MATT: Welcome to tonight's episode of Critical
Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors
sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. For our
99th episode, which is crazy, that's absolute
batshit. Makes next week the 100th, which is
crazy, even more crazy, and we'll be more crazy.
TRAVIS: You did the math wrong there. Oh no,
that's right.
MATT: Yeah, that's right. Yeah, intelligence six.
Anyway, guys, welcome! We have an awesome guest.
Tonight Jon Heder will be joining us--
(cheering)
ASHLEY: Who is it? Who is it?
MATT: -- at the point in the narrative in which
his character will arrive. But, before then, let's
go ahead and get to our announcements for the
evening. First and foremost, we have a new merch
item, I believe.
LAURA: Yes, we do!
MATT: Laura, if you want to introduce it and
possibly--
LAURA: Oh, well I know some of you have been
wanting to hear more about Scanlan, and we thought
it would be great to release a concert tee of his.
Wait, turn around,
because it's even better on the back.
(cheering)
LAURA: And if you notice, he's got a few canceled
appearances there at the end because--
SAM: Because he died.
TRAVIS: Because he's a traitorous bitch.
LAURA: Yeah, and it's pretty cool, so there's
that. And that's in the store right now!
Go check it out.
MARISHA: Oh my god, right now.
TRAVIS: Enter the Meat Man.
SAM: If we can't have Scanlan, at least we've got
the shirt.
LAURA: That's right. That's right.
LIAM: And good memories.
(laughter)
LAURA: Maybe, maybe we'll see Scanlan in concert
sometime.
MARISHA: And we'll be like, "We used to hang out
with him before he was famous."
LAURA: Yeah, before he was famous. Marisha, you've
got a little food on your mouth.
Under your lip. You got it.
SAM: Announcements continue!
MATT: Yes, so anyway, other things. The campaign
guide, the Tal'Dorei campaign guide, info is up on
the Green Ronin website. If you're looking for it,
they have dates of release, price points, and
where you can find it and when. So if you go to
the Green Ronin website, Google search for Green
Ronin, they have a section there for the front
page that has all the updates, or you can look at
@GreenRoninPub on twitter. They have the updates
there as well. I also retweeted it on my twitter
so you can find it there. But that should answer
your questions. We've gotten a bunch today. Also,
tomorrow and Saturday, up in Seattle, the actual
folks at Dungeons & Dragons are doing the Stream
of Annihilation, in which they're having a bunch
of people from the community coming out there to
play games together, mix it up, be crazy, and
unveil their new story setting which I'm really
excited for you guys to find out about. But as
part of that, Marisha, Taliesin, Liam, and myself
will be going up there and playing some games.
I'll be running a game on Saturday morning with
the Guts, Girls, Glory group. And that is going to
be a lot of fun. So you should come watch. Find
the information at the official Dungeons and
Dragons twitter, and we'll look forward to seeing
you guys over the next couple of days up there as
well.
LAURA: I'll be in Las Vegas this weekend for--
LIAM: Gambling?
LAURA: No, for Gears of War event.
ALL: Ooh!
LAURA: So if you guys play Gears of War
competitively, come out and fight and then see me
while I'm there.
TRAVIS: Are you going to play competitive Gears of
War?
LAURA: No, but I'm going to cheer people on,
though, real good.
(laughter)
MATT: Well, cool, awesome! Also, next weekend, not
this, but the weekend after that, I'll be at A-Kon
June 8-11 in Fort Worth, Texas.
TRAVIS: I went to college there.
MATT: Yeah, Travis went to college there.
MATT: Also, wanted to let you guys know that there is
a charity banquet event happening at the event,
which is going to be a two- to three-hour dinner,
meal provided. Hang out. I'll be a part of that.
You can come actually talk to me in person.
One of the few guaranteed ways I'll have an
opportunity to interface with people, so you don't
have to wait in line for it necessarily. It's an
add-on to your con ticket, and if you're there,
the proceeds of that ticket all go to the Texas
Scottish Rite Hospital. So it's a cool event,
happy to support an awesome charity, and hopefully
get to see some of you guys there. Wednesday Club,
Taliesin, what you got coming up?
TALIESIN: We're talking about the Young Avengers
this next week. We just finished Wonder Woman; it
was a great time. We wore tiaras and capes and
talked.
MARISHA: Did you really?
TALIESIN: Matt wore the cape and I wore the tiara.
It was really good.
SAM: The Young Avengers?
TALIESIN: We're going to be talking about the
Young Avengers which are--
SAM: Kid Hulk, Kid Iron Man.
TALIESIN: You are-- Hulkling. And Iron Lad. But
we're going to be talking about the teenage
superheroes of the Marvel U, specifically the ones
who take the Avengers name, and they're really
fun and the modern take on them is really going to
be influencing a lot of the stuff that ends up on
TV and it's going to be a lot of fun. They're some
of my favorite books; they're badass.
MATT: Awesome, thank you, Taliesin. Check out
Wednesday Club. And of course we have Talks
Machina live on Tuesday next week, about this
episode you're gonna see tonight, at 7PM Pacific Time here
on Twitch and Alpha, hosted by our fantastic Brian
Wayne Foster.
ALL: Brian Wayne Foster!
MATT: Yes, so check it out, then.
LAURA: I've got one.
MATT: What you got?
LAURA: I didn't put it on the list.
MATT: No, you didn't.
LAURA: But it's a present for Liam O'Brien.
(cheering)
LAURA: I didn't get to give him his birthday
present last week, and now I do get to.
LIAM: (shrieks)
MARISHA: I just remembered it was your birthday.
LIAM: Oh my goodness.
LAURA: I wrapped it all pretty, open it up.
LIAM: Okay, with a thank-you in advance and
afterwards as well.
LAURA: Open it up!
LIAM: We'll edit this part out, right? I just
meant the unwrapping.
SAM: It's a ring box.
TRAVIS: Please be a turd.
LAURA: It's just a pile of blue poop.
LIAM: Oh. Oh my god.
LAURA: Did you see it?
LIAM: Yes. Not big enough. It's a-- aw, man-- it's
beautiful.
TRAVIS: What is it?
LIAM: It's a ring and it's got raven feathers on
it and a little black gem. And on the inside it
says, "Do not go far from me."
TRAVIS: Aw! Wow, twinsies.
LIAM: Thank you.
LAURA: You're welcome. I don't know if it will fit
you, but you know, happy birthday.
SAM: Is it a genuine gold-style ring?
LAURA: Did it fit?
LIAM: It fit.
LAURA: I guessed it! Yes!
LIAM: It is beautiful. I love it so much. Perfect.
Love it. That's a great birthday present.
LAURA: Well, all right.
MATT: That's really awesome. Happy birthday. Both
of you guys after the fact. Yay. All right, then.
Unless anyone has anything else? Let's go ahead
and dive into tonight's episode of Critical Role.
[dramatic music]
MATT: Hello, and welcome back. So, where we last
left off, Vox Machina had discovered that one of
their companions, the most recent addition to their
team, Taryon Darrington, had gone missing,
seemingly taken by a bounty hunter who had
masqueraded as a pastry chef and was retrieving
him to be returned to Wildmount within the city of
Deastok to the rest of the Darrington family. Upon
heading them off the pass and retrieving Taryon,
you all made your way to Deastok and spoke with
the rest of the Taryon Darrington family and
discovered, it seems, that they have gone into
serious debt. There's been a long-running
agreement between the Darringtons and a criminal
syndicate known as the Myriad that seems to be
very prominent in Wildmount. And as the years have
gone by, that debt has compounded and compounded
to the point where they were threatening to
take everything from the Darrington family and
toss them onto the street. Your father, Howaardt,
told you that his plan to prevent this from
happening was to marry you off to a very rich and
powerful family up in the capital in the kingdom,
and you decided to look for other options. You
went and spoke with a gentleman named Korshad who
was within a secret bar beneath the Grumpy Lily
tavern where a bunch of, it seems, Myriad and
other lowlives go to drink, be merry, and go about
their business in a safer environment. You seemed
to talk with him about a possibility of making
some sort of arrangement, and an accord was made
where if you went and cleansed a nearby platinum
mine of Herethis, that had seemingly been overrun
with some sort of awoken entity that had prevented
them from mining the platinum, and are losing a
lot of money-- if you were to destroy this
creature or cleanse the mines of the threats to
it, they would forgive some of the debt. They
would still take the lands from the Darrington
family, but they would leave the estate, they
would leave whatever remains on that land, and
would not mess with them any further, thus ending
the contract and still leaving a comfortable
lifestyle for the family. You agreed to this, made
your way to the Herathis platinum mines, delved
deep into the open sinkhole that seemed to consume
a portion of its construct, and discovered what
had awoken within, a strange, once-seeded
celestial that had been awoken too early and too
young. As such, its weird, angelic, baby-like
form had withered and twisted, and in battling the
celestial, which manipulated the terrain around
you, you managed to defeat it and destroy it
before it could escape, gathered some of its
remaining glittery ashes, if you will, and
proceeded to fly up through the sinkhole as the
rest of the ankheg swarm that seemed to parade
through the tunnels within began to swarm up the
sides and spit acid at you as you escaped out the
top. Into the moonlit sky looking down below,
you could see the swarm now crawling up and out of
the maw of this mine, and that's where we left
off. So as you've all just emerged out of the
central portion of the mine, taking a deep breath
as you're now suddenly out of the immediate
danger, you can look down and see the dozens of
large insectoid-like ankhegs now clambering up to
the top on the edge, some of them seemingly
shooting jets of acid too far away to make any
impact, but they are intent definitely on trying
to either shoo you off of their territory or hit
at some sort of lucky impact.
What do you guys want to do?
SAM: I, Taryon Darrington, would like to call to
the rest of the gang and say:
Wait, before we fly away, hold.
TALIESIN: Superman.
SAM: Oh, okay. Thought it was some sort of power
move.
LAURA: How are we positioned, again?
MATT: So you have the broom riders. You have
Percival on your broom. You're flying with your
wings. And everyone else is on the carpet.
LAURA: Okay.
SAM: I would like to just sort of shout to my
friends. Oi, can we, just before we go, could we
maybe just swoop down one more time? Just a quick
flyby. I have an idea. I feel like we need just an
insurance policy when we go talk to the Myriad
fellow. I was wondering if Kiki here could maybe
throw a spell down before we leave? Is that
something?
TRAVIS: You just go down by yourself, right?
LAURA: Do you have any spells left?
MARISHA: I do still have some spells left. It
depends on what you want to do, though, and what I
have prepared.
SAM: Well here's a question: can you make it look
like the mouth of the cave isn't there anymore?
Has caved in or is covered in dirt or rocks or
something?
MARISHA: I can. I have a few options for that.
LAURA: Why do you want that?
SAM: As I said, I feel like when we talk to the
Myriad fellow-- oh wait, let me fly over to you.
(laughter)
SAM: I feel like when we talk to the Myriad
fellow, we have lost our bargaining position at
this point, because we did what he asked. But if
we hide the mouth of the cave from him, then we
have information that he needs, like where did it
go, how do you get in, that kind of thing. I was
also hoping maybe dear Pike could leave some sort
of a trap, again as just an insurance policy.
ASHLEY: Like a glyph situation?
SAM: Yes, some sort of a thing that would explode
when someone comes by. But I know it's crawling
with characters down there, so I don't-- should we
wait? I don't know.
ASHLEY: I could do such a thing.
MARISHA: I can do a Hallucinatory Terrain, which I
could do right now because I do have it learned.
It covers a 150-foot cube, which I don't know--
How wide is the hole?
