Matlin core audio presents
Self-Confidence Boom written by George
Zelina, narrated by Jim Cooper.
A day merely survived is no cause for
celebration you are not here to fritter
away your precious hours when you have
the ability to accomplish so much by
making a slight change in your routine
Og Mandino 17 rules to live by
eighth rule extract preface based on my
own experience I can tell you that self
confidence can be built the same way you
build a sand castle on the beach quickly
with childlike enthusiasm and with
visible impressive results it also means
we need to be aware of the circumstances
under which we build our castle so that
an unexpected tide cannot tear down our
hard work we should take care of it if
it is needed we should put our arms
around it and hold on to it because
there will be many times when it wants
to collapse whether it remains the same
or not it will stand or fall by your
efforts and your efforts alone everyone
faces a period in their lives at least
once if not more when they cannot find
their way they would like to be happy
but they don't know how I don't want to
talk without rhyme or reason I don't
want to seem like someone who doesn't
practice what he preaches therefore I'm
going to analyze how someone can get to
the point where they become self
confident by using my own story not long
ago I was battling with excess weight
and my self-confidence was equal to zero
every time I looked in the mirror I had
a particular scene from the movie The
Last Boy Scout running in my mind it's
the scene where Bruce Willis is talking
to himself while staring in the rearview
mirror
nobody likes you everybody hates you
you're gonna lose smile you fuck
after this self-deprecating thought I
would smile pathetically at the mirror
and continue my daily routine I would do
so without any pleasure believing that
nothing would ever change because
everyone is against me and what's more I
have to share my body with my biggest
enemy myself by then I had been single
for eight months and was desperately
seeking a partner
I believed having a woman in my life was
the only solution to all my problems the
lyrics of a Hungarian song worked
constantly running in my mind my soul
won't need a gym if I have a girlfriend
with me stink I was blind to the fact
that until I accepted myself I wouldn't
have any success dating I diluted myself
with vain hopes that I would find
happiness in a bar or a nightclub I
contacted a friend of mine who is a
psychologist and I asked for her advice
here is our uncut correspondence in the
past few weeks or months I've been
feeling blue and it can have many
reasons it started more or less when I
broke up with my ex before that while in
my relationship I was constantly
exhausted because I was overly focused
on my work since then I have been living
alone that can cause my state and my
father is just around the corner to get
a divorce after 20 years of marriage
what really put the lid on and made me
turn to an expert is that yesterday my
best friend came up with the idea that
it is better if I don't become his
daughter's Godfather since it requires a
lot of responsibility and he cannot see
me being able to take it out if uh
Turley made me realize that I would like
to overcome my bad habits
her answer as follows based on what you
wrote I would say that your state is
caused by exogenous reasons and not by
you having serious problems if you go to
a psychologist it can help you a lot
though the question is what you need by
that I mean you have two directions one
of them is to learn certain techniques
that help you cope with stress failure
and stop other at nervous symptoms these
kinds of therapies don't dig too deep
and don't focus on the question why
passed but on how you could do it in a
different way
present other therapies on the other
hand deal with the reason for your
feelings or of the fact that you
constantly attract women who are not the
right ones for you
the last requires a lot of patience time
and the ability to see reason otherwise
it can be harmful I can't tell you which
way works better for you but your future
psychologists should know what to
suggest
after spending a couple of hours with
you in therapy in fact choosing advising
the right person is difficult as well
because I might like someone style but
that might not suit you in case you have
a specific issue eg addiction eating
disorders anxiety it is easier to
recommend you someone by the way you
could come around sometimes
well not for therapy but for a pint of
beer and for a friendly chat the truth
at that time is that I didn't have
enough self-esteem to contact a
professional either I couldn't open up
to a stranger because I couldn't even be
honest with myself eating could bring me
songs after a big feast I felt that
everything was alright and that it was
just the world around me that was wrong
one night when I was looking for a movie
to watch on another evening that I would
be spending alone I started to ask
myself the big
where was I going what was the point of
living this way days weeks months were
flying by and for what reason I am
living a life of endless repetition the
kind of life that would bring me no
solace when I recall it as an old man
sitting on my veranda looking back at my
younger years you know what I mean don't
you recognizing your dissatisfaction is
the first step on the staircase of life
at the top of the staircase is a more
splendid more gorgeous more confident
more vital you a you who can accomplish
everything his heart desires prolong let
me tell you about the good old days
I had an average childhood my parents
got divorced when I was 8 years old
though they did their best to protect me
from all the negative effects it might
have had on me I got a lot of love and
respect for my mum whereas my dad showed
me his love through buying me stuff and
giving me cash my sister proved to me so
many times that the sisterly love is one
of the strongest in the world I was a
spoiled child whose biggest problem was
what to ask for next week a GI Joe a
t-rex or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle I
was good at school I went to math and
spelling competitions and I was the best
pupil in the class I was surrounded by
teachers and classmates who respected me
therefore I felt I was born to be
successful during high school and
university times I got kick after kick
in the face I went to three different
colleges one after another and screwed
up a teach I was a far cry from what I
used to be like the source of money that
I thought to be unfailing became tighter
and tighter suddenly without any money I
had to give up studying
because of the financial circumstances I
went looking for a job without any real
qualifications I only had knowledge of
one area and that was the world of
software I became a software tester what
is more the main episodes of my private
life felt like a screenplay to the
century's biggest tragicomedy all in all
my previous values collapsed like a
house of cards I didn't have money I
failed at school and I didn't have any
luck with women either I'm going to
describe a typical scene from my life
for a couple of years ago so you can
understand what I mean I will close my
eyes and try to remember every little
detail it's Monday morning the summer
has just arrived I can hear the
monotonous noise of cars coming through
my window every now and then my left
eardrum gets a louder stroke when a bus
passes by I'm sitting at the edge of my
bed and getting ready to leave for work
I'm holding my two years old dingy belt
in my left hand and the time-worn
scissors in my right one and again I
can't buckle my belt I start whittling
it I don't even measure how much I need
to whittle I just do it on the face of
it usually one inch is enough per month
I managed to split a hole the size of a
pinhead in the letter let's try it it
does its duty it doesn't look
spectacular but it's not the belts fault
meanwhile I can feel big drops of
perspiration appearing on my forehead
and rolling down my face I remember last
night I'm sure I was snoring because of
my big double chin but nobody was
sleeping next to me to poke me or block
my nose for a few seconds I walked to my
wardrobe with a long face and picked one
of the many baggy shirts I had I put it
on and stand with my side in front of
the mirror I don't like what I see I try
to pull in my stomach but I can't do it
anymore to be honest it is very
uncomfortable and painful to pull in
your stomach for 10 to 12 hours a day
almost dying with shame in the corner of
the mirror I glimpse the empty plate and
the empty plastic bottle of something
sugary and poisonous on the coffee table
it was my established everyday custom
right before going to bed I used to
empty the fridge and reward myself with
a massive meal for working hard during
the day I pick up the plate and wash it
while the water is running slowly it
gets me thinking why did I give in to
mindless overeating again why can't I
stop eating before I feel sick when will
I realize that I mustn't go on like this
I don't get any answer so I acknowledged
that this form of existence is
acceptable for me after all
I'm not harming anybody apart for myself
yet another blow to my confidence I was
chatting with someone on a Saturday
around 2:00 p.m. I was getting to know a
girl on an online dating site and we
liked each other she told me that she
says what she means and means what she
says after having a long discussion she
informed me that I was not in a position
or age to be choosy about women she told
me I should consider myself lucky to
have anybody cross my path it reminded
me of my previous relationship in which
my ex-girlfriend made the same subtle
accusations I started pacing the room
while thoughts ran through my mind I was
wondering whether it was true and then
it hit me I realized that if I could get
my self-confidence back lose weight and
make my life better I would be
unstoppable this is how my story began
people who activate and deactivate you
imagine a moment in your life when you
set a goal for yourself I'm going to
quit smoking I'm going to lose 20 pounds
to shape up for summer I'm going to
start running because I miss doing
exercise I'm going to learn Portuguese
because I want to watch Brazilian soap
operas in their original language in
fact you can think of any objective that
you've started but for some reason never
completed say the circumstances were not
good or you were just lazy it doesn't
matter
now I ask you to remember your friends
and your family's reaction when you told
