a Star Media production
an Eduard Parri film
You all are going to kick the bucket soon…
This idea comes all of a sudden.
You’re 26, and you cannot realize
what you have been doing all these years.
My friend, for example is 30,
and he doesn’t care a shit about it.
He’s there, all absorbed in his Matrix,
and I am here, in my real world.
Spartak’s champion!
Who opposes he’s mutton!
That’s it.
Get the cigarettes!
I will!
And the lighters!
Nevertheless things are not so bad in my 
world. I’ve got friends to have fun with.
Soul mates. And I’ve got a wonderful job,
a very interesting one indeed.
I peel off in the daytime,
and paste up in the night.
And, of course, put the moves.
Loser!
Chicks, by the way, like me very much.
So, in general, life’s good.
MIKHAIL TARABUKIN
VLADIMIR MENSHOV
In fact, I wasn’t going to jump down.
Well… I think I just wanted to feel
some adrenaline in my blood.
SERGEY SHAKUROV
ARMEN DZHIGARKHANYAN
But the things are that
if you fail to make a choice on your own,
ANDREY MERZLIKIN
someone else will make it for you.
VIACHESLAV RAZBEGAYEV
SERGEY VEKSLER
Hey, mister! That’s no way out.
Believe us!
It’s an utterly inefficient method.
About 60% of those
who jump down from a bridgeas
a rule struggle to come to the surface.
And they succeed.
But the price of it!
Many get their lower limbs paralyzed
as a result of the blow against water.
It isn’t enough that they remain alive;
use the wheelchair
to the end of their days in addition.
So, if you set your mind to part
with your life seriously and for long…
You’d better secure yourself
against failure.
Exactly!
Well, in such a case…
Let us offer you…
To have a ride with us!
You might ask me why the hell
I got into these clowns’ car? I don’t know.
 Perhaps, I yielded to temptation of having
a ride on a real Maserati.
We… How should I explain…
We do quite an uncommon thing. We…
– We alter human biographies.
– Yes, we do!
But sometimes, for our own pleasure,
we help young men like you
with their lives.
Me?! What makes you think I…
Because a woman has abandoned you,
you cannot find a decent job,
and your friend is a complete idiot
totally lost in his virtual world.
Have you followed me?!
Your situation is quite a typical one.
It is. Sinсe your own biography,
Slavik, has failed to develop,
what would you say to our offer
to change it into a completely new one?
O, LUCKYMAN!
Based on “THE ORDINATE AXIS”
by Dmitriy Oleynikov
You will never become, say, the guitarist
of Red Hot Chili Peppers band…
…or star in “The Inhabited Island”.
But you can become
a relative of any star! Easily!
Any one? Well, I want to become
Pamela Anderson’s husband then!
Oh ! Many men want to!
But irrefutable evidence of your love
affairs will be provided beyond all doubts.
With Pamela Anderson or,…
… at a special request,.. with Elton John!
Yes. Letters, photos, original evidence!
Well. Joking apart!
What do you want to change in your life?
Well… in case…
…you will never make me a tycoon,
then we’ll simplify the task.
I wanna be… let’s say…
a high profile lawyer!
I don’t mean ethnic origin, no.
Just a high profile lawyer!
We wouldn’t advise that.
Doctors and lawyers need to read lots
of books, in their profession, of course.
Therefore we’d recommend
an economic education.
So, let us continue, dear colleague.
Universities: Brainstone, Yale, Harvard?
I’m not sure…eh…
let it be that one, with columns.
Aha, Brainstone.
France, Italy, UK…
Italy.
You know Italian?
Neither French nor English too. So what?
A manager of such a rank needs
an interpreter.
Yes, of course. Where in Italy,
as you say, did you work?
In Pisá!
You’d better stress the first syllable
in this word: Písa, of Písa, a Písan…
Perhaps, Genoa is better?
Russian Peppers! Good morning,
dear millions, it’s “Russian Peppers
on “Russian Radio”. If a stranger visits
you in the morning…
There’s a parcel for you. Sign your name.
… believe us, your morning uninvited
guest is the best remedy to wake up.
 Although…
Good bye.
… and I’m sure, whatever
one you meet in the morning,
whatever things are discovered to you –
all these will be good signs.
And all’s going to be great.
It was a parcel containing
my new biography.
And now I’ve turned out to be
a Scotland crocket champion,
a Brainstone university graduate and
a member of the Las Vegas Emperor’s Club!
