>>Michelle Baller: I'm Michelle Baller and
I have the iconic Dr. Ruth with me here today,
who needs a little something-something out
of her briefcase.
We'll just leave it at that.
[laughter]
>>Dr. Ruth: Only one second.
When you ask me a good question, you have
to say, "A friend of mine has a question."
You don't have to say "I."
[laughter]
The good questions get a keychain--sex for
dummies.
>>Michelle Baller: Yeah.
>>Dr. Ruth: All right.
Here is one for Derek.
He doesn't have to ask me.
>>Michelle Baller: All right.
So, Dr. Ruth.
You're no stranger to Google by now.
You've been spotted on scooters.
Has anybody here seen her on a scooter?
Very nice.
Excellent.
>>Dr. Ruth: I'd do it again.
[laughter]
>>Michelle Baller: She's been on this very
stage.
And of course, if you haven't been there yet,
make sure you visit Dr. Ruth on YouTube.
She's got amazing, amazing videos on there,
some of our favorite celebrities being questioned
by Dr. Ruth, talking about sex.
So, we really wanna talk about your book,
"Sexually Speaking: What Every Woman Needs
to Know About Sexual Health."
But Dr. Ruth has a really fascinating story.
And this is actually your 35th book to be
published.
So, I know you write, you lecture, you work
one-on-one, and of course, you have a very
long TV and radio legacy, which we all know
about.
So, tell us really quickly.
What do you love most about what you do?
>>Dr. Ruth: Good question.
First of all, I don't write because I'm not
computer literate, but don't tell anybody.
Now it's on Google.
Don't tell anybody.
I talk.
And since I talk pretty well, I have Pierre
Lehu, whose name is on the book, for 30 years,
the same minister of communications.
I talk.
He puts it on the computer.
And for this particular book, which I'll say
something else a little later, I did it with
a gynecologist, important for you women here,
and also for men because that's a book about
sexual health that I would not have done without
MD, without a medical doctor.
We'll talk about that later.
What do I like best?
I'll tell you what I like best.
I like the combination.
I like that I taught now six years at Yale.
I taught now six years at Princeton.
And cross your fingers, all of you.
Say a prayer because I'm right now talking
to Columbia University Teachers College.
I probably will get it to teach a course in
the fall.
You don't know that yet.
>>Michelle Baller: No.
I'll make a little call so you get it.
>>Dr. Ruth: All right.
Teacher's College about the family.
So, what I like is, that's why I call myself
a psycho-sexual therapist and not just a sex
therapist.
I keep the psychology of relationships, of
the psychology of psychological health, all
involved in that talking about the things
that we are going to talk about in terms of
sex.
So for me, to have a big, I'm four foot seven
but a big toe of mine in the academic world
and being able to have somebody that I can
talk and we get one book after the other,
I think that combination, and my private practice,
where I learn a great deal.
I think for me, the importance is really that
combination.
It's not research, per se, but I do base what
I'm talking about on scientifically validated
data that all of you will hear about.
>>Michelle Baller: Yes.
We love data here.
So, tell us a little about your story.
Like, I could tell your bio, but it's absolutely
fascinating and I think really informs who
you are as a person.
So, could you give everyone a snapshot?
I'm not sure everybody knows your whole history
like, "PS, Dr. Ruth Was a Sniper."
>>Dr. Ruth: I have to tell you something.
I'll talk about that very in a short paragraph.
But I have to tell you why I'm smiling.
As I'm talking to you Google people here,
I just got into my hot, little hands a documentary
done by the BBC, the British Broadcasting
and now I'm going to blush.
That's why I wore a dress.
I wore a blouse with a little red, so you
won't see that I blush.
[laughter]
But I have to tell you, the documentary is
12, "Extraordinary Women," and I already watched
it now three times.
And the British did a fabulous job.
They really did in essence, and they had footage
in terms of World War II, I'll tell you something
in a moment, that I have never seen.
They have footage in there of Hitler that
I've never seen because the British went into
World War II so much earlier than the Americans,
so they have a lot of footage.
They did a beautiful job.
That one is going to be shown at a benefit
for the Museum of Jewish Heritage, not far
from here, on Battery Park, where I'm a trustee.
So, you will get invitations.
And I can't show it on television yet, because
they first have to see that they can sell
it.
You Google people know what that means.