them about what you took a stab at now I
ask you to think of those who got
excited about the news they might have
said bring it on you have quite a job on
your hands but my fingers are crossed
the point is that you need those people
who supported you they're going to be
your pillars on your way if you stumble
on the way they're going to raise your
spirit they're going to guard and
protect your self-esteem their opinion
is going to be more important than
anyone elses it is not a problem if you
don't usually share the positive changes
in your life with your friends until the
spark becomes a proper fire the most
important thing is that you give
yourself positive feedback don't become
that little devil sitting on your own
shoulder who doesn't believe in yourself
be prepared that your behavior your
attitude and your aura will change after
the first few days and that people
around you will notice the change the
individuals who care about you will be
happy to see the positive turn in your
life I got a lot of feedback like you've
become so energetic and you are glowing
with happiness but also negative ones
like I wonder how long it will last or
you always take a stab at something and
never succeed make use of all the
positive comments positivity is your
most important mainspring as for the
negative comments ignore them completely
don't let anyone ruin your mood or knock
you off your new path
let me tell you two stories from my
childhood that I have been carrying with
me my class at primary school was a
batch of bad apples to put it mildly
the class started off with a group of 40
children which decreased to 13 by the
time we left many of the children had to
repeat a year but even more were moved
to other schools by their parents who
had noticed the lack of potential in the
class faced with a similar decision I
asked my parents to let me stay because
I didn't want to lose my friends at the
end of year 8 when we had to apply for
grammar schools secondary technical
schools and vocational schools I thought
I had a chance of going to a grammar
school so I could study IT I was the
only one in the class who dared to even
mention this dream right away someone
tried to take me down a peg
my favorite teacher told me that it was
completely useless for me to apply
because I had no chance to win a place
at that school I can understand now why
she said this the fact is that I hadn't
put much effort into learning up until
that point even so a comment like that
can be very harmful to a young spirit an
adult should know better than to
discourage a student in this way luckily
I rose above the lack of enthusiasm from
the people around me and after getting
100% on the IT test I was guaranteed a
place at my school of choice I got the
other kick in the backside after our
high school graduation when a teacher
who I admired told us the following
I will be surprised if more than two
people in this class are going places in
life then he looked at those two nodded
to them and said I wonder how many of
you will be able to have anything to
show for it at the 10-year reunion I
just sat there feeling like I've been
knocked off my perch even many years
later I felt heartbroken whenever I
remembered that moment subsequently my
teachers words inspired me though I
doubt that's what he intended to achieve
make sure you understand the obvious
fact that if you get negative criticism
it is just a weapon of someone who is
weak and unable to reach their own goals
the people who love you are with you use
their positivity to work on the rough
diamond that you are now it is vital
that you repeat all the positive
feedback you've received I would even
recommend jotting them down by rereading
these positive comments later you can
relive the joy the energy and the
impulse you felt they will feed you on
your way anytime you feel insecure or
feel it might be easier to sink back
into your old secure and detached
shelter where you felt yourself at home
although you had low self-esteem stop
for a moment and remember those words
your loved ones told you or the feeling
you had when you are on cloud nine that
feeling is worth striving for and it is
worth fighting to live the rest of your
life knowing that you rose to your
potential this is you and because you
are willing to change since you are
listening to this book you will change
it depends on you and because you are
strong a lot stronger than those who
don't even think about changing their
lives you will succeed at this marathon
you are wearing number one on your back
and you are going to break the tape
positive and negative examples
self-reliance and self-confidence are
two very important things that we should
pay more attention to in our lives and
at the same time we must endeavor to
find that the golden mean and not to
believe that we are better than anyone
or anything else before I do well upon
what to do to make the flickering you
become a roaring flame let's make a
couple of definitions clear
self-reliance means that I can depend on
myself my knowledge and my abilities
self-confidence
means that not only do I depend on
myself but I have no doubts about myself
either I know that I can and will reach
the goal that I set for myself run a
query in your database called brain and
choose three types of people from it the
one who has low self esteem and is
always in the background the arrogant
person who thinks he or she is smarter
than everyone else and provokes
revulsion in you the one with the right
self-reliance who is confident and
dashing now connect a real person to
these three types of people you can
choose these people from your
acquaintances or from celebrities it
won't be difficult to find the right
candidates for the second and the third
categories write these names down in
case you can't remember them and off you
go in front of the mirror let's play a
game
let's call it mirror peeping close your
eyes and imagine the person with low
self-esteem who might be the most
similar to you at the moment and imagine
how he or she behaves see through their
eyes hear through their ears and sense
the world the way they would sense it
now open your eyes and tell the mirror
the following monologue I would like to
ask you something it would be very nice
if we could find out how I can get more
money for the work I do because you know
money doesn't grow on trees and I think
I deserve a pay raise now after you have
said these words with a clumsy tone feel
how insecure you have been now close
your eyes again and put yourself in the
position of the arrogant person who is
full of him or herself see through their
eyes hear through their ears and sense
the world the way they would sense it
now open your eyes and tell the mirror
the following monologue listen to me as
you can see my work is better and I can
do a lot more than my colleagues in the
same amount of time it's obvious that I
am better than them and I expect you to
compensate that as fast as you can feel
the disgust at this person that you have
provoked now close your eyes and put
yourself in the shoes of the person who
is self-confident endearing and has a
positive aura keep your eyes closed and
square your shoulders try to open your
shoulders as wide as you can let a smile
flicker around your lips and let your
eyes glow now open your eyes and tell
the mirror the following monologue let's
have a frank discussion you cannot
complain about my work it is precise and
of high standard but it is not in line
with my salary what are your thoughts on
this can you feel the difference you
must learn how to transmit
self-confidence in every sentence you
speak it's not as difficult as it sounds
all you need is practice don't forget
you will become what you think what you
say and what kind of people you surround
yourself with
repeat mirror peeping every time you
don't know what to say in a meeting or
discussion you are about to have after a
while you won't need the mirror just
close your eyes and screen the three
monologues so that you can feel the
difference in their tone now that you
have played all three characters I guess
we can say that you would like to belong
to the third group as a thought
experiment think of your past few years
and count with your fingers how many
times you are not satisfied with the
role you played on the stage of the play
called
life try not to think I have a terrible
job I am in debt my relationship is
wrecked but rather think of the times
you felt that you wanted to change
because you didn't feel comfortable in
your own skin may I answer this question
- I could never be bothered do you know
why because I had never felt that the
problem was with me I would always find
someone or some thing else to blame this
is how we all work it is always easier
to blame others than reflecting on
ourselves and sizing up what we could
have done in a different way to make
things better self-awareness high
awareness ask yourself a question and
give a short answer to it
why have I bought this book
now take a deep breath pause the
recording and think it through
thoroughly you don't need to rush
if your answer is like this one
I would like to boost my self-esteem
then continue listening to this book if
you bought it just to support me in the
writing of my next self-help book then I
really appreciate it but I didn't write
it because of that I wrote it to help
you find your lost to self confidence
now that the seed has been planted and
the first chute of your will is visible
let's ring out more let's continue this
exercise by asking another question in
which areas of my life do I lack
confidence you might choose work private
life or your everyday life it can be any
area that you don't feel confident in
don't be ashamed if you feel that way in
all areas of your life I used to feel
that way also let's have a look at the
areas one by one work I consider myself
a career oriented person but nowadays I
tend to realize that career is not
necessarily important
I have often worked over time and very
hard to do the best for my company don't
get me wrong I'm not saying that there's
anything wrong with that but I realized
that a workplace should be considered as
the institution that provides your
livelihood but I think it's essential to
have time for your own life years go by
and suddenly you realize that though you
have a great job you have no life take
it easy
work hard be creative but at the same
time don't forget that not only is the
company important to you but you are
also important to the company things
work because of you you are part of the
