Dante Basco: Real money, real monopoly, come watch me compete on Hardcore Tabletop World Series only on Rooster Teeth.
♫ Upbeat music ♫
* Spin Move sound effect *
Geoff as Robotnik: Lo-o-oser
Michael as Sonic: Robotnik!
Jeremy as Robotnik: Smokin'.
Michael as Sonic: My name is Sonic the Hedgehog
and I have one mission in life
I gotta go fast!
*Driving sound effects courtesy of Sonic*
Sonic: I even make my own sound effects.
*Braking sound effect*
Just hanging out in the middle of a golf course
gonna have fun day with my friends and eat some chili dogs
Maybe collect some rings.
Lindsay as Tails: Hey Sonic.
Sonic: Oh shit, Tails! Is that you rolling up!
Wow, you really slammed right into the ground!
Tails: I like to come in really hard. How are you best friend?
Tails: I like to come in really hard. How are you best friend?
Sonic: Aw, you're looking good as usual.
Tails: Hop on in, we'll go for a ride.
Sonic: No.
*Jack laughing*
Sonic: W-We'll wait for other people to show up.
Trevor as Knuckles: Ah shit. Is that Tails?
Tails: Aw that's right, our other friend.
Sonic: Woah- Oh!
Knuckles: Son of a- I'm sorry Sonic.
Sonic: Watch where you're running!
Tails: Knuckles you're so cool!
Knuckles: It's me. Knuckles.
Knuckles: You can tell cuz my red face.
Sonic: I can tell- yeah, you kinda look like the Joker
Sonic: But I know you're Knuckles.
Sonic: Whack!
Knuckles: Awh! Shit.
Sonic: Didn't think that would kill you.
Tails: Knuckles in quite the joker.
Sonic: But don't worry
Tails: Aw, is that Amy?
Sonic: That's what you get for running me over.
Jack as Amy: Hey Sonic!
Amy: How are you doing?
Tails: She's so hot.
Sonic: Oh hey, woah, hey babe.
Background Trevor: Holy shit. 
Amy: You're looking really good.
*Suppressed laughter*
Amy: Thumbs up.
Tails: Hey Amy, I'm here too.
Sonic: Fuck off.
Tails: Awh, no!
Sonic: Hey- hey did you know I have a new movie starring me coming out?
*SEGA Intro*
Sonic: Hey- hey did you know I have a new movie starring me coming out?
Amy: What really?
Sonic: I'm the star of the show.
Tails: Uh- uh I'm in the movie too.
Sonic: Oh no, not this guy.
Ryan as Shadow: Can't believe I have to hang out with you losers all day
Tails: Shadow, he's so cool.
Shadow: Hey, hey, I'm the guy that uses guns you- you put that away.
Sonic: No, this is- this is just my hello weapon.
Tails: I'm here too, Shadow.
Shadow: This is my hello weapon. What you got.
Sonic: Watch this!
Sonic: I'll do a spin move!
*Amy ooh-ing"
Sonic: Sonic Spin!
* Spin Move sound effect *
Shadow: Aw that was- that was pretty cool.
Sonic: Didn't mean to knock you over.
Amy: I like your black jacket.
Sonic: Alright, well the gang's all here
Sonic: We're gonna be best friends, let's eat some chili dogs, and I guess play golf.
Tails: Sounds great!
Sonic: Cuz... this is where we're at - the golf course
*Evil laughter*
Amy: Wait, who is that?
Sonic: Oh no!
Tails: Awh no!
Jeremy as Robotnik: Woah, overshot it!
*Jack laughing*
Knuckles: Awh shit!
Sonic: He's drunk again!
Knuckles: It's Jim Carrey!
Amy: Who is that?
Robotnik: What do we have down here?
Sonic: He's bringing his political artwork!
Knuckles: I'll get 'em! Fuck you!
Robotnik: Nice try, Knuckles!
Tails: Knuckles, you mad man!
Sonic: Stop, Knuckles!
Sonic: You're- he's too powerful for you.
Robotnik: Oh, we meet a- we meet again, Sonic!
*Everyone laughing*
*Everyone laughing*
Knuckles: What the hell?
*Everyone laughing*
Sonic: You fiend!
Robotnik: We meet again!
*Everyone laughing*
Knuckles: Holy shit.
*Everyone laughing*
*Everyone laughing*
Sonic: You're- You'll never get all the Chaos Emeralds, Robotnik.
Robotnik: You hedgehogs have been a real- I think you're a rabbit or something.
Sonic: No I'm a hedgehog I just had some reconstructive surgery.
Robotnik: Whatever the hell you are.
Amy: I don't know what I am.
Robotnik: But you hedgehogs have been a real thorn in my side.
*Laughter*
*Laughter*
Robotnik: And now, I'm finally gonna take you down.
Tails: Robotnik calm down!
Shadow: Hold on.
Sonic: You'll have to catch me first.
Shadow: I got this.
Robotnik: Awh!
Knuckles: Oh my god!
Shadow: Whatever it takes!
Tails: Shadow no!
Knuckles: The movie's over!
Robotnik: Curse you Shadow, I'll be back!
Sonic: I forgot Shadow can use a gun!
Shadow: I do anything- the situation requires for victory.
Tails: He could've been good!
Sonic: Knuckles is stealing the jet.
Knuckles: Knuckles knows how to fly!
Robotnik: Time to get my first robot.
Sonic: Aw, fuckin' shit! Amy ran me over!
Amy: Sorry.
Amy: Look at my pink- no it's not actually going.
Sonic: What a definition of blue balls.
Robotnik: Dammit my mechanic can't deliver my first robot!
Robotnik: I'll be back Sonic!
Sonic: All right, guys, let's get the Chaos Emeralds and fuck Robotnik in the ass!
Shadow: What do they look like?
Amy: Where are the Chaos Emeralds?
Sonic: They're a bunch of colors and they turn me into a Super Saiyan.
Sonic: They're a bunch of colors and they turn me into a Super Saiyan.
Tails: Hooray for sodomy!