But I can show it for non-profit places.
That's number one.
So, when I said to you before what has happened
to me, it's like, most interesting, even to
me because as we speak, I'm now 83.
As we speak, on June 30th, there is a theater
play and I just heard the first part of it
until the intermission that Debra Jo Rupp--all
of you must know from the television program--
>>Michelle Baller: "That 70s Show."
>>Dr. Ruth: "That 70s Show."
I did not know about her.
>>Michelle Baller: She played the mom, right?
>>Dr. Ruth: But don't tell her.
Right now, I know how she plays and I know
how she talks and talking about my history,
the funniest thing.
So, that would be play called, "Dr. Ruth:
All the Way."
[laughter]
And first I said, "Hold it.
You can't call it 'All the Way.'"
And then I said--.
I knew that you young people would laugh.
So I said, "It's OK."
[laughter]
So, that's happening this June.
So, now I'll tell you why I'm smiling.
I was born in 1928 in Frankfurt, in Germany.
I lived the first ten and a half years with
a wonderful family, parents.
I was an only child.
My grandmother, my father's mother lived with
us.
She had nothing else to do but take care of
me.
And I went to a very good school.
And I had a wonderful, wonderful early childhood.
Then, in 1939, as all of you know, the start
of World War II.
I was chosen, and I will never know why, to
be on a Kinder Transport.
That means a group of children who were sent
out of Nazi Germany, Jewish children, to safety.
And I will never know how come I was on the
list to Switzerland.
My parents did not make it out.
Neither did my mother's parents, any other
relatives.
My grandmother, who lived with us, was already
a widow.
So, I lived six years in a children's home
that became an orphanage.
From there, I went to then Palestine.
I believe, and I still am ardent Zionist.
Even so, I live here.
But I believe that every people in the world
need a country of their own.
And I go to Israel every single year.
I do documentaries.
I'll tell you about that in a moment.
And I went to be on a kibbutz.
A kibbutz is a collective farm, and working
the earth.
I picked olives for one year.
I thought that I need to learn something.
By that time, I was 17 and a half.
I wanted to study medicine, but I didn't have
a high school diploma.
I knew I had no money, no parents.
So, I said, "OK.
I'll be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm short.
I can sit on those little chairs."
[laughter]
And I was a very good kindergarten teacher
at a collective kindergarten.
One more sentence.
I married a fellow.
I'm still good friends with him.
He lives in Israel.
I mean, I'm not married.
But he was studying medicine in Paris.
That's how I got to Paris.
I went to the Sorbonne.
I studied Psychology.
He went back to Israel.
I forgot to tell you about the sniper.
That's what you want to hear.
[laughter]
It wasn't an act of heroism, but all of us
did belong to some group in 1947-48, when
Israel became a country and when there was
a war.
For some strange reason, I became a sniper.
If you look at your telephone over there,
sir.
And, I think, if anybody doesn't ask me a
good question, I can still put five bullets
in a red circle.
[laughter]
And I knew how to throw hand grenades.
I was fortunate.
I never killed anybody.
I was badly wounded in 1948, in June, on my
20th birthday.
A cannonball exploded in the girl's residence,
where I lived.
Some girls were killed and I was badly wounded
on both legs.
But that's not why I'm short.
I would've been short anyway.
[laughter]
So, I then was fortunate being in Paris, going
to the Sorbonne.
And on my way back to Israel in 1956, I said,
"I have to see the United States.
I will never have money to get out of Israel
to visit here.
There was an uncle in San Francisco.
I need to see if he's as short as me."
And I came to the United States on a tourist
Visa.
I then worked at the French Embassy, Embassy
Visa.
I made one dollar an hour.
And look what happened.
I got my Master's here at the new school.
I got a doctorate at a Teacher's College at
Columbia.
And look what happened.
OK.
>>Michelle Baller: Amazing.
[clapping]
So, I'm just gonna have to ask this because
if I don't, I know somebody will.
What is the number one question that you get
on sexual health?
>>Dr. Ruth: OK.
You see, the interesting part, let me tell
you what has changed, especially for you young
people.
There are some things that have changed.
For example, there are less unintended pregnancies
in this country these days because of people
like me.
I'm not the only one.
I started to work for Planned Parenthood,
New York City, doing research and became a
Director of Research.
I thought these people are crazy.