Dear Viacheslav, please acquaint yourself
with the facts of your new biography.
The biography has been drawn up
in strict accord with your personal wishes.
We also took the liberty of sending
your CV to the best employment agencies.
P.S. The photos with Pamela
and Elton are our special gifts.
Well, I have no least idea of
what the old men wrote in my CV,
but in a week already I was invited
to embrace a management position
in a very mighty company!
Money is paper for me,
Money is freedom for you;
The American Dream is in fashion today.
And you strive for this dream –
To work like a robot for the paper dream.
You’re a middle manager,
You don’t work “under”,
You work “over”…
Attention please! Mr. Viacheslav Nesterov
is our new Regional Department Director.
I hope our company’s business
will swiftly take off.
We have no employee trained in England,
so please be understandable to them.
Yes.
The events started marching very quickly.
The new job has its good, as well as bad.
Nerves, a furious pace, strict discipline.
Very strict discipline indeed…
That’s no good. That’s good now.
“Your tool can’t keep up,
But your boss appreciates you.
There’s no doubt, all need loot…”
On the other hand,
one could always have free coffee there,
and the team was charming. Very charming.
Literally in few days
I became a totally different person.
The new biography disclosed
lots of prospects before me.
And one of them was called
Alisa Vitalyevna.
O my God, you all you have is perfect!
That skin of yours!
Those lips of yours, and arms and eyes!
O my God, I’m going crazy…!”
Ultimately, the old men were right:
even a perfect idiot is able of working as 
a manager for a profit making organization.
According to the experts,
the market of salted snacks in Russia
becomes more and more saturated
and consolidated.
The forecast growth of
rye rusks only will show
18 per cent for the last six month only;
and I congratulate us on this success!
And who’s that?
Regional Department Director. He was
graduated from the Brainstone University.
Yes. That’s the meaning of a UK education!
However, the problem of imitation
of our rusks in Southern regions
still needs to be investigated!
That was a quick promotion of competitors!
Probably, an unsuccessful experience,
for produce of this kind
has never appeared on the market again.
Well!...
“Experience”…
I think there will be no objection
if we entrust Viacheslav Nikolayevich
with meeting our Chinese partners
next week, eh?
I agree!
“Experience”...
What?
Say what you like,
but big business is for me!
Self-confidence,
being friendly with the colleagues
and irreconcilable with the competitors –
those are the essentials!
You should have started with that!
And I warn you:
in case the situation demands my own…
…outsourcing… Then you shall have it!
And one more thing –
the main rule of business which says:
an investment properly
made repays with big interest!
You… Is something up?
You gave me a flower today…
And I was thinking a lot,
and even looked through
the “Cosmopolitan” file…
Well, you do know these magazines
are best friends of the girls
who do not have diamonds…
So, in general, you turned out to be
a bit old-fashioned
but a very romantic one!
Tell me, Viacheslav Nikolayevich,
what’s your zodiac sign?
Deer…
What?
I mean Aquarius!
I want to warn you I dislike being
filmed on the camera!
What’s up?!
But don’t think I dislike cinema!
It’s just I’m carried away sometimes
and look so disheveled… The heel!!
I have a credit card! It’s for you.
Wow! You’re so responsible!
You’re a muse! A mystery!
Yes! Life is great!
One would hardly believe
that only two weeks ago
I was in such a deep… outsourcing!
I’ll go to the little old men tomorrow
to thank them for all they did.
Oh, no. Tomorrow the Chinese are coming!
Then it will be the day after tomorrow.
Ah, and the ceiling needs to be painted…
“Russian Peppers! Good morning,
dear millions, it’s “Russian Peppers”
on “Russian Radio”.
If something makes you worry,
ties up your hands and makes
you face sad in the morning – don’t give up!”
Woken up?
You should lock the entrance door,
scarecrow.
… believe us, all’s going to be great!
Look around!
Life’s becoming better and brighter
with every next moment…
It’s quite poor here.
…disclosing nice surprises kept
in store for us…
But there are pineapples in the fridge.
Here.
Look, guys! Hey! Lads! Comrades!
Squealers are no comrades to us.
Because we’re belong to the new generation
of the Radical Revolution Union!
Not to some liberal riffraff.
You’re Viacheslav Nesterov, aren’t you?
I am.
A graduate from the Brainstone
University Economic School, right?
Are you kidding?! I hardly managed
to finish the secondary school!
Just shut up, will you? What’s this?