Shadow: Wait what?
Sonic: It's- true.
Knuckles: Chaos control!
Sonic: Look it up, it's canon.
Knuckles: Awh shit!
Tails: Aw no, we're comin' in hot - we're comin' in hot. Oh god.
Shadow: Oh, I found Eggman on the street.
Robotnik: I'm waiting for my vehicle, somebody stop me.
*Robotnik laughing*
Amy: Are you from The Mask?
Shadow: Turns out he's real easy to defeat with a- a Magnum
Shadow: Or a- a motorcycle.
Sonic: I heard the first Chaos Emerald is at the top of the ferris wheel
Shadow: Oh no!
Sonic: I heard the first Chaos Emerald is at the top of the ferris wheel
Sonic: That's where I'm going
Shadow: Ok.
Sonic: I'm gonna ride it to the tippy top!
Tails: Amy, it's the guy from Truman Show.
Amy: I love that- oh shit!
Amy: *drowning noises*
Amy: I may have broken my vehicle.
Shadow: Oh shit!
Robotnik: Ohhh!
Sonic: Check out movie coming out this November.
*Sega Intro*
Sonic: Check out movie coming out this November.
Shadow: Oh no!
*Robotnik laughing*
Robotnik: Come here you hedgehog!
Shadow: His whatever it takes is better than my whatever it takes!
Tails: Tails' tails in trouble.
Robotnik: Time to get those hedgehogs.
Shadow: I need help, Sonic team.
Sonic: Get some red shoes, you slow bitch.
Knuckles: I'll get 'em!
Knuckles: Chaos!
Robotnik: Hello Knuckles!
Knuckles: Control!
*Robotnik laughing*
Robotnik: Take that, Knuckles.
Sonic: I'm so fast- watch me Spin Move! Spin Move!
Sonic: I'm so fast- watch me Spin Move! Spin Move!
*Spin Move sound effect*
Shadow: My superspeed is enough to keep ahead of him.
Shadow: Uh oh!
Sonic: Don't forget to collect any rings if you find them.
Robotnik: Ah yes, Shadow the hedgehog
Robotnik: The immortal one.
Shadow: Uh oh!
Shadow: It was a good dodge
Robotnik: Robotnik!
Shadow: Agh!
Knuckles: Come here Robotnik I got you this time.
Robotnik: Knuckles...
Knuckles: Ah!
Robotnik: Please.
Robotnik: I'm in hot pursuit of Shadow.
Shadow: You'll never catch me, Robotnik
Knuckles: Come back here, Robotnik.
Amy: I see Robotnik, oh my god!
Tails: I see 'em.
Robotnik: Who sees Robotnik?
Knuckles: Knuckles can stop him all by himself.
*Amy screaming*
Knuckles: I gotchu now, Robotnik!
Robotnik: Knuckles...
Knuckles: Woops!
Tails: Robotnik no!
Sonic: Can someone start the fuckin' ferris wheel this is the opposite of going fast!
Knuckles: C'mon Amy you lazy bastard.
Robotnik: C'mere- c'mere Tails!
Tails: Ah, he's coming for me!
Tails: *Dying noises*
Knuckles: He killed Tails!
Amy: Tails no!
Sonic: Goddammit.
Shadow: I never liked that fuck anyway.
Amy: Ow!
Knuckles: Get out of my way!
Amy: Knuckles!
Sonic: Tails is supposed to get me lunch later.
Shadow: AH!
Amy: AH!
Knuckles AH!
*Robotnik laughing*
Sonic: Robotnik you sick fiend!
Robotnik: Robotnik!
Shadow: Thank god I'm an immortal, oh that hurt.
Amy: Ow...
Robotnik: Where's Sonic now?
Sonic: I'm getting the first Chaos Emerald on this extremely slow ferris wheel!
Robotnik: No, not on my watch
Sonic: It's killing me inside just being here
Sonic: It's so fucking slow!
Shadow: Hold on. I see- I see him.
Knuckles: Knuckles is gonna take you to soccer practice.
Robotnik: I'm coming for you Sonic. 
Knuckles: Hiyah!
Robotnik: Knuckles is in a minivan.
Sonic: I'm almost halfway to the top!
Knuckles: Get the Chaos Emeralds, Sonic!
Robotnik: Ah, Sonic's one weakness: Slowness.
Knuckles: Hiyah!
*Sonic groaning*
Sonic: My boner's totally gone.
Knuckles: Our colors may match but you're no match for me.
Robotnik: Get off me Knuckles.
Knuckles: Can't hit me I'm too close.
Knuckles: Awh shit!
Shadow: Go, go go.
Tails: The pigs are on us.
Amy: I'm going fast now.
Robotnik: Stands on the end of a tank turret and says "You can't hit me, I'm too close."
Knuckles: You can't stop me!
Sonic: Oh I'm almost at the top!
Robotnik: Knuckles I appreciate your determination.
Tails: The fate of the world's at stake. Oh, there's Amy.
Amy: I'm comin' Sonic.
Sonic: Aw yeah! I just got to the top of the ferris wheel.
I'm gonna say- part of this story is I just got the first Chaos Emerald!
*Amy cheering*
Robotnik: Aw, curse you.
Sonic: It's the green one. Sure.
Robotnik: Those Chaos Emeralds will be mine!
Amy: That's the time one, right?
Sonic: Never!
Robotnik: I will be Super Saiyan Robotnik.
Sonic: I'm gonna double-check how many there are, I think there's like six.
Tails: Sonic who're you gonna sacrifice for the Soul Emerald?
Sonic: Don't worry about it yet.
Sonic: But just walk in the direction I tell you to.
Sonic: And don't look down.
Knuckles: You can kill me it's okay.
Sonic: I fooled you there's seven of course!
Amy: Amy might've murdered a cop by accident.
Sonic: Seven Chaos Emeralds.
Robotnik: Seven's a lot.
Shadow: Son of a bitch, the mortal authorities are really pissing me off.
Tails: Oh my god, chili dogs!
Tails: They're real. They're real. They're real.