I thought, "All they talk about is sex.
They don't talk about literature.
They don't talk about the weather.
They don't talk about anything else but sex."
Forty-eight hours later, I decided, "That's
a fabulous topic."
[laughter]
So, I tell some of the things that have changed
from those years at my doctoral dissertation
on that research study at Planned Parenthood.
So, what has changed?
Less unintended pregnancies because we talk
more about it.
What has changed, particularly for you women
here, there are less women in this great country
of ours who haven't heard the message.
I'm not the only one.
Many others talk about it.
But I talk about it all the time.
Who haven't heard the message that the woman
has to take the responsibility for her sexual
satisfaction.
Even the best lover, even one trained by me,
can't bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn't
tell him what she needs.
So, there are across the country less women
who haven't heard that message.
There are still lots of issues how to say
it, how to say it tactfully so that he doesn't
lose his erection during love-making.
All of this we can teach.
Most the question that I'm really asked most
often is about boredom.
So, if I have one thing to say in terms of
long-term relationships, I'm old-fashioned,
I'm a square.
I want people to have long-term relationships.
And the question that I'm being asked most
of the time is the question about how to make
love-making in the bedroom less boring.
>>Michelle Baller: So, how do you answer that?
>>Dr. Ruth: So, I'll tell you how I answer
first of all.
Everybody has to keep their worries outside
the bedroom.
They have to, even when the stock market goes
down--.
Very often men lose their erections.
And I don't know about Google people, but
I know about stock market people.
So, to make sure to put all of your worries
in a package.
Leave it outside the bedroom door.
And I promise you, nobody else would pick
up your worries.
Also, if people are stressed out, that's the
new buzzword here, to make sure to take maybe
a little break before love-making.
Sleep 20 minutes.
Or, do something--.
>>Michelle Baller: Take a nap first?
[laughter]
>>Dr. Ruth: Yes.
>>Michelle Baller: I thought you did that
after.
>>Dr. Ruth: Because that's what the French--.
But you have to get up again.
You can't stay sleeping.
So, I learned that from the French.
The French women do that.
They take a little nap.
>>Dr. Ruth: Yeah.
>>Michelle Baller: Really?
So, they--.
>>Dr. Ruth: They're, they're--.
>>Michelle Baller: Not only are they all skinny,
they also like, are fully powered up for sex
all the time.
French women.
[laughter]
>>Dr. Ruth: So, on a serious note, to make
a priority of that sexual life, not to put
it on a back burner, like next week or the
week after or in four weeks.
To use fantasies.
There was call not too long ago from Brazil,
as, as, what's his name?
He didn't come from Uruguay.
He came from Brazil.
And somebody said she has difficulty, a woman,
she has difficulty concentrating.
I said, "Keep your mouth shut, but in your
fantasy, make believe that the entire Brazilian
soccer people are in bed with you.
But keep your mouth shut."
[laughter]
So, if I give one more good advice, use fantasies.
But don't ever tell him, "My last lover had
a bigger penis."
And don't ever tell her that you really like
women with tremendous breasts if she does
not have that.
But use fantasies, but keep your mouth shut.
There are people who would like to hear each
other's fantasies.
I have no problem with that.
If that couple knows that's what they really
would like, use it.
But really, many people should use fantasies,
keep their mouths shut, just get into the
fantasies.
And there are books, not written by me, there
are other books.
"My Secret Garden," "Nancy Friday."
There are all kinds of books, "Men in Love,"
that talk about bring fantasies to the reader.
>>Michelle Baller: OK.
So, if you had to distill this into like,
one tip that we all walked out of here with
to make our sex lives better, what would it
be?
>>Dr. Ruth: The first tip I would tell you
people, bravo to you.
Here you're taking your lunch time and you
are sitting here listening and learning about
sex.
Now, I have to tell you something funny about
tips.
So, here I'm doing this book and I like that
they can have it for ten dollars.
I like that very much.
In the store, it's 20.
So, I, myself, thought, "Oh, I can't.
I can't.
OK, that with Dr. Amos Grunebaum, good friend
of mine, Chief at Cornell Medical Center,
gynecologist and obstetrician."
What he put on Page 61, when I read that because
he did some of the stories from his office.
I give the flavor of the sexuality at occasion
and all the things, but he gives some so on.
On Page 61, and even I thought, "Oh, my gosh.
