Pretty drunk.
[laughs]
- You feel okay?
- I'm giggly and there's gaps
in my memory. [laughs]
- That's all right.
- Already.
- Okay, so, uh,
let's get back.
- So, Yorktown.
 We won!
 Well, now we've gotta
 form a country.
Um, they all ask him,
hey, come be a part of
the Constitutional Convention.
 So we're figuring out how
 the American system
 is gonna work.
 The Constitutional Convention:
 this is the room
 where they're deciding
 what the shape of our
 government should be.
 They're hashing it out.
 And Hamilton speaks
 for six hours.
 But some of the things he
 pitched would haunt him
 the rest of his career.
He pitched
maybe president for life?
 [whispering] Ooh, he's secretly
 a monarchist.
 Maybe, uh, we inherit...
 positions.
 [whispering]
 Bullshit. That's terrible.
 This guy just wants
 to bring back the British.
Those whispers are from
the perspectives
of, um, people who
don't like him.
 Um, but anyway, um, we adopt
 the system that we adopt.
 And Hamilton becomes
 its most ardent defender.
So--
Trying to find the straightest
line through this story.
So Hamilton has an affair.
 Um, while he's
 the treasury secretary,
 he carries on this affair with
 a woman named Maria Reynolds.
 Her husband shows up.
 He's like, yo, uh,
 that's my wife.
 I'm happy to, like,
 keep it on the low,
 but you have to pay me.
 Gets basically extorted
 for about $1,000.
James Reynolds, the husband
who was extorting him,
gets arrested on some
other bullshit.
 While he's trying to
 weasel his way out of it,
 he says, I've got dirt
 on Alexander Hamilton.
 Everyone goes,
 really?
 Hamilton, uh, and--
 has been embezzling.
And he sort of says
all this shit about Hamilton.
 Um, and so three guys
 go to confront Hamilton
 on these charges.
 One of the dudes was future
 president James Monroe.
 And they went, yo, Hamilton,
 we know what you did,
 you know what you did.
 Check out these checks
 to James Reynolds.
 What's up?
 And they accuse him
 of embezzling funds.
 And Hamilton goes,
 no, no, no.
 I was just [bleep] this lady,
 and her husband
 was hitting me up for money.
 I didn't touch American money,
 and I have all kinds of proof.
And he, like, vomits information
all over them.
 Oh, wow, that was more
 than we needed to hear.
 And we're good, thanks.
 The info about the affair
 gets somehow miraculously
 printed in the paper.
 Hamilton is not a great dude.
 I know you think he's great
 'cause he's a war vet,
 and he's
 the Treasury Secretary,
 but you're gonna learn the
 truth real soon.
 And Hamilton gets this
 and he goes to James Monroe,
 [whispering]
 what the [bleep]?
 Like, I told you that in
 secret.
 And James Monroe's like,
 it wasn't secret
 and it wasn't me.
 Wasn't me who--who, uh,
 published it.
 Mother[bleep]!
 I told three people
 about this
 and you're the one
 who was taking notes,
 so I know it came from you.
 Like...fess up.
 [bleep] you.
 [bleep] you.
So Hamilton, over sharer,
writes the Reynolds Pamphlet.
The whole thing reads like
a Dear Penthouse letter.
Like, dear America,
 I never thought this would
 happen to me.
 But one day,
 this ripped bodice woman
 showed up at my door,
 saying,
 oh, my husband's beating me,
 left me alone
 and I need money
 and I need help.
 You are a man of honor.
 Can you help me?
 Hamilton's like,
 I could give her money
 or I could [bleep] her
 and either one would be
 acceptable.
 The--the Reynolds Pamphlet
 is like Dick 101.
And, by the way,
he sent this to his friends.
 Being like, hey,
 I think I'm gonna publish this.
 And everyone was like,
 hey, bro, I don't think
 this is a good idea
 to publish this.
 Like, maybe your wife
 and your seven children
 would not love it
 if you published this.
 And Hamilton's like,
 well, I mean, like,
 I got accused of embezzling.
 And, like,
 I can't let that stand.
 Maybe the, like,
 marital infidelity trumps that?
 I know it doesn't
 in your head,
 but to everyone else
 in the world it does.
 Um, and he's like, no,
 I can't let that shit stand.
 And Hamilton goes back
 to James Monroe
 and--and now Hamilton's like,
 well, it's all out in the open.
 um, and if you still wanna
 settle this,
 because I know you're the one
 who leaked it.
 Um, Monroe's like,
 well, I didn't leak it,
 but if you wanna, like, fight,
 like, let's do this.
 And so they meet face to face.
 And Monroe goes,
 all right, you're mad at me
 because of this,
 this, and this.
 And Hamilton goes,
 let's start at the beginning.
And lists, like, the first time
they met. [laughs]
He lists the details
of the entire meeting,
 as Monroe gets more and more
 impatient.
 Monroe's like, I know all this,
 I know all this.
 I know all this.
 Hamilton's like,
 you interrupted me.
 I have to start again.
 And Monroe's getting
 angrier and angrier,
until they're finally
pulled apart.
'Cause they're about to, like,
punch each other in the face.
 So Monroe goes to his homey,
 Aaron Burr.
 And goes, yo,
 you know Hamilton,
 will you tell him--
this is so, like,
high school gossip.
 He goes,
 will you tell Hamilton
 that if he's challenging me
 to a duel, I accept.
 But if he's not, I wasn't
 challenging him to a duel.
 And Burr goes
 over to Hamilton, like,
 James Monroe told me
 to tell you
 that if you're challenging him,
 he accepts,
 but if you weren't
 challenging him,
 he doesn't really
 wanna go into a duel.
Uh, and Burr
squashes the duel.
 Burr's like,
 duels are stupid.
 And you both should just,
 like shut up.
 And it's over.
 And Hamilton told everyone
 everything, anyway.
 So there's no point in
 you shooting at each other.
 [cell phone beeps]
 Sorry, I forgot
 to put my phone on vibrate.
 - Yeah, okay.
 - Uh-oh, Questlove's--
- Questlove?
- Texting me.
"You did 'Drunk History'?"
What? How did Questlove
find out?
- Oh, here we go.
 - Yo!
- Questlove!
 - Yo! [laughs]
 [both laugh]
- Look at this.
 - This is the best shit ever!
 I cannot wait
 for this episode.
 My girl and I got together
 based on our love
 for "Drunk History."
- You see the effect you have?
- Well--
I love you both.
- ♪ History has its eyes
on you ♪
- Yes.
 - This is awesome!
 - Cheers.
 - Bye, Questo.