To the point, you’re accused
of selling our party nucleus
to the university governing body.
And after that five
our members were expelled
and deported to their homeland. Got it?
Look, guys! There must be some mistake!
To my mind the obligations of radical
revolutionaries are to stay home,
not to drink the coke
with the globalists abroad!
And for the “coke”,
bastard, you may answer!
In short, we were ordered
to get you to the Committee meeting
where the destiny of your bastard skin
will be decided, got it?
Hah! And we thought you would
ruffle it out! Ok! Ah!
A good picture!
I never really got what this Radical
Revolutionary Union wanted of me,
but I surely disliked their policy.
What’s this? Was it you in Pisa?
Don’t say I was too cruel!
Big business is not political.
I still had some short time to meet the
Chinese. I even managed to have breakfast.
That was a disaster! My only suit
was spoiled, and to buy another one
I needed to get my credit card from Alisa.
I wonder have the Chinese arrived yet…
Watch it, will you?
It’s the Accounting Department. Translate
it. It’s the Administrative Office.
The Chinese!
It’s the Planning Department.
- I’m Slavik!
- I’m Lena!
All right!
- C’est charmant, isn’t it?
- Hi!
Ah! You’ve been sought for all around!
- Good afternoon.
- Afternoon.
How could you appear here
dressed like that?
Alisa Vitalyevna, give me the card please.
What card?
My card!
Viacheslav Nikolayevich,
you may take mine if you wish.
No, Masha, thank you,
I don’t wish. Alisa, the card!
You mean my card?
What for?
What the hell?!
Smoke?
What?
He does! Drink?
No!
He does!
Hi, Slava! I’m Ramiz, Lola’s brother.
Remember Lola?
I know no Lola!
Ah! THAT is the real problem:
you’ve got to know her.
Slavik!
Why so weak?
Loosing your consciousness like a femme.
But the talk will be about different thing.
About such small
and insensible thing as esteem.
Of course you’d wish to understand
how this very thing of esteem touches you.
When I got to know
that Lolochka is pregnant,
my first intent was to cut you apart!
But I did have esteem
and this is why I called to Grandpa.
Our people say:
every child must have a father.
Agree?
Look, mister!
I didn’t want…
You didn’t want?
He didn’t want! He didn’t want!!
Look here! I mean
I didn’t want to be impudent!
But I don’t know your sister!
Refresh his memory!
You worked for Casanova Gum?
A corporate excursion, filthy sex,
cheap hotels…
– That’s our Lolochka!!
– Was it her who told you?!
Alanchik!! Timur!
You thought!!!…
Calm down!
You cur! Saying my sister is a whore?
You shall come to ask her hand in a week!
Or you think we are not match for you?
Stupid wogs?
Don’t understand culture-multure?
Timur, tell him how they call
our shashlik in Paris!
“Le chachlyk”.
“Le chachlyk”, got it?
And pray that Lola don’t refuse you!
Or what? You cut me down?
No, we cut YOUR off! See? Vah!
Ram’s balls! Very tasty delicacy!
Very tasty!
Eat it, dear friend.
That was a day indeed! First there
were revolutionaries with pineapples,
then a Lola with
her brothers and grandfather!
And some of them
is pregnant at that! Bull shit!
I wonder whether the Chinese
have already left?
Viktor Sergeyevich,
I bag my pardon, sir, but… eh… I…
Well…
You’ve disappointed
Viktor Sergeyevich badly!
You may come for your documents tomorrow.
I believe there’s no need
to tell you’re fired.
I thought he was so responsible, but he
wasn’t at all. Do you understand me?
Alisa, wait! You now, I…
How dared you come here?
I thought a responsible man appeared
in my life! And you!...
I just…
A real man has no right to be weak!
And even if a task seems impossible,
he clenches his teeth and does it!
Because you’re a man!
I don’t remember who of renown people 
said this! It seemed to be some woman!…
Hey, mister!
So, in due time I was the best…
I say, I was the best.. I used to be the
best police operative in the entire region,
do you understand what I am saying?
My crime detection percentage was 96 %!
You understand what I’m talking about? 96%!
Because those bastards…
I was and will be hard on those bastards!
Excuse me!
Fuck off you, ass!
Play this please!
Look, got a light? Eh?
Look, let me have a couple of strikes.
– No.
– Give it to me! Give it!!
All that happened was
a bit too much for me.
And even a real Brainstone graduate
would have hardly sorted it out.
What do you mean “never mind”?!
