- Good morning, good
evening and good afternoon
to all my Roaches.
Welcome back to another episode
of RRRRoach Plays!
I'm your host, Roach, and today,
I thought we'd do things
a little differently.
You guys have been supporting me
for the last year and I
thought what better way
to say thank you than read
some of your comments.
Richard has a bunch of them lined up
and I can't wait to hear from all my fans.
Okay, before I get to reading,
I've gotta get to Roachin'...
Come to Papa Roach!
(gunshots)
- Roached!
- (excited cheering)
Starting off strong today guys.
Alrighty, let's read one of these
lovely comments.
Okay, here is one.
"You look like a roach, a cockroach."
Well, I can't tell if this is a compliment
or not but thank you cheetah-gamer!
I think I'll need a few after extra legs
to complete my bug look though.
(gunshots)
Aha!
Take this!
- Roached!
- Your aim was a little off ma'am.
Okay, let's grab another one here.
"Le Cringe."
(in a French accent) Ohoho, Le Cringiest.
Only for you, mon ami.
Thank you for watching, Hunter K!
(cheesy French Music)
(without French Accent) Oh no you don't!
I've heard the henchmen have been updated
to be a little bit more deadly.
- Roached!
- So I'm not taking any chances.
- (in a pirate accent) Yarr,
you missed half these shots matey.
- Now, show me where the cookies are.
Bingo!
Thanks for your cooperation.
- (crawling on the ground)
- (whacking with weapon)
(gun reloads)
Okay, stealthy reading comments now.
Here we go.
(clears throat)
"I thought Roach knew
a bit about this game
until I saw him drop the blue pump
for the green tac."
Well, if you must know burnt marshmallow,
I personally believe
that tac-ty shotgun is a lifelong friend.
And, it's better on the quick draw.
Plus, I'm holding it in like every piece
of promotional material we have.
So, gotta stick to my brand man, sorry.
(clanking of metal)
(whacking with weapon)
Ooooh, The Minigun!
Perfect for a Roach rampage.
I'll take that.
(gun reloading)
(level up sound effect)
(level up sound effect)
The ol' one-two switcharoo.
They'll never suspect a thing.
Ah, here's another comment.
"Your face is creepy".
Hm.
(intense creepy music)
Always upgrade your weapons
if you got the materials, Roaches.
After all, who needs
to build in this game,
right?
(laughs)
Okay, let's read another one.
"If you don't like my comment,
I will kick Roach in the balls."
Wait, what?
My balls!
You heard the man, go like his comment!
Go, go, go!
Protect my body parts!
(electronic screen hums)
(radio beeps)
(gun reloading)
(chugging drink)
(weapons changing clangs)
(electronic screen hums)
(electronic screen beeps)
Oh no, Grandpapi left
the generator on again!
- I told you to stay
away from that genny boy!
- Never met a sentry
gun I couldn't sneak by
like a ghost roach in the night.
Ah-ha, a dumpster!
I love dumpster diving!
(cheers)
Hello comrade, nothing to see here.
Let's roll through this bush
and read another comment
from my adoring fans.
GreyPidgeon67 says "Thank
god I didn't grow up
with this trash".
Huh.
Sounds like GreyPideon
likes trash diving too!
Stay stinky, brother.
(gunshots)
Open fire!
Run, run, as fast as you can,
you can't beat me, I'm the roachin' man!
(explosion in the distance)
There you are!
Get back here!
Don't want your death to be featured
on Roach Plays?
(gunshots)
- Roached!
- Your failure is gonna bring joy
to roaches everywhere.
Thank you for your sacrifice.
(alarm blares)
Don't tell me what to do storm!
I'll go where I want!
(gun changing clangs)
Ooh, I can smell a Victory Royale.
Let's see if another inspiring comment
from my loyal fans help
push me to victory!
Finnal Ninja says
"Why isn't roach the sharpest crayon?"
I guess because I always hold the crayons
too tight and they break in half.
If anyone has a spare black crayon,
please send to 420 Roach Lane.
Thanks for the question!
Huh.
Do you think this guy knows Ninja?
(game effect plays)
Oh-no!
Sudden storm surprise!
(gunshot)
Ow!
Jerk!
(gunshots)
This Lazy Lake ain't big enough
for the both of us!
- Roached!
- Got 'em!
(game effects)
I gotta get outta this storm!
(gun reloading)
(gunshots)
A little...to the right...
(weapon clangs)
Phew!
We're leveling up like
crazy today Roaches!
Damn it!
Move your stupid car!
(gunshots in the distance)
(gun reloads)
Okay, while I'm back here,
it's time for another comment.
"This was so low budget".
Why, yes!
I'm using a moldy blanket
as my green screen.
Looks like we're about as low budget
as your spelling!
(laughs)
(explosions in the distance)
The echoes of war...
I can hear them so clearly.
(explosions in the distance)
Yoink!
I'll take that.
(explosions in the distance)
Healin' up in the comfort
of my own backyard.
Nothin' like it!
- Remember everyone, wash those hands
and don't touch your face!
- Hey Roaches, did you know that med kits
actually used to come in different colors?
In the 1800s, there were green ones
and gold ones too!
The roach you know.
And another comment,
this one says "nobody
likes your dumb facts".
(sadly) Oh...
(dramatic sad music)
Oh, no!
Looks like some stupid bot on bot action!
- Roached!
- That takes care of that!
Now where'd the other one go?
(gunshots in the distance)
Everyone complains that I don't take
the gold guns.
Well, let it be known,
Roach delivered this time!
(gunshots in the distance)
(gunshots)
- Roached!
- Headshot!
Goodnight!
Let's read another comment.
"Your videos make me feel
like I'm having an awkward conversation
with a brick wall."
Y'know, I never met a brick wall
that I didn't like.
Plus, they give you that extra shielding
from bullets!
(gunshots in the distance)
(gunshots)
Good morning!
Oh, it's Meowscles!
(angry cat hisses)
Sorry we had to put ya down, kitty!
I want that rifle though.
(gunshots)
Yeah, back off!
The loot's mine!
(explosion in distance)
(gunshots)
(explosions)
Unload on 'em, Minigun!
(gunshots)
- Roached!
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Oh, you'd like seconds?
Sure!
- Roached!
(game effects)
- Another comment, anyone?
(clears throat)
"Why do they call you roach,
because you smell like one?"
(sniffing)
I think I smell like
Diesel fuel and tacos.
You can unpack that one, Dabslayer Gaming.
Ay!
I'm lootin' here!
(gunshots)
(returned gunfire)
(Minigun unloads)
- Roached!
Phew!
Was gettin' kinda low on health there.
Let's load up and fuel up.
(weapon changing clangs)
(chugging drink)
Ah, the weather station!
I think it's gonna be partly sunny
with a chance of RRRoach!
(weapon changing clangs)
Only one opponent left?
I can do this all day!
Just let me reload.
(gunshots)
- Roach Royale!
- (energetic cheering)
Wow.
That guy sucked.
But you know what?
A win's a win!
Clearly I'm the best Roach out there
this time around.
One more comment for the road, anybody?
(clears throat)
"Roach, I want you to
slowly devour my flesh
while we watch the squad.
Roach, please, I'm begging you."
(concerned groans)
Richard?
I need an adult!
I think we gotta move locations, Richard.
There's some kind of cannibal stalking
our channel!
That's all the time we've got Roaches.
I need to bunker down for awhile.
Stay safe, stay healthy,
and I'll see you all soon!
Richard, get the gun!
(soft electronic music plays)