I'm not going to talk to Google people about
that."
But I have to do it.
There is something here that I thought I would
never in my entire life put in a book of mine.
And it's his top ten tips from Dr. Amos on
shaving the pubic area.
[laughter]
So, when you say to me, "What is new?" in
the Jewish tradition, it says "a lesson taught
with humor is a lesson retained."
I could never tell you a joke.
But I can hear questions about somebody on
radio asking me, I did ten years of the radio
doing "Sexually Speaking" somebody said his
girlfriend like to toss onion rings on his
erect penis.
>>Michelle Baller: Oh, my God.
[laughter]
>>Dr. Ruth: I giggled.
And I did exactly what you are doing because
a good sex therapist has to visualize what
people do in their kitchen floor, living room
couch, bedroom.
[laughter]
So, I did not think in 2012 I would pluck
a book, I'm even going on Howard Stern, I
was just on the Doctor's program and I flew
to California to tape the Doctor's program
for Valentine's Day.
I didn't think that I would have, on Page
61, ten tips of shaving.
When I started in this area of sexual education,
sex education, sexuality education, I don't
think anybody talked about shaving down there.
Now, here there's ten tips of it.
So, things are changing and somebody who is
in this area of sexuality education has to
be aware of what the changes are and has to
adapt to that.
>>Michelle Baller: What do you think we should
all watch out for in the bedroom that might
affect people's overall relationships?
Like, are there any tell-tale things that
happen in the bedroom that's like, you're
headed for trouble?
>>Dr. Ruth: No.
I tell you what one has to be careful, which
I told you already, is about boredom.
It's about being too tired.
You young people work very hard.
You have to make time for love-making.
There is just no other advice that I can give
but to say you can't be too tired.
You can be too tired on a Monday, but you
can't be too tired the whole week.
I could never sit here and tell you how often
to engage in any sexual activity.
Each person and each couple is different.
What I can say is those people who don't have
a partner right now, I don't want you, especially
you here at Google people, I don't want you
to just pick up somebody for tonight.
[laughter]
I am old-fashioned and a square and I'm repeating
that I believe in relationships.
But I do believe that the time has come in
2012 that a woman can ask a man, "Would you
like to go to a movie?"
But she can't fall to pieces if he says, "No,
I have to wash my hair tonight."
[laughter]
Because that's what they heard all of the
years.
In the Victorian time, when a woman wanted
a man to pay attention to her, she dropped
a handkerchief.
Sometimes, the wrong man picked up the handkerchief.
Sometimes, and that was very sad, the handkerchief
remained on the floor.
But at least she took the initiative and the
courage to drop the handkerchief.
I have a collection of turtles.
Don't give me any more.
I have a whole collection.
Not live turtles: little pink turtles, little
toy turtles, because it gives a message.
A turtle, if it stays in one place, it's very
safe.
Nothing can happen to that turtle.
If that turtle wants to move, it has to stick
its neck out.
It has to take a risk.
It could get hurt, but it does not move unless
it sticks its neck out.
That's a little bit what's happening in terms
of relationships, in terms of finding partners,
and in terms even of new positions.
And my example with me is Page 61 in the book.
>>Michelle Baller: So, you have a doctorate
in the interdisciplinary study of the family.
And the documentaries that you've done are
a lot around how families manage in different
environments.
So, how do you think the current environment
is affecting the way that we instill strong
sexual values in our children, or lack thereof?
>>Dr. Ruth: So, first of all, from the little
history that I told you, you know that I was
an orphan at the age of ten and a half.
So for me, family is crucial, very important.
I don't care if it's two men, two women.
I don't care--.
I do care that's it's not a commune.
I'm not for Esalen or any of these quote free
love.
It doesn't work in the long run.
It doesn't even work when somebody says, "But
my partner wants to introduce a third person."
I say do it in your mind because it never
works, because there is then more attachment,
then there is jealousy.
It just doesn't.
In our culture, it just doesn't work.
So, for me, family is very important because
I did not have that.
I thought I was ugly and short.
Nobody would marry me.
Thank God I was married three times.
[laughter]
But the last one, the last marriage was the
real marriage, almost 40 years.
My husband passed away a few years ago.
But you see that the whole emphasis of why
I believe that in our culture, most people
do want to have a significant other, a sociological
term, one person in their lives.