Are you telling I will be accepted
at my job back?
You will be met as a real hero
at your office!
What?
Look at this article in your
boss’s favorite newspaper.
“Viacheslav Nesterov, a member
of business elite of our city
saves a lady from the robbers.”
You see that? And everyone will understand
that you were late for your work
because of a very reasonable excuse.
And what if they check?
They are welcome!
The robbers has been arrested,
your explanatory note
and the victim’s statement
 has been attached to the case file.
Turn over the page.
Here the author of the article proves
in light manner you’re a minister’s son.
How’s mom?
Gimme 500 bucks.
And…
And don’t worry of your gaffer’s reaction.
Despite his being a picture of health,
all his brains have been washed away
with alcohol long ago.
Moreover, your photo has been
placed into his personal family album.
Well… all these albums
turn to bad for me lately!
You’ve been installed yourselves
on all these pictures…
They will surely advance no claim!
Not all the pictures you see are
the product of installation.
As for your wedding, it will be cancelled.
Here’s the real seducer of Lolita Bengalia.
Mikhail Perelman. A professional gambler.
Three months ago he bought
a tourist voucher and left for Italy
 where he met a charming, seductive, lonely
and love longing lady.
It feels like the gambler himself yearns
for love pretty much.
The tape with the evidence has already 
been delivered to the interested party.
And as for the radical revolutionaries…
Thank you. I seem to have already
sorted out things with them, haven’t I?
“Coming home from his office on Friday,
the thirteenth day of this month,
Viacheslav Nesterov heard Ms. N crying…”
Let me go! Let me go!! Help!!!
and without a moment’s hesitation he rushed
to defend the lady from the armed robbers,
having applied some self-defense tricks.
As a result of the fight the robbers
were stopped and the brave young man…
O Jesus!!
…was brought to the hospital
with light cerebral contusion.”
Bravo!
Wait a minute! Attention please!
From this day on, Viacheslav Nikolayevich
is appointed First Deputy CEO.
And who do I become then?
That’s for you!
Yes! The old men did well about the job.
The only thing remained is to find out
about my wedding.
Hallo! Ramiz? Hi, brother.
Received the tape?
Yes, Slavik. I already know it! I see it!
So?
Forgive us the mistake!
May I, Viacheslav Nikolayevich? I…
Give me the tray!
Viacheslav Nikolayevich, have it please.
I’ll bring you more!
Thank you.
Silly thing! Why didn’t you tell
at once were a hero? Spiderman!
Get out!
Get YOU out, bitch!
It’s tasty…
For all that, Alisa was the most
promising employee in our company.
She was able not only to admit her
mistakes, but to either correct them.
Tonight we’re guests at the party dedicated
to businessman Viacheslav Nesterov,
the star of this season.
Could you tell a few words
about your deputy?
He’s the best!
He’s an irreproachable worker!
Such an elegant man he is!
He’s like Brad Pitt
and Eduard Ivanovich
from Publicity Department.
He’s dandy!
Security Service has no reasons
for complaint!
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna …
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna …
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna …
I wanna live damned great life –
with plenty of loot in a big mansion!
I wanna live in the spot unlike Europe!
Europe? Piss it off!
All will be damned great!
It’s going to be damned great, sure!
Great changes are at hand.
I know it for sure –
It’s going to be damned great!
I wanna giving big heaps of flowers,
I wanna home slippers with turned-up toes,
I wanna all, everything,
and every girl at once,
I wanna get in the window of a sanitary 
ware shop and dump a loan in a WC pan!
Respect Nesterov! The star’s thrilled!
And the main thing –
it’s going to be yours!
I envy your generation!
Your biography is amazing!
You’ve traveled the entire world already!
And you’ve already distinguished
yourself here either. And my generation…
You know, I’ve been dreaming of living 
somewhere, say, in Italy, since I was a child.
In Pisa! And now I have
all opportunities, but, nevertheless,
still scare of something preferring
a bird in the hand!
Viktor Sergeyevich, you’ve assured yourself
that your life is finished
and hence lost your heart.
You must every day say to yourself:
I live in now!
I live in now?
I live for myself!
I live for myself?
And those who disagree – let them go…
Where to?
There!
A man has once to risk everything he has!
 “I wanna, I wanna, I wanna…”
Ladies and gentleman! Your bets please!
No more bets!
“To risk everything one has” –
a brilliant idea came to my mind!
And today I was extremely lucky as
a member of the Las Vegas Emperor’s Club.