MATT: Is it a 150-foot cube? That would cover
pretty much the sinkhole itself. Do keep in mind
the agreement was to cleanse the mine, not just of
the creature but of the infestation.
LAURA: Oh, we have to kill all the fuckers?
MATT: Or at least enough to the point where the
infestation is no longer an issue.
TRAVIS: Tary, can you tinker up some Raid real
quick?
SAM: I cannot. Wait, we have to kill more of these
fuckers?
LAURA: Maybe we just get high enough that they
can't get to us with the acid, and then we just
fire things down at them.
LIAM: Roughly speaking, how many of those did we
see when we came up?
MATT: You saw probably close to a hundred. There
were a few that you destroyed on the way up, or
some that got wrecked. But you probably have
somewhere in the neighborhood of I'd say anywhere from
60 to 70 that are now visibly coming up the wall.
You can see in the moonlight--
you can see the walls moving.
MARISHA: Well, we can if we gather them in one
place. Are they attracted to anything like shiny
things or movement?
TRAVIS: We need bait.
TALIESIN: Us.
MATT: You're not sure. They seem to have been
drawn by the sounds and the movement of the combat
you had at the bottom of the cavern. It took them
long enough for the battle you had to get down
there, and now they're skittering back up the wall
as you guys, with your torchlight, are making your
way up towards the bank
TALIESIN: I might just start shooting there if
they keep coming.
LIAM: T.D., do you have anything that lets you
teleport us all?
SAM: No. Not really. I can become invisible and
fly down there.
TALIESIN: Do you have any good terrain modifier
something to trash them?
MARISHA: So they're attracted to movement and
sound. Percy, you have a very loud banging thing.
TALIESIN: I do.
MARISHA: If we can get them all clumped together,
I can throw down a few Fireballs and Flaming
Spheres and probably take a lot of them out. But I
need them clumped together.
TALIESIN: What do we have that's dead in the Bag
of Holding right now? Let's just start throwing
them down some things to eat and I'm going to
start making some noise.
MARISHA: Are they still on the walls?
MATT: You can see a lot of them are still making
their way towards the mouth of the cavern. There's
probably about 25 or so that are gathered around
the outside. Some of them are spreading a little
bit out, trying to get towards where you are on
the edges of the hole. If you wanted to move
towards the top, you might draw them towards the
edge.
TALIESIN: Let's fly above it and I'll take a few
shots and we'll just start dropping things down.
LIAM: One other idea. What if I go in as bait,
make a lot of noise, and as they swarm I throw
Whisper and throw it into his shoulder blades, and
then on I'm piggyback.
LAURA: No. What? Why? They're already at the top.
LIAM: Yes, but would the Fireball, where they are,
encompass them all or-- I'm just saying if they--
MARISHA: Not all of them, but I can get a lot of
them.
SAM: I can also throw some Fireballs.
MARISHA: Yeah, we can Fireball together.
LAURA: Percy and I just fly up and we start firing
down.
TALIESIN: I'm going to start making noise and just
boom-booming.
MARISHA: I point to a spot for Percy to see if I
can get them to gather there, and I start readying
a Fireball to launch.
MATT: Okay, so the two of you fly over to that
side, and you start making Bad News explosion
clatter as your gargantuan firearm just (gunshot
noises).
TALIESIN: Yeah, some shots at them as I go.
MATT: And you take one or two of them down through
repeated shots as their armor cracks and breaks
and you hear (dying noises).
TALIESIN: We'll throw some meat down there too.
LIAM: Is the noise centered on your gun, though,
and not down below?
LAURA: Yeah, but they'll gather in the spot to get
to it.
MATT: They watch as you fly above, and you can
start see them shooting these jets of acid in the
arc as it begins to spray through, and you mark a
little bit to stay just out of that range as you
continue to do so. But the noise you are making
is-- you're watching them slowly cluster up
beneath where you guys are.
MARISHA: Okay, let me know when it looks like a
good cluster.
MATT: You got a pretty good cluster, you could
probably get about ten in one blast.
MARISHA: Yeah, let's just throw down a big ol'
Fireball.
MATT: All righty.
MARISHA: 20-foot radius.
SAM: (sings) You shake my nerve--
TRAVIS: (sings) -- and you rattle my brain.
TRAVIS and ASHLEY: (sing) Too much love drives a
man insane.
ALL: (sing) You broke my will, oh, what a thrill.
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!
MATT: And with that, for the sake of brevity on
this standpoint, you wait until they begin to
gather into one space, and with a singular
Fireball, Keyleth, you watch as (explosion) you
send four of them screeching down, falling into
the pit from the blast, while six of them appear
to be heavily wounded or burned to a cinder and
run off screaming, before collapsing and then
smoldering maybe 20 feet from the pit. More swoop
up to gather into that space, now that that
explosion has drawn their attention as well. And
you see a few stop for a second, smelling the ruin
of their companions, and you see a moment there to
shoot another Fireball as soon as they're
gathered. (explosion) This one finishes off any of
the stragglers there and heavily damages a handful
of others. You watch now, over the period of time
of you both shooting, you taking arrows and what's
available, over the next five to six minutes or
so, you guys cut down the numbers to about half
what they were. And there's now just broken
wreckage of ankhegs just torn open from the
explosion, their chitinous armor fractured and
open with the smoldering innards burning and
sizzling from the impact of the fire. They start
to slow their ascent as more and more of them
begin to die, and you watch as they all begin to
burrow back into the earth,
scattering deeper into the ground.
MARISHA: Hey... Vax, do you still have any of
that--
LAURA: You had to think about it.
(laughter)
MARISHA: A hundred episodes, yeah. Five years, a
hundred episodes later. Do you still have any of
that poison? That poison-- anybody have any
poison?
TRAVIS: I do!
MARISHA: You have poison?
TRAVIS: Yep! Yep, do you want some?
MARISHA: Well, I was thinking--
TRAVIS: You got it. I pull out the jug and I yell,
"Poison!"
MATT: Splashes around inside.
MARISHA: That's pretty good, Grog.
TRAVIS: Did you want to drink it?
MARISHA: Well, no.
TRAVIS: No. It's really hardcore, if you do.
MARISHA: Ah, another time. I'll raincheck you,
bud. Do we still have any more orc or boar parts?
TRAVIS: No, we've got an orc, like, calf, and a
foot, and it looks like a skull,
covered in like, pasta sauce.
MARISHA: Yeah, like actual Raid. Like Raid. Like
if we dip, maybe, some food in poison and throw it
down there, everyone that's left will come and
eventually eat it and die.
LAURA: I think we have, like, 40 or 50 of them
left, right? And they're burrowed, now?
MATT: Some of them have burrowed and some have
gotten wind of the wreckage and ruin--
LAURA: (gasps) I wonder if we could send fire into
the caves where they've burrowed?
LIAM: Or you've created tsunamis, as well, d'you
think you could flush them out?
MARISHA: I could-- I do still have my sixth-level
spell, I could attempt to get to a few of their
tunnels and collapse their tunnels.
SAM: Can you fill the whole tunnel with water and
drown them?
MARISHA: I could--
SAM: Too big. Too big.
LAURA: What's too big?
SAM: To fill the whole tunnel with water and drown
'em?
LAURA: That's a lot.
TALIESIN: We can't create chemicals, can we?
SAM: (laughs) Your mind.
MARISHA: Hm, no, not really. I can create water,
but I don't think
it would be enough to flush them out.
TRAVIS: I just made this poison for, like, no
fucking reason?
(laughter)
TALIESIN: We could do shots. I'm just kidding.
MARISHA: I mean, you volunteered it very quickly.
TRAVIS: Are we just above the hole?
MATT: You're above the hole, holding the jug--
TRAVIS: I take initiative and I take the orc leg,
dunk it in the poison, toss it, then I take the
last-- this is the last orc piece in the bag--
MARISHA: Is that remnants of Dork, still?
TRAVIS: I dunno. No, no. The ox is way gone, that
poor bastard.
TALIESIN: We burned through that ages ago.
TRAVIS: Two little orc parts, now poisoned and...
MATT: Yeah. Two-- they're very soft. Very, like,
long-cooked lamb, just dripping off the bone,
you're like-- throw it off there--
LAURA: We might have some stuff in the Bag of
Colding.
MATT: Were they in the Bag of Colding? No. They're
definitely soft.
MARISHA: If I do like, a Commune with Nature, and
then, because I know they're already--
MATT: Build a commune with nature?
MARISHA: Commune with Nature, and I--
LIAM: Whoa. Glass houses, and all of that.
MATT: I like the image of a spell that-- I just
like a spell that creates a hippie commune
somewhere in your fantasy world. I think it's
pretty cool.
MARISHA: I thought that was Conjure Fae.
MATT: True enough. Continue, what are you doing?
MARISHA: Can I, because I already got a map of
their tunnels. Can I then do Move Earth to, like,
try and collapse?
MATT: You get the sense that as burrowing
creatures, collapsing the tunnels might slow them
down, but they'll probably still dig their way
out.
TALIESIN: What are the chances I have materials
for making explosives on me?
MATT: I mean, enough to maybe, like--
TALIESIN: No, but like just the materials, not the
time to make them, but just the materials. Because
one of the materials in making TNT is diatomaceous
earth. And if it's micronized diatomaceous earth,
that means it's actually an insecticide.
TRAVIS: Fucking Taliesin Jaffe. What are you
talking about?
TALIESIN: Specifically for hard-shell insects.
ASHLEY: I have an idea! I have an idea.
SAM: Pike has an idea!
MATT: You wouldn't have anywhere near enough to do
what you're trying to do.
ASHLEY: I'm going to--
LAURA: Wait, wait, wait!
MATT: Pike?
ASHLEY: I would like to cast Earthquake--
MATT: Okay.
ASHLEY: And maybe I can wiggle it all closed.
MATT: Okay. Okay. So you cast Earthquake, what's
the casting time on that?
ASHLEY: It's just one action.
MATT: Okay. So you look there and focus for a
second, close your eyes, and you guys watch as the
edges of the sinkhole begin to shift. The single
tower that was partially collapsed? Collapses into
full bits of rock and rubble, and some of it
spills further into the tunnel as the tunnel
begins to cave in. Basically, you fill in the rest
of the sinkhole, and the mine now drops 25, 30
feet as the rest of the earth comes and fills it
in. Eventually, the rumbling slows and comes to a
calm, and you see now there's a dip where the
space in the forest was-- it's like a big bowl,
and some of the trees fall into it and get buried
in the earth and stone as it collapses inward.
LIAM: I love that everybody was up here bickering
and Pike just went "hm."
(laughter)
MATT: A few moments pass, and you watch as some of
the ankhegs begin to pop out, like the collapsed
tunnels have forced them to begin burrowing their
way to the surface to orient themselves. You watch
as about five, ten, 20 or so of these begin to
emerge, and as they emerge they look around the
space. And you watch them looking at each other
and sniffing the area--
ASHLEY: I'm going to Fire Storm them.
MARISHA: You're going to Fire Storm them?
TRAVIS: Just let Pike off the leash.
SAM: Oh, by the way, I can create a holocaust? Is
that what you're doing?
(laughter)
MATT: (sings) Pike can end this world in a
holocaust, in a holocaust-- All right, so. As
everyone's marveling over your Earthquake, little
Pike goes, "And also--" And you watch as about 30
or so of these creatures have now emerged, and
they're all communicating with each other, and their
antennas are going by, and they're beginning to
look around-- and this streak, this zigzag of
burning flame just tears across the base of this
bowl and just incinerates about 20 of them. You
now see them immediately smoldering, turning to
ash, these blackened clusters of heavily charred
husk, and the others that came to the surface just
scatter into the forest. You get the sense that
the ruin you've left, the collapsing of the
tunnels and the rather large portion of their
populace that you've left destroyed, there's
probably not much of an infestation
left here in the mines.