whole scheme it doesn't matter what you
do for a living you can be a CEO a
cleaner or a sewing machine expert
square your shoulders and be proud of it
why do you lack confidence at work are
you not doing well in your position so
what nobody was born with all the
knowledge in the world if you make sure
that you focus well enough and develop
yourself you will measure up to the task
believe in yourself and everyone else
will believe in you is it someone who
makes you feel little say it's your boss
or colleague don't worry about it
nowadays people tend to ignore other
people's feelings don't let yourself be
the victim of someone's mood or lack of
emotional intelligence don't let them
make their failure your suffering
stay calm in every situation and
remember that it's not your work-life
that has the priority but your private
life you work so that you can have a
better quality of life if you don't have
a job now that's not a problem either
get your resume and rewrite it so that
you show your optimism and how positive
you are you will get a job because you
deserve it and you have the power to
prove it private life I'm going to
divide this topic into two firstly I
would address those who are single now I
have spent countless years mainly alone
I went through difficult times
I lived on dating websites and I
realized a couple of years ago just how
bland and boring my messages used to be
the lifeblood of today's society is
confidence the one who is confident will
succeed sooner or later the one who
isn't will be walked all over or barely
even noticed a few years ago the new me
started rewriting my profile and my
messages became full of life the results
were quite impressive for my previous
statistics one or two people responded
out of 100
and they were usually rejections the new
statistics were closer to a 50 percent
response rate which is not bad at all
especially considering how many things
could go wrong for example she has
already found someone else deletes my
message without even reading it or just
simply makes the biggest mistake of her
life believe in yourself
do you know the saying that women fall
in love with your eyes well in fact they
don't really fall in love with your eyes
but with a confidence they see in them
they don't fall in love with men who
make others feel pity for them who are
afraid insecure or feel awkward in the
company of a woman they fall in love
with those who are strong believe in
themselves and can communicate with ease
and have a smile flickering on their
face in any situation can you smile in
any situation let's go back to the
mirror let's play the just do it
exercise since YouTube is one of the
biggest achievements of our present day
let's take advantage of it and replace
ayala bouffes just do it motivational
speech it is an energetic pulsing yet
cool work of art during the one-minute
exercise repeat what I just said
feel how your batteries are charging up
Square your shoulders and stand as if
300 people were standing and clapping
around you everyone is celebrating you
listen and repeat do it just do it
don't let your dreams be dreams
yesterday you said tomorrow so just do
it make your dreams come true just do it
some people dream of success while
you're gonna wake up and work hard at it
nothing is impossible you should get to
the point where anyone else would quit
and you're not going to stop there no
what are you waiting for do it just do
it yes you can just do it if you're
tired of starting over stop giving up no
matter how many times you need this
feeling do this exercise again and feel
the power of confidence in you yes it's
you yes you can have this feeling all
the time and yes you will feel it all
the time now it's your turn you who live
in a relationship one of the biggest
problems nowadays is that many people
stick with their partner because they
think they wouldn't find anyone better
and are afraid of change and being alone
there is one thing these people don't
take into consideration after a while
they will be less and less tolerant and
that can easily lead to divorces and
single-parent families if your partner
is important to you then don't let your
lack of confidence ruin your
relationship one of my good friends had
a big issue recently he had problems at
work and he took them home and projected
his own failure on his partner
eventually it ruined their relationship
they separated and were on a break from
each other
with all the pain and bitterness that
usually comes with it they loved each
other but they couldn't live together
anymore
after long talks he admitted that he had
negatively affected his loved one he had
gotten her off on the wrong track she
used to be an optimistic woman but his
negativity had infected her she adopted
his personality unconsciously and now
these two negative people were
constantly fighting after he and I
talked and analyzed the situation
thoroughly he realized that his
self-confidence was the issue if he
could bring positive thinking into the
relationship it would reestablish the
male-female dynamic if he acted like a
man his partner would feel like a woman
and together they could be happy he
could save their relationship he got
this thought straight in his head and
they have been together happily ever
since they pay attention to each other
they encourage each other to be
optimistic in case one of them wavers
and they live in love follow their
example let's play a game shall we let's
call it the peaceful memory think of a
moment when you both were very happy and
felt the world was your oyster you might
think of a holiday a dinner or a long
chat till late night close your eyes and
try to relive that moment see the things
you saw smell the things you smell and
hear what you heard then feel how you
are charging feel the love feel it
pulsing in you do it for at least a
minute
now grab your left earlobe with your
left hand and connect this memory with
this movement remember everything and
leave your hand on your left earlobe for
an extra minute and connect to the
memory to this activity in the meanwhile
the next time you have an argument with
your partner about something trivial
grab your left earlobe with your left
hand and find that idyllic picture that
you have connected to that movement if
they don't understand what you are doing
just ask them to give you a little time
and then you can continue the argument
trust me you will be thankful every day
life I used to lower my eyes whenever I
was walking in the street traveling on
public transport or just buying some
roles at the closest convenience store
on one hand I wanted to stay invisible
on the other hand I wasn't open to the
world I was busy with my own silly
problems and I just blocked out the
world around me it was because I didn't
find my way and I wasn't happy in my
everyday life I was just waiting for the
days to go on and I was just going with
the flow then I have developed a game to
entertain myself I just call it face
parade the point is that whenever I go
somewhere I count how many people I can
see on my way who are markedly in a good
mood I don't want to spoil it for you
but you will be surprised when you try
this game some of us might just suffer
from morning or evening fatigue but in
most cases feeling blue and secure and
low-spirited
are written on people's faces that's one
of the reasons why I decided to write
this book
an average person spends about 25,000
days on the planet called earth let all
your days be special and eventful love
yourself and appreciate that you can be
one of the many who can live through
this miracle called life let's hit the
road let's talk about what you're going
to do tomorrow you know what let's talk
about those coming days when you and
self-reliance and self-confidence are
still in the process of forming and
organic whole let me be your advisor
during these days and/or weeks let's aim
higher than ever before after waking up
don't get out of bed straight away it
will be difficult to stop your
unconscious mind from starting the
engine that is responsible for your
daily routine as you lie in bed try to
remember that time so long ago when you
were learning which leg is your left and
which one is your right when you weren't
familiar with your new home and had to
think about where you kept your clothes
when you had no idea what a radio or a
toothbrush was nowadays you don't need
to think about them they are part of a
sequence of constantly repeating actions
imagine your own daily routine when you
read the following sequence of actions
open your eyes put your feet on the
ground put on your slippers drag
yourself into the kitchen make your
coffee switch on the radio and listen to
a worn-out morning show while taking
your clothes out of your wardrobe you
don't take much time to choose your
clothes it is automatic your unconscious
mind knows what to do you drink your
coffee brush your teeth spend some time
in the bathroom get dressed and off you
go to work if you're lucky you have some
time to read the news say no to all of
them
let's change your morning routine a bit
let's call it the I love myself exercise
so don't get out of bed straight away
after you have woken up before you sit
up say the following words you can even
say them loudly I love myself it is a
very important part of your
self-development
you can't expect anyone to love you or
enjoy your company if you don't love
yourself and don't feel good in your own
skin after getting out of bed and
continuing with your morning duties make
sure that every time you pass a mirror
you look into it smile and nod even if
you don't feel like it how about a list
of your favorite songs in the background
I suggest you create a selection of
motivating songs these are songs which
either hold positive memories for you or
that simply have a good effect on you
and make you happy
listen to one or two of these songs each
morning and then once you have left for
work remember the songs and let them
bring a smile to your face if there's no
other way
force yourself to do it feels good
doesn't it
let the good feeling carry you and if
you're feeling especially cheerful try
smiling at someone if you can make
someone else smile you've made both of
your days better try to get from point A
to point B like that make the people who
meet you feel good let them know that
you feel good in your own skin and that
they should feel good in theirs if you
live this way it becomes a habit after a
while you will get used to the feeling
and it becomes yours cheerfulness is the
forerunner of self-confidence let it in