Alisa, how old are you?
I’m 21.
It’s 25.
And is smoking allowed here?
Baby, we are allowed to do all!
Not all!
25 red wins!
All!
We win! Did you see that?!
Did you?! Money!!
 We’re rich!!! Did you see we win?!!!
Hi, Slavik!
Hi.
I’ve got bad news for you!
– You do?
– I do.
This bastard, this cur,
this Mikhail Perelman
who dishonored our little bird, he died!
How?
Perhaps he had a weak heart.
– Yes, a weak heart.
– It’s pity, of course.
But I wouldn’t have been Ramiz of Athos
if I had brought bad news
only to my friend.
But there’s good news either!
Take a seat, or you’ll fall down!
Lolochka gave her consent!
What to?
To you!
Well… A weak heart.
Why me?
Do you really want me to go to Pisa
to catch an Italian there?
Did you see those Italians? Did you?
They’re small, swarthy, ugly!
Slow, monotonous,
they cannot talk at all – real wogs!
Brother!
No! Grandpa said let it be you…
I don’t want to!! Don’t you do!!...
Come here, my dear,
I’ll congratulate you as a kin! Come on!
Come on! Good boy,
Slava, good boy! Come on!
What’s this? What are you doing?
Well… And break off with the prostitutes.
You’re an adult man, almost married!
The wedding is in a week,
so prepare the bride price.
What?!
Alisa! Alisa!! Wait!! That was a joke!
Loser!!!
Alisa don’t go! Alisa!! Alisa!
Go to hell!!
Wait, don’t go, I’ll explain you all!
Hey, mister! Mister!
Failed to catch?
Missed?
To the point! Look here, con!
There’s a man in the city called
Sasha Frigate, heard of him?
He had a gal as his accountant that filched
150 grand from his till and took off.
The guys did catch her,
but all of a sudden another guy,
young businessman… Viacheslav Nesterov
was passing by and heard the victim cry…
…and without a moment’s
hesitation he rushed to defend
the lady from the armed robbers…
O Jesus!
The criminal money! Must be paid back!
So, 150 for the gal,
100 to each of us, with Frigate of course…
And moral damage…
Yes, and half a grand
for moral damage! In total it’s…
500!
Exactly! Good boy!
Guys!
What?!
I don’t have such big money!
– Here we go!
– As usual!
What are you doing?!!
Hold on!! I remembered!
I’ve got the money! I’ve got the money!
That’s another piece of cake!
Frigate told you have three days.
I think the conditions are quite humane!
Why were you burying me?
And you wanted to have
an iron solder stuck in your ass?
There’s no power supply here to plug it on!
That’s it, Borman, let’s get out of here!
Let’s. It’s already about dinner time.
You will be rescued in the morning. Batman!
Where are you going?! Hey!!!
I was lucky to survive it.
I would never think a good man can
be met in such a megalopolis as ours.
You know, Pilgrim, your disguise is perfect,
but we’ve found your trace nevertheless.
Yes, a woman
is a real curse for a professional!
I’m authorized to make a proposal to you.
If you mean marriage, I’m already engaged.
I appreciate your humor. This is
an offer to bury your partner Janus.
For money. You may tell whatever sum,
within reasonable limits, of course.
I appreciate what you did. But, honestly,
I don’t know who you’re talking about.
Oh, come on, Pilgrim! Come on! Cast away
this false sense of professional solidarity.
You cannot be unaware that Janus
is double, if not triple, agent.
And take into account the fact
that intelligent agencies of other,
less developed, countries would
hardly even started bargaining.
They would have just kidnapped
and tortured you.
And you?
We the British profoundly hate
any mindless violence!
So, Pilgrim, either you bury Janus
for one million pounds sterling, or…
All right, let it be two.
Two is too much. We’ve got budget limits.
Damn!
Otherwise we will have to terminate
you as his direct accomplice.
Damn!
Nobody says you are
to participate personally.
The photo and the address
will be sufficient for us.
So, what do I have for now?
Some guys are insistent to get me married;
my sex has gone away in the limo,
and I have three days to fetch
half a million bucks to some Frigate.
Ah yes, and the British Intelligence…
Quite a lot of questions.
And I seem to know ones to be asked…
Why panicking?
Health is the main thing in life, my dear.
My colleague and I see all the rest
as unessential!
Yes. Strictly speaking,
wedding is the only problem we have.
As for this spy asking you to bury
another spy, you may well refuse.