Let me tell you something.
I never permitted my late husband, Fred, to
come to any of my talks because he would sit
back there.
When I'm now going to ask for questions and
you can say "a friend of mine has a question."
You don't have to say "I."
So, Fred would raise his hand.
I would have to recognize him.
I couldn't just ignore him.
He would tell all of you "Don't listen to
her.
It's all talk."
[laughter]
And I make one exception.
Fred loved Diane Sawyer.
One time, Diane Sawyer came with "60 Minutes"
to my apartment in Washington Heights, where
I still live.
The cameras are rolling.
I didn't have the heart to say to Fred, "You
can't be home."
He really liked Diane Sawyer.
[laughter]
The cameras are rolling and Diane Sawyer says,
"First question.
Mr. Westheimer, how is your sex life?"
To which Fred said, and I have it on tape,
"The shoemaker's children don't have shoes."
[laughter]
[clapping]
So, you see why I--.
Now, in terms of sexuality education, that's
what you asked me, I do believe in our culture.
Not talking about other cultures.
We do that another time.
In our culture, first of all, I changed my
mind.
I used to say to parents never to look into
the diaries of their children.
It's private.
I changed my mind because young people, pre-teens,
don't realize that what they put--important
for you people, what they put on the air,
they don't realize cannot be retrieved.
If it's a picture of a naked friend, or if
it's some gossip, they think they could retrieve
it.
So, I did change my mind.
I wrote a book Teachers College Press about
the danger parents have to know what their
children watch on the internet.
I also believe that parents of pre-teens,
I'm not talking about little ones now, should
not walk around naked at home because the
young boy can get an erection by seeing his
mother naked.
The girl can see, when she sees her father,
the father can have an erection by seeing
his growing youngster naked.
And I say we have to watch out for that because
everybody is going to get scared.
They're going to think something is not normal.
And I'm saying make sure you prevent that,
but make sure that you are an askable parent
so that your children have to know that when
they have a question, it doesn't matter if
it's the mother or the father--that they can
ask you.
Those children who don't ask the questions,
and many don't, bring a book home.
Put it on the coffee table.
Say, "I want to be an askable parent.
If you have any questions how babies are born--."
It's not difficult to teach how babies are
born.
"It's a special place in the uterus."
Not to say "stomach," because if a girl has
a stomachache, she thinks she's pregnant.
But to say how a baby is born, then the question
comes.
"How does it get in there?"
You have to take a deep breath and you have
to say, "When a mother and a father love each
other and when they make love, there's a sperm
that goes into the vagina."
And you have to say, "It feels good," because
some children hear moaning and groaning.
And they think--
[Dr. Ruth coughs]
the mother gets hurt.
You have to say they love each other and they
feel good.
So, the sexuality education has to start very
young.
When they ask, you have to be an askable parent.
>>Michelle Baller: That's very helpful.
Can you come to my house next week?
[laughter]
>>Dr. Ruth: I saw her children.
You still have time.
>>Michelle Baller: So, I know that we're gonna
open it up for questions.
But before I do, I know that in your 83rd
year, you are rewiring, not retiring.
Tell everybody some of the really exciting
and fun things that you're working on.
>>Dr. Ruth: So, Sherry Lansing--.
It's a term that I did not coin, but you have
to give credit to people who coin terms.
Sherry Lansing from Hollywood coined a term,
not to retire, but to rewire.
And I believe in that.
And a Rabbi friend of mine told it even to
the Pope.
[laughter]
So, I don't know if he said that it came from
a Jewish mouth.
I don't know.
[laughter]
But so, I'm very fortunate because I do really
believe--.
I believe when people are not gainfully employed,
they should volunteer.
I do believe that somebody like myself, if
I can still go and give lectures, and if I
can now go and do, which I did already once
before, some commercials, and the newest thing
I told you about, the play which hopefully,
after Great Barrington, the subscriptions
were sold out already.
That's amazing.
And if it's successful, it'll come to Off
Broadway.
It's not a Broadway.
But it's really a little bit about the story
of my life and it's exciting.
The other thing, brand new, some book Pierre,
with whom I've worked for 30 years, came up
with the idea.
First, I said "no."
Very often, I say "no" first.
Then, I think about it a little bit and I
say, "Ah, maybe."
So, Pierre came up with the idea.