to feel more confident
the other main requirement of being
self-confident is to have memories that
help build you up memories that remind
you of when you were in control of the
situation let me share a story with you
so that you can understand what I mean
it was 10:00 p.m. sometime in July the
thermometer let's just call it weather
calm showed 62 degrees Fahrenheit a
little colder than a typical summer
night I was on my way home from a night
of speed-dating which means that the
muse of this book had been running home
and I'm not joking I had the chance to
accompany her on her journey between two
stops it's important to know that she
was not my partner
even though we both felt the harmony and
a connection between us this feeling
stayed unfulfilled due to circumstances
out of our control this kind of
excitement is part of a state of mind
that I'm trying to convey to you trust
me on this every moment you experience
is a miracle how big of a miracle
depends on you so I was walking down the
staircase to meet her when I stopped and
thought I would like to know I want to
remember this date as a very important
date in my life that's when I realized
that I should prepare for every
important moment in my life like this I
turned around though I knew that I would
be late because of this fleeting idea
and went back to the flat both of us
like caffeine therefore we can call
coffee the quality drink of the quality
time spent together after a couple of
minutes of searching it turned out that
the number of paper cups I had in my
kitchen was lacking compared to the
stock in a fast-food restaurant that is
zero so I grabbed a striped mug and
filled it up with freshly made black
coffee
after I gave it to her and we spent a
couple of minutes together I could see
the kind of happiness in her face that
makes it worth being attentive when you
make someone happy it makes your
subconscious mind equally happy and
everyone's subconscious mind could use a
little tender loving care but let's not
forget we are focused on your mind now
after this incident I came up with a
name for this technique I call it the 3m
technique make the moment memorable yes
life is a mixture of many little things
and you are the one who forms the bulk
of them form it in a way that makes it
enjoyable to live in it let me tell you
an imaginary story that cheers me up
every time I think of it imagine a man
running in the blaze of the Rising Sun
on the beach a giant wave rolls in with
a tumultuous crash of foam and leaves
hundreds of starfish stranded on the
shore if they don't get back to the sea
they will be completely dried out the
running man notices this he runs over to
the stuck starfish and starts throwing
them obsessively back to the sea a man
who was running behind him stops and
asks him what are you doing man
there are hundreds of starfish lying on
the beach how many do you think you can
help do you really think that you didn't
make a difference with it the other man
looks at him takes a few steps picks up
a starfish looks at it and he says this
starfish will feel the difference then
he throws it back into the sea
let's play a game close your eyes think
of a situation in your past that you are
not proud of because you didn't do your
best you didn't take it seriously and
therefore things didn't go well it could
be a date a birthday or an anniversary
where things didn't go the way you
expected see those awkward situations
and imagine that you are there now see
those things that you saw when you were
there
smell what you smelled when you were
there hear what you heard when you were
there do it for at least a minute now
stop the picture and look at yourself
what would you tell yourself in that
situation what advice would you give
would you tell him or her not to worry
because one day you are going to come
back from the future and give your
opinion do it to help you let me tell
you about the picture I usually imagine
from my past it was my sister's wedding
me as an irresponsible kid thought it
was completely fine to go out and party
with my friends the night before the
wedding the way I figured it would take
just a quick shower the next morning and
I would be ready for the ceremony well I
ended up having a terrible hangover I
looked like a zombie who found smiling
as difficult as it was for Marty McFly
to come back to the future I sometimes
go back to that situation and tell
myself not to worry everything will be
fine it won't cause any problem in our
my sister in my relationship even though
I always give myself a hard time about
it now that you have found your similar
situation and had given your past self
your advice let this picture go
imagine yourself further and further
away from the scene when it is quite far
snap your fingers and let this picture
disappear completely
I call this technique advice from the
future how are you feeling now if you
feel better and why wouldn't you feel
better then let's decide together that
from now on whenever you get the
opportunity you will be more considerate
as you sow so shall you reap
I don't know how much you know about the
law of attraction I used to be a very
down-to-earth guy but nowadays I'm more
and more interested in spiritual things
the secret from Rhonda Byrne fell into
my hands a couple of years ago although
there are parts of the book where I had
to deliberately set aside by
down-to-earth self and my narrow-minded
view of the world for the most part I
accepted its core message I do believe
that you attract what you think of I
hope you understand now why I stress the
importance of being more considerate
believe me being attentive with others
will pay you back I don't mean to be
attentive for a selfish reason but why
not kill two birds with one stone
when it doesn't require anything from
you to be a bit attentive every day
goals and their importance in this
chapter through some short but inspiring
stories and anecdotes I would like to
show you just how important our goals
are I will then provide you with the SMA
RT or SMART goals technique which will
keep you focused and motivated in
achieving your goals why our goal is
important imagine that you are sitting
in the street on a hot sunny day with a
magnifying glass in your hand you are
holding a sheet of paper in your other
hand and are about to burn it on a point
I guess I don't need to tell you which
way is more effective constantly moving
the magnifying glass or concentrating on
one point without moving either the
magnifying glass or the paper this is
the power of concentration it's
important to have our goals in sight and
not to forget about them
now imagine a young man he is travelling
and has just got to a junction where an
old man is sitting in a rocking chair
there is a straw in the old man's mouth
and a hat on his head
the young man approaches him and asks
the following question which way do
these roads go which way are you going
ask the old man while looking at the
young man from under his hat and moving
the straw to the other side of his mouth
I have no idea I'm just traveling for
fun then why do you care which way they
go choose any of them for you it doesn't
matter if it doesn't matter which way we
are heading then it doesn't matter which
one we choose any of them will lead us
there now imagine that you are the head
coach of the Patriots right before the
Super Bowl you are in the changing room
with your team after the usual inspiring
talk everyone is fired up fists clenched
determination and willingness to win on
their faces there is a perfect harmony
and you can feel that tonight is about
victory you are running to the field now
and realize that someone has taken the
goal posts how would you score a goal
now how will you know whether you have
one or not being excited without goals
is like a rapidly spreading wildfire it
eventually leads to frustration goals
give you the feeling that you are on the
right path would you hop on a train or
plane whose destination is unknown the
obvious answer is no then why do people
live their whole lives without having
goals don't be one of them
make sure you have clear cut short and
long-term plans put your ideas into
perspective if you need to write them
down and every time you wake up and
before you go to bed repeat them to
yourself smart goals
smart goal-setting is a planning process
that measures five individual criteria
to evaluate a goal it's a defined
process that takes your goal from the
general idea stage and puts it into
action let me show you the process
through one of my own examples the wish
was to write a short self-help book s
for specific when you are just getting
started with goal-setting you may only
have a vague idea of what you hope to
accomplish as you get further along in
the process however you will need to be
as specific as possible about your goal
a specific goal should clearly state
what you want to accomplish why it is an
important goal and how you intend to
accomplish the goal I will write a short
book on self-confidence that is a
minimum of 50 pages
em for measurable you need to be able to
determine without question whether you
are successful in achieving your goal to
do this you need to create a way to
measure your progress and the results a
measurable goal should include a plan
with targets and milestones that you can
use to make sure you are moving in the
right direction during the process and
should clearly tell you when you have
completed the process I will write two
chapters per month or two to three pages
per week a four attainable while goals
may often pull you out of your comfort
zone and challenge you if the goal and
the parameters you have created are not
realistic
you may be setting yourself up for
failure an attainable goal should be
realistic and include a plan that breaks
your overall goal down into smaller
manageable action steps that use the
time available to you within the
timeline you have set I will work on the
manuscript first and once that is
completed I will begin to search for a
publisher or explore self-publishing are
for relevant the relevancy of a goal
will often determine the likelihood of
achieving it goals that do not mesh with
all the other factors that directly and
indirectly impact you are often
unachievable a relevant goal should make
sense when measured against your short
and long term goals
writing a book on self-confidence will
help me to achieve the first milestone
as a self-help book writer
t4 time-based goals cannot be open-ended
every goal should have a deadline the
timeline may vary by weeks months or