Tell him making this mean
step is against your
honor of a professional intelligence agent!
And Frigate?
Should I either tell him
paying to gangsters is against
my honor of a professional
intelligence agent?
No. You need… to pay… to Frigate!
How?
Yes, you do. You have money,
you won 500 000 in the casino, haven’t you?
I don’t understand, you…
Have you the money?
I have!
But they’re kept not in my place.
Look here!
I wonder why is it that it is
YOU who create problems
and the money to be paid off
should be MINE?
YOURS??!
Yes, mine!
You wouldn’t have been able
to make even the first bet
if you hadn’t had our Emperor Club card!
Exactly!
And, yes… regarding your marriage:
have you preserved that sweet photo
with Elton John?
Have you?
And how does it come in all this?
I think once this photo is shown
to respected Ramiz,
there will be no further questions!
However the facts remains that
after each my visit to old men
I advanced in my career higher and higher.
CEO took his vacation and it was me
who started executing his duties.
But this didn’t add to solving my problems!
I don’t ride with the guys
like you! Hallo?!
Hallo?! Ouch! Viacheslav Nikolayevich…
Alisa Vitalyevna, I need the money.
What money?
Those 500 thousand I won in the casino.
I beg my pardon; you mean
“we won in the casino”?
Alisa Vitalyevna, are you stupid?!!
I’ve got problems!!!
Problems!!
Our shares went down by 10% in Udmurtia!!
Don’t you shout. Your money is safe.
They’re at my place; you can take it
right now if you wish.
Alisa…
I’m no stupid!
Alisa! Alisa, baby!...
Look, send these contracts, will you?
YOU send them!
Yes, Ramiz!
Ah, Euclidie, my sweet! Grandpa!
Our people say it right:
a husband is the head,
 and his wife is the neck! Do you agree?
Dear friends! Our people say
every baby must have the father!
Words of gold! That’s true! Precisely!
So, let us drink to the young couple!
To the young couple! To the young couple!!
People say one cannot escape from his fate;
but one can always try to flee away!
What if I take half a million, Alisa and…
Alisie! A yacht, a sea, tomorrow…
Just you and me! Will you go with me?
The money is in the stove,
and give the flowers to some brunette!
Get out of here, Spiderman!
I just couldn’t leave without a word.
I had to settle some formalities.
And Alisa didn’t mind either…
Daddy, Daddy, wake up!
Daddy!
And it’s “Russian Peppers”
on “Russian Radio” again!
It’s not so important
who you woke up beside;
 the important thing is that you did
wake up! All’s going to be great!”
Maybe, really I should go and marry her?!
When all this mess comes to normal?
FRIGATE
You may go!
Then I go.
Well! That was great! One problem less
for some scant half a million bucks!
So, Batman!...
Hi, Slava!
I’m Sasha Frigate.
Tell me what I am.
Meaning?
Meaning – describe me.
A perfect physical shape despite…
your left kick’s a bit weak.
Hear that? He says my left’s a bit weak.
But I wanted to hear something different.
Tell me, do I look like a fool?
- No. You don’t at all.
- No?!
I don’t, really? Then why the hell
have you brought me so many papers?
What papers?
Adolf!
 What papers, you say?! These papers! Why?!
Do you hold the gangsters for gulls?
Chill out, Borman!
Say, how much does he still owe?
How much?
Forty five.
Forty five.
Forty five. Yes. And the total,
with disrespect, will be sixty.
And how much time does he have left?
- How much? 
- A day and a half, as far as I remember…
A day and a half.
So, Viacheslav, will you be able to pay
me back 60 grand in a day and a half?
I’ll try!
A wrong answer. It should be “yes” or “no”?
Yes.
That’s the right answer. Good boy. Adolf!
Eny meeny macaraca, rare eye pacaraca…
No, that’s a wrong one.
Leader touches clenched fists
with others saying:
One potato, two potato three potato four,
Five potato six potato seven potato…
And then I remembered…
… I used to be the best police
operative in the entire region…
… where I saw Sasha Frigate.
And who he really was.
…RAW.
- Aleksandr!
- Yes!
Wait a minute; I need to talk to you.
Let’s talk.
You see…
We have a common secret, you and me.
What secret?
I know you were a police operative before,
and now you’re a gangster.
Adolf!
All dance! I say all!
Look, Borman, he says my left is weak.
It’s for the purpose of safety!
If I was to die tomorrow,
I at least knew who
I should be grateful for that to.
