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stories. Okay storytime... Rich people of
reddit who married someone significantly poorer,
what surprised you about their (previous)
way of life?
My SO said "Today I made rent" meaning "today
I've earned enough/accumulated enough to pay
the rent" and I realized that this is a monthly
accomplishment to someone with no fixed income/salary.
I fell in love with my uni best friend who
really didn’t have any money. When I got
a job, for my birthday I decided to plan a
holiday and offered to bring him along.He
doesn’t know I’m in love with him at all,
but maybe I should tell him....
My husband grew up in a family where they
were comfortable but on a strict budget. Six
kids and mom on disability. My family had
no budget.One day we were at the grocery store
and he always insists on walking up and down
every aisle. I finally lost it because he
was taking so long and asked him why he did
it.“Growing up we could only spend $100
a week on groceries for all of us. I always
had to put what I wanted back because we couldn’t
afford it. Now I can afford whatever I want
so I like to look at everything I could have.”
Took him 10 years to tell me this. I felt
like a terrible person...EDIT number2: I’ve
had a few people (very few) comment that $100
a week is a huge budget and how is that a
stretch. We live in a city with an extremely
high cost of living. It’s in the top 30
in the world. Getting a family of 4 fed for
that much weekly would be a huge stretch here
and his family did an amazing job.
Sandwiches. When I made him a sandwich I only
put one thin slice of meat in it. He couldn't
believe that was how I had sandwiches growing
up.
My experience is from the opposite perspective,
I was the poor one. It absolutely floored
me how my wife acts when something broke like
a car, appliances, clothes, etcetera
As a child living below the poverty line,
replacing a tire or other necessities was
a disaster, requiring tricky trade offs in
the budget or just plain acceptance of just
how boned you were. When my wife's phone broke,
I went into full panic mode while she shrugged
and said: "we can just a new one this afternoon".
And then we did.....................
When we moved in together, I found out that
she was putting her share of the rent on her
credit card, with no real plan for how to
pay it off.Edit: If you're coming in here
to say "you can't pay rent on a credit card"
or "you were her plan," lemme save you a few
keystrokes.... don't.
Honestly, food insecurity. When we were first
married she would get visibly uneasy if the
food in the house was running low. She never
overate or anything, she was just always concerned
about it. A lot of times when she was younger,
she went hungry.On the humorous side though,
she hates camping. Her answer is always the
same: I camped because it was fun, she camped
because they couldn't afford hotels.
I’m from the poorer family (not super poor,
but my in-laws have a stupid amount of money
so by comparison I’m very poor), but I think
I can answer for her.We have two young kids,
and my wife was shocked when I said we should
look for clothes and toys for them at local
flea markets and garage sales. The idea never
occurred to her that we could save money by
getting some gently-used items, she had never
even been to a garage sale in her life. She
has grown to love them and now questions whether
it is worth it to buy any item “new” or
not before running to Amazon or a store. Her
parents think it’s disgusting we make our
kids wear clothes that another child had before,
but they don’t pay my bills.
Hamburger Helper. She hates it because it
would be her meal 5 times a week growing up.I
had never even seen HH before I went to college
and love that stuff. 10 for $10 deals are
awesome.
The prevailing mindset in his community growing
up that insurance was something only rich
people had. Not health insurance, mind you
(well, not just health insurance). Auto insurance.
Going without it was a way of life for most
everyone he knew.
Long term dating. Pets. I was always surprised
by the number of pets she and her family had
living in the trailer and how much of a share
of their income they spent on them.
I didn’t marry this woman, but when we started
dating, she always wanted to chill at my place,
never hers. Which was fine. But she gained
35lbs in just like a few months of dating
(She was 100lbs when we started dating) Not
that it was a bad thing, 1) I am a chubby
man and 2) I was just glad she wasn’t pregnant.
Anyway, turns out her family couldn’t like,
afford dinner sometimes. So suddenly she had
a place to eat every night and gorged herself.
I dated a 1%er briefly, She was surprised
I willingly went inside fast food restaurants.Edit:
Since people are saying 1% is still a huge
range in income I just looked up her dad he
pulls in ~$10,000,000 a year
I'm from an upper-middle class American family
and my husband is from a poor SE Asian family.
It is hard for me to wrap my head around how
poor they really were when he was growing
up. He told me about eating only rice with
sugar for meals because they couldn't afford
meat. They were probably living off less that
$0.50/day for a family of 5 at times.
Credit cards were avoided.For me growing up,
we were encouraged to get a credit card in
our name and use it as much as possible in
order to build credit. There was always money
to pay it off each month, so it made sense
to 1) build credit and 2) collect airline
miles or whatever the reward was back in the
day.When we got together, she always used
cash or a debit card. She had a credit card
"for emergencies" and avoided using it otherwise.
It took a long time to get her over her aversion/skepticism
(we were fortunate to have two good paying
jobs), though it also taught me a healthy
appreciation for what it means to have a financial
cushion.