TRAVIS: Yeah, not too bad, Vasquez.
LAURA: Did we also destroy the mine?
TALIESIN: Well, it's still there, it's just been
filled in.
MARISHA: Plus, technically isn't the point of a
mine to, like, dig out holes?
TALIESIN: Now they can dig extra. The
Etch-A-Sketch has been shaken.
LIAM: There's none left? They're all gone?
MATT: I mean, that you saw come to the surface
gathered.
LAURA: I think we did a good job.
LIAM: We could've smushed those and gotten so
drunk.
ASHLEY: How do you feel, Tary?
SAM: That's pretty awesome. (laughs) Yeah, I think
mission accomplished. Let's go.
TRAVIS: Yeah, I think we did it. Let's get the
fuck out of here.
MATT: Okay. So. You guys make your way back
towards Deastok-- Yes. Make your way back towards
Deastok. You still have access to your Wind Walk,
since it's not concentration, it lasts a while, so
quickly enough, with your equipment in place, you
guys can traverse rapidly back to the city in
which you began this journey. You make your way
back to The Grumpy Lily, introduce yourself to the
two denizens within, with the phrase, if you
recall.
TRAVIS: Chicken and biscuits.
SAM: The Many, the Many, yes.
MATT: The same elderly gentleman is like, "Well,
okay," and shuffles over and opens the same
doorway that leads you through the stairs, into
the central hallway where there's that one gruff
guy on the stool, he recognizes you, nudges you
and opens the door. And you step into the tavern.
It's not as busy as it was last time, it's 
probably about maybe two-thirds of the clientele
there, but the music's still going, there's people
chatting, having drinks, and at a different table
you see Korshad just sitting alone, hands still
crossed, cup half-full, still resting beneath him.
And as soon as you enter, his eyes are trained on
you. Whether it was expectant or just sheer luck,
or his eyes are always trained on whoever enters
the door, as soon as you enter the establishment,
you watch as his smile cracks the sides of his
mouth and his-- the edges of his eyes, the little
crows' feet curl up a bit. And he motions you
over.
MARISHA: Do you think he has friends? He's always
alone.
LIAM: Yeah, I'm going to start eyeballing the room
while sis goes and talks.
TRAVIS: Is Camilla still playing music?
MATT: The musicians are not currently playing.
LAURA: What time is it now?
MATT: At this point, it's early morning. I'll say
for the purposes of the hour that you got there,
best that I can recall, it's like 1:30 in the
morning. It's pretty late.
SAM: Excuse me, may we sit and talk?
MATT: "But of course. Have a seat."
SAM: Thank you. We have done our share of the
bargain, and we're here
to cash in our chit, as it were.
MATT: His head looks at you. "You did not leave
but a number of hours ago. Am I to expect that you
"have completed this task already?"
LAURA: Yeah, we're really, really good.
MARISHA: And you should know that if you've
apparently been watching us?
MATT: He motions his finger up towards one of the
second rows, and you watch as one of the guards
there, the ones that you've noticed before and
kept your eyes on that have the hidden crossbows,
knocks on the edge of a door that opens up
slightly. He whispers to somebody and a few
moments later another guard walks up, escorting
what looks to be a young mousy woman of red-brown
skin. Her eyes, as soon as you get a glance, are
snow-blind. And you watch as the guard that's with
her is actually holding her arm and guiding her as
she walks. She has big black curls that trail down
to her middle back and as she's led to the table
Korshad gives a little whistle. And a drink is
brought at her place and she sits down. Looks a
little confused and nervous, but sits down and
leans into Korshad, and he turns to her and says,
"This is Duala. She will confirm your words. Duala?"
She glances her face over past your group
and as she does, she reaches into a pouch and
brings out what looks to be a few stone runes. And
she clatters them across the table. And as soon as
she puts her fingers out in front and spreads them
like that, the runes all magnetically (scraping)
shift to match the placement of her fingers below.
Her snow-blind eyes now go pure white. And there's
just a moment where you watch as her head begins
to drift back like a slow hinge.
MARISHA: Do I recognize this spell?
MATT: You do not.
MARISHA: Okay.
MATT: At least not this form of casting. After a
minute or so, her eyes come back to their
snow-blind appearance, her fingers curl back in
and with a very small voice she goes, "The mine is
"cleansed, though the mine is also collapsed."
Korshad's looking at her, and goes, "But you say
"it is cleansed, yes. Of everything?" She gives a
nod. "It is free." He looks back to you all with a
very sly, begrudging brow, one eye still partially
closed. "Very well. We will send men to confirm
"the depths of this, and operations will begin. If
at any point it is discovered that this was some
"sort of charade or the means of our agreement were
not met fully, we will be happy to make sure the
"rest of the Darrington estate falls back squarely
under our grasp. However, for the time being and
"if what you say is true..." He reaches under the
table and sifts through a small sack that he had
held between his feet and ankles, pulls out a
heavy piece of parchment. "The deed to the
"Darrington estate. Signed over to one Taryon
Darrington."
SAM: Might I make a few more requests? When last
we spoke, we spoke in vague terms. There was some
cash talked about, and also a place for my family
to make a little bit of money or food. There's a
farmhouse nearby our main estate. It's nothing
special, a few acres of land. I would love to keep
that as well so that we can have a source of food
for the winters.
MATT: Make a persuasion check, Mr. Doe-Eyed
Young'un.
LAURA: Blink-blink!
SAM: 22.
MATT: 22. "Hmm. You are young. Not yet spoiled by
the strange truths of the world around you. I
"admire your optimism in the face of the unknown.
It may be your salvation or it may be your end.
"Only time will tell. I'll give you this
farmland."
SAM: We are most grateful.
MATT: "But. If at any point your family comes back
to me requesting any more inches in our agreement,
"I will happily take it back."
SAM: Understood. I wasn't quite finished yet,
though.
MATT: He leans back in his chair, his arms now
being removed from his mouth and going to an
expectant cross.
SAM: What we saw down there in the platinum mines
was the 230,000 gold that we owe you times ten.
Times 20. What we've just done for you has given
you access to as much money as you could ever
want, and I feel that's valuable. My family will
require a bit of spending money to get ourselves
back on our feet. We are... accustomed to a
lifestyle, and we'd like to maintain it for a
little while at least. I'd say 50,000 gold should
be about enough to last us for a year or two.
MATT: He nods, leans forward. "Then you'd better
start saving."
SAM: What if I sweetened the deal? We have among
us an amazing sorceress who could open that mine
up for you with a flick of her wrist, save you
hours and hours of work. Possibly back-breaking
work that could cost the lives of many of your
men.
MATT: "That would be a very kind gesture towards
the state you left the mine in."
SAM: (clears throat) So that's a maybe?
MATT: "Let's call it the last thread of my
patience, young Darrington."
SAM: So that's a hard yes.
(laughter)
MATT: "Duala, you may return to your quarters."
"Thank you very much." She gets up and looks past
you all with a nod, and then her guardian escorts
her back into the chamber as Korshad is just
trained on you. "What I have given you is far more
than many in my position would. I will work hard
"to make sure that this softness I have displayed
does not hinder my reputation. And the more you
"press, the more you may be the end of that
softness, my friend. I recommend you stick to the
"deal we've made. Be happy that I've shown any
mercy. And be on your way."
SAM: All right. I'll make do, and we'll have to
adjust our living standards, that's all.
MATT: "Indeed. Perhaps your father might raise a
finger or two and earn some money for himself."
SAM: We'll see. Thank you. Bidet.
MATT: "Good evening."
LAURA: He almost said it back.
SAM: Almost.
LAURA: We're starting something.
MATT: He takes a drink, and sips it, and gives
this motion with his hand as his eyes finally
avert from Taryon and the rest of your group and
he looks away with a contemplative expression. As
he does so, you watch as the guards all begin to
shift out of the crowd. And you watch as many of
the various tavern folk that were laughing and
drinking are all quiet now,
looking upon the rest of you.
TRAVIS: That's some Moriarty shit right there.
MATT: And you get the sense that pretty much
everybody in this establishment, patron or not,
are all keeping an eye on this. They're all part
of Korshad's guard in some way, shape or form, and
you've been given leave.
MARISHA: You're totally right, he has so many
friends.
TALIESIN: I told you.
TRAVIS: Let's do this. Everyone dies. Everybody.
Let's light it up.
MATT: You watch as Wence comes up to you, as this
is happening, and goes, "Hi. Look. You seem like
"very nice folk. You should probably..." (clicks
tongue)
LAURA: We're leaving.
MATT: "Okay, good. Drink for the road?" And he
gives you a little shot, to you, Vex, and goes,
(tongue click).
ASHLEY: But why do we have to go? I'm just
kidding.
(laughter)
ASHLEY: I just really like it here!
MATT: And that was the end of Vox Machina's story.
No. All right. You make your way out, back up
through the Grumpy Lily, back onto the streets of
the deep, deep dark morning hours in Deastok. What
do you wish to do?
MARISHA: Wow, that was weird, you guys. It was
weird.
LAURA: Do we need to tell your family what we did?
SAM: Absolutely.
LIAM: Break the news to dad, yeah?
LAURA: Right now. In the morning?
SAM: I guess maybe in the morning? They're
probably all asleep now.
LAURA: Well, I haven't actually had the drink yet,
I was afraid it might be poisoned.
SAM: Yeah, maybe not.
TALIESIN: I'm going to steal a sip of the drink.
LAURA: (gasps) Percival!
MATT: Make a con-- no, I'm kidding.
(laughter)
TALIESIN: I haven't swallowed it, I'm just going,
hmm, hmm.
LAURA: How is he?
MATT: It numbs a bit of the surface skin, seems
like a strong alcohol.
LAURA: You're fine? All right, fine. All right.
Congratulations, us. Maybe later.
TRAVIS: We are a little beat up and stuff.
LAURA: We should probably heal up. Talk to your
father in the morning.
SAM: We'll go to my house.
TALIESIN: Your house!
MARISHA: It is now your house.
SAM: Yes, it is.
LIAM: Whose house? T's house.
TALIESIN: Well done.
LAURA: It's in your name.
MARISHA: You're a homeowner.
SAM: I could get a second mortgage!
LAURA: You could kick your dad out!
MARISHA: You get to pay property taxes!
SAM: Oh, god.
ASHLEY: You could refinance!
SAM: I could refinance. I hear mortgage rates are
really low right now.
LAURA: I hear the Myriad's giving really good
deals.
MATT: So you make your way back to the Darrington
estate?
SAM: Yes.
MATT: Okay. The guest quarters are cramped for the
volume of travelers you have with you, but as you
approach and knock on the door, there's a slight
pause before your...
SAM: Berthold?
MATT: Yes, thank you. Berthold, the brass-skinned
dragonborn companion comes up with his nightcap on
in front of his face, and he's got his little
lantern. He's like, "I assume you wish to stay
"here. I'll arrange for... Come in, come in." He
rubs his eyes as he leads you inside. It's quiet
and still, and the house is dark. No light aside
from the small lantern that Berthold has, and he
leads you on the bottom floor to the guest
quarters, which are two separate rooms, each with
a singular bed. You watch as he begins to grab
cushions from various chairs and display sofas
that are covered in dust, that haven't been sat in
for a decade, at least, and is trying to arrange
them in a haphazard floor bedding scenario.
TALIESIN: I want to see where he's going with
this.
MATT: He gets to a point where he gives up and
goes, "Oh, there. Good night." And walks away.