Sonic: That's mine bitch, don't eat it, that's mine, Tails!
Tails: The cop's gonna kill me anyways.
Sonic: You bring me that fucking chili dog!
Tails: I'm gonna die full!
Tails: It's worth it, it's worth it!
Tails: Gimme one, gimme one!
Robotnik: Robotnitank isn't doing well here.
Sonic: The downside to this ferris wheel is I do have to wait for it to get all the way to the bottom before I can get off.
Robotnik: Oh there he is, there's Sonic!
Sonic: You think you saw me but I'm so fast I was here yesterday.
*Explosion*
Sonic: I'm invincible with the green Chaos Emerald!
Tails: Something went boom.
Robotnik: Ah, he's become more powerful from the Chaos Emerald.
Tails: 'Scuse me sir.
Robotnik: I'll wait at the damn bottom for him.
Sonic: Don't... don't do that.
Knuckles: Tails, what the hell!
Sonic: Don't do that you coward!
Sonic: Quick Shadow, shoot him in the head!
Robotnik: No, get off me Amy!
*Amy screaming*
Robotnik: Get off!
Shadow: It took me awhile to get the insurance money for my legs back.
Amy: Ow!
Knuckles: Holy shit! You won't stop me now Robotnik.
Knuckles: Oopsies!
Sonic: Knuckles, Knuckles, are you alright?
Knuckles: I'm okay.
Amy: I'm gonna stop- (gibberish) -Robotnik.
Sonic: Amy's possessed by a demon!
Robotnik: She's ripped me out my Robotnitank!
Sonic: *Dying noises*
Tails: You killed Sonic!
Shadow: You're in my way.
Knuckles: I gotchu now Robotnik!
*Amy screaming*
Robotnik: Oh gosh!
Amy: I'm crazy!
Knuckles: Everyone back the fuck up!
Robotnik: Amy! Amy!
Sonic: Turns out I'm fine.
*Yelling*
Robotnik: Curses!
Amy: Knuckles why!
Robotnik: I'll be back!
Knuckles: I'm sorry you were collateral damage
Knuckles: I'm a little chaotic neutral.
Sonic: Tails can you still fly?
Tails: Yeah. It might take a second.
Sonic: Come get me and take me to the next Chaos Emerald at the top of Mount Chiliad.
Tails: Ah no! *Dying noises*
Sonic: Come get me and take me to the next Chaos Emerald at the top of Mount Chiliad.
Sonic: Tails, you useless dumbass!
*Robotnik laughing*
Sonic: This is why you were abused as a pet!
Knuckles: The cops impounded my speed!
Sonic: The cops can't do nothing to stop Sonic!
Sonic: Passive blast!
Robotnik: Don't worry, I'll be back. I called the wrong person, the wrong menu.
Shadow: I don't think I can carry you.
Shadow: You can't you- you can't get on here.
Sonic: I don't know how to tell you this, Shadow
Sonic: But that guy's father or something made you.
Shadow: What, wait what?
Sonic: Or his grandfather, I'm not exactly sure what the canon is.
Robotnik: Gerald!
Shadow: Is he the grandson of the guy that killed Maria, who I don't really know?
Sonic: He cooked you up in a lab!
Sonic: Lemme, lemme just say does this name mean anything to you: Martha.
Shadow: Ow!
Sonic: Ah fuck!
Amy: Why would you say that name?
Amy: Why would you say that name!?
Amy: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT NAME?
*Laughter*
Sonic: Sonic needs a fucking evac!
Amy: Sonic where are you, I'll save you!
Sonic: I'm running- the cops are on me.
Knuckles: Sonic!
Amy: Are you at the pier?
Knuckles: Get on my thing and I'll call the cops.
Sonic: Stop trying to run me over!
Robotnik: Ignore the color of this machine, I'll be back with another!
Sonic: The cops are trying to kill the colored hedgehog as usual.
Knuckles: I'll take 'em out Sonic.
Knuckles: Get outta here. Get outta here you brave boy!
Sonic: I don't- I don't understand it, I dodged all those rockets in the trailer but I can't dodge bullets.
*SEGA intro*
Sonic: I don't- I don't understand it, I dodged all those rockets in the trailer but I can't dodge bullets.
Shadow: Amy's here, why don't you hop in with Amy.
Amy: Where'd you go Sonic I'll save you.
Sonic: I'm gonna slide into Amy if you know what I mean.
Sonic: Wo-ah!
Shadow: I don't get that reference.
Sonic: It's my dick!
Knuckles: What the H-E double chili dogs?
Amy: Gotta slide fast.
Shadow: Sonic you don't have one.
Tails: I'm too young for that kinda talk.
Sonic: I don't even have a butt in the movie.
Shadow: You're like a Ken doll down there.
Sonic: I got nothing!
Tails: Sonic how are baby hedgehogs made?
Amy: Sonic!
Shadow: Get in with Amy.
Sonic: Okay!
Amy: I can take you to Chiliad, Sonic.
Sonic: Aw, yeah.
Amy: Let's do it.
Sonic: And then I can blow you while you drive. What?
Amy: Holy shit you've got a lot of stars.
Shadow: I don't think that's how that works.
*Amy screaming*
*Amy screaming*
Shadow: Oh my god!
Amy: Holy shit!
Amy: Oh god!
Shadow: Ow.
Amy: Sonic!
Tails: Aw no!
Sonic: Hang on let me call Lester- it's a guy I know.
Shadow: You made me fall off my legs again.
Sonic: You made yourself fall, stop trying to pin this on us, Shadow.
Amy: Sonic can you give me a spot on the map cuz I'm not entirely sure how to get there.
Sonic: God damn you drunk bitch.
Sonic: You crazy bitch.
Amy: That's okay. It makes me go fast!
Amy: Everything feels- everything feels so much faster Sonic!
Amy: Oh god!
Sonic: Everything's fast when you're with me, baby.
*Amy Screaming*
Sonic: Everything's fast when you're with me, baby.
Sonic: Everything's fast when you're with me, baby.