years depending on your goal but a
defined timeline is vital for you to
commit to the goal having a deadline can
also create an urgency that will
motivate you to determine if your goal
is time-based it should include a
defined deadline as well as a specific
timeline for each step of the process my
manuscript will be completed and ready
to be published in six months the
complete smart goal to achieve the first
milestone as a self-help book writer I
will write a 50 page book on
self-confidence by writing two chapters
per month two to three pages per week
the book will be completed in six months
and then I will search for a publisher
or explore self-publishing by following
this plan it took exactly six months to
finish the book
otherwise the half-baked manuscript
would probably end up dying alone in one
of my folders on the C Drive so remember
to be SMA arty smart when setting your
goals pointless goals there were two
houses next to a dusty highway a farmer
with his dog lived in one of them and
their everyday life was based on sitting
on the veranda and watching the cars
pass by every now and then the dog
started yawning and suddenly decided to
chase a car one day the neighbor dropped
by and asked the farmer do you think
your dog will ever catch a car I don't
care about that but I do care about is
what will happen if he does catch one
answer the farmer
a lot of people live their lives just
like this dog they're chasing pointless
frivolous goals without ever noticing it
don't forget about the following
concentration determination specific and
realistic goals and a strong will firm
as rock may they all be with you all the
time family bonds an important part of a
recovery process is to investigate to
find and understand the answer to a lot
of questions beginning with why that is
why I decided to let my father be part
of the investigation and asked him to
help me understand why I had lost my
self-esteem I asked him to interview me
since he has experience interviewing
people that has published books based on
his interviews it was a bright summer
day the day of the interview and the
naked truth in the morning after I
opened my eyes I realized that I had
woken up five minutes before my alarm
was supposed to go off I had a mixed
feeling of excitement and fear I wasn't
sure whether it was still a good idea to
talk to my father about things that we
had never talked about before I was
afraid of it and of myself too I picked
up my phone from my bedside table and
was about to switch off the alarm before
it started squealing loudly when I
glimpsed the sign of one new message on
my phone I opened the message it was
from my muse the woman who I met while
speed-dating the message was something I
wasn't ready for George I had a great
time with you but I'm not ready to have
a new relationship yet I need to sort
out my things
so please don't call or text me anymore
you know what my first reaction was
although I was deeply in love with her I
thought I needed that interview more
than ever I could not allow myself to be
scattered or reserved I could only look
forward and the only possible way to do
so was to let my inner demons go and to
get to know myself with the help of my
father I pulled myself together and
hopped on a bus the journey took very
long especially because my music player
only had the songs that she and I had
listened to together if someone had
observed me just then they would have
seen me hissing and changing tracks
every five seconds it wasn't the most
inspiring picture after I arrived at my
dad's place I lay down on the couch
without asking anything dad could see
that I was flustered so he started
making some coffee without asking
anything holding a tape recorder in his
hand he sat down on an armchair next to
the couch and by spinning his glasses in
his hands he started the conversation do
you ever talk to your friends about what
relationship they have with their
fathers rarely fairly why for many
people it is a very sensitive subject
it is so intimate that you can't just
talk about it during an everyday chat so
what happens is that a child is born and
the mother and father are busy with how
much food the baby has eaten what the
neighbors said about him how granny
picked him up and they call each other
every hour so that they can capture
every moment then there is the
graduation causing a lot of stress for
the family
after that the parents have almost no
clue what's going on with their child
until their grandchild was born based on
your age I guess you can't really tell
me why it's like that do you have any
idea I have some ideas but I would like
to give you the chance to answer this
question the child and their parents
don't talk that much after a certain age
though I'm sure you had a lot more going
on in your life after graduation than
before that have you missed chatting
with me yes I have then why didn't you
call me
why didn't we talk at that moment that
good old Moka pot started giving a
high-pitched noise
signaling that the coffee was ready we
walked into the kitchen and made our
coffees the way we both like with a
little bit of milk and no sugar we went
back and sat down where we had been
sitting our coffees were steaming on the
coffee table and he asked me the same
question again why didn't you call me if
you miss talking with me why didn't we
talk the teenager pride and the illusion
of independence eventually turned into a
routine so that I could solve my own
problems alone or with the help of
friends and I didn't need parental
advice do you think it's the same in
every child parent relationship I think
mostly it is but I dare to say that our
relationship is much better than the
average you know about my everyday life
do you know what's wrong with what you
are saying you think that I know about
you things I know very little I know
where you work I know who you are
because I can sense you we go and talk
to our friends we talk about women
football what hurts what movie we have
seen with our friends we laugh we
complain but I can't see the same
between a father and his son although do
you agree that we get on well
yes I do then why is it so I think we
live very much in the present and we
share our current things with people who
we get in touch with daily what I mean
is that I don't spend just a how are you
doing chitchat time with my friends but
we can usually spend more time together
if you ask me how I am I can tell you
that I was dumped this morning if you
asked me in two weeks time it probably
wouldn't be so relevant to even mention
it does it hurt the fact that you don't
know much about me or that I was dumped
this morning start with the easier one
at this point we started smiling at the
same time because we both knew that the
two things could not be compared
considering their depth and meaning I'm
going to start with the break-up
I am on an emotional roller coaster it
was painful this morning it's better now
but I'm sure I'm going to miss her in
the evening and then everything is going
to be alright by tomorrow morning let me
tell you something as your father
girlfriends keep coming and going but a
father-son relationship is for a
lifetime a breakup shouldn't hurt longer
than 24 hours if it hurts longer than
that it is a waste of energy if
something can be replaced losing it
shouldn't be painful do you want to know
why I didn't let myself down after
breaking up my 20 year old marriage
because of us then why did I leave you
20 years ago you didn't leave us we have
been constantly in touch
you didn't wriggle out of your fatherly
duties in fact you managed to prove that
it is not necessarily a split family if
the father lived separately
you were eight years old when your mum
and I got divorced I decided that I
wasn't going to watch a single cartoon
until you turned 18 I wasn't going to
touch any books for children and I was
not going to look after any children I
used to talk to you in my imagination
through the night I went through hell I
think I must share the mistakes I have
made with you I have noticed that
generation after generation made the
same mistakes they just don't learn from
their parents examples it is because
they don't talk honestly about the
problems there is an example that
happened in front of my eyes there was a
man who had a son the man used to say
that he had a headache at the most
inappropriate times during lunch time at
the interval of a football match during
shopping or walking his son grew up
constantly complaining about headaches
as well although it turned out later
that it was psychosomatic not hearing
anything else it was ingrained into his
mind he learned it just the way he
learned to walk and speak so you were
saying you had very low self-esteem how
did you get there I consider my failures
bigger than my success in every area of
my life
while disappointments poisoned my
thoughts success made a little smile
flicker around my lips and then I
quickly forgot about it I should have
sensed that you were going through a bad
path
it's my fault too that you didn't sense
it I didn't put you in the picture for
some reason I chose to become a family
member whose Duty it was to listen to
everyone and to solve their inner
conflicts I didn't want the family to
know about my personal problems you
didn't like yourself at the time did you
you were dissatisfied with yourself
weren't you I didn't like myself why not
let's start with my appearance I always
found something to disapprove of in
myself my big double chin those big bags
under my eyes my trousers being too
tight I could continue this all day long
I was discontented all the time on the
other hand I constantly felt that I
couldn't function well in a relationship
I felt that if I had hooked up with
someone I wouldn't find my way before
even getting there with someone I was
already thinking about what I would
screw up this is my responsibility an 8
year old boy went through all this
because of his dad and it even had an
impact on his youth you can't say that
it's your responsibility if we just make
things look better to ourselves we just
hushed them up I want to emphasize that
a child is a lot bigger responsibility
than someone's private life
do you realize what consequences this
has 10 15 20 years go by and a clever
intelligent young man is about to have a
budding relationship without self-esteem
and without being able to square his
shoulders son there is no divorce
without the parents and their children
getting hurt 19 years have gone by and
the wound hasn't healed in fact it has
been contaminated