LAURA: Well, we've slept in blanket forts before.
LIAM: Not the first, not the last.
MARISHA: I get the big cushion!
TALIESIN: It's got a bar in the middle.
MARISHA: Display furniture sucks.
MATT: You still do have your room, Taryon, if you
want to use it.
SAM: My room? Oh, yeah, of course I'm going up
there.
TRAVIS: Oh, really, you're going to leave us down
here? Fucking high-born piece of shit?
SAM: All right, I'll stay back down here with the
pillow fort thing. Fine. But after they go to
sleep, I go upstairs and go back to my bed.
MATT: Okay, then. Make a stealth check.
SAM: Oh, Jesus. Four.
MATT: Half of you open an eye in the middle of the
night as you
hear the creaking of the wood flooring.
SAM: Just going to the bathroom!
LIAM: By the way, do you have any beast changing
left in you?
MARISHA: I do, yeah.
LIAM: Could you go Minxie for me?
LAURA: Oh, kinky.
TRAVIS: Gross, we're all in the same room.
MARISHA: Yes, why?
LIAM: I want a pillow.
MARISHA: Fine.
TALIESIN: That is the most Brian Blessed thing
ever.
LAURA: You could've just used Trinket.
MATT: Trinket farts are an issue. Then again, so
are Minxie farts.
ASHLEY: I want to get in a circle, like a dog, on
one of the cushions.
TALIESIN: You turn around three times.
MATT: That's how rock gnomes sleep, they do a
little circle around the cushion.
LIAM: I just turn into Macklemore.
MATT: All right. So you make it to your room, left
as it was. Most of the furniture is covered in
sheets, but untouched as to where you left it the
last time you were here. There's a firm layer of
dust across most of it, and as you step into the
room, with each step you can see the footfalls
leaving a small trail on the floor. You have a
large shelf of books that line the right wall. You
can see the footsteps to and from the bookshelf
where it seems like your mother has taken, here
and there, little elements of your collection. You
see the covered outline of your workbench, which
inhabits the far side of the chamber, and a
familiar smell of old oil and leathers immediately
causes a flood of memories to hit you of growing
up in this space. You do see, poking out from one
of these sheets, some of the leftover pieces from
when you constructed your first Doty, and you see
the armored hand, partially open with some of the
gears and runes only partially put into the hand
and then discarded and left to the side, and it
also reminds you of those years. You have this
nostalgic wave hit you as you pull the sheet off
your bed, and dust it out, and fluff your pillow,
and for the first time in a long time, have a
night's sleep in your own chambers.
SAM: I'll cuddle with the Doty arm.
MATT: It's very cold, but sleep does take you. You
guys finish your evening's rest. You awake. After
the stress of the previous battle of the day, you
all tend to sleep in for the most part, plus the
late hour of eventually getting to rest. You all
eventually come to later in the morning, closer to
noon, but as you wake up, you wake up to the smell
of food being cooked. You make your way out into
the central foyer area of the estate, and you can
see Berthold is running around the kitchen,
desperately trying to put together whatever meal
is viable, and eventually shouts out,
"Breakfast is served!"
LIAM: What you got, Bertie?
MATT: "It's... dinner time! Dinner you're having--
breakfast, staying the night,
"and the market wasn't open."
LAURA: Potatoes!
MATT: "Potatoes. Some bread, might be a bit stale.
I made some stew. Breakfast stew. It's just stew,
"but you're having it for breakfast. Some
mushrooms. That's it. I am sorry."
LIAM: A lot of carbs.
TALIESIN: It's like Comic Con all over again.
TRAVIS: Is this how we're supposed to eat in the
house of Darrington, Tary?
LAURA: We just used up all of their food and they
don't have any left.
SAM: I'm sorry. I'll talk to the help about this.
TRAVIS: Can't you pop a crystal off of that helmet
of yours and make a banquet?
SAM: No. I could burn us all alive, though, with
one of them.
TRAVIS: Not the same thing.
TALIESIN: Did we ever discover whether or not the
magic jug does coffee?
SAM: Only one way to find out.
TRAVIS: Only one way to find out. Hold on. Be my
guest.
LIAM: Americano.
TRAVIS: Nope.
SAM: How about tea?
TALIESIN: Tea.
TRAVIS: Nope.
MARISHA: It can make alcohol and poison, but it
can't make an English breakfast? Bullshit.
LAURA: English breakfast ale!
TRAVIS: Baked beans and sausages and-- ! No.
MARISHA: Yeah, breakfast ale. That works.
MATT: As you guys complete your breakfast, you
notice that eventually Maryanne's voice begins to
echo through the stairway. She comes down and
goes, "My word, Berthold, what are you cooking this-- "
She comes down. You can see her hair is
curled in front of her face and pulled back and
tied up into this tight bun in the back, and she's
just wearing this long, deep blue robe over her
casual silk blouse attire and pants. She glances
down, holding onto the railing. "Good morning."
SAM: Good morning, sister. These are my friends,
Vox Machina.
ASHLEY: Hello.
MATT: "Right."
SAM: Grog, Pike, Vex, Vax, Percy, Keyleth.
MATT: "Pleasure. Brother, I wasn't aware we had
company staying."
SAM: I travel with a group now.
MATT: "I've heard. I just didn't realize..."
SAM: I bring news, and I know it's early, but
could we have
a little family meeting over breakfast?
LAURA: It's super important.
MATT: She gives you such a stink eye. "I'll go
speak to Father."
SAM: And Mama.
MATT: "And Mama." And she heads up the stairs.
MARISHA: She seems nice.
SAM: She is not.
LAURA: I like her a lot.
MATT: About five minutes pass, and you hear the
sound of multiple footfalls as the rest of the
Darrington family makes their way down. First you
have Maryanne, same attire, but she's a little
more put together. You can see now she's left the
robe behind to have more of her classic formal
presenting-to-company outfit. Behind her you have
Mariya, your mother, who is in practically the
same outfit she was in yesterday. She really
doesn't seem to care at this point, it's more
about being comfortable.
LAURA: Sweat pants!
MATT: A few feet behind, to his own entrance,
there you see with his thick mutton chops and a
tied-over, deep red, burgundy coat, Howaardt
Darrington. As they all enter, Mariya immediately
runs forward and goes, "Oh, I didn't realize
breakfast was going to be made!" She goes over and
takes a little plate and starts filling it with
rolls and potatoes. She goes up and rubs your head
a little bit and kisses you on the forehead, and
goes, "It's nice to have company."
SAM: It's nice to be home.
LAURA: Did you want some stew?
MATT: "Oh, yes."
MATT: Howaardt, at this point, is sitting back
next to Maryanne, and goes (clears throat).
LAURA: Oh, did you want some as well?
MATT: "I'm fine for now. Your sister tells me that
we are to have a family meeting."
SAM: Yes, and with your permission, I would like
to invite my friends to stay for it as well, as it
does concern them.
LIAM: Hey.
MARISHA: Hi!
TALIESIN: Charmed.
MATT: "Very well."
SAM: I bring you news, and I bring you a proposal,
and as a businessman I hope you'll listen to both.
MATT: He seems keen at the choice of words. "Yes,
my son."
SAM: First, the news. It's good news. First, I
will not be marrying this Lydia person. There's no
need, and also I think we all know I would not be
happy in such a marriage, and we should all be
free to pursue whomever we love. That's beside the
point. It's not necessary, because I have made a
deal with the Myriad. A deal that will spare us
from any danger, and clear us from all debt. We--
Well, they, really, carried out a task for the
Myriad that has absolved us of the debt that you
ran up, and we are free and clear.
MATT: He looks to Mariya and Maryanne and softens
up. "I am... If what you say is true, then this is
"indeed a great day, and I owe each and every one
of you a great debt. We owe you a great debt."
TALIESIN: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, but
thank you.
SAM: Yes, they don't-- Forgive me for speaking on
your behalf. I don't think that they want to
collect on a debt. They just did this because
we're friends. The forgiveness of debt comes with
some strings attached. We will lose most of our
property and assets, but we will maintain the
homestead here, and all of its possessions and
artwork and belongings, we get to keep. We also
get the nearby farmhouse and all of the land, and
we get a new lease on life, and a new beginning. I
think it's an opportunity for our family, and that
leads me to my proposal. Father, as much as I have
respected you for keeping us safe and providing
for us, you have not given us the one thing a
family needs, which is love. Real love. You have
made sure that we are safe, because you care about
our blood, because it is your blood, and you care
about the fact that we bear your name, but you
haven't given us the opportunity to be a real
family, and I believe we can be, if we start out
new and fresh together. Here's my proposal. I will
come back and live with you, in Wildmount, and I
will lead this family to a new chapter. Our
business model will change a bit. I propose that
we do not engage in real estate anymore, but in
another venture.
Forgive me, but you have sullied our name.
MATT: Maryanne, at this point, says, "No, brother,
you have!" And you watch as Howaardt puts his hand
out in front and dad-hands her, immediately, and
pushes her back, not stopping his gaze from you.
His jaw clenches tight as he clears his throat and
his hands go back behind his body.
SAM: The Darrington name is one of ill repute. We
are scoundrels, and we are land barons, and we are
awful people, and now we are penniless awful
people. But I feel that we can fix it. What I
propose is this: Our home will be vacated by us.
We are going to move to the farmhouse, where we
will all live as a family. We will tend to the
farm, and we will raise crops together. Our home
will be turned into the Darrington Fund, for
charitable giving, where people who are down on
their luck can come and live and get back on their
feet. Now, such a fund will need donors, and you
have many contacts in the business world. You, and
possibly sister, could run this foundation and
spread goodness all over Wildmount, instead of
badness and evil.
MATT: There's a flash of movement. Quicker than
you've seen your father move, he has grabbed a
chair behind him, and thrown it across the room,
smashing it against the nearby wall.
(heavy breathing)
LIAM: I take a step forward and unsheathe a dagger
an inch and say, we're going to keep this civil
today, aren't we?
MATT: "You have no right to talk to me... You
stand here and shame the work that I've done, and
"given my life to secure and give to you and your
sister, and to uphold the mistakes that my father
"made to the best of my ability and fix them. And
you waltz in here after a year of adventuring and
"just expect me to accept you throwing everything
I've worked for into the sewer?"
SAM: I didn't do that, Father, you did. It's gone.
Everything is gone.
You don't even own your own house anymore.
MATT: "It wouldn't be that way if you would've
just married that girl."
SAM: That's not going to happen. In my year of
travel, I didn't just dilly-dally around the world
having fun. I was learning about the world and
about life and about family. I was learning from
these fine people what it means to really be a
family, and care about each other. I learned from
Grog and Vax what it means to be a man, and to be
a father. I learned from Pike what it means to be
a caring mother. I learned from Keyleth what a
real sister is like, one who loves you and cares
for you. I learned from Vex what a best friend is
like. These are things you never gave us, growing
up. I even learned from Percival... the type of
man I would want to marry one day. And we never
got that at home. And from this day forth, I'm
going to create a home, my home, that I own, that
values and respects the opinions of each family
member. That cares for one another. Where we stick
up for each other, and help each other through
hard times, and not just rule by decree. If you
don't want to be a part of this, that's fine. You
can leave my house. But I want you to stay. I need
your counsel, and I need your help, and we need
you as a father. I need you and Sister to run this
foundation for me, to repair our name and our
reputation. It could be great. It could be the
best thing that's ever happened to us. And there's
more. I have an idea. To create something else. A
team of adventurers, based here in Wildmount. The
Darrington Brigade, led by me, Taryon Darrington.
