(beep sound)
- [Man] Hi all.
My girlfriend and I have been
together for eight years now.
We started dating in college.
We both killed our relationships
with our high school
sweethearts for each other.
Just a few weeks ago,
I accidentally saw her browsing
history on her desktop.
It appears she had been
searching for this guy
numerous times, looking at all his info
and even searching YouTube for him.
I remember that he wanted
to date her in the past.
At that time she rejected his offer
because we started dating.
But, I think she kinda liked the interest
and wanted to let him down easy.
Recently, I also noticed
she spends a lot of time
on Instagram, looking at
photos of the guy's friends,
guy doesn't have Instagram.
She also searched for how
to delete her search history
in Google and in Instagram,
which she now does often.
I'm in doubt if I should confront her
or to wait and see what happens
or to let it slide 'cause till now,
it's just harmless looking?
I really love her and don't
wanna kill the relationship
because of nothing.
But it just doesn't feel
right at the moment.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
(beep sound)
- (Man) Ask about it in
a not accusatory way.
If she's got nothing to hide the simple,
"Hey, I saw you looked
up X on the computer,
"how's he doing?"
Won't set her off.
(beep sound)
Good advice, even if her
behavior seems suspicious,
you can nearly never
know her full intentions
before you actually ask her.
(beep sound)
This behavior seems pretty
odd and given the history
she has with this guy, it
makes it even more suspicious,
so you have every right to be worried.
But if I may ask, have you
noticed some changes with her
or did she change her
behavior towards you?
(beep sound)
- (Woman) I will give you
my own female experience.
I'm very happy and will
soon marry my fiance.
He's the love of my life
and I can't imagine my life without him.
Knowing this, sometimes I
do feel the need of checking
my ex's profiles on social accounts.
Sometimes I wanna boost my ego,
sometimes it's just playing curiosity.
I do that with random high
school colleagues as well.
It was never because I missed them
or want to go back with them.
If it bothers you talk with her.
Be honest, it may be something innocent.
My fiance confronted me once
about it, two years ago.
He didn't go full accusation mode on me,
he just told me he was hurt by finding it.
Just have an honest conversation.
(beep sound)
- [Man] You're clearly lying.
You didn't accidentally
see her browsing history
if you saw that much, saw
she searched how to clear
her history and then later
realized she started clearing it.
Why are you snooping
through your girlfriend's
personal devices?
(beep sound)
To further this, I'd say you
should expect your girlfriend
to get pissed off that you were snooping
and that you don't trust her.
Everyone's allowed to be curious.
I don't think I've heard
anyone get in trouble
for just looking at webpages of someone.
Is it obsessive?
Are we talking months/years of searching?
That would make me wonder
if you need to turn up
the romance level.
Spend more quality time together
and not with your devices
and watch your paranoia level
doesn't get the better of you.
You keep checking and she catches you,
now you're in trouble.
(beep sound)
Yeah, exactly.
Like she knew the guy eight years ago.
Maybe she's just curious how he turned out
or maybe she thinks he's
hot and likes the eye candy.
If it was a girl posting here saying,
"My boyfriend likes to
look at Instagram models
"and I hate it, it's cheating."
People will lose their minds
on her for being controlling.
It's not even porn, it's
literally just pictures
of a person.
It's definitely not cause
alone to basically track
your girlfriend's internet
history without her knowledge.
This is not okay behavior.
Don't confront her about her behavior.
Go fess up and apologize for yours.
(beep sound)
A lot of times people go
back and see how people
they knew are doing,
friends, exes, et cetera.
Curiosity or wanting to
see where they are in life,
maybe confirming her
life is better than his,
doesn't mean she had any interest in him
being a partner ever again.
(beep sound)
Ask her about it.
You should confront your feelings.
You have these feelings for a reason,
whether she's doing something wrong
or it's a trust issue with yourself.
The deleting history is concerning,
but I guess she could
just be looking to see
and didn't want to cause an issue,
but it seems secretive to me.
(beep sound)
I don't think you're being paranoid,
but I wouldn't confront
her with any accusations.
Just bring up that you
saw her searching for him
and ask why.
It might be as simple as she was curious
what he ended up doing in life.
As I know, I sometimes
wonder that about people
I was once close with at school.
(beep sound)
It's not paranoid.
She is interested in the other
guy and hiding it from you.
That said, she gets to be
interested in other people
and even leave you to be with him.
And she can also be interested
and decide to stay with you.
It all just needs an open conversation.
If you can initiate one
without being accusatory
or acting like a victim, go for it.
(beep sound)