how can we solve it do you believe that
your soul and your body are synchronized
and that your Souls language is illness
yes completely I know that you suffer
from high blood pressure especially
under stress what was the last stressful
situation in your life exactly a year
ago I had to stand in front of 150
people and gave them a presentation in
my second language about a job related
topic before that I had been uptight for
days and weeks rehearsing the speech in
front of the mirror and with friends too
then when they called me to go to the
stage and I started walking the world
around me slowed down I started to hear
my heart beating I began to sweat and
each of my steps felt like a hammer
hitting my eardrums it was a terrible
feeling I did the presentation when I
was feeling very uncomfortable and I
couldn't wait to finish and get off the
stage let's play a game
imagine that you are there again they
are calling you but not just you they
are calling me as well I start the
speech I'm here because I am proud of my
son I am standing on this stage so that
you can see that I am his father son do
the presentation please don't applaud me
here we had a break I am not ashamed to
confess that I burst into tears a
feeling deep inside me was freed a
feeling that I didn't know had been
suppressed it was such a relief let me
tell you about the latest stressful
adventure I had
after my leg surgery I was told that I
might need to spend the rest of my life
in a wheelchair I was astonished and
shocked by this news I was staring into
space four minutes ten minutes later
you came to the hospital and I forgot
what I had been told I wondered if you
were in a similar situation one day what
you would need to do half a year later I
was jogging on margaret island in
budapest do you believe in self-healing
yes this is what my book is about I
believe that there is a moment in
someone's life when they say I want to
change and they can change even alone a
person's soul can be healed self-healing
kick-starts a process but the family
should join it you can heal a lot but
without your family it's impossible to
recover completely for example I need
you for my recovery I think what we are
talking about now is too specific there
might be a lot of people who don't have
the opportunity to involve their family
in their healing a lot of families are
not open to help each other on this
level one of the cornerstones in the way
to heal ourselves is to clear our minds
we must be honest and say what bothers
us what hurts us even if our family
doesn't support us in it if someone gets
to this point they should look at what
they have been doing wrong and their
family must help them it's a must
let's have a look at the following
example there is a boy and his father is
an alcoholic how will he ask his father
to talk to him do you know why he became
an alcoholic
No neither do they because they never
talk about it they don't sit down to
talk when he is sober they don't start
healing each other they don't have to
talk about what we are talking about now
they must do what we are doing help each
other and themselves if none of them are
open it doesn't work you should knock on
this door until it opens it is a bond
forever it's impossible to tear it apart
suppose one of them dies people can talk
to their family members without being
physically in the same space at the same
time I'm still talking with my mother
who passed on 40 years ago let's move on
do you believe that if you write down
the things you want to achieve on a
piece of paper and keep it close by all
the time
it will help yes it is a very important
part of my technique what does your
paper say it doesn't say that I want to
be the CEO of Google
it has healthy goals on it a life
without mortgage in X years time go on a
stable financial background and a happy
family in five years involving you two
as a grandparent are you a forgiving
type of person yes I am what does
forgiveness mean it means that you get
over the pains caused by someone else
reflect on it and forgive them have you
forgiven me for leaving you
you didn't leave us but yes I have no
resentment do you want to know what
forgiveness means to me the same thing
you have just said but there is another
type of forgiveness
the one when you should forgive yourself
you are not angry with me but I am upset
with myself why because you had to stand
in front of 150 people hearing your own
heartbeat because you suffered from
obesity because you set goals at the age
of 27 that you can easily reach you know
revealing the truth is important if you
take the responsibility to help other
people you must clean your wounds that
is the message of this conversation are
you saying that all my issues can be
traced back to you yes that's what I'm
saying
we are skating on thin ice and I am
balancing on a knife edge if you haven't
thought about it well here comes the
real part of forgiveness you either get
better or your wound gets even worse but
you must take this risk everyone should
take the risk what would you write on
your paper let all your obstacles come
down when you were 8 you could open my
fridge anytime you wanted now I want you
to open it anytime you want if you need
my shoes take them if you need my phone
take it if you want to live here live
here you have a house because I have a
house you will find your other half
because you are lovable your life will
be so stable that nobody will want to
leave you you will have children because
they will come when everything works out
fine you will have everything you want
before talking to my dad I hadn't
realized that my relationship with my
dad could have played a role in my low
self-esteem all I felt sometimes was a
gap and our father-son relationship
every time I shaved I remembered that I
had to learn to shave by myself there
was nobody who would have stood behind
me to say don't push the blade so hard
my son because you will just cut
yourself we didn't have the chance to
talk about my teenage romances or
bullying at school a mother obviously
can't take the father's wrong the other
day I saw my dad making paper boats for
his grandchildren and this experience
made me feel as if I was four years old
again
I felt very touched it was the kind of
feeling that you feel when something
amazing happens to you I regained my
energy
during the interview I talked about
another technique called list of wishes
from time to time I write down all the
things I want to achieve and put this
little piece of paper into a little box
on the shelf where I can see it
occasionally whenever that list comes to
mind I open the box and go through the
list
if something is obsolete I cross that
one out if there is something I wish for
that isn't on the list I just add it as
a new one it's interesting to see how my
wishes change month by month year by
year keep your ear to the ground since I
decided to write this book I have been
analyzing the way people communicate and
behave in a conversation a lot of people
suffer from inhibitions they are afraid
of themselves and of saying something
displeasing their voice Quivers they
bite their nails just like I used to do
and constantly scan others facial
expressions if they see raised eyebrows
or lips about to sigh they turn the
volume down and swallow what they are
about to say it's because they are not
confident in themselves they don't
believe that their words are important
or even interesting to others another
interesting phenomenon is that many
people are scared to ask questions about
certain topics because they think if
it's not the right question others will
find them stupid they would rather hide
their incompetence by nodding
automatically I didn't mean to offend
anyone well yes myself I used to nod
automatically while listening to stories
in countless different topics I had no
clue about I tended to think that I was
the best listener in the whole country
they could talk about the implementation
of watering systems how to spot the
difference between certain programming
languages or the mating habits of
Herman's tortoise testudo Vermont
I would automatically nod like a
well-trained parrot I could say that I
did it because I was not interested in
these topics but it wouldn't be true
on one hand every topic can be
interesting if we find the part that
catches our imagination on the other
hand it is good manners to respect the
storyteller by listening and
comprehending their story especially
when we are talking to a good friend
since they are talking about something
that they find interesting
we don't ask our listeners whether we
bore them if we do ask we are hoping
that the answer will be something like
no not at all or are you kidding by
asking this stupid question not to
mention the fact that by listening to
their stories we are broadening our
knowledge becoming more competent in
more areas which leads us to be a more
interesting partner in conversations
there is a common example when you meet
a friend whom you haven't seen for ages
like an old schoolmate I remember
bumping into someone from high school
and all we could ask was how are you
where do you work and what do you know
about the others then after a few very
long seconds we said goodbye and rushed
to continue our journey in a different
direction I don't consider myself
introverted or reserved but I couldn't
really deal well with these situations
though I always had something to be
proud of there are always a lot of good
things happening to me and to be honest
who the hell cares about what happened
to Jane Doe from the elementary school
so don't ask me about her I am more
interesting ask about me rather well
this is not how I deal with these
situations anymore I do care about
people in my imagination it is like
everyone is holding a huge whiteboard
above their head saying the following in
bold and in red letters just like I used
to be
I would like you to listen to me I care
about your opinion I call it the
invisible whiteboard with this approach
a lot of things have changed people see
me differently they want to know my
opinion I can see in their eyes that
they are enjoying talking to me and I am
more open to talk to them too I have
made my intellect more appealing back to
my example I met an old school friend
the other day here is the situation I am
standing at the tram stop when I get a
glimpse of him in the distance we nod to
each other and he's about to continue
his way when I take my earphones out of
my ears I have been listening to my
favorite morning song that fills me with
energy day by day I guess everyone has