*Laughter*
*Laughter*
Amy: These cars are going by-
Amy: It's okay- we're getting you to the Chaos-
Sonic: Aw yeah.
Amy: The Emerald. Which one is this one, Sonic?
Sonic: I- I dunno till we get there and then I'll make it up.
Amy: All right, sounds good.
Shadow: That's definitely not the right mountain.
Sonic: Oh, I got it now. Sonic's GPS was fucked up.
Sonic: I had too many chili dogs.
Sonic: And blow!
Amy: Oh yeah, that makes you go real fast.
Robotnik: Ah haha, time to check my arsenal.
Tails: Sonic's talking about blow, I don't know what that is.
Tails: Sounds fun though.
Shadow: It's, y'know.
Amy: It's like a balloon.
Tails: Aw, I love balloons!
Robotnik: Load into my hangar dammit.
Robotnik: There, yes...
Amy: Tails I might need you to put a balloon up your ass- a little bit, don't worry about it though.
Tails: Um...
Sonic: And then go through airport security.
Amy: Gotta go real fast.
Shadow: *Hysterical laugh*
Sonic: You gotta go fast or else the dogs'll catch ya.
Amy: Sonic, we're gonna go fast.
Amy: Fast!
Sonic: Oh yeah, I checked the Wikipedia and we're going for the purple Emerald.
Amy: Purple Emerald.
Sonic: The purple Chaos Emerald.
Sonic: And then I'm gonna be hard as a rock.
Robotnik: Oh, now to take out that meddling hedgehog.
Sonic: Which- which one, exactly?
Robotnik: I don't know.
Shadow: Yeah there's- there's- there's two of us.
Shadow: Well three, I guess.
Amy: What am I?
Shadow: Wait, what the fuck is Knuckles?
Sonic: He's an echidna.
Amy: An echidna.
Tails: Echidna.
Sonic: Knuckles the Echidna. Goddamn motherfucker, didn't you read the rolecall?
Tails: Amy's a hedgehog.
Shadow: I did not.
Shadow: Uh! Oh!
Shadow: Immortality save me!
Robotnik: Well, one of the dots disappeared, I'm assuming that was Shadow.
Tails: Amy, I could love you. I could show you a good life.
Tails: But you choose to go with Sonic.
Amy: Tails shove this up your ass.
Sonic: Tails shut the fuck up, stop trying to steal my-
*Amy screaming*
Robotnik: Hello, hedgehogs!
*Amy screaming*
Sonic: Holy fucking shit!
Sonic: He's trying to fucking murder us, what the fuck!
Robotnik: Awh! Woops!
Sonic: Well.
Shadow: I realized Tails was an incel.
Sonic: Alright, took him out,
Shadow: What, wow Eggman went down like a bitch.
Tails: I love to white knight.
Sonic: Well see what I did was I created a sonic tornado and it just threw him out of whack and he crashed right into the ground.
Robotnik: Curse you hedgehogs and your street lights.
Sonic: You didn't even see me jump out of the car, it was so fast.
Robotnik: He was- it was like lightning.
Robotnik: Excuse me, Robotnik needs your RV.
Amy: We're almost to goddamn Chiliad.
Robotnik: I'll be back.
Sonic: Man I hope that Chaos Emerald's up there.
Amy: Me too.
Sonic: I feel like someone else could get another one or five.
Robotnik: Oh shit, this hillbilly's kicking my ass!
Sonic: There's seven...
Ronbotnik: Wait, you don't understand there's a hedgehog.
Robotnik: Ma'am, please I need you to-
Robotnik: Woah!
Amy: Up on top of the mountain, here we go.
Robotnik: I was the Riddler once, alright.
Robotnik: Away I go.
Sonic: Bitch, you drunk?
Amy: Yes!
Sonic: Stop- you can't drive up a rock with a sports car! 
Shadow: Oh, Robotnik's really- really busted out his- his bench with this one.
Robotnik: I'll be back, hedgehogs!
Robotnik: Stop throwing Molotovs at me!
*Laughter*
Shadow: Whatever it takes.
Shadow: Awh, I'm on fire too!
Sonic: Holy shit, just drive on the road, lady, the road!
Amy: Here we go.
Sonic: Holy shit, just drive on the road, lady, the road!
Sonic: Holy shit, just drive on the road, lady, the road!
Amy: And now we're go-
Sonic: Holy shit, just drive on the road, lady, the road!
Amy: It's okay. We're on the road.
Shadow: I'll stop you, Robotnik!
Robotnik: I borrowed this from my bald friend, Walter White.
Shadow: Hey.
Tails: I love his books.
*Laughter*
Shadow: Pull it over!
Robotnik: Did Tails just make a Walt Whitman joke?
Jack: Yeah.
Tails: Yes.
*Laughter*
Tails: I'm very well read.
*Laughter*
Sonic: Oh, here we go. That's a tree.
Amy: Shortcut.
Sonic: Goddamn.
Amy: I'm goin' fast, Sonic!
Sonic: Amy, I say this because I love plowing you but you need to go back to rehab.
Shadow: Ah!
Robotnik: Got him!
Tails: Sonic, you're a farmer?
Robotnik: That keeps costing me a lot of money to blow up that Shitaro.
Amy: You're trying to make me go to rehab but I say "No, no, no!"
Sonic: I'm always plowing the crops.
Trevor as Knuckles as Neo: I see Robotnik and I've learned how to fly.
Tails: Oh my god, it's Keanu Reeves!
Sonic: It's Neo.
*Laughter*
Tails: I love you!
Knuckles: Shit.
Knuckles: Shiiiit!
*Laughter*
Shadow: He didn't learn very well, I guess.
Sonic: He got caught by an agent!
Amy: Sonic, we're almost there, I can see it.
Sonic: Aw, we're almost at the-
Sonic: Whatever Emerald I said it was.
Amy: The green one, I think.
Sonic: No, I have green already.
Shadow as Amy: Purple.
Amy: Oh.
Sonic: Purple sounds right.