I usually say that a couple should drink some
wine, not too much because if they drink too
much in the evening, she falls asleep and
he's not going to have an erection.
So, I say drink a little.
I say usually that less is more in terms of
love-making.
So, here, end of April, we are going to have
a wine called Vin de Amor, a wine of love,
and it has less alcohol.
I don't know if it's good or not.
You will have to judge it.
[laughter]
I'm not an expert, but it will have less alcohol
content.
So, it will give the idea of having a glass
of wine, relaxing.
Hopefully, it will bring about a good sexual
encounter because it has less alcohol and
it'll have my face on it.
And--
>>Michelle Baller: Guaranteed.
>>Dr. Ruth: And half a glass.
And then it will say, "Less is more."
So, I hope that it gives people a message:
Go and have sex.
>>Michelle Baller: Thank you.
[laughter]
[applause]
So, we have some mics there and there.
So, this would be a great time to ask some
questions.
And I know that you're gonna give people,
what, good sex for the rest of their lives
if they ask good questions?
>>Dr. Ruth: Yes.
And say, "Somebody at Google" or say "somebody
else" or say a "friend of mine."
You don't have to say "I."
Who is the most courageous gets a keychain.
The most courageous person has a question.
Yeah?
Bravo.
You get a keychain.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: All right.
>>Dr. Ruth: Everybody applaud her for being--.
[applause]
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: Well, I figure
I work in HR, so if I ask the first question,
everyone would feel comfortable, right?
I have a two and a half year old at home.
And I have another one on the way.
And I told a friend of mine, who has a child
the same age.
And she looked at me in all honesty and she
didn't say "congratulations" or "that's wonderful."
She said, "You had sex?"
That was the first thing out of her mouth.
And I said to her that we have always been
really comfortable in our house with closing
the door and having Mom and Dad time.
And my two and a half year old seems to understand
that.
And we haven't really told him that we're
having sex or anything, but that's our time.
And eventually, we figure we'll tell him about
that.
But I'm wondering if you think that two and
a half is too young.
>>Dr. Ruth: No.
I think bravo.
I think to say to give that message.
You have your time with your toys, with your
dolls, whatever at two and a half years.
And Mommy and Daddy have some time for themselves.
Not only that, I do suggest for parents of
young children to have, not to lock the door
because Mothers' are particularly worried,
that the door will not open.
But to have a hook, because everybody can
open that hook, so that when they do have
sex, that they don't have to worry.
This is particularly important for women because
if a woman listens with one ear if a child
is OK, she cannot concentrate.
And then very often what happens to women,
I know that in my private practice when people
tell me their problems, women very often sabotage
their sexual, the orgasm, because they say
to themselves, "It's not going to happen.
Nevermind, it's not going to happen."
If she says to herself, "It's not going to
happen," she can be sure that it won't happen.
So, it's particularly important when there
are small kids.
We have less premature ejaculations these
days because people have, I did a book, "Sex
for Dummies" and people have learned from
other people that premature ejaculation, they
used to think, is that a man doesn't really
like to engage in sex, that he doesn't like
women, that he doesn't want to give her the
pleasure of his company.
Not so.
It's a learning difficulty, easily remedied.
So, on the one hand, the importance is to
say "that's Mommy and Daddy time," and for
the woman to say, "I will have an orgasm"
even if she once in a while doesn't have one.
I want to say one more thing about women.
Women who have difficulties having orgasm,
I say use a vibrator.
I did endorse one, only because the guy who
came up with the Erosciillator is a scientist
from Switzerland, who came up with the first
one with an electric toothbrush.
That made me laugh.
I said, "OK.
I can."
So, women should use it, but here's a danger.
Not to get hooked on a vibrator because no
penis can duplicate the vibrations of a vibrator.
So, to use it to get aroused, to get up on
that curve of sexual arousal, then to put
it aside and let him or herself bring an orgasm.
But what you are doing with the child is perfect.
Once he will ask how, he will not only ask
how did that baby get in, how is it being
born?
That's easy.
A special place.
And that's how you were born.
But he will ask you how did it get in.
And then, it's important to say, "When a Mommy
and a Daddy love each other, he places his
penis inside the vagina.
It feels good.
And then there is--."
Don't talk about Cesarean sections.
But talk about "it feels good and then there
is another baby."
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: Thank you.
>>Dr. Ruth: Very good.
