa, jeeze.
- That was insane!
- Loosing pickle like
that was really jarring!
- Too soon dude!
(upbeat music)