We will fight for justice, and win battles against
evildoers, and spread the Darrington name around
the continent. I know I'm getting ahead of myself,
but I feel like if we embarked on this new
adventure together, it could save our name and
repair our relationship. As a businessman, I'm
asking you to consider it. Because your other
options are... Well, they're not great.
MATT: Make a persuasion check
LAURA: The deal we made with the Myriad, sir...
SAM: I'm going to use Luck.
LAURA: No one would know that you were forced out
of your home. Everyone thinks that this was your
choice, that you're being charitable.
SAM: I'm going to see if the fates can help me.
TRAVIS: You're going to use it now?
LAURA: Oh my god.
MARISHA: Cash it in!
SAM: That's a 25.
MATT: That's a moment to do it. You see as Mariya,
your mother, has now moved to the side of
Howaardt, holding his arm. "Honey, there was no
other path. This is a gift." He pulls his arm from
her and begins to walk toward you. You watch as
Maryanne has put on a shocked face, gone pale
white, and for a moment, the facade of the adult
gives away to the child. "Father." As he walks up
to you, you watch as he brings his hand up, and
falls into his own hand, and falls to his knees on
the ground. He's shaking, he's quaking. His fist
is clenched there, and he slams it into the
ground, once, twice, a third time, each one a
resounding knock of him hitting bone and skin
against wood. And he does it again, and again, and
again, all the anger and fury being focused into
this. As he stops, you can see the blood pouring
from the side of the knuckles, and his hand is
shaking. He stops and looks at it. (deep breath)
And for the first time-- not even the other
evening, in which there was a sort of feigned
softness to him, that you have read through before
and seen-- for the first time you see your father
as a broken man. He looks up at you. "I lost
"everything. I did this to us." He looks back at
Mariya, and Maryanne, and to you. The dampness
gathering down the side of his wrinkled cheeks,
gathering across the stubble on his chin, and
vanishing amongst the cluster of thin, bristly
facial hair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
SAM: I am, too.
MATT: He looks about at this point. Now, his
focused anger has subsided, and this emotional
moment realizing that there are strangers at the
table, and he (clears throat) "If you could please
"give us a bit of time." His hand still clustered
there. He looks over to Berthold, who ushers you
all out front, you staying behind, Taryon. About
ten minutes or so, as you're all awkwardly waiting
outside in the quiet. The cloudy day that
originally brought you into Deastok is breaking in
places, you see hints of blue sky peeking through,
and a little bit of sunlight occasionally finding
its way across the cobblestone roads of the
cityscape. You hear the occasional tweet of birds
as they jump from tree to tree. And in this
silence you really get to take in the surrounding
beauty of this town, even as oppressive and gloomy
as your arrival may have been, and the tenseness
of the work you had to do in this space. You allow
yourself to realize that this is a nice town. You
hear the door open once more from the front of the
estate, and there you see Maryanne, wet on the
cheeks. "My father would like to speak to you,
if that's all right."
TRAVIS: Yeah.
LAURA: Sure, sure.
MATT: She steps back in and Howaardt comes back.
He is more composed than he was before. He is back
to his presentory self. "When my son left, I was
under the impression that his fanciful ideas would
"either break him and send him back to me to
finally listen to what I had to teach, if luck was
"with us. If not, his fool's errand was bound to
get him killed. It is by some miracle that he
"found you. I don't know what's in store for my
children, my wife, myself. There is a lot to
"discuss, a lot to decide. Us as a family. And I'm
still processing all of it. I'm sorry you got
"pulled into all of this, but I'm glad that you
gave him your friendship. And I'm sorry you had to
"see this." He's hiding his bad hand under the good
one. "I'm sure in time I'll come to appreciate
"this. Out of desperation and obsession, I became
my father, something I promised I would never do.
"And I'm sorry." He looks back over his shoulder at
Tary, who's a few feet behind him. "I'm sorry."
Then he walks back into the house and just--
LIAM: Sir.
MATT: He stops a little bit and looks back over
his shoulder towards you.
LIAM: Second chances are a gift. I pray you don't
squander it.
TALIESIN: You're not the first man to panic at the
loss of his shackles. I hope you eventually enjoy
the freedom that you've just been given from your
legacy.
MATT: "Legacy." He continues walking into the
house.
ASHLEY: Sir, may I have your hand, please?
MATT: He stops. "I'm sorry, what?"
ASHLEY: May I have your hand? Not in marriage, I
worded that strangely.
Just your hand that's hurt.
MATT: He's still clutching and hiding it. He gives
you a look of understanding of what you're asking.
"I appreciate the offer, but this needs to heal on
its own."
ASHLEY: Understood.
MATT: "This pain shouldn't be fleeting." And he
walks away inside.
TRAVIS: I have a question. Is there any more
stew?
TALIESIN: I don't know.
TRAVIS: My stomach is making noises, I'm so
hungry.
MARISHA: I feel like we could find better stew. No
offense.
LAURA: So...
SAM: Oh, yes. My place is here. I'm coming back to
Whitestone with you, I have to. I have to retrieve
Doty and my personal belongings.
LAURA: But we just finished your room!
SAM: Well, I'll come visit. I was thinking, for my
Darrington Brigade, I'll need lots of recruits,
and maybe I could get some down in Whitestone. You
know, fine fighters and young trainees. I even
have an idea for my first adventuring partner. I
think if I sold my old armor, I could afford that
drow for a year, and she lives close by.
TALIESIN: This is a lot.
LIAM: I don't think that's a half-bad idea. We're
all very proud of you.
MARISHA: So proud.
TALIESIN: It's very impressive.
MARISHA: I understand legacy and responsibility
and I think it's very admirable of you to
recognize your place.
SAM: I've always known that I was not fit to
travel with you all, and I know that you all love
me, but you don't really like me that much. Oh, I
can be kind of a dick sometime.
LAURA: I like it! I like dicks!
MARISHA: A year ago, it was definitely true, but
now...
TRAVIS: What about the bakery?
SAM: Oh, the bakery! I'm really bad at baking
too.
LAURA: No, but you're so good at selling stuff!
SAM: Yeah, I am.
LAURA: I feel like some people come in just to see
you and see you smile.
MARISHA: Yeah, you're definitely the face guy!
You're the good salesman!
SAM: Sure, sure, that makes sense.
MARISHA: You can sell anyone on a shitty cake that
you baked!
SAM: I'll come down and visit a lot.
ASHLEY: What's a lot?
SAM: You know, once every year, around Winter's
Crest. Well, I mean, it's a long way, and I can't
Tree Stride or whatever you call it.
MARISHA: I can come get you.
SAM: Listen, let's not do this now. I'm coming
back with you.
I have to go get my robit. All right?
TALIESIN: Well, don't expect us to be okay with
this. That's not going to happen.
MARISHA: I mean, to be fair, Tary does have a
point. I also have a responsibility, and...
SAM: You're leaving, too?
TALIESIN: Yes. Well, technically...
MARISHA: I'm the chief of my people.
SAM: Oh my god, are we all breaking up?
LAURA: What?! No!
ASHLEY: We're not doing this now! What's
happening? What is happening?
SAM: I didn't mean to do this! I didn't know this
was going to happen!
TALIESIN: There's no more discussion until there's
food and caffeine. This is madness.
ASHLEY: We're just hungry! We're just hungry.
TALIESIN: This is hunger talking.
TRAVIS: We're just feeling hangry as shit.
ASHLEY: Everybody needs to calm down.
TALIESIN: We need brunch.
TRAVIS: All right. We'll get brunch back in
Whitestone, right, and get out of here?
LAURA: Let's go to Whitestone. Let's leave. I
don't like this place anymore.
TRAVIS: Let's go, then. You don't say one word.
No, you shut up.
SAM: I need to go say good-bye to Mama, that's it,
then I can go, all right?
TALIESIN: She can come to Whitestone anytime.
SAM: She literally has no money to travel.
TALIESIN: We can make it happen.
TRAVIS: Well, say your goodbyes.
SAM: All right, I'll go find Mom.
MATT: She's inside right now. As you walk inside,
she's sitting at the table where everyone had
breakfast, she's eating what was on her plate,
alone. She turns around.
SAM: Mama, I'm sorry to spring all of this on you
and I must go back to Whitestone with my friends,
to tie up some loose ends, but I'll be back soon.
Days, maybe a week.
MATT: "Be back, please."
SAM: In the meantime, though, can you think about
something for me?
MATT: "Of course, what do you need?"
SAM: The charity. Papa and Sister can run it, they
have smarter business acumen than I do, but the
brigade, I was wondering if you wanted to do it
with me. You have a taste for adventure, you could
help be our manager! Tend to us when we're
injured...
MATT: "Taryon, I'm far too old for adventure."
SAM: I don't think that's true!
MATT: "As an organizer?"
SAM: Yes, yes! Remember in Escape from Brave
Mountain? Remember the kindly old wizard who
stayed back and tended to the injured and fed them
when they were sick with that mystical plague that
they got? You could be that old-- Yes. Think about
it. Read the book again.
And when I come back, we'll talk.
MATT: "All right. But if you're going out and
you're coming back, and I'm to help,
"bring back a better outfit."
SAM: Okay! Do you have a color in mind?
MATT: "Royal blue."
SAM: On it. I give her a big hug.
MATT: She gives you a big hug. As she hugs you,
her mouth gets near your ear and she goes,
"I'm glad you listened."
SAM: Me too. Mama, this is going to be fun, fun,
fun!
MATT: She sniffles a bit and pushes you away. "Now
go, go! Hurry back! Be safe!"
SAM: Maybe! All right, let's go.
TRAVIS: Do we assume the form of clouds?
MARISHA: Oh, no, this is probably a Tree Stride
situation. Let's do that.
TALIESIN: It would have been a very long cloud
stride. Is it even possible to cloud stride?
MATT: It's possible, it's just going to be a long
journey.
LAURA: Tree Stride!
MATT: Transport Via Plants. Tree Stride is a very
different spell.
MARISHA: Whatever, that one. Sorry, that's the
fifth level one.
The sixth level teleport... transport...
MATT: I know what you mean, but I was opting for
clarification. Transport Via Plants.
I know what you mean.
MARISHA: It is. Tree Stride just rolls off the
tongue easier.
MATT: I know it does.
TALIESIN: Plant Walk. Tree Trip.
MARISHA: Tree Uber.
TALIESIN: Treecycle.
Leaft.
LIAM: Sorry, pull the plug, people, wrap it up.
MATT: You find the nearest large tree and with a
quick snap of your fingers, a flash of druidic
energy, you watch as the tree form splits open,
revealing the doorway. On the other side, the main
thoroughfare of Whitestone. You step through and
find yourself back in your home city.
MARISHA: On the way out, I give the Sun Tree our
secret handshake.
TRAVIS: Like, a judo strike?
SAM: You just killed the tree.
LIAM: Quivering Palm the Sun Tree.
TALIESIN: Sun Tree is still doing it the first
time, three years ago.
MARISHA: It's so slow.
MATT: You knock on the Sun Tree a little bit,
continue walking. First thing that catches your
attention, the main square of Whitestone, largely
around the Sun Tree, is fairly empty except for a
few carts. It's mostly for traversing. There's a
small garden that's in the early stages of being
set around. As you walk into the main area, you
notice that there's a lot of carts that are
circling the north end of it, like a small caravan
of sorts. You see a series of wagons, some horses
that are tied off at a couple of hitching posts off
to the side, and you see what appear to be tents
and tables with various wares for sale. Fruits,
vegetables, some exotic cloths and tapestries,
clothing available.
LIAM: Is this a festival?
LAURA: Traveling salesmen?
TALIESIN: My god, it's a shopping episode! I'm so
excited! Just appeared out of nowhere!