Shadow as Amy: I don't know why I talked in your voice to answer the question.
Sonic: Let's go with that.
Sonic: Holy shit.
Amy: H- he's my sister.
Sonic: Two Amys? Gangbang...
Sonic: Gangbang me!
Shadow as Cream: I'm that other one, Cream.
Sonic: Cream- Cream's here?
Robotnik: Cream the Rabbit?
Sonic: Oh man, let's just get that bat, she could suck me off.
Tails: Suckin' off? You guys got lollipops in there?
Sonic: We gotta go fast over this shit, Amy.
Amy: I think I can go this way.
Sonic: That's another rock, you dumbass
Amy: Uh, this way.
Sonic: Aw, fuck.
Amy: You're fine.
Knuckles: I hear some explosions in the distance.
Shadow: I'm gonna go pick up another one of the Emeralds over at the airfield, I guess.
Knuckles: Awh shit!
Amy: Neo's gonna- okay, Neo's dead.
Tails: Neo went country.
Amy: That was quick.
Tails: He sounded like a hillbilly for two seconds.
Sonic: Neo can never die.
Amy: A speed backpack.
Sonic: That's a backpack for carrying drugs.
Tails: He is the one.
Amy: Oh yeah.
Sonic: There's all kinds of shit in there.
Amy: Like the one I gave to Tails.
Sonic: Methamphetamines, Special K.
Tails: I need some Tylenol.
Sonic: Uppers, downers, Mollies.
Knuckles: The cereal?
Sonic: Marys.
Tails: I kinda got a headache.
Sonic: You take enough pills, you'll never have a headache ever again.
Tails: Yeah!
Amy: Take the eightball, you'll go SO FAST.
Tails: Modern medicine is revolutionary.
Shadow: Meth'll fix that right up.
Sonic: Put it up your butt, it's a suppository.
Robotnik: Here's my ID. It's a- my name is Doctor Robotnik.
Robotnik: Okay, yes, I'm heading in.
Robotnik: Yes, yes, curse the hedgehogs, yes, yes. Okay.
Knuckles: I found him in his own fucking base.
Knuckles: C'mere Ro- you son of a bitch!
Robotnik: Back to work you robots. What's happening to me?
Robotnik: Oh, it's Knuckles.
Knuckles: I'll never let you down.
Robotnik: Knuckles, fuck off.
Knuckles: I'm gonna take your back bumper if it's the last thing I do.
Sonic: There it is, up there. I'm gonna get out before you kill me,  you crazy bitch.
Amy: Go Sonic!
Sonic: I'm so fast.
Amy: Get that Chaos Emerald.
Sonic: Hey, give me your Emerald!
*Woman screaming*
Sonic: All right, I got it!
*Amy screaming*
Sonic: Some human was trying to grab up on it and I said, "Please hand it over to me" and she did.
Sonic: Hey Amy, you want to know what a hedgehog with two Chaos Emeralds looks like?
Amy: What's that? Oooh...
Sonic: This guy.
Amy: You are attractive.
Sonic: You wanna maybe...
Sonic: Suck me off?
Amy: Yes, I do!
Sonic: Aw yeah!
Sonic: I'm going FAST NOW
Sonic: ALRIGHT I'M DONE.
Sonic: Ah...
Amy: That was very, very quick.
Sonic: It was real fast.
Amy: Alright, we're going to the airfield.
Shadow: I already got the airfield one.
Sonic: Holy shit!
Shadow: It was like, lemon-colored or somethin'.
Sonic: Uh, let's- hang on, lemme check my Wikipedia.
Sonic: We'll go with yellow.
Shadow: Yeah.
Sonic: We've got green, yellow and purple.
Robotnik: Aw, the hedgehogs are powering up, also the echidna.
Sonic: Only- nah, he's gonna give it to me, I hope.
Sonic: Only four more and I'll be Super Saiyan Sonic and then you're fucked.
Robotnik: Don't worry- time to break out the next Robotnik vehicle
Sonic: Then I'm gonna fuck you right in your fat fuckin' ass.
Shadow: What does he got for us this time?
Amy: Where am I going Sonic?
Sonic: I think we're going straight to hell, Amy.
Amy: Alright.
Amy: I can take us there, I've been there before!
Sonic: All my bones are broken, but I heal SO FAST!
Amy: SO FAST!
*Amy screaming*
**Amy screaming**
***Amy screaming***
Amy: Okay!
Robotnik: Jesus...
Sonic: I love it when you scream.
Knuckles: What's up, Shadow?
Shadow: Uh oh.
Knuckles: It's okay, it's just me.
Tails: Shadow's the new Tails!
Sonic: I love this tree!
Amy: Look, I brought us-
Sonic: And...
Amy: We're under a bridge, Sonic.
Knuckles: Sonic, awh!
Amy: What do you wanna do under- oh there's my door.
*Amy laughing*
Shadow: Team Sonic has reassembled.
Sonic: This is not great.
Shadow: Really should be called Team Shadow, cuz I'm the one that killed Robotnik like, two or three times.
Tails: You're kind of a lone wolf.
Robotnik: The light-pole got me once.
Amy: Take some blue, let's do it!
*Amy screaming*
**Amy screaming**
Sonic: Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Tails: Woah!
Shadow: Oh, there they are.
Knuckles: Where's Tails?
Sonic: I'm feelin' it in my shoes, baby!
Tails: I'm coming in hot!
Knuckles: Oh shit!
Shadow: You're ride's looking a little rough.
Sonic: Tails is behind us!
Amy: You're a little rough.
Sonic: No, that's Shadow.
Shadow: Yeah, it's me.
Tails: I guess I needs the new tails.
Shadow: I found this.
Tails: He brought my wings.
Sonic: Alright, let's we- let's reconvene with Shadow.
Amy: Let's regroup, regroup.
Sonic: He's above us.
Shadow: I'm right here.
*Beeping*
Knuckles: Awh shit, Doctor Robotnik's back!
*Beeping*
Knuckles: Awh shit, Doctor Robotnik's back!
