At this time I'm going to call Jackie
Hughes to share her reading. My reading
has a couple of parts. It's an article
from a blogger and he starts out by
reading or write or including us excerpt
from CS Lewis's "The four loves" which was
published in 1960. So I'll start out by
reading CS Lewis's "Four loves" and then
I'll continue on by reading the
blogger's excerpt. This is entitled CS
Lewis on kindness and civility at the
table and online. We hear a great deal
about the rudeness of the rising
generation. I am an oldster myself
and might be expected to take the oldsters side. But in fact I've been far
more impressed by the bad manners of
parents to children than by those of
children to parents. Who has not been the
embarrassed guest at family meals where
the father or mother treated their
grown-up offspring with an in civility
which offered to any other young people
would simply have terminated the
acquaintance. Dogmatic assertions on
matters which the children understand
and their elders don't. Ruthless
interruptions flat contradictions.
Ridicule of things the young takes
seriously sometimes of their religion.
Insulting references to their friends.
All provide an easy answer to the
question why are they always out? Why do
they like every house better than their
home? Who does not prefer a civility to
barbarism?
If you ask any of these insufferable
people they are not all parents of
course. Why they behave that way at home
they would reply, "oh hang it all, one
comes home to relax. A chap can't always
be on his best behavior. If a man can't
be himself in his own house where can he?
Of course we don't want company manners
at home we're a happy family. We can say
anything to one another here. No one
minds we all understand." Once again it is
so nearly true yet so fatally wrong.
Affection is an affair of old clothes
and ease of the unguarded moment of
liberties which would be ill-bred if we
took them with strangers. But old
clothes are one thing, to wear the same
shirt till it stank would be another.
There are proper clothes for a garden
party but the clothes for home must be
proper to - In their own different way.
Similarly there is a distinction
between public and domestic courtesy. The
root principle is both the root
principle of both is the same, that no
one give any kind of preference to
himself. And that was CS Lewis. And this
part is the blogger's response. I suspect
Mr. Lewis would be inclined to make
similar observations about online
manners as compared to public manners.
Where electronic anonymity
temps the worst part of a person to be
belittling, dismissive, condescending, and
in short a bully. Sometimes people come
to confuse rudeness with strength and
position and choose to exercise it when
they feel they have some power. Even if
it is just the power to say what you
will with relative
given the distance of electronics. The
culture of the Internet is nascent and
intelligence without education and
cultural broadening can quickly
degenerate into barbarism. Even amongst
people not only commenters but bloggers
who might be otherwise appalled by how
they act online. Understanding compassion
and kindness are the signs of real power
and strength. Rudeness incivility and bad
manners are the signs of ill breeding
and ignorance of the disordered mind of
the narcissist who proceeds through life
unaware and uncaring of those around
them. I am certainly no stuffed-shirt.
Manners does not mean that famous
English Reserve which is mannerism
rather manners are no ritual, ritual
manners like a sense are too often an
artificial construct with the purpose of
promoting a type of class system.
Civility is a certain ease of behavior a
tolerant awareness and acceptance of the
commonalities of the human condition
supported by kindness. Barbarism can
become fashionable almost contagious one
might even have learned such dismissive
and condescending behavior in some deep
disappointment in their lives or from a
parent who learned it from one of theirs.
Don't tell yourself that this is just
the way it is, rather tell yourself that
this is just wrong and let such
incivility stop with me.