SAM: Do they have something in royal blue?
TALIESIN: We're going to buy so many imaginary
things, Travis.
MARISHA: What's happening though, really?
TALIESIN: No, really, what is happening?
MATT: You don't recognize any of these people,
necessarily. There's no reason, there's no
calendar element to it. As you walk up, one of the
nearest Pale Guard is doing a walk-through.
TALIESIN: What's this all about?
MATT: "Percival. Now that the trade routes are
open, we're having
"more caravans to and from Emon."
MARISHA: It's a farmer's market!
MATT: "Essentially. We're just keeping the
peace."
TALIESIN: It's been several years. Why you should
be even vaguely surprised by this reaction is
baffling to me.
MATT: "It's baffling that you are so comfortable
with it still."
TALIESIN: Excellent, carry on, keep shopping.
MATT: "Of course, of course."
TALIESIN: It's a farmer's market.
MARISHA: Hi!
MATT: He walks off. Do you guys want to walk
around?
TALIESIN: There's a farmer's market!
MARISHA: I need some fresh halibut right now!
SAM: Are they selling or are they just setting
up?
MATT: At this time they're selling. You see some
of the populace has come out. You see delicious
fruits, some swamp roots, there are some herbal
setups that have things that are from Stillben and
things that are not indigenous to the Whitestone
area.
LIAM: Are there heirloom tomatoes?
MATT: Make an investigation check.
LIAM: I'm going to use Luck. No I'm not, I'm
kidding.
MATT: Best Luck use ever.
TALIESIN: I think they're all heirloom tomatoes.
There's no such thing.
MATT: You find some nice tomatoes. They're real
tasty-looking tomatoes. There's one oddities shop
that has small baubles and little jewelry,
trinkets that they have for sale. There's a lot of
dried meats. There's no fresh fish because a lot
of the fishing that's done locally doesn't travel
very well on caravan.
MARISHA: Is there flowers? Is there a flower
shop?
MATT: There is no flower shop on the caravan.
There is a flower shop in Whitestone, but you
don't really travel to bring flowers, they don't
keep very well.
TALIESIN: I assume the castle's going to be doing
a run of this anyway,
but I want to see the trinkets.
MATT: You walk up and you see a number of
delightful things. You see a small rack of various
glass vials with various-colored liquids inside.
Some of them seem to be swirling. As you walk up,
you see this gentleman in his early 40s, this long
handlebar mustache that curls past the edges of his
jaw, his hair is combed over to one side and
slicked down. As you approach he's like, "Oh, hi!
"Yes, I've heard of you, you're Vox Machina! Well,
if there's a team looking for the things I have to
"sell, it would be you!"
SAM: He's day-drunk.
MATT: "Now." He immediately goes into his spiel.
You watch as some of the other carts nearby begin
to roll their eyes a little bit. "So! Vox Machina.
First off, how do I do the pleasure?"
TALIESIN: Quite impressively, actually.
MATT: "Theobold Cans, by the way. That's my name.
Keep it in mind. Theobold Cans."
MARISHA: Like the festival. Yeah. Just go with
it.
TALIESIN: The Theobold festival, it's very
popular.
MATT: "I have here acquired a few interesting
things that may help you on your journeys. Here."
He pulls out one of the vials and swirls it for a
second. It has an orange-ish, yellow-ish color to
it, and as it flows around its side, it has a
thick movement to it, like a syrup. "This liquid,
"upon being imbibed, will temporarily allow you to
see, read, and speak any language you like!"
TALIESIN: That's very impressive.
MATT: "Isn't it, though? So I'll put that one
aside as a possible, yes."
LIAM: Is that for real, that one?
SAM: Oh, yes, I should Identify that. I'll
Identify that.
MATT: You glance over and take a moment to
concentrate. Yes, it is a Potion of Tongues.
SAM: Okay, great. Thank you for reminding me that
I do that.
MATT: "Now, these, you might be interested in." He
pulls out what appears to be a set of goggles with
these thick crystal lenses in the front. "Now,
these, these fit over your eyes, and upon
"activation, they have the chance of dazzling
somebody and calling them a friend for some time.
"So. In the maybe pile? This is--" At this point, in the
middle of this conversation, you specifically,
Vex, you glance over your shoulder as you see the
crowd parting off to the side. There's a large
figure beelining in your direction.
LAURA: I nudge my brother.
LIAM: What the hell?
LAURA: I head-nudge him.
MATT: You glance over and you see the crowd's being
parted. You see a seven-foot-tall, not quite
Grog-level but comparable imposing figure, coming
right towards you. You see darker olive skin,
appears to be a set of half-plate armor, no
sleeves, just plate on the chest and on the legs.
You see short hair that's buzzed on the sides with
a curl of dark in the front, a Superman S curl in
the front. You see a big broad smile, a tusked
smile. You see orcish blood in this figure as it
approaches with a big sword across the back.
LIAM: I take an instinctive step forward, just a
half step in front of Vex.
TRAVIS: Maybe he'll kill us and we don't have to
shop anymore.
MATT: As the figure rushes up, apparently drawn by
the sound of the phrase 'Vox Machina'...
(cheering)
SAM: No one can see you.
LAURA: We know it's there, though!
TRAVIS: Yeah!
JON: There's an enchantment on it. It's actually
this big.
SAM: Oh god. Oh god! Much, much bigger than
Hardwick!
(laughter)
MATT: So, as you have been in the process of
specifically keeping an eye out for a group of
individuals, specifically looking out for the name
or any mention of Vox Machina, you've spent a
number of hours with no luck, frustrated. But
you've made some friends in talking around, and
then suddenly you hear someone shout the name from
a distance. You glance over and see a cluster of
individuals that match the descriptions you were
given. You immediately beeline up to them. You
watch as two similar-looking half-elves spin and
give you the evil eye.
LIAM: Hey, friend.
JON: Hi!
LIAM: You look like you're headed this way, did
you need something?
JON: Yes. I'm looking for some help.
LAURA: Oh, wow, yeah? What kind of help?
LIAM: With you so far.
JON: I'm with a group of these guys and we have a
bit of a problem back in our homeland.
LIAM: Which is where?
JON: I have a problem with memory.
LAURA: Do you remember your name?
TALIESIN: The phrase 'day-drinking' has already
come up today.
JON: Well, my name is Lionel Gayheart, but most
people call me Chod.
ALL: Chod.
JON: Although, that was my born name, but I call
myself Lionel Gayheart, it's a better name.
LAURA: It's a much better name.
LIAM: On the end is '-hard' or '-heart'?
JON: Gayheart.
LIAM: Heart.
TRAVIS: People call him Chode.
MARISHA: Chode.
TALIESIN: Lionel.
LIAM: Right.
JON: But, so, yeah, we've been having some
problems and we need some help.
TRAVIS: What kind of problems?
LIAM: Like opening a peanut butter jar, or how
big?
LAURA: Or, like, dragon kind of issue?
JON: Well... More like creepy guys in a big group
issue. I'm with this guy, you guys, you've heard
of, he's pretty big in our parts...
you've heard
of the Meat Man?
(gasping)
MARISHA: What?!
TRAVIS: Are you fucking shitting me?!
LAURA: You!
JON: You guys know him?
TRAVIS: Yeah, we know him.
JON: I thought he was just big in our parts.
LAURA: Where are you from?
TALIESIN: Is this what's happening right now?
MARISHA: Are we all paying attention at this
point?
MATT: It's hard to miss this guy show up.
TALIESIN: Was trying to ignore it. Now I'm
failing.
LAURA: I'm going to throw something again at Sam.
LIAM: Is Shorthalt around right now? Is this a
prank? Is that was this is? Is this a joke?
JON: I don't know jokes.
LIAM: Insight check.
MATT: Insight check.
LIAM: It's fine. No, it's not fine. That's better.
14.
MATT: He seems pretty lost on the name Shorthalt,
but seems to be upfront with his intent.
MARISHA: So, wait, he does know jokes, or he does
know the Meat Man?
JON: I know the Meat Man.
MARISHA: But you don't know jokes?
JON: I don't know jokes.
ASHLEY: How do you know the Mean Man?
MARISHA: Do you know Parchment, Boulder, Shears?
Never mind.
JON: The Meat Man, he's my boss.
TRAVIS: What? Really?
JON: Yeah!
LAURA: Wait, what does he look like? Short guy?
JON: No, well, he's shorter than me, but, you
know.
LIAM: Where on yourself does he come?
LAURA: Is he this size?
SAM: She's a gnome.
JON: No, no, he's bigger than that.
LIAM: Excuse me?
MARISHA: What?!
JON: It's the Meat Man, you guys seem familiar
with him, you know what he looks like.
TRAVIS: Is this the Meat Man we know?
MATT: No, not at all!
MARISHA: Is he pulling a Dread Pirate Roberts?
TRAVIS: He's not the Meat Man that we know.
LAURA: Well, we don't know, maybe it is! Where are
you from?
MARISHA: Does he wear a beret?
JON: I'm from an area where-- we're from the
desert. It's like a desert area. We've traveled
across a very, very far way. It was a long
journey.
LAURA and MARISHA: Marquet?
JON: No.
LIAM: Did you cross the ocean to get here?
JON: Yes, we crossed the ocean. We were on those
wooden things that have, like--
LAURA: The ships?
JON: Yeah, ships! That's it!
MARISHA: Ank'harel? Bigger than Marquet.
Ank'harel?
JON: Ank'harel!
MARISHA: (gasps) We're getting closer! Oh my god!
LIAM: Is your boss with you right now? Did he come
with you or did he send you?
JON: No, I'm with him, well, he said he was around
here somewhere.
LIAM: Shut the fuck up! He's here right now?
JON: Why, is that bad or good?
TRAVIS: No, real good. Real good thing.
JON: It's a real good thing?
LAURA: But will you bring us to him?
JON: Yeah, I need your help. We need your help!
I'm kind of his messenger,
I was supposed to find some--
TALIESIN: This is your first time being a
messenger, is it?
MATT: "I don't mean any offense, here, but I was
in the middle of a transaction,
"if you don't mind, sir?!"
MARISHA: We'll take the Tongues potion. How much?
Come on, give it to me.
MATT: "7,000 gold pieces."
MARISHA: What?! I don't have that much!
ASHLEY: What was the third one, though?
MATT: "The third one?"
LAURA: The one you were about to say. We were
going to hear you say it before--
TALIESIN: Before you were so strangely
interrupted.
ASHLEY: This is very important, but...
TALIESIN: You didn't have it, did you?
MATT: "There's a ring."
TRAVIS: A ring?
MATT: "A ring."
TRAVIS: What does it do?
MATT: "Allows you to move freely."
MARISHA: Is it under a thousand gold?
MATT: "No!"
MARISHA: Then goodbye!
LIAM: We're moving, we're moving.
MATT: "Gaaah!"
MARISHA: We're getting out of his store front.
LAURA: Wait, Chod! Chod!
TRAVIS: Chode.
TALIESIN: Lionel.
JON: Chod. But please call me Lionel.
LIAM: Oh, you prefer Lionel!
JON: Yes, of course!
LAURA: Lionel's way better.
JON: I probably should have told you my real name.
It's Lionel.
MARISHA: Can we call you Lion for short? That's
fierce! I'm Keyleth.
JON: I might get confused if you call me Lion,
though, I'm just warning you ahead of time.
MARISHA: Keyleth. Nice to meet you.
TALIESIN: I have a feeling you're going to get
confused even if we call you Lionel. It's Percival,
it's a pleasure, Chod. Hello.
JON: Hello!
SAM: Taryon Darrington!