their own morning song instead of while
before after drinking a good cup of
coffee to kickstart the day if you don't
have one or if you haven't followed my
instructions from the beginning of this
book find the one that you can play
every day so that there are three to
four minutes during the day that is
about you recharging your battery so he
gets the message and walks to me here
comes the beginning of our conversation
without editing it hi hi how are you I'm
fine thanks in you I'm very well
what do you know about the others hold
on wait a minute the bells in my mind
started ringing to stop me I got excited
and wanted to get to know him better
find out what his interests his plans
are and what kind of person he really is
we ended up having a great conversation
that finished too quickly since we were
heading in different directions but it
was obvious that we both felt like
carrying on
therefore it is worth changing your
habits and automatic reactions this was
the point when I realized that I had to
change the way I communicate
it is shocking how much we can act like
machines we tend to follow the same
routines I used to eat drink and dream
the same things I used to watch the same
movies TV shows again and again it was
monotonous dull and depressing I know
it's difficult to change your everyday
habits but you must you should live and
enjoy life it is not about surviving but
about living join me be open and believe
in yourself if you don't you will just
drift with the current and life will
pass by without you stopping for a
moment to think about what's the purpose
of your life what is the purpose of why
you were born why your parents brought
you up and why the world formed around
you so that you have your space in it
gloomy days I have mentioned it a few
times that there will be downturns
through your journey for me it happened
while I was writing this book it lasted
for a week and I was convinced that it
knocked me out I couldn't write a single
word my inspiration disappeared I was
constantly thinking about the unexpected
downturn it felt as if a slap was coming
from my work on the left and at the same
time another bigger slap was coming from
the right from my personal life I felt
like these blows could knock me down and
then I wouldn't be able to help others
who need my guidance to find the right
track I restrained myself and admitted
that it's just as silly as those
thoughts that I used to believe about
myself
that only pulled me down
my psychologist friend called my
attention to the fact that drug addicts
were noticed to have more chance to be
absent even by their unsuccessful
attempts to quit even though they
relapsed from time to time by trying to
quit
they started off on a journey that
eventually helped them reach their goal
which was giving up drugs change can't
happen smoothly overnight I know it's a
cliche but it's still so true
what doesn't kill you will make you
stronger I was turned down nastily by a
prospective partner and on the same day
they tried to humiliate me at work it
was a bit of a setback on my journey but
now I know why it happened all of your
goals can't be achieved in a few months
this is a lasting lifelong process we
should be aware all the time and when
doubt and insecurity raise their heads
we must grab the bull by the horns I'm
sure you have heard people talking many
times about their best days when every
traffic light turns green just as they
are crossing the Junction's when they
arrive at a place everyone says hello to
them first everything just works out
fine but when they have a bad day
nothing works out fine this is when I
listen to one of my favorite
motivational songs let me tell you about
my last tough week after these two slaps
I sank into sadness and dejection it was
so bad that the first night of the week
I was standing in front of the open
fridge thinking that it was the time
when I really deserved to be drunk with
food when this thought crossed my mind I
decided to keep my temper and I closed
the fridge door by putting a lot of
pressure on my right hand that felt as
heavy as an anvil before the door of the
fridge closed containing my happiness
with tempting smells and flavors I was
peeping into it to see what I could
possibly sneak out I was in a dark mood
for the following few days I was at a
loss about what to do all I knew was
that I couldn't pull myself together
I was tired and edgy even though I slept
the same hours and my days were the same
as before I met my friends hoping that
they might cheer me up but unfortunately
they couldn't help a few days later an
old friend called to tell me that his
girlfriend dumped him and he felt blue
so we met and after he told me the whole
story I started giving him advice advice
that I couldn't use on myself we said
goodbye and a few days later he called
again to tell me that he felt like he
was completely reborn he was convinced
that our talk had had a good impact on
it this feedback gave me the power to
realize that after a few moody days it's
time for me to find myself again so that
I can help myself and others as well I
started thinking about how I could boost
my confidence more I closed my eyes and
I visualized self-confidence
I saw wreathing green smoke in front of
me try to imagine how self-confidence
would look if it appeared in front of
you as a tangible thing it can be
colorful and can have odor but first
it's best to envision it as gaseous now
close your eyes and imagine that this
substance is all around you no matter
where you go it follows you the way I
imagine it is that there are enough of
these substances in the world for
everyone but there are only a few
cutting up the melon there are people
who are greedy and own more than they
deserve
there are people who know how much their
ration is and don't ask for more and
there are people who don't recognize
when they have it and just let it go now
that you have closed your eyes
take a deep breath
imagine that this breathing smoke goes
into your body through your mouth and
nose and spreads inside you imagine that
it spreads all over your limbs fills up
your lungs gets to the top of your head
and settles down peacefully do it for
two to three minutes until you feel it
is a part of you repeat it as many times
as you need until you feel you are
filled up with the smoke that it's
actually pure self-confidence it worked
for me it became part of me again I call
it the self confidence meditation I was
full of willpower and ready to put my
shoulder to the wheel I remembered a
well said sentence from someone who has
his feet planted on the ground of
self-confidence talking to him was like
petrol for a car everything he said was
full of life and came from a positive
mindset your past is your present and
your present is your future everything
that you have achieved has made you the
person who you are now you should bear
it in mind that everything you do at
present forms the person who you will
become and who you would like to become
in the future by complaining crying and
getting lost in self-pity
you will get only woman thing you will
just strengthen that part of you that
you would like to get rid of that is
afraid of everything and everyone
imagine there is a bank that credits
your account each morning with 86400
dollars it carries over no balance from
day to day and every evening it deletes
whatever part of the balance you failed
to use during that day what would you do
draw out every cent each one of us has
such a bank it's called time every
morning it credits you with 86400
seconds and every night it writes off as
lost whatever you have failed to invest
wisely it carries over no balance it
allows no overdraft each day it opens a
new account for you if you fail to use
the day's deposits the loss is yours
there is no going back
there is no drawing against tomorrow you
must live in the present on today's
deposit invested in every opportunity
the clock is running you've got to make
the most of today right here right now
to realize the value of one year ask a
student who failed a grade to realize
the value of one month ask a mother who
gave birth to a premature baby to
realize the value of one week ask the
editor of a weekly newspaper to realize
the value of one hour
ask a person who just missed the train
to realize the value of one second ask a
person who narrowly avoided an accident
to realize the value of one millisecond
ask the person who took the silver medal
in the Olympics time waits for no one
follow up every lead make every second
count always be closing
every opportunity missed equals money
lost remember yesterday's history
tomorrow is a mystery today is a gift
that's why it's called the present right
here right now
the last of the heroes after discussing
so many things we already know that you
have hidden skills and strengths that
will need to be revealed and we also
know that it will only work if you
believe in yourself until your first
reaction is I can do it to any obstacles
that you face you will live in fear you
will be afraid of failure of being
humiliated you will suffer from distress
and will be constantly looking for
excuses what's even worse is that it
won't matter how many times and how big
the success you have achieved in your
life is because you won't appreciate it
in fact you will be constantly concerned
to just get over every obstacle we need
to nip any thoughts starting with I am
NOT able to in the bud how does someone
become a half-empty glass person I've
come up with a few examples earlier but
the possible reasons are endless
starting from the misconception of one's
own appearance to unfortunate financial
circumstances a bad experience can throw
anyone back for a long time but here
comes the elemental truth everything
begins in your mind we suffer and beat
ourselves up because of certain things
only because we choose to I often used
to ask myself why is it always happening
to me
which had no other reason but to express
self-pity if I think about it now I
can't imagine that I was serious trust
me every possible negative situation has
already happened to others too but there
are lucky ones who knew how to tackle it
this is not an art it is simply about
the fact that their brains are
programmed in a way that makes them
capable of sizing up their situations
based on rational explanations and they
are aware of what is best for them I
created a very simple game for that I
call it Showtime
every time you are facing a big
challenge or have been through a
negative experience try to get out of
your body get some distance from