*Beeping*
Shadow: Uh oh.
Knuckles: Awh shit, Doctor Robotnik's back!
*Beeping*
Shadow: Uh oh. Uh oh.
Shadow: Ah!
*Robotnik laughing*
Amy: Ah Robotnik!
*Robotnik laughing*
Sonic: Shadow, no!
Tails: Oh no!
*Robotnik laughing*
Robotnik: I have found you, hedgehogs!
Tails: Not again!
Sonic: You monster!
Sonic: Come fight me you son of a bitch!
Amy: Sonic, you're so brave!
Sonic: Don't worry, Amy, just get your gums ready for a suck job when I come back.
Amy: Oh, Sonic
Robotnik: Ah yes-
Robotnik: Agh!
Tails: Do you have any Juicy Fruit?
Sonic: Take that you son of a bitch!
Robotnik: I'm all wibble-wobble!
Sonic: Fuck, I got hit by a car, these goddamn humans.
Amy: Where you at Shadow, I'll take care of-
Amy: Oh god!
*Robotnik laughing*
Sonic: Holy sh-
*Robotnik laughing*
Sonic: Nooo, you killed my mouthpiece!
Sonic: Amy!
Shadow: What does that mean?
Robotnik: Ah yes, the Emeralds will be mine!
Tails: He uses Amy to...
Tails: Uh- blast his political propaganda.
Shadow: Gotcha.
Sonic: Oh, I blast inside her alright!
Robotnik: Ah, the Emeralds they will be mine!
Sonic: No!
Sonic: *Dying noises*
Tails: Noooo!
*Robotnik laughing*
Amy: Sonic no!
*Robotnik laughing*
Shadow: I think I got this.
Robotnik: Robotnik!
Sonic: Good thing he just got my decoy.
Shadow: Uh oh, he's releasing smoke.
Amy: Oh, he's smokin'.
Robotnik: Time to gas the world!
*Laughter*
Shadow: Boy, that thing's tough.
Robotnik: Yes... yes.
Tails: Hi Knuckles!
Knuckles: He's gassing us!
*Tails coughing*
Robotnik: Sleep...
Robotnik: Sleep...
Sonic: Is it like a forever sleep or...?
Amy: It's like the first Batman movie with Michael Keaton.
Tails: Aw, fat man farts.
Robotnik: Again, I was Riddler once.
Amy: Ow!
Knuckles: Awh!
Knuckles: We gotta go!
Shadow: No, not that one.
Amy: Neo, c'mere!
Tails: Amy, get in!
Knuckles: I gotta go!
Robotnik: Robotnik!
Amy: Ah!
Knuckles: Holy shit!
Robotnik: Wo-oh, Robotnik!
Robotnik: Robotnik is spinning out!
Shadow: What the?
Amy: Tails get us outta here.
Robotnik: Take off Robotnik!
Tails: Let's go!
Robotnik: Eject!
Robotnik: A-ha, Robotnik!
Robotnik: He's ejected!
Amy: Tails, did you steal this car?
Shadow: I can't believe you got away from that.
Tails: I borrowed it!
Robotnik: Yes, Robotnik...
Tails: It's okay to borrow things if you return them.
Sonic: Where's Cyclops?
Robotnik: I'll get you next time Sonic!
Sonic: He's the co-star of this movie!
Robotnik: Ow!
Robotnik: If it's the last thing I do!
Amy: I think we have three of the Emeralds.
Amy: Where's a- where's the fourth one, Sonic?
Sonic: That's- wherever you decide it is!
Knuckles: I'm pretty sure I saw one on top of the Maze Bank building.
Shadow: I'm coming for you Eggman!
Sonic: Fuckin' shit!
Knuckles: Oh shit!
Shadow: Your granddaddy did something bad to me or something, I don't know, I'm coming though.
Robotnik: He made you, dammit!
Tails: We gotta lose this heat.
Shadow: And I'll never forgive him for that!
*Sonic laughing*
Robotnik: Ah, the clever Robotnik hides in a bush.
Robotnik: He'll never find me.
Shadow: I found you!
Robotnik: Oh no!
Amy: Why- did we kill somebody, Tails?
Knuckles: Sonic wow!
Robotnik: Curse you, Shadow!
Tails: Amy, now that we're alone what the hell do you see in that blue fuck?
Amy: I mean he...
Tails: I mean seriously.
Amy: Lots of cocaine.
Tails: I'm here with a-
*Laughter*
Tails: A 401k.
Sonic: Just remember where your fix is at, if you want to get high
Sonic: You better go low, on my blue balls. 
Tails: I'm good with kids!
Robotnik: He went that way, officer!
Robotnik: He went that way.
Knuckles: Sonic, you're so goddamn fast!
Robotnik: Go get 'em.
Tails: Oh god!
Sonic: What happened, did you blink?
*Laughter*
Knuckles: Wow, it's a race!
Knuckles: I've always had a rivalry with you. Oh shit!
Sonic: Try to keep up but- but don't do that cuz you passed me.
Sonic: I'm the main character bitch!
Knuckles: Chaos Control!
Tails: I wanted to comfort your beautiful face.
Amy: Tails, I've got an idea, I'm gonna try to get some of this heat off of us.
Tails: Okay.
*Sonic and Knuckles making driving sound effects*
Tails: Oh god.
*Sonic and Knuckles making driving sound effects*
*Sonic and Knuckles making driving sound effects*
Amy: Go fast, why are you slowing down, Tails!
*Sonic and Knuckles making driving sound effects*
*Sonic and Knuckles making driving sound effects*
Tails: I'm just so nervous with your plan! Okay.
*Sonic and Knuckles making driving sound effects*
*Sonic and Knuckles making driving sound effects*
Tails: I trust you.
*Sonic and Knuckles making driving sound effects*
*Sonic and Knuckles still making driving sound effects*
Amy: Good job. Keep trusting me.
*Sonic and Knuckles still making driving sound effects*
*Sonic and Knuckles still making driving sound effects*
Tails: Amy, a lot of people didn't like you when you first showed up, but I think you're beautiful.