JON: You're a fancy lad.
LAURA: Vax. Vex.
LIAM: This is going to be difficult.
LAURA: Just say Vex.
JON: Vex? And your name's Vex, too?
LIAM: Call her little elf girl, and you can call
me little elf boy. Could we meet your boss?
TRAVIS: Hold on, Pike had a question.
ASHLEY: Why is he your boss? What do you do? What
kind of work are you in?
JON: Oh, you know, we do various things. I round
up-- He likes to make sure everybody's in line
back in our area. Sometimes he makes me (sighs)
make sure people pay up, and--
LAURA: So, wait a minute, so he's like a bad guy?
JON: No, he's a good guy!
LIAM: Are you a bouncer? Is he playing music and
you're his bouncer? Do you rough up people who try
to cause trouble?
JON: Well, you know, in the nicest way possible,
sometimes.
LIAM: Sure, that's what I do.
ASHLEY: Do you know someone named Kaylie?
JON: Kaylie? No.
LAURA: But do you know a girl that looks kind of
like the Meat Man?
JON: I don't talk to many girls. Oh, you're a
girl! I'm sorry.
Well, I'm talking to you, that's awesome!
LAURA: Hey, that's great!
JON: That might be a first. I forgot, so, I wasn't
supposed to call him Meat Man. In these areas,
he's known as Aes Adon. I think that's what he
said.
LAURA: Aes Adon? But he's actually the Meat Man.
JON: Maybe.
LIAM: So we get to meet the Meat Man?
JON: Yeah, we need your help. But I'm just
checking you guys out first because he said I'm a
real good judge of character.
LAURA: And what do you think? What do you judge on
us?
JON: Oh, you guys seem really nice.
LAURA: You seem really great, too. You should
probably take us to him, then.
JON: Yeah! It's nice to have to, you know, go do
something with people
where I don't have to hurt them.
LAURA: Yeah! We feel the same way sometimes.
ASHLEY: So he didn't send you here to hurt us?
JON: No, no.
ASHLEY: Just to come.
JON: Yeah, well, we need to enlist your help.
MARISHA: Hang on a second. Will you earmuffs? He
knows what earmuffs are! That's good. Anyway, why
would Scanlan send a messenger? He has the gate
stone! And why him?
Scanlan's smarter than that, right?
LAURA: Maybe Scanlan's trying to play us and he
accidentally sent someone that--
MARISHA: Chode?
TALIESIN: Lionel!
TRAVIS: Aes Adon. I don't think it's Scanlan.
LAURA: It's got to be Scanlan.
MARISHA: Look, a lot of people could go by the
alter-ego Meat Man.
LAURA: What other weirdo would name themselves Meat
Man?
MARISHA: Good point.
TALIESIN: I'm also going to put out there that we
all know we're going to go do this because we're
desperate for anything to put off the inevitable
goodbyes that we were heading towards. So let's
distract ourselves for a little bit.
LIAM: And, fucking Scanlan!
TALIESIN: We'll see.
MARISHA: Look, he's still doing it! He does follow
directions well.
LAURA: Lionel!
TALIESIN: If I were to trick us, that's how I
would trick us.
MARISHA: Lionel.
JON: What? Oh, I was having such a nice story in
my head. What is it? What do you guys want?
LIAM: You are very likeable. Do you have problems
talking to people? To women, even?
JONL No, no, I'm really good at talking to myself
sometimes. That's where I get most practice.
LIAM: It shows.
TALIESIN: Quite a bit of practice.
LIAM: Let's meet this chap!
JON: Yeah, let's go meet him.
MATT: You watch as you're led by this lumbering
oaf of a half-orc who has a spring in his step and
a perpetual smile. Everyone around just can't help
but watch him as he goes. He exudes this natural
force of personality in spite of himself. People
are enthralled or spooked or just trying to figure
out what the heck this individual is that's now
talking and walking with a very confused-looking
Vox Machina. He leads you along to the southern
side of Whitestone, talking about his tales of
growing up around Ank'harel and Marquet. Any other
tales he wishes to express along the way. But,
eventually, leads you to one of the inns in the
south side of the city. The interior is empty.
There is nobody in there. It is just devoid of any
people working there. You recall, because you were
told to pay everybody to leave.
JON: Yeah. But he was here, so, yeah. I don't
know, you guys, like,
make yourselves comfortable.
LIAM: This is the craziest 48 hours, I swear to
all the gods.
JON: It's cool. Aes Adon has the best mutton. He
keeps it normally-- I don't think I made the
mutton leave, so you can check the drawers.
LAURA: I go search the drawers.
SAM: In drawers?
LAURA: Yeah! I start searching.
SAM: I'm not going to eat any mutton from
drawers.
LAURA: He gave me free rein, I'm searching this
fucking place.
MATT: You start pulling through the drawers. There
is a piece of mutton in there. You get the sense
that it wasn't stored there, more than maybe
it was half-eaten and left there for later.
TALIESIN: 25 perception, I don't know, I'm just
looking around.
LIAM: I'm looking for weirdness and traps.
MATT: Okay. Make investigation checks, you guys.
LIAM: 24.
TALIESIN: No.
LAURA: Should I be investigating, too?
MATT: Sure. So, what'd you get?
SAM: Ten.
MARISHA: Not good.
LIAM: 24.
LAURA: 11.
TALIESIN: 13.
MATT: You find the partially eaten mutton. Vax,
you find the tavern has many drinks on tap, it has
a number of cups. Looks to be remnants of people
that were possibly eating or finishing a meal that
quickly left. The coffers for the tavern are
gone.
LIAM: No traces of poo anywhere?
MATT: No traces of poo, no.
LAURA: Scanlan! Scanlan, are you here?
MATT: You hear footsteps coming down a stairway on
the far end of the tavern.
JON: Who's Scanlan?
SAM: He's this really creepy weirdo they always
talk about.
JON: No, I don't think there's a Scanlan here,
no.
MATT: You watch as an imposing figure makes his
way down the stairs. As he turns around the
corner, the light comes in. You see a human man,
very, very tan skin. His body is thick with
muscles and is imposing by just his stance. His
shoulders are forward a little bit, his fists
clenched to the side. You see a dark leather vest
that is affixed to the torso and a hood attached
that hides elements of his appearance. But you do
see long stringy black hair that cascades out the
front and as he turns around, you see a very
craggy, pockmarked face adorned by a thick black
mustache, a deep scar that sits on his face under
one eye, and you see his one hand is rested on
this curved, jeweled dagger that is sheathed on
one side. Turns around (thudding steps) walks over
to one of the far tables, pulls the chair out,
spins it around, sits in it and rests on it.
"Welcome, friends. You are Vox Machina, yes?"
LIAM: Who's asking?
MATT: "Sit down, please. If you don't mind. You
are guests of mine right now."
SAM: Is this Scanlan?
TALIESIN: No.
LAURA: I want to roll a perception, I want to see
if it's an illusion, if it actually is Scanlan.
MATT: Make an investigation check.
JON: I told you, I don't--
MATT: "Chod! Good job." And he flicks you a gold
coin.
LAURA: 25.
MATT: 25.
TRAVIS: What? Oh god! Jesus! Balls!
SAM: Whispers!
LIAM: Incoming whisper!
SAM: The Scanlan Shorthalt t-shirts are available
on the store right now. Travis is wearing one. You
can see it maybe on your screen. He's doing a
little jig! Boop boop do boop boop! Boop boop! Buy
your shirts today.
LIAM: The hottest penguin I ever saw.
MATT: "My name is Aes Adon."
JON: Told you.
MATT: "I'm but a humble merchant from Ank'harel,
and I'm seeking to make some contacts in this
"rumored emerging metropolis of Whitestone. Yes?"
TALIESIN: Yes.
MATT: "Now, I have information that may be of use to
you, my compatriots have told me. And, should my
"gatherers and whisperers be correct, in trade I
would like to get some information from this one."
TALIESIN: Possibly. What is it that you want to
know?
MATT: "Rumors tell me of these fabled Riflemen of
Whitestone."
TALIESIN: Yes.
MATT: "While paltry mechanical imitations have
occasionally come across the markets on our side
"of the world, I hear that you were the designer of
these instruments of death."
MARISHA: Oh no.
TALIESIN: I am.
MATT: "Well, in the intent of expanding my
influence in keeping the peace where I do
"business, I would like to make a trade. This
important information for you to grant me access
"to your designs."
TALIESIN: What is this information? You don't even
need to tell me what it is, but that would be
worth quite a lot, and what you knew would have to
be worth quite a lot.
MARISHA: Selling the secret recipe, man.
MATT: "Let's say that information has come to my
attention regarding a hidden location on Marquet.
"A compatriot of mine, whom you've already met--"
JON: (heavy, repeated sniffing)
MATT: "-- recently returned from an expedition I
sent him on, where he stumbled upon a pyramid."
TRAVIS: A pyramid?
MATT: "Yes. Does this pique your interest?"
MARISHA: Oh no.
LIAM: Ziggurat.
MATT: "So, this is the information I have to
offer."
MARISHA: Wait, he said Marquet, though.
LAURA: Yeah.
LIAM: Another one.
LAURA: Did you go inside of it?
JON: No. No.
LAURA: Did you see anybody around?
SAM: Did you see anything about it?
JON: Yeah!
MATT: "I would request you hold that information
until we make a deal."
JON: Sorry, Aes. Sorry, Aes.
SAM: No, no, you can go ahead and tell us!
JON: No, he's my boss.
LAURA: Does it count if it's a girl that he's
talking to?
I mean, it's not quite the same, right?
MATT: "Silence! My deal is with you, Vox
Machina."
LIAM: You can tell us later.
TALIESIN: What is this worth?
JON: You should listen to him.
MARISHA: I guess it depends on what he thinks it's
worth to us. What makes you think that we want
this information so much?
MATT: "I've had a compatriot of yours stumble
through my city seeking information about,
"apparently, something beneath your city. The
whispers come to me. I saw a connection. From what
"I hear, you've put quite a bit of energy into this
darkened orb."
TALIESIN: Well, this leaves me with a bit of a
conundrum. Traditionally, when people come either
asking to see my designs or if we come across
people who have been attempting to replicate them,
we just simply have them executed on sight.
Traditionally.
MATT: "I would not recommend that."
TALIESIN: Well, if I were going to do it, it would
have already been done, now wouldn't it?
JON: Well, I don't know about that. Remember.
Enchantment.
MATT: "Thank you, Chod."
SAM: I think that was a threat.
TALIESIN: That was a very good threat!
JON: Really? Was it?
TALIESIN: It was definitely a strong six.
LIAM: How'd you hear about this compatriot? How do
we know you're not selling us a song? Who was this
compatriot of ours?
LAURA: What?
LIAM: He said someone came through? He's talking
about this guy?
MATT: No.
JON: My name's Lionel, you guys.
MATT: "I did not meet this individual, but
apparently they belong
"on the council of your country."
MARISHA: What?
LIAM: Little bit more, please.
MATT: "Blonde of hair. Traverses through arcane
means."
MARISHA: What? What'd he say?
LIAM: Man or woman?
MATT: "Woman. Blonde of hair."
MARISHA: Allura.
TALIESIN: Well.
MARISHA: What is happening?
TRAVIS: She went to go find information about it,
that's not strange.
MARISHA: That's not bad, right?
ASHLEY: What does the Meat Man mean to you?
MATT: Leans back and you see he takes the dagger
out and spins it a little bit on the fingertip.
"The Meat Man is before you. I don't know where
you heard this title, but--"
(laughter)
JON: I told you guys, it's Aes!
MATT: "There will be a conversation later."