Viacheslav Nikolayevich! There are
visitors waiting for you. For quite long.
And there are cream pastries either…
What is this! What is this!!! Eh?
How can you be so ungrateful?!
I did it for you!
For me?!! Easy! That’s all right!!
Of course for you!! I knew you
were going to be disappointed...
…after you would get to know
I had spent 45 thousand…
What?!!
You just calm down!
If you knew what I’ve spent them for…
That’s ok! That’s ok!
Let’s go, and you’ll see with your own eyes
what I have spent them for.
I’ll show you what I’ve spent them for!
Go and see what I’ve spent them for!
Where is my money??!!!
There! The car!
What?!
My beauty! See there, the red one;
it looks like a ladybird!
And, generally,
I bought it to match your necktie.
And the main thing is that it’s a must
for every modern girl. Yes!
Apparently, Alisa
and I were never to be together.
Tomorrow she would enjoy driving
her car matching my necktie,
and I being driven in a catafalque.
The last thing remained
for me was to risk all I had!
But I wasn’t lucky to find out
whether I won or not.
I admit your courage makes me surprised.
My men are waiting for him in his place
the whole night long, and he’s not in.
And we start thinking
our hero has left our country.
So, we are waiting for your story?
About what?
Well, obviously, of your method of robbing
defenseless casinos.
How can I rob defenseless casinos
if I have never taken the cards in my
hands?I was playing on the roulette!
-  On the roulette!?
- On the roulette!
On the roulette? Look here.
It’s a magnet, Viacheslav!
Your partner has already
made full confession.
They in the Las Vegas Emperor Club office
informed me of lots of interesting facts!
What facts?
What facts? For instance of how
your partner and you
did over 80 casinos all around Europe!
Yes! And the scheme is very simple!
He gets a dealer job in one,
then you as a visitor keen of gambling
come and – bang!
What “bang”?
The casino gets empty for 40-50 grand, see?
And what about my second accomplice?
Has he confessed too?
He would surely have confessed,
but after meeting hot Caucasian guys
Misha Perelman got unable to talk!
It’s the one who was in Pisa, right?
Exactly!
Your hand! You know,
you’re a very talented actor!
And absolutely merciless son of a bitch!
Hands like these are real capital!
I would have left them for you –
just for love of the game –
if it hadn’t been for one “but”!
You’ve robbed my casino
for entire 500 grand, not some 40!
I’ll pay back!
Of course you will, but for a start…
Betty Botter had some butter,
"But," she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter,
it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter 
THAT would make my batter better."
So she bought a bit of butter,
better than her bitter butter,
and she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter
bought a bit of better bu…
What are you doing here?
This room is for the staff only!
I won’t take much of your time!
I did like this British agent!
We might even make friends,
if I were not supposed
to bury some Janus to him.
Thank you.
And one more thing! I wouldn’t advise
you to get in touch with your supervisors
from the external intelligence!
You will be terminated in either case.
By CIA or Mossad, if not by us.
Allāhu Akbar! That is,… I mean… Alleluia!
Hey you!? Would you treat me better?!
By your escaping you’ve
greatly disappointed Grandpa!
I warned what we would do to you
if you should disappoint Grandpa, didn’t I?
I’m being late for my work!
Silence! Lolochka, this little bird,
was begging me whole night long standing
on her knees not to cut your apart!
I’m sorry!
Viacheslav Nikolayevich!
There’s a shareholdermeeting
in the conference hall.
They have been waiting
for you for 40 minutes already.
There are documents
and Alisa Vitalyevna’s resignation waiting
for you signature on your table.
And a registered letter from Italy for you!
It’s on the table too.
It was the CEO’s hand.
And suddenly a wild hope rose in my heart
that he’d sent something good to me.
For instance a 500 dollar bill!
Or, which would be better,
a ticket to Mars!
Dear Viacheslav,
I’m in a very remote place now,
but I still remember our talk back
there in the toilet.
With no exaggeration it turned upside
down my whole life!
For years I had been dreaming to quit
my job and, with some money about me,
set out on traveling the world.
But God sent you to our company,
and the things changed! You taught
me not to be afraid of every trifle
and pay attention to other
people’s opinions.
Thanks to your father minister
we managed to get a loan.
I will omit the scheme of how I could steal
it and transfer the funds abroad –
that’s a piece of cake for such
an expert as you are. No doubt,
you with all your connections
will surely get out of that.
