[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>>> AH, ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY 
HERE ON MT. RUSHMORE.
LET'S DO OUR PRESIDENTIAL ROLL 
CALL, SHALL WE?
WASHINGTON?
>> HERE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> JEFFERSON?
>> PRESENT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> ROOSEVELT.
>> BUT I -- EPH -- WHAT IS THAT 
INFERNAL RACKET?
>> THEY'RE ADDING ANOTHER HEAD 
TO MT. RUSHMORE. 
>> WHO COULD IT SOMEBODY. 
>> WATCH IT JOSE, THAT HAIR THE 
MADE OF 24-KARAT GOLD.
I HAD TO MELT DOWN ALL MY 
TOILETS TO LIVE THAT. 
>> WELCOME, NEWCOMER.
AND WHO MIGHT YOU SOMEBODY. 
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
I'M THE 45th AND BEST PRESIDENT 
OF THE UNITED STATES, DONALD 
JESUS TRUMP.
>> A NEW PRESIDENT, WELL, LET ME
BE THE FIRST TO SAY, SOUTH 
DAKOTA IS HONORED TO HAVE YOU. 
>> I LOVE THE DAKOTAS.
SOUTH DAKOTA, EAST DAKOTA, 
DAKOTA JOHNSON, DAKOTA FANNING.
I KNOW THEM WELL, FANTASTIC 
PEOPLE, SO GREAT. 
>> WELL, IF YOU'VE BEEN ADDED TO
MT. RUSHMORE YOU ENOUGH 
ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING AMAZING 
DURING YOUR PRESIDENCY R. FOR 
INSTANCE, I GAVE THE GETTYSBURG 
ADDRESS.
FOURSCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO --
>> BIG DEAL.
I SCORE ALL THE TIME.
>> HM.
WELL, I ALSO ENDED SLAVERY. 
>> THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I'VE BEEN MAKING A BUNCH OF 
FEDERAL EMPLOYEES WORK FOR FREE 
FOR 31 DAYS.
>> OH.
>> WELL, IN MY PRESIDENCY WE 
FINISHED THE PANAMA CANAL.
PANAMA!
>> GREAT SONG, FILTHY PLACE.
AND WHO CARES ABOUT A FRICKIN' 
CANAL?
I BUILD GOLDEN TOWERS WITH MY 
NAME ON THEM.
AND WE HAVE TACO BOWLS. 
>> WELL, I WROTE THE DECLARATION
OF INDEPENDENCE.
>> NEVER HEARD OF HER.
>> I WAS AMERICA'S FIRST 
PRESIDENT.
THAT'S WHY I'M ON THE ONE DOLLAR
BILL. 
>> YOU MEAN THAT MONEY POOR 
PEOPLE USE AT STRIP CLUBS?
WOW, I'M SO IMPRESSED.
LISTEN, LOSERS.
THIS PLACE SUCKS.
SO I'M GOING TO TAKE IT FROM 
DUMP TO TRUMP.
>> WHAT EVER DO YOU MEAN?
>> FIRST OF ALL, GOOFY GEORGE, 
I'M MAKING THAT OLD WIG YOU WEAR
AN OIL RIG, YOU LIKE IT?
>> NO, I CANNOT TELL A LIE.
>> I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM.
TINY TOMMY, TINY TOMMY, THE 
DIRTY NOSE OF YOURS IS NOW A BIG
BEAUTIFUL WATER SLIDE.
>> THIS IS HIGHLY UNORTHODOX!
>> WOE, MM, DADDY LIKEE!
AND YOU, FATTY BOOM BOOM?
>> THEODORE ROOSEVELT!
>> WHATEVER.
I MADE YOUR MOUSTACHE A LANDING 
PAD FOR THE SPACE FORCE.
>> OH, OH, IT TICKLES!
I HATE IT. 
>> AND I HAVE A SPECIAL SURPRISE
FOR YOU, HONEST ABE-HOLE.
>> FORE!
>> WHAT WAS THAT?
>> A GOLF BALL.
THIS WHOLE PLACE IS NOW A TRUMP 
LUXURY GOLF COURSE AND YOU ARE 4
UNDER PAR, KIM JONG.
LOOK AT HIS LITTLE ROCKET DANCE,
IT'S SO ADORABLE, I LOVE YOU.
>> PRESIDENT TRUMP, WITH ALL DUE
RESPECT, MT. RUSHMORE HONORS THE
UNITED STATES PRESIDENCY, AN 
OFFICE OF COURAGE AND COMPASSION
FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS.
TO DESECRATE IT IN THIS WAY 
WOULD BE A SLAP IN THE FACE TO 
BOTH DEMOCRACY AND THE PROUDNESS
OF AMERICA ITSELF!
>> I'M SORRY, WERE YOU TALKING?
I WAS TWEETING THAT THE DALAI 
LAMA LOOKS LIKE A POTATO.
>> MR. TRUMP, WE'RE GOING TO 
HAVE TO ASK THAT YOU LEAVE 
MT. RUSHMORE THIS INSTANT!
>> WELL, YOU CAN'T.
BECAUSE IT'S NO LONGER CALLED 
MT. RUSHMORE.
IT'S CALLED MT. RUSSIA.
MT. RUSSIA!
THAT'S WHAT THOSE HOOKERS IN THE
HOTEL LET ME DO.
>> FORE!
>> MY GOODNESS.
128
00:04:29,636 --> 00:00:00,000
>> WOW, NICE SHOT, O.J. 