Not rich but with a partner who was raised
by a tean teen mom and grew up poor. Sometimes
I just want rice and vegetables for dinner.
That's a no from her. She won't go back.
I am not well off but my stepfather is.I was
raised by a single mom who spent money on
everything and bills were always behind. She
just couldn't manage her money at all.In her
50's she met and married a multi-millionaire.
We are in middle america so that goes further
than maybe in a lot of areas. They have given
themselves $10,000 a month budget to live
on (living on interest). Own their home.Anyway
once my mom met him and they got all her finance
situated and paid off- she won't spend a penny.
He spends like it is going out of style.He
has actually begged me to take her shopping
to get clothes and accessories. She won't
do it. She spent more when she was a single
mom with nothing.It makes no sense to me.
At least by a new outfit. She is hell bent
to not use a penny of his money. They barely
even have any groceries. If they have anything
it is because he buys it for them.She is a
retired nurse that gets a retirement and SS
but she won't spend anything. She lives poorer
now than any other time in her life.
When the family had people over for dinner,
if they ended the prayer before the meal with
"F. H. B., Amen." it was a signal to let the
children know that they don't have enough
food for everyone, so take smaller servings
and let the guests get a regular serving.FHB
= "Family, hold back."They were always generous
to their friends and didn't let their lack
of funds embarrass themselves when doing so.
I am on the other side as I Married a girl
from a rich family, although we both earn
the same and I tend to worry about money/savings/future,
through the years I have realized that she
worries less about it and still saves more
and spends less than me.I feel like coming
from a lower middle class family makes me
think about saving more but at the same time
I spend money on things as I could not have
them all before I got my own job.
My partner and I are both poor, but different
kinds of poor (she's never been homeless or
not had enough to eat, while I have).She's
extremely frugal and hates buying anything
we don't need. I feel a desperate need to
stock up if we have any extra money and it's
a fight for me not to fill our house with
canned and dry goods in case we don't have
enough money to buy food next month for some
reason.It makes no sense but my instinct is
to hoard food because there just was never
enough of it around growing up.
I'm not rich at all but my husband came from
a very poor Mexican village. He told me he
used to shower outside (because there was
no in-house plumbing) and use leaves as toilet
paper. I mean, there's poor, and there's my
husband's-previous-life poor.He's been living
in the US for 12 years now but when we first
met it was so interesting seeing life through
his child-like eyes. Going to the cinema was
a huge event for him. Heating food up in a
microwave was a totally foreign concept. And
staying at fancy hotels when we went on vacation
was like WOAH. I still see him surprised by
things now and then and it just reminds me
how much I take my middle status class for
granted.
She and her mother lived with her grandfather
to not be homeless because her grandfather
owned a house.She was putting community college
payments on her credit card and building debt
with it.I paid off her credit cards when we
were dating and she cried from me being so
nice (it was only like 1,300 bucks). I bought
a condo, then we got married, then we bought
a house. I never really considered myself
rich until i started dating her and learned
that a trip to Wendy's was a treat. I grew
up middle class, and we are currently middle
class, heh.
I came from a relatively wealthy family (new
money - my dad started his own business and
grew up poor) and my wife came from a lower
income blue collar family. We got married
out of college and neither made much money
in the beginning.My biggest surprise was how
she wanted to spend money. She was shocked
when my mom bought her $100+ pair of jeans
for a birthday. She couldn't wrap her mind
around spending that much on jeans.But she
wanted a motorcycle (for me - which I don't
ride in the first place). And then a new furniture
set. And then a new bed. And then a new car.
She wasn't concerned about savings or retirement.
(And she never wanted my parents money for
any of it - we are both way too proud of that).It
took a long time for her to come around to
having an emergency savings account, focusing
on debt and not needing the other sheet. She
eventually realized that her parents wouldn't
be in such a terrible situation because their
spending habits are horrible.She still has
it come out sometimes though. We recently
paid off my car and she immediately thought
I should get a new car.
He was making good money but came from a poor
family. One thing that surprised me was the
lack of budgeting, no knowledge of a 401k/RothIRA,
retirement seemed like something that he'd
never get to do. So even though he made good
money he was starting to rack up credit card
debt.Now he's much better at it than I am.
He adores budgeting and looks forward to FIRE.Edit:
FIRE is Financial Independence, Retire Early
there's a sub attached to this idea r/financialindependence
. Sorry about the confusion
One of my exes could pull in a lot of money,
easily twice or thrice what I could.He was
so incredibly bad at saving this money. Down
to, say, setting himself up as a company to
avoid paying higher rate of tax, but then
paying a large amount each month to an accounting
company to handle his taxes, which he'd do
himself anyway because he didn't trust them
to get it right. He'd pay for taxis from one
end of the city to another or hire cars rather
than use public transport. Flights cancelled?
Book new ones, never bother to claim back
on insurance. Buy a sports car, wreck it,
sell it for scrap. He'd work contracts and
then take time off to work on his own startup,
but spend every weekend just going out and
buying drugas and booze.I thought it was really
fun and wild at first - haha, money really
means nothing to you! - but when we became
a long term couple I started feeling like
his mother. Man, will you not just fill out
the insurance paperwork?!..