But my advice is that you flee
as soon as you can!
Your friend Viktor Sergeyevich.
Working? There are those guys… 
the SWAT… they came for you!
Don’t shoot! We’ve got
important documents here!
And the palms… African ones…
I give up! Buzz off!
I seemed to have become a real star!
And tomorrow my mug will be placed on
all wanted leaflets around the city!
And I simply couldn’t have been ungrateful
to those who made me so popular!
Viacheslav? What a surprise!
I’ve got the only question
to ask you: WHY?!
We felt pity about you.
You set your mind to commit suicide
after so poky…
…so purposeless, so plain…
..so routine life! But due to us,
all this shame is behind.
Now you will die as…
now you will…
Now you will die as a real man!
These incomprehensible old men,
these tricksters or – whatever they be…
Yes, they were right about many things.
About my poky life,
about my want of new experiences… But they
failed to take into account the main thing!
 I wasn’t going to jump down
from that bridge.
Thank you, amigo!
Welcome to the real world, brother!
Than I had to eventually let him
have access to the internet
to search for some info through
FaceBook.com! As Morpheus says,
a lot of fascinating things may be
found there about friends
and not only about friends!
Hi guys! Catch the grenade!
A police lieutenant colonel! A cop, is he?
The guys were disappointed very much to get
to know the real Sasha Frigate’s biography!
And Ramiz was either not very happy when
he got to know of my friendship with Elton.
Eh, and do you happen to have
some… eh… how’s that…eh...
…a heterosexual…
…that’s right. Such kind friend.
I did have such a friend.
Right the one they looked for!
Bon giorno, genatsvale!
I don’t understand Italian!
Never mind! Lolochka will teach you!
This is why Janus appears to be so elusive!
And his photofit pictures are
always so different!
That’s a serious failure
of the Analysis Department.
Not so fast. I beg my pardon,
but I have to first check
whether the object is
at the address you mentioned.
And don’t try to extract money on your own.
The car is equipped
with a self-destruction unit.
Thus, step by step, with confidence,
I was building up my new biography.
The only thing remained was to wait
until my British friend
would settle accounts with agent Janus…
by the way, the old men
perfectly fitted this role.
To get a million pounds
for that and start a new life!
Shit!!
Like little children, my word!
Isn’t it enough, eh?
I’m fed up with your stuff!
This idea comes all of a sudden. You’re 26,
and you cannot realize what you have been
doing all these years.
Wait! Hey you!
Wait! Don’t jump down!
You need not to jump down!
Hold on!
Don’t jump! Don’t do that!
- Slavik!
- Lena!
Hi there!
Life’s a deceptive thing!
And when it seems to you the things
are going to finish the next moment,
don’t believe this feeling.
It’s nothing but a new start!
Can you imagine, I’ve almost drowned 
struggling to hang on by my eye-teeth,
all wet get to the beach
and see a silhouette there on the bridge!
And I stand there without even noticing
what’s going on around me!
And I even couldn’t suspect
that was you, see?
I stood there – and that’s it –
I scared and there – bang!
I didn’t even want to jump.
I’m afraid of heights!
And I start shouting:
“Wait!” I’m afraid of heights too!
And you know…
You know, and idea came
to my mind like this!
When you read a book, for instance,
you turn a page with your forefinger,
and the electrons inside it
move and collide faster,
they heat up and at last there’s a bang!
Cool!
And the whole universe finishes
its existence!
It’s so moving!
Each time you feel moved right on
this same place.
Why? The plot was developed
quite dynamic with the guy…
It was! But we did have
some problems with the girl!
Well… We should do something
simpler the next time.
All those bridges, bungees…
They may break their neck one day…
But, dear colleague, it did work out,
didn’t it? The puzzle came together!
It has!
So what next, dear colleague?
What next?
So, who’s next?
Over there!
That’s right!
Morpheus returned to the physical world
New bio: a pop star
Sasha Frigate was lucky to escape
his accomplices.
New bio: a florist
Vitiok and Borman filled Frigate’s shoes
New bios: to start in four years
of high-security sentence
A circus!
Like in a movie!
Viktor Sergeyevich
and Lola live now in Pisa
New bios: a happy newly married couple
Agent Michael could never
accomplish the task of Her Majesty
New bio: a Mossad agent
Alisa wrote a best-seller
New bio: a popular chick lit author
"Recognizing a Looser in 20 Seconds".
Alisa Gras knows happiness.
THE END