You'll get the keychain later.
Can I get another question?
>>Michelle Baller: Have we heard any of these
words in Tech Talk before?
We are breaking down some walls.
>>Dr. Ruth: Another keychain.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: They really should
turn the spotlights off.
[laughter]
>>Dr. Ruth: What?
I didn't hear.
Michelle.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Oh, Karen chose
to use the kids, too, but I really want a
keychain.
No.
Quick question.
As Googlers, a lot of us do a lot of travelling,
so any advice for "absence makes the heart
grow fonder" or--
>>Dr. Ruth: Yes.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: or ways to keep
things happening while you're long-distance?
>>Dr. Ruth: Fabulous question.
Not just for young professionals, but also
for people who go to different schools, or
people who go to different graduate schools.
And you people are very fortunate because
of all of your iPhones and because of the
computers.
And to use it, to keep that messages going.
It's very important.
And long-distance relationships can survive,
but you both have to put some effort in it.
You have to take some time out to be able
to communicate.
If there is no iPhone or something like this,
to get on the phone.
And to make a plan to talk a little bit about
sex.
To make a plan by saying, "I'm coming home
Wednesday.
I will not be too tired.
I'll sleep on the plane.
We are going to have great sex."
And I will tell guys, women like flowers.
So, if she's travelling, get her some flowers
home.
So, when she comes home, not just for Valentine's
Day, not just for her birthday, for no reason
whatsoever, just to say, "I'm so glad I have
you.
I'm so glad we are in this relationship."
But you do have to work on it.
And this is true for people who travel, but
it's also true for any of you professionals
who work very many hours.
You just have to--.
I say that to people who are attorneys, to
medical students.
You just have to make sure that you put the
emphasis and that will--.
It doesn't always have to be intercourse.
It can be just caressing.
Let me tell you one more thing.
Let's suppose that he wants to have more sex
than you.
Let's suppose you come back from the trip
and you're really not in the mood.
I'll tell you a secret.
Give him an ejaculation.
It takes two minutes.
[laughter]
Two minutes.
You don't have to have a sexual arousal.
You don't have to have an orgasm.
You don't have to have intercourse.
And you men, if she wants to have more sex
than you do, then I tell you it doesn't have
to have an erect penis.
You can use--.
You can go down on her.
Young people do that more than the older generation.
Perform cunnilingus.
You can satisfy her with your hand.
You can satisfy her with a vibrator.
Or, you can satisfy her with your big toe,
but make sure that your toe is clean.
[laughter]
So, people are not Siamese twins.
If he or she is not in the mood, they don't
have to make a big catastrophe out of it.
Why are you not in the mood?
Don't you love me anymore?
Do you have somebody else?
Did you have somebody else on your trip?
So, there has to be that trust that this couple
is really together.
And to satisfy each other whenever he or she
wants to have more sexual satisfaction than
the other one.
Can I have one more?
I have another keychain.
One more question.
Bravo.
I need one man to get up and ask a question.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: OK.
So, there's a whole bunch of us that I work
with that are just out of relationships.
And--.
>>Dr. Ruth: You have what?
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: Just out of relationships.
>>Dr. Ruth: Yes.
>>FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: And I'm just
wondering why is it that break-up sex is always
just--.
Is there any--.
It's just amazing.
Why is there--?
>>Dr. Ruth: Break-up sex?
>>Michelle Baller: Yeah.
Like, you break up and then you have sex one
more time.
[laughter]
>>Dr. Ruth: You see?
That's what happened with my ten years on
radio.
And that's what happens here, that sometimes,
I know that whoever is asking me the question
already knows what I would say.
I would say if people break up on a very serious
note, I would say, psychologically speaking
and emotionally speaking, then don't have
sex that last time.
I really don't believe in that because somebody
is getting hurt.
Somebody, even if both have--.
He ejaculates up to the ceiling and she has
an orgasm like never before, not a good idea.
If two people have decided to move on, then
they should stick to that and move on.
I also don't believe in hooking up for one
night.
I'm worried about sexually transmitted diseases.
We will get a rise in sexually transmitted
diseases in New York because we have sex clubs
springing up all over.
And people think nothing is going to happen.
AIDS, you can take a medication.
And I'm worried about that because I don't
want to see another curve up with gonorrhea
and syphilis and AIDS.