My wife was born and raised in the Soviet
Union. She still goes crazy for fresh fruit
like its the most extravagant luxury.
I was with a girl for a while who grew up
in a pretty broken home. Still surprises me
just how bad her spending habits are. She
racks up credit card debt like its nothing.
More of a funny incident, but I was the poor
one. My husband, at the time still boyfriend,
took me out to a very nice restaurant. Waiter
ask if I want pepper on my Caesar salad that
was just made table side. I said sure and
he goes about it. Thing is, I didn’t know
you had to say stop. My husband slowly realizes
this, but decides to see it play out.He did
eventually say that I need to say stop ... I
just thought a Caesar was had this way as
it was my first time even eating a salad that
wasn’t just iceberg and ranch dressing.
It still tasted fine, just a little bit too
much pepper haha.
My wife earned many times more than I did
when i was a high school teacher back when
we were dating. She sometimes would drive
my 10 yr old primer-black, stick-shift Honda
Civic that my cousin lent me until I could
buy another car. She was blown away how aggressively
mean people are to you when you drive an ugly
old car. When she got out of the car the spell
lifted.I got a lot of respect from her for
that. She seemed to think I was a saint for
not turning sour over it. I was constantly
getting pulled over by cops and let go, targeted
by road rage, and also pedestrians felt too
comfortable engaging with me.I drive a newer
Honda (1 yr old) now and it is so different.
I drive the same but probably drive a bit
more aggressively now that I can’t hear
the wind roaring by when I’m going over
40mph. I haven’t been pulled over and haven’t
had a negative interaction on the road in
a long time. Also, my wife now enjoys trading
cars with me.
Making financial decisions based around the
three paycheck month.If you're paid every
two weeks, most months you get two paychecks,
and all of your monthly bills and budgeting
is based on those two paychecks. But twice
a year there are three paydays in a month,
and that's when you can actually solve problems.
That's when you can get the car registered,
or fix the dryer, or get the cat spayed.The
other 10 months you're doing maintenance and
trying to scrape by. Three paycheck months
you can actually try to fix problems.
It doesn't directly relate to the amount of
money they had, I don't think, but.. their
place was always filthy. I mean, dog sheet
everywhere (my significant other lived with
his mom sometimes, but would rotate between
her and his father and both places were this
way), dishes piled up, floors were grimy,
the place(s) stunk of dog pee and cigarette
smoke. One time, I used the bathroom at one
of his parent's places, and had to spread
my feet while sitting on the toilet to avoid
stepping in period blood.I mean, it was so
disgusting.. my significant other was baffled
when, after we first got married and moved
in with each other, every day he would come
home to a (generally, I'm not perfect) spotless
home.Now, on the flipside, I once dated a
guy whose stepfather was a lawyer, so they
lived a lavish lifestyle.. the only thing
that he was surprised about when it came to
my lifestyle, was that I did not eat pizza
with knife, fork, and a glass of wine. Lol
Not super rich by any means but my husband
said he’ll always be surprised about the
following:How I lived off of 13k in 2011
Resiliency to survive financially and pursue
my dreams of being he first college graduate
How I didn’t know what spinach was or tasted
like until our first few dates (in addition
to hella other leafy greens)
.
What I learned in this thread is rich people
don’t like spending and poor people spend
money like it is nothing.
Please read the edit at the end of this post.Probably
how often she shopped at Ross, grocery outlet,
and other discount stores. I shopped at Whole
Foods and bought my clothes at Macy’s or
online.For grocery shopping, we now go to
grocery outlet mostly with a trip to Whole
Foods every once in a while. It’s significantly
cheaper at grocery outlet but checking expiration
dates is a must.Aside from my hobbies, I find
I spend a lot less on groceries and clothes
now which in turn allows me to spend more
on my hobbies. She never forced her lifestyle
on me and I appreciated that.Edit : I’m
not super rich. I feel like this post now
looks like a failed attempt at a humble brag.
I never meant to offend anyone.I work as a
software developer in Silicon Valley but there
are people with 20 times my wealth here that
would scoff at my salary. I also live in one
of the most expensive cities in the country
but I was born here and I cannot leave.My
intention was to show how my lifestyle differed
with the lifestyle of my fiancé. That’s
it.Also, I never cared for expensive clothes
so thank you all for telling me Macy’s is
for “poor” people. I’m a watch guy and
not a clothes guy.
She lived in the desert without air conditioning
Oddly, my wife's family and upbringing was
much poorer than mine.Surprisingly, she is
the one who has poor spending habits. I am
the frugal one - I always weigh the inherent
value/quality of the purchase vs the cost.
She never does. She doesn't think much ahead
of the basic monthly paycheck cycle. She'll
spend money on junk, I'll wait, and wait,
then buy something really nice as opposed
to some cheap POS that merely 'fills the gap'
in the moment.It has been the cause of many
an argument between us.