Amy: Oh that's okay.
Tails: And I've always liked you, just wanted to let you know.
*Firework whistle*
Sonic: Tails is a virgin!
*Firework whistle*
*Explosion*
Robotnik: Oh!
Tails: Not for long!
Shadow: He's in there somewhere.
Robotnik: Whoa, Robotnik!
Shadow: Gotta flush him out.
Amy: So I learned this from uh- my friends in uh- the Colombian drug gang.
Amy: I mean- I mean fast.
Tails: Uhhh!
Shadow: Uh oh.
Knuckles: I'll be honest, the cops impounded my speed.
Robotnik: Shadow is here!
Sonic: If you like this film so far make sure you check out the Fast and the Furious films!
*SEGA intro*
Sonic: If you like this film so far make sure you check out the Fast and the Furious films!
Shadow: I'm gonna kill you in a delightfully colorful way.
Tails: Our versions called the Fast and the... Furry-ious
Knuckles: Knuckles is gonna fly away.
Robotnik: Oh boy!
Knuckles: Shit!
Knuckles: The car turned into me!
Sonic: Holy shit!
Knuckles: Awh!
Sonic: Holy shit!
Knuckles: Holy shit! Okay.
Sonic: Knuckles, you were paste in the road!
Knuckles: That was a 1-2 hit.
Sonic: Exactly like I planned.
Tails: Uh oh, popo!
Amy: Oh no!
Amy: Amy! Wait I'm Amy.
Tails: Go back, go back.
Sonic: Gotta brake fast!
Tails: Tailspin, tailspin!
Tails: I'm used to those.
Tails: Alright, let's go.
Shadow: That's what you get for being the grandson of the man that made me!
Robotnik: You're welcome!
*Laughter*
Shadow: Also, you may or may not have killed somebody.
Shadow: I don't- I don't know the whole canon, exactly.
Sonic: Hooo!
Sonic: Hooo-ly shit!
Shadow: Woah, shit!
*Robotnik laughing*
Knuckles: Dropped a lot of chili dogs.
*Robotnik laughing*
*Robotnik laughing*
Robotnik: Time to find Sonic.
Shadow: He's in something real big and mean.
Sonic: Oh, that's alright, I'm heading to the drug cartel airport
Sonic: Where the next Emerald awaits.
Amy: Tails, where the fuck are you taking me?
Tails: Uh, I just been trying to evade the police, that's all.
Sonic: I just have to kill the Colombian drug lords
Sonic: And then I'm good.
Robotnik: Is that the plot of your upcoming film?
Sonic: Wouldn't you like to know?
Sonic: You better buy a ticket now and see it in theaters this November!
*SEGA intro*
Sonic: You better buy a ticket now and see it in theaters this November!
Robotnik: Aw, I will cuz I'm in it.
Sonic: Oh shit, I just got in this drug plane and the cyan Emerald was inside of it!
Knuckles: Wow!
Tails: Oh my god!
Sonic: That's four!
Tails: That's where I left it!
Robotnik: The hedgehogs grow stronger.
Sonic: Three more and I'm gonna fuck you to pieces.
Shadow: They're probably all in one place.
Amy: How many are there?
Sonic: There's seven.
Robotnik: I don't wanna be fucked to pieces.
Amy: Alright, I think one's on top of Maze Bank.
Sonic: That's- that would make the one that comes after four.
Robotnik: While being fucked I will yell "Curse you, Sonic!"
Sonic: Oh shit!
Sonic: Hey, you know that level in Sonic where you're standing on top of the plane?
Knuckles: Nope.
Sonic: I'm doing that right now!
Sonic: ♫Di-di-di-di-dii-dii-diii-dii-diii-diii♫
Sonic: I'm pretty sure Tails is flying it but not this time.
Shadow: That's not the theme song for this.
*Knuckles singing theme*
*Knuckles singing theme*
*Tails singing theme*
*Amy singing theme*
*Amy singing theme*
Shadow: No, I'm pretty sure it has gangsters.
Amy: Oh yeah.
Shadow: And paradise.
♫To the tune of Gansta's Paradise♫
Amy: I've been livin' most my life, livin' in a gansta's paradise.
♫To the tune of Gansta's Paradise♫
Amy: I've been livin' most my life, livin' in a gansta's paradise.
Shadow: -my life, livin' in a gansta's paradise.
♫To the tune of Gansta's Paradise♫
Sonic: Livin' in a Sonic's paradise!
♫To the tune of Gansta's Paradise♫
Sonic: I'm collecting rings, they're nice!
♫To the tune of Gansta's Paradise♫
Sonic: In fuckin' Sonic's paradise!
Amy: Oh god, turn!
Tails: Shit, shit!
♫To the tune of Gansta's Paradise♫
Sonic: In fuckin' Sonic's paradise!
Tails: Phew. Flawless.
Sonic: When you think Sonic, you think fucking gangsta!
Robotnik: Hello Sonic and Tails!
Sonic: You'll never catch me!
Sonic: Unless you do-
Sonic: Oh shit, he fucking caught me!
Sonic: He caught me!
*Robotnik laughing*
Tails: Even my momma thinks that my mind is gone.
Knuckles: Now, I'm the fastest one now.
*Robotnik laughing*
Knuckles: Holy shit, you won't stop me this time, Robotnik, you bastard!
Sonic: I had a vision of being killed.
Knuckles: Suck on these ones!
Knuckles: Ahhh!
Robotnik: Oh, there he is.
Tails: Ah!
Amy: Oh Tails!
Tails: Oh, that was so close.
Sonic: So we've got the cyan, the yellow, the purple and the green Emeralds, we only need blue, red and gray.
Shadow: I'm pretty sure they're all on top of the bank together.
Sonic: All three of- Oh, someone else collected them and they had a heart attack at the top of the bank-
Shadow: Probably exactly what happened.
Sonic: - dropping all three of them-
Robotnik: Sounds likely.
Sonic: -so that we can collect them and that will be the end of the video?
