Intro
MCM Homeland Security
"When there's no more room in hell, the dead shall walk the earth" George Romero
Moog: When you first hear of a Zombie outbreak, there's going to be no time to go and get supplies
so we're gonna show you how to modify your car, using stuff you can find around your home
Vehicle Choice
Vehicle 01
Moog: A sports car would be our usual choice on Mighty Car Mods, because they're fast
and great for morale, but they can't go offroad, and they have limited storage
Vehicle 02
A school bus or a truck can carry many survivors, and they have huge storage capability
but they're slow, hard to manouver at speed, and they use a lot of fuel.
Vehicle 03
Tanks are like a moving fortress
and they're all terrain, but they're also hard to come by, difficult to drive
and have limited space.
Vehicle 04
Four wheel
drives are fast, handle well, have good storage and they're all terrain
they use more fuel than a small car, but they're much safer and also easy
to find in suburban areas.
Moog: today we're going to show you how to Zombie-Proof your car
we're going to be working on a 1987 Nissan Pathfinder Four Wheel Drive
Marty: some of the benefits of using a car like this, if you've got good ride height, you got simple mechanicals
a carby engine so you're not gonna break down.
Moog: there's also heaps of space in the back
which you're gonna need for supplies and weapons, but the first thing we need to do
is stealth the car by blacking it out, and then we need to armour up the windows
so the undead can't eat your brain.
Armour
Marty: so the car's been totally blacked out, now its time to work on protection.
Moog: because a zombie would be through this glass, and gnawing on your
flesh in seconds.
Marty: so when the zombie invade its probably safter
to go mobile, we're not going to be needing this front door on our house anymore, so it's going on our car
Moog: lets do it
Moog: there's nothing getting through there.
Moog: glass is getting
removed from the back cause you can't shoot through glass.
Moog: gnawrrrrwwww
*cocking shotgun* boom!
Moog: so as much as you want to protect your car from the undead, you also need some access points where you can get your weapons
out, sometimes you're gonna need to grab zombies, you might want their clothing
you might just wanna kill them for the fun of it, we're going to be covering that in the entertainment section
but you DO need some points in the car where you can get your weapons in and out.
Moog: from here *ARGHRHGHGHGHG*
*ARGGJGJGJ* they can't get in.
Moog: okay so
we've fortified the car, and there's protection over all the windows, is there anything else we need to look into?
Zombie Expert: Well when you're escaping a city such as Sydney, you've got 4 million people here
you're looking at probably 3/4 of those people turning into zombies, so you're gonna be surrounded
by these zombies, you're gonna have to push through them, you're gonna have re enforce the bumper
so we can just smash our way through the hordes of the undead.
Moog: now when you say smash your way through them, are we talking about 80km/h here? or is the idea to go slow...
Zombie Expert: you can go 80k but you'll have body parts and limbs flying everywhere
you just kinda wanna push through them, they aren't going to get through this stuff
in a hurry, so you can take your time
Moog: okay so the trick now is to
make sure the front of the car is fortified enough, so we can plough through the undead.
Marty: we've fortified the outside of the car
Moog: and now we're gonna tell you about weapons.
Weapons
Moog: when you're on the run, there's certain things you need to take with you that you can find around the house
now, a lot of people have spoken about taking sprays, to spray zombies in the face, is that
any good?
Zombie Expert: No.
Moog: what about improvised garden impliments, spades, things like that?
ZE: Spades are good, axes are good
this thing, i'd say leave in the garden.
Moog: okay cool
standard hammer?
ZE: classic claw hammer, great for hammering in nails, prying
up locks and smashing in skulls.
Moog: great, now we mentioned these
earlier of course, axes...
ZE: tomohawks, great fun
use the flat ends for wood work, that stuff for brain work
Moog: awesome!
Moog: alright the classic, we've got the double barelled shotgun
ZE: double barelled shotgun
can't go wrong, long as you've got ammo, you're strong.
Moog: alright!
now, speaking of which, with ammunition, someimes that can be scarce, so
probably the best weapon to take with you, is a samurai sword, a REAL one
we're not talking about a replica here, this can be used over and over again
you do not need ammo, it doesn't get gluggy because you have the blood drains here
you can have this strapped to your back at all times, you can take out thousands of zombies
with these, if you DO go to a replica store and they have them, try bashing them against
the ground a few times, if they break its probably not going to do you any good against the undead.
now if you were going to take two weapons on the road, out of all these, what would you take?
ZE: shotgun and sword.
Moog: so what is the best way of attacking
zombies, from a vehicle?
ZE: well it's best to keep moving, so you need a driver
you need a gunner.
Moog: so are we talking riding shotgun
in the passenger seat?