yourself at that very moment and imagine
that you are watching yourself on a big
screen at a crowded cinema for a couple
of minutes yes you guessed it you are
the main character of the film that will
be seen by millions all over the world
and now you are sitting at its screening
just before its premiere what would you
do let me show you some examples from
five films so that you understand what I
mean and what consequences it has when
we make a bad decision what kind of a
movie would diehard have been if John
McClane Bruce Willis after stepping into
shards barefoot in the Tower of Na
kotomi pact with terrorists had gone to
the mail toilet and had spent the second
half of the film crying and mumbling why
why is it always happening to me it's
quite possible that we would have
watched that part of the movie crying as
well and thinking about how to get a
ticket refund the mindset that we would
like to embrace is perfectly
demonstrated by this movie
the main characters in action movies and
novels don't just become heroes by
themselves they get a ring they are
visited by a mysterious figure who tells
them that their broom is going to be the
fastest or they are hit by a meteor that
makes them want to save the world so
badly that they immediately run to a sex
shop for a latex costume to show there's
a new sheriff in town John McClane
however didn't get any prediction or
sign he started to act from his inner
drive that's the point don't wait for
others to change you our flesh and blood
heroes and heroines realized by
themselves that they want to take action
they don't want to wait for anyone or
take action change create because you
should live as if millions of people
were watching every single step of yours
how will the audience have reacted to
the movie The Shawshank Redemption
if Andy Dufresne Tim Robbins after being
bullied in the prison by the sisters had
hung himself not being able to deal with
humiliation and physical abuse we could
have watched the preparation of his
funeral in the second half of the movie
and other prisoners could have declared
that they had seen potential in him but
unfortunately he was too weak
on the contrary no matter how deeply he
hit rock bottom and what big pains he
had to endure he believed in himself and
that there would be better days in his
life since hope springs eternal I wonder
whether Luke Skywalker
Mark Hamill would have become such a
cult figure if in the first episode of
Star Wars after seeing his pilot mates
dying he had turned his back saying I
don't wish to participate in this
massacre I would rather go back to fix
droids he believed in himself he
believed in the force and he knew that
one can change the outcome of a battle
Neo Keanu Reeves in the matrix also had
the courage of his convictions to take
the red pill and see how deep the
rabbit-hole was instead of taking the
blue one to wake up peacefully the next
day and continue living his meaningless
life we could have seen him pressing
keys on his keyboard for several hours
while a message would have occasionally
popped up to say follow the White Rabbit
but he would have closed it thinking
that it's just an annoying ad
Frodo Baggins Elijah Wood in the Lord of
the Rings could have given the ring to
the local pawn shop of Hobbiton and
could have spent the money he'd get for
it on an organised adventure trip to
Mordor but instead he undertook the risk
that he could even die for a greater
purpose there are a lot of movies
carrying similar values that will be
worth following but first that should be
noticed people nowadays tend to forget
the importance of books which has the
beauty of describing characters so
graphically precisely and thoroughly
that you can live through them embrace
their feelings therefore you can
empathize with them so much so that what
you have read will have a long-term
impact on you
this is not often the case with films
they try to squeeze everything into two
hours so the audience can barely figure
out the real features each character
represents since in every five minutes
there is a bomb exploding a car turning
upside down or a person jumping off the
roof that's why I would recommend you
try to talk about the film if you have
watched it with others summarise what
could be learned from a bad or good
decision in the movie a chat like that
will filter into your unconscious mind
and make you a more confident person who
can make decisions you can always create
a different ending to the films just
like I did with the previous ones I know
that the main reason why we watch films
is entertainment but since the media and
public education don't seem to help us
develop our minds it's best if we try to
do it by ourselves I know these are hard
words but what we get from TV nowadays
cannot be described as something of high
value it doesn't help you find and
develop yourself Groucho Marx the
American comedian has a witty opinion
about it
I find television very educating every
time someone turns on the set I go into
the other room and read a book
unfortunately the same thing can be said
about public education
I have been to only a few schools but I
believe that there are a lot of
shortcomings in many of them I can't
understand why they don't have lessons
that are about how to express ourselves
how to think how to live our everyday
lives and how to increase our emotional
intelligence
they don't teach you how to manage your
finances or how to be a conscious
customer if they did a lot less people
would have money worries I can't
understand why it is not the way things
work
although I can assume why but I try not
to create any conspiracy theory the
purpose of this book is not to criticize
our society though I still believe young
people should be taught these things so
they can establish themselves and
overcome difficulties in life to cut a
long story short self development is
extremely important to maintain a better
life make the most of everything that
has positive values energy and message
humor has it humor is an important part
of feeling good
Hippocrates described people who laughed
a lot as moist nowadays we know that he
was right since laughter triggers the
release of different fluids and hormones
in the body one of its best results is
that it increases the number of happy
hormones the release of happy hormones
is very important in terms of your mood
and lifestyle they trigger the release
of ozone in your blood that makes people
experience a floating and intoxicating
feeling if these hormones appear in the
body often enough if not all the time
this happy light and floating state
stimulates the body and the soul to
happy people face their problems and
challenges easier than others are more
likely to go out with friends or to meet
new people work more efficiently and are
healthier I have collected a few
motivating and witty quotes jokes and
thoughts to help myself gain extra
energy through smiling and laughing let
me share them with you hoping that you
will use them whenever you need their
help
I am overqualified - my current position
no matter what we are talking about
Daniel M here is a test to find whether
your mission on earth is finished if
you're alive it isn't Richard Bach even
if you're on the right track you'll get
run over if you just sit there Will
Rogers I couldn't wait for success so I
went ahead without it Jonathan winters
the only place where success comes
before work is in a dictionary but Al
Sassoon
you grow up the day you have the first
real laugh at yourself ethel barrymore
people's minds are like parachutes they
only function when they're open Sir
James Dewar do not underestimate your
abilities that is your boss's job
unknown
all things are difficult before they are
easy Thomas fuller I always wanted to be
somebody but now I realize I should have
been more specific Lily Tomlin if you
don't know where you are going you might
wind up someplace else
yogi berra don't worry about the world
coming to an end today it is already
tomorrow in Australia Charles Schulz
opportunity does not knock it presents
itself when you beat down the door Kyle
Chandler luck is what you have left over
after you give 100%
Langston Coleman it took me 15 years to
discover I had no talent for writing but
I couldn't give it up because by then I
was too famous Robert Benchley one list
to rule them all
we are almost at the end of this audio
book so let me list all the techniques
we have gone through together one mirror
peeping - just do it
three peaceful memory for face parade
five I love myself six make the moment
memorable 7 advice from the future 8 as
you sow so shall you reap
9 SMART goals 10 list of wishes 11
invisible whiteboard 12 self-confidence
meditation 13 Showtime 14 humor
I have been using these techniques for
several years now
and I know they have made me someone who
is proud of himself and can cope with
any challenges believe me it's hard to
start but easy to master give yourself
time to change your habits and implement
these techniques into your everyday life
a new man's diary first time in my life
I feel that all the areas of my life are
going well I wake up with a smile on my
face feeling happy and this feeling
lasts throughout the day I've become a
lot more energetic and I am proud of
successfully achieving some of my goals
I have learned a lot through writing
this book and by going through my own
self-development being honest has become
the base of every relationship I have it
means that I accept myself the way I am
and I want to surround myself with
people who can also accept the real me
and not a mask hiding problems and a sad
past today I don't feel pity for myself
anymore instead I have decided to focus
on my bad habits and develop my skills
by practicing old and new techniques
with the help of my partner yes I asked
for her help too today there are no more
taboos I am honest in my relationship
saying what I really think because I
believe that there is no point having
secrets when true soulmates find each
other I am glad you joined me on this
journey and I can only hope that it has
had a positive impact on you and that
you can benefit from some of the
thoughts of this book I don't know what
tomorrow will bring but I know that I am
part of it and there aren't many
feelings like this I'm looking forward
to the next minute hour and day and I
know that there are wonderful things in
life waiting for me to discover them I
have my compass my torch and my positive
thinking with me so I am ready to live a
better
life the end of the audiobook but the
rest is yet to come