So, I think that if people decide to break
up, make sure you make appointments with your
girlfriends, with anybody.
Visit anybody, but have a plan of what to
do in the evenings, not to sit home and mourn.
If you decided that this is the end, be a
little bit sad because that's human.
But then, go on from there.
Be that turtle who takes a risk and goes on.
OK, I have one more question.
Then, I'll sign books.
OK.
Hey, he gets a keychain.
Oh yeah.
I have one guy there and one guy--.
I have two more questions.
Yes.
Three.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: I'm trying to reconcile
my mind what you said about keeping fantasies
to yourself.
>>Dr. Ruth: To what?
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: To yourself.
>>Dr. Ruth: Yes.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: A lot of fantasies
might need cooperation.
>>Dr. Ruth: I tell you that's a very important
question.
Some people like to hear about fantasies and
they should use it because it relaxes them.
They don't think about a boss.
They don't think about the next day's work.
They don't think about the pressures that
all of us are under.
They should use it.
I'm saying, if the fantasy is something that
the other person doesn't want to hear, then
just to use it in your own head, but to use
it.
Like I told the guy from Brazil and the girl.
Make believe that the whole soccer team is
in bed with you.
So, some people will like it and some will
not.
That's why I said some of the books like "Men
in Love" are fantasies collected, or "Playboy
Reader," are fantasies collected.
I don't even know if they make it up or not.
But they're fantasies collected.
Use them.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: But there's a tension
there if you're not sharing it.
>>Dr. Ruth: Doesn't matter.
The not sharing, I do not believe that everything
has to be shared.
I also don't believe that everybody should
tell their new partner about the fantastic
sex that they had with a last lover.
I don't believe that people should share everything.
I believe that there are certain things that
should be in your heart and in your head,
don't have to be shared.
One more.
You come later, you get a keychain.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: So, a friend of
mine was wondering--
>>Dr. Ruth: Yes.
[laughter]
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: If your partner
is really stressed out about work, what can
you do to help her out with that?
Just relax.
>>Dr. Ruth: Say that again.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: If your partner
is really stressed out by something like,
say, work for example,--
>>Dr. Ruth: Yes.
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: what can you do
to help out, help her relax?
>>Dr. Ruth: Right.
So, one of the things to do is to not right
away go into sex, but try watch a sexually
explicit movie.
I'm all for something--.
If you can watch a sexually explicit movie,
and together, you don't even have to watch
the whole movie, just watch the sex part--
[laughter]
and for adults.
I'm not talking about children.
I'm talking--
[laughter]
about for adult.
And it will get you in the mood.
What it will help is to put the pressure that
all of us have of work, of anything that's
hard, it reduces it.
OK.
Can I get one more?
>>Michelle Baller: I think we're out of time.
Oh, one more.
OK.
>>Dr. Ruth: One more.
[pause]
>>MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: If someone has
chosen to be celibate, maybe not at the beginning
of the relationship, but in preparation for
marriage, which is probably the dirtiest word
anyone here hears about.
In marriage, when, let's say, arousal via
pornography is not an option and when you're
still trying to maintain the intimacy of the
relationship in preparation for marriage,
for long-term, how does a man prepare himself
for that psychologically without necessarily
having to be hooked on pornography and masturbation?
>>Dr. Ruth: Very important.
For Catholic people, I did two years of helping
Pre-Cana counseling.
That's the counseling before the wedding with
an economist, the priest, and I talked about
sex.
For Orthodox Jews, who have decided not to
be sexually active before because it doesn't
fit into their framework, into their values,
don't do it.
And how to prepare for that, for example,
in the Jewish tradition, and I think that
can hold true for everything, there is a prayer
that the Orthodox Jewish men tells his wife
every Friday night.
It says there are many wonderful women out
there, but you, he says to his wife, you are
the very best.
So, that will be--.
That's the best sentence in terms of sexual
arousal that a wife can hear.
Whoever decides not to be sexually active
and not to look at pornography, it does not
matter.
They can still read some manual of sexual
activity without it interfering with their
values and their beliefs.
Very good question.
So, I'm going to go up there to sign books.
And I'm giving you the keychains to give out
to each one who asked a question.
>>Michelle Baller: Yes.
Thank you guys so much for coming and thank
you, Dr. Ruth.
[applause]
>>Dr. Ruth: Okay.