ZE: you can ride shotgun there's nothing wrong with that, but for a full
spectrum advantage, you wanna pop the top.
Moog: when you say pop the top
you mean have someone sitting on the roof?
ZE: cut a hatch mate...
Moog: (confused) alright
we're gonna cut a hatch.
ZE: Now the
advantes of a turret are of course, look at the height..
they can't even reach you, they're behind you here? oh no they're not! BOOM!
oh look over there? BOOM! What if they are at the rear? oh well! BOOM!
Communications
Moog: obviously communications are vital for your survival
and anyone travelling with you, so can we talk about that a little bit?
ZE: sure, when the zombie
plague hits, all forms of communication we're used to, cell phones, internet..
they're all gonna be gone within a matter of days, CB radio, thats the
way to go, pick it up off a dead cop, or get to a technology store
get some UHF stuff going
Moog: UHF it is, every now and then when you're travelling with someone, they can
cover you from the turret in the car, and then you can use your comms to go get supplies
like fuel, or food, you need to stay in contact
and its also a good idea to have massive antennas on your, cause you might be able to pick up signals from
other survivors.
Marty: 
Supplies
Moog: we're now gonna teach you some survival basics you keep you on the move and alive.
Marty: now make sure
you've got heaps of spares, spare tyre, spare fuel, lots of tools to keep
your car going, as well as a squeegy to clean the zombie guts off your windows, sometimes molotov 
cocktails go wrong, make sure you've got a fire extinguisher.
Moog: now water is something that you
need to survive, so when you find a fresh source of water make sure you've got containers to fill up
because you're gonna need it. Always make sure you carry a ladder on top of your four wheel drive
you can pull up next to a shop, go up through the hatch, and break into a shop without
setting foot on the ground. Now later on we're gonna discuss quickly books that teach you
how to distill urine, and also some books that teach you how to farm food
from your own body.
ZE: now zombies aren't the only way to die, once they take over
the world, so keep a well stocked first aid kit
needles, stictches, disinfectant, cause if you go to hospital
once the zombies are out there, you aint coming out!
Moog: exactly, and the other thing is
you may find survivors that may need your help, so make sure you're stocked up with food
water, and medical supplies.
Education
Moog: you need knowledge, knowledge is power, and power means you get to keep
your brain, these are some books that you MUST read. The first one, is how to build
a Power generator, this one was featured on the MacGyver show, he showed millions of copies and therefor
you can get 2nd hand copies easily. Combat Techniques against the undead, this was written
by Sean Genders, he served in a lot of countries all over the world, if you wanna learn how to
fight, he is the guy to teach you. Check out a copy of that book. Now man
zombie relations by Ross Waldrons, this is a novel, but it has a lot of information about surviving
zombies, particularly if you fall in love with one, obviously you're not but it still makes
for a very entertaining read. Now, the Zombie survival guide, this is by 
Max Brooks, this a very popular book, you can get copies of this in your local book shop
has a lot of useful information on how survive a zombie invasion.
Now Urine the Water - the Right Way, this was originally written as a guide to help you lose weight believe it
or not but this is a complete unabridged version, make sure you get the thick one
this hear teaches you how to distill urine and turn it into water you can drink. Now
decapitation for dummies, this one was banned before it came out but you CAN get this
on some zombie websites and ocasionally it comes up on eBay but it's about $100
Decapitation for Dummies is a really good one if you're gonna use a sword
to try and survive the Zombie Invasion. Now this last one is pretty funny and hard to take seriously
but it can be very useful, this is "eat shit and survive" this is the revised edition
it has 12 new recepies, i know it sounds funny but this teaches you
how to create emergency food with your own anus - yes
you can survive by eating your own crap - it's amazing! Now the last thing
is so you stay mentally sharp, the way you can do that, is play call of duty
black ops has got a zombie mode on it, the previous version "world at war"
also had a zombie mode, this teaches you a variety of different weapons
how to kill zombie, and how to survive in a harsh terrain, it is definitely
worth checking that out - remember people, knoweldge is power. use your brain
or lose your brain - literally.
Conclusion
Moog: we hope that this presentation's helped educate YOU on how to
stay alive when the Zombie Apocalypse happens, now during this presentation
we went through choosing the right vehicle, and also how to armour it, to keep you safe.
Marty: we've also gone over important things like weapons, communications, and equipment you're gonna need
when you're out there on the road.
Moog: we've also covered first aid, how to get food and water and
most importantly, how to educaation yourself on how to stay alive, from these
brain sucking beasts.
ZE: and when the zombie apocalypse comes, keep
a cool, calm collected head and you'll keep your soul
Moog: because ultimately, the
end of the day, the only thing thats gonna save you, Is you.