Shadow: That is a perfect description for how that happened.
Sonic: Wow, what an amazing turn of events!
Tails: It's all going wrong!
Amy: Oh god, Tails.
Sonic: Just like the film!
*SEGA intro*
Sonic: Just like the film!
Robotnik: When I obtain those three emeralds, we will have such a fight, Sonic!
Robotnik: A battle to end all battles.
Sonic: You not gonna obtain shit.
Amy: Alright Amy, we got- we gotta- I mean-
Tails: You're Amy!
*Laughter*
Tails: Get you shit together!
Amy: We gotta get to the top of this bank.
Sonic: To be fair she is out of her fuckin' mind right now.
Amy: I have so much blow running through my veins!
Robotnik: This city...
Robotnik: Will be mine!
*Robotnik laughing*
Amy: Close your eyes, Tails.
Sonic: Don't close your eyes, she's gonna put something in your mouth!
Tails: Hold my hand!
Sonic: Don't close your eyes, she's gonna put something in your mouth!
Amy: I'm killing- I'm killing police officers, Tails.
Sonic: She's gonna put something in your mouth!
Tails: Okay.
Amy: Alright, take a-
Tails: Nothing bad is happening.
Tails: They're all at home with their families.
Amy: Exactly, we sent them right back to Hell where their families are.
Tails: Ah, it's great.
Knuckles: Shit!
Knuckles: Robotnik!
Robotnik: Whoa, Knuckles.
Knuckles: He's got my last Emerald!
Robotnik: Bring me Sonic!
Amy: Perfect right here.
Knuckles: I see the babbling bitches.
Tails: Alright, see ya!
Knuckles: They're down below.
Tails: I'll never forget the time we spent together.
Amy: Do you want to come with me?
Tails: Yeah!
Tails: Sonic's is coming is really fun, I want to try it.
Sonic: It's a real...
Sonic: Blast!
Sonic: Sonic's on his way.
Tails: Oh my god, Amy, I love you!
Amy: Back up so I can catch him.
Robotnik: Sonic, meet me on top of the building for our final showdown.
Amy: Alright, Miles, I need you to spin those fucking tails, here we go.
Tails: Here we go!
Tails: Ring-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing!
Tails: Ring-ing-ing-ing-ing!
Robotnik: Ah, Knuckles.
Knuckles: Hiyah!
Knuckles: Knuckles, ahoy!
Robotnik: Uh wow, there goes Knuckles' plane.
Robotnik: Ah, there's Knuckles.
Knuckles: Knuckles learned to fly!
Sonic: I'm comin', Sonic's on his way to collect the last Chaos Emeralds!
Knuckles: Oh shit!
Knuckles: No!
Robotnik: Yeah, Knuckles.
Knuckles: No, let me be!
Knuckles: I have an Emerald!
Amy: Amy's coming in, I brought-
Knuckles: You know, Knuckles always has an Emerald.
Amy: I brought this fox thing.
Knuckles: That's his secret.
Knuckles: Woah!
Tails: Hi everybody.
Knuckles: Knuckles...!
*Robotnik laughing*
Knuckles: Flip over you lazy ass!
Amy: I just saw Neo.
Knuckles: Knuckles...!
Amy: Neo is flying!
Tails: Oh my god, he's the one!
Amy: Alright Tails, we're gonna- we're gonna save the universe!
Tails: Drop me in hot!
Amy: Alright, here- ah!
Tails: Ahh!
Robotnik: Oh gosh!
Robotnik: Aw gosh, Knuckles!
Tails: Oh, we almost killed him.
Shadow: Knuckles got knocked.
Tails: I could have crushed him.
Sonic: Distract him so I can swoop in and get the Emeralds!
Tails: Ah!
Sonic: Distract him so I can swoop in and get the Emeralds!
Amy: Tails, kill him.
Tails: He's blasted me!
Robotnik: Sonic!
Tails: Ah!
Robotnik: Sonic, you and I will have this battle!
Sonic: Sonic's comin' in hot!
Amy: Sonic!
Robotnik: Fuck off!
Robotnik: I would fight Amy but I feel like she's off her tits right now.
Amy: *Hysterical laughter*
Sonic: Excellent!
Sonic: They've distracted you just as planned so now I've got all the Chaos Emeralds!
Super Sonic: AND NOW
Super Sonic: I'M SUPER SONIC!
Amy: Oh my god!
Robotnik: Not Super Sonic!
Amy: I am so hard. 
Super Sonic: YOU CAN'T STOP ME I'M A SUPER SAIYAN.
Tails: Sonic boom, Sonic boom!
Super Sonic: IT'S TIME FOR MY ULTIMATE MOVE.
Robotnik: Don't do it!
Super Sonic: SONIC SPIIIN!
*Spin move sound effect*
Robotnik: Don't do it!
Robotnik: Ohhh, the agony!
Robotnik: Agh!
Amy: You did it, Sonic!
Amy: You killed him and yourself just like I knew you would.
Super Sonic: I CAN'T BE KILLED.
Super Sonic: I'M GOLDEN.
Super Sonic: Wooob-wooob-wooob-wooob-
Michael: And that is the end of the movie.
Ryan: We did it.
*Everyone laughing*
Michael: Roll credits.
Michael: Make sure-
Amy: Amy's coming!
Michael: Make sure-
Amy: Amy's com-
*Laughter*
Lindsay: Christ.
*Laughter*
Michael: Well so the Sonic trailer came out today.
Jeremy: Uh- so yeah, uh, Sonic trailer came out today
*Laughter*
Jack: Go see Sonic the Hedgehog in theaters this year.
Michael: Looks interesting!
Ryan: I mean, or don't. 
Michael: I mean you just saw the plot so...
Michael: Save your money, just watch this again.
Jack: It's true.
Michael: Let's stop.
Jack: Let's stop.
*Everyone laughing*
Knuckles: Knuckles has a better idea. 
Michael: This video's gonna have- so many dislikes.
Lindsay: That was stupid as shit.
Lindsay: And I love it.
*Outro music*