LAURA: Oh no!
MATT: "But that is a business alias of mine that
I've had for a short time."
ASHLEY: You don't need to get upset with him for
it.
MARISHA: We had a friend who we thought it
might've been him.
TRAVIS: Keyleth, stay on task!
MARISHA: Sorry.
MATT: "There is no other Meat Man."
LIAM: It's kind of a sticking point for us. You're
coming to us with one piece of information that we
may be interested in, but you're accidentally
tipping your hand towards something else that we
want to know about. We know a Meat Man, and he is
not you.
ASHLEY: Do you know... the Meat Man?
LIAM: Do you know the muffin man?
TALIESIN: This meeting is only happening because
we were hoping to meet our Meat Man.
MATT: "If you are referring to the small one, he's
been dealt with. The title is now mine."
TALIESIN: Dealt with.
LIAM: Roll back a step or two. Dealt with how?
MATT: "Dealt with in the way that anyone who does
sloppy business: imprisoned. No longer of
"consequence. I was next in line."
MARISHA: I'm sorry, you think that the title of
Meat Man is so important that you had to kill or
attack a gnome who also went by Meat Man?
MATT: "The Meat Man I take the title from was not
killed by me. He was a great man. Small, but
"resolute. Confident. Handsome as they come. He
taught me everything I know. It is a shame that he
"has been lost in chains beneath the city, but I am
keeping up."
LAURA: Such a shame that's he's been lost.
MARISHA: So, you've taken on the title yourself.
MATT: "I have, in his memory."
MARISHA: And what city is he in chains beneath?
MATT: "Beneath Ank'harel in its deepest prisons."
ASHLEY: Did he tell you to take on his name?
MATT: "No, it was bequeathed by the others left
behind in his absence. They respect me, and as
"such, the Meat Man is I."
LIAM: The name was simply meat-ed out.
MARISHA: He's totally Dread Pirates Roberts-ing
this shit.
TALIESIN: The designs of the guns are out of the
question.
That doesn't mean there aren't things on the table.
MATT: "If not the designs, perhaps a few rifles
and some ammunition.
"Something I can take back to my workers."
MARISHA: Here's a question: Why did Allura come to
you for information?
MATT: "Oh, she didn't come to me, but whispers
came to me
"that she was seeking this information."
MARISHA: Right. So you have ears in all the right
places.
MATT: "Everywhere, my dear."
SAM: You said workers? Are you a foreman of some
sort?
MATT: "You could say that. I run a business in
various goods. Some legal, and I make sure that
"clients get them in a very forthright manner."
TALIESIN: We're sadly very protective of our
copyrights, and my designs are not for
reproduction. Attempts at reproducing them tend to
end poorly. Many have tried; most have failed. If
you wanted, perhaps, a few designed, that could
have been a conversation, but so far, I'm not
impressed by you.
MATT: "Well then, we have nothing more to discuss,
then. Come, Chod."
JON: Okay, see you guys later!
LIAM: Before you leave-- prison. What was this
other Meat Man's offense? Do you know?
JON: I don't know.
LIAM: You don't know anything.
JON: No, I don't know a lot of stuff. He doesn't
tell me.
LIAM: Do you like working for that guy?
JON: Yeah, he's great, he gives me money and food
and mutton.
MARISHA: What if we gave you money and food and
mutton?
LIAM: We have mutton.
MARISHA: How much money does he give you?
JON: I like working for him. He keeps me safe.
SAM: What about this guy?
LIAM: What about this guy? For Wildmount! Your
brigade!
SAM: I mean...
LIAM: I mean, you got to start somewhere!
MARISHA: You could recruit him!
SAM: Wow. I mean--
LIAM: You were rough around the edges when we met
you!
JON: I feel like I should do earmuffs right now
again.
SAM: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can do better than
this guy. I mean, he's really imposing and strong.
Also, guys, not to split hairs here, but his boss
is literally right there, listening to us. So
maybe we shouldn't be talking about recruiting his
employee.
MATT: "Your shiny friend has a point."
TALIESIN: I'm quite surprised by the brazenness.
What on earth made you think that we would sell
these designs to you? You obviously are paying
attention.
MATT: "As you hopefully know, the intent of
negotiation is to aim high."
TALIESIN: That's fair.
MATT: "Then bring your expectations. So perhaps
not plans. But a few rifles, a pistol or two and
"some ammunition would be enough to outfit my
team."
LAURA: A whole team. With one pistol.
TALIESIN: One pistol can do a quite a bit. One
pistol can go far.
MARISHA: The problem is that once he has the
designs, he can replicate them.
LIAM: Reverse engineer.
LAURA: I don't think he would be able to reverse
engineer it.
MATT: "But I have my artisans at my disposal."
ASHLEY: Wait, why did you think we would want this
information?
MATT: "Well, if you don't, I'm happy to leave.
Make some business here, some gold and then be on
"my way. But I was informed that you, Vox Machina,
so widely respected, so strong, so rich, so
"involved in yourselves and your worldwide
endeavors, that perhaps a little more world-saving
"might be up your alley, but maybe I thought you
wrong."
TALIESIN: How's giving you one of my weapons
world-saving?
MATT: "Because the information I give you in
return may help save the world."
LIAM: You sound like you know about the stakes
involved.
MATT: "Just what I've been whispered."
MARISHA: We've met a lot of doom-seers. You sure
you can stand up to them?
MATT: "I grow tired of this conversation. If this
is a declination?"
TALIESIN: At the very least, this is a
conversation of whether or not you're ever going
to do business in this city again and what that
business is going to look like.
MATT: "Do not worry. You'll not see this face in
your precious Whitestone again." He stands up.
MARISHA: Can I do an insight check to see if I can
glean any more of what he knows about this
world-ending thing?
MATT: Okay. Insight check.
MARISHA: Natural 20.
SAM: Whisper!
TALIESIN: Earmuffs! Earmuffs!
LAURA: Everybody earmuffs!
LIAM: I mean, Tary, Grog is about as smart as a
golden retriever and he does great.
SAM: I know! But this guy seems like he would lose
a spelling bee to Grog. He's really dumb!
LAURA: Well, up until a few weeks ago, Grog
couldn't really spell, either.
ASHLEY: We could hold a spelling bee!
SAM: That's true.
MARISHA: Is he still walking away?
MATT: He's going over to the half-orc. He goes,
"Come on, we're leaving."
MARISHA: I look at Vex and Vax and them and I say,
we know him.
LAURA: Give it a moment.
MARISHA: There's something familiar about him.
LAURA: I go and I follow him.
MATT: Okay, he walks out.
MARISHA: He knows more than he's letting on.
MATT: "Come!"
JON: All right, I'm coming. You guys should really
reconsider, that's a word he just told me. I mean,
he sounds scary and all, but it's really awesome
stuff he has to share if you guys just shared
back. Okay. See you.
LAURA: I follow him right out of the room.
MATT: Both of them walk out into the daylight and
you follow.
LAURA: Aes.
MATT: He turns around. "Yes?"
LAURA: I run up and I hug him.
MATT: Okay! Full-body?
LAURA: Just a big hug! And I go down.
MATT: Okay. Immediately, instinctively, he backs
up and you watch as Vex's arms pass through the
legs and thighs and grab onto something smaller on
the inside.
MARISHA: Motherfucker!
SAM: (as Scanlan) Stop! Stop stop stop stop stop!
Not here! Not here! Let's go somewhere else. Now.
Let's go.
TALIESIN: What?! What?! No!
MARISHA: Motherfucker! Motherfucker!
MATT: And let's go ahead and take a break!
(screaming)
TRAVIS: I'll kill you! I'm going to kill you!
MARISHA: Motherfucker!
TRAVIS: How could you?
MARISHA: Natural 20!
TALIESIN: Oh, well done, you.
MATT: We're going to take a quick break, be right
back here in a minute to pick this up. We're going
to go ahead and have a Twitch giveaway in the
chatroom for this awesome Wyrmwood complete
system. This includes a dice tray, a dice box, a
couple of fun things. It's zebrawood, which is
nice. But, to win this, you have to go into the
Twitch chat. The code for this is 'bardbarian."
B-A-R-D-B-A-R-I-A-N. Barbarian, but with
bard-barian. Cool. So, we'll see you guys back
here in a few minutes.
TRAVIS: You! Son of a bitch!
LAURA: Oh my god!
[break]
MATT: Hello, guys! And welcome back to tonight's
episode of Critical Role!
TRAVIS: Son of a bitch!
MATT: (laughs) So picking up where we left off,
Lionel, you just watched as this half-elf girl
forcefully merged with part of your boss, and your
boss starts freaking out as everyone else, you all
spook in mid-daylight as you hear this familiar
voice come through, saying...
What did you say, again?
SAM: They were all there? I thought she just
followed me.
TALIESIN: We were not there.
MATT: Oh, it was just you. You guys were still
inside the tavern.
SAM: Is Lionel there, though?
MATT: He left with you.
JON: (gasps)
SAM: Lionel. Please. Go back inside.
JON: What did you do? What did you do?
SAM: Go back inside the tavern.
JON: Where's Aes? Where's Aes?
SAM: I am still he. Please, go back inside the
tavern.
JON: Okay.
SAM: Wait for me there.
JON: They were nice people anyway. All right.
MATT: So, Vex, you're now there, staring at the
Danny Trejo-like visage of the Meat Man.
SAM: I'll grab her by the hand and pull her
into... Is there a back alley or a side place or a
shadow anywhere?
MATT: There's, maybe about 15 feet off, a little
alley you could duck into, yeah.
SAM: Come with me.
LAURA: Of course.
SAM: When we're safely off the street, I take off
the Hat of Disguise and reveal myself.
LAURA: Scanlan!
SAM: Hi.
LAURA: What are you doing? I mean, I knew it was
you, but I thought you were going to reveal
yourself to everyone.
MATT: What you do notice about Scanlan...
Definitely tanner skin; that scar you saw under
the eye, still there on Scanlan, and the clothing
and the outfit design is much more Marquesian than
you recall. Definitely more Gilmore than Scanlan.
LAURA: Have you been there the whole time?
SAM: Not the whole time, but for much of it. I
didn't know if I could talk to you all.
LAURA: I hold his hand and just listen.
SAM: There's a lot to talk about, but not here. I
have appearances to keep up, I have people
depending on me who work for me.
LAURA: Are you really the Meat Man there?
SAM: I am many things.
LAURA: Darling.
SAM: Well, I am.
LAURA: Okay.
SAM: Yes, I am, but it's not what you would think.
I'm not a bad guy. This is not the place to talk
about this. Listen to me. Vex, there will be a
time to discuss this, but right now,
I'm casting Modify Memory on you.
LAURA: Don't you do it.
SAM: Yes.
LAURA: Don't you do it! I push him against the
wall. Can I break it?
Can I break it before he does it?
MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw. Actually, no,
for this I'm going to have to ask you guys both to
roll initiative. That's what this is going to come
down to.
MARISHA: Come on, Vex!
SAM: That's not good.
TALIESIN: Yes!
LIAM: We got an actual dice roll in the game!
LAURA: 24.
SAM: Six.
MATT: Okay. So he begins, after saying this,
casting the spell. What do you do?
LAURA: No! I grab his hands and cover his mouth!
MATT: Okay. I'll say go ahead and make a
concentration check, so make a constitution saving
throw. I'm going to have you... Let's see, for
this... Just roll a d20.
SAM: Constitution saving throw?
MATT: Yes.
LAURA: Do I add to it?
MATT: Roll a d20 and add your dex modifier to it.
LAURA: Dex modifier or dex saving throw?
MATT: Dex modifier.
TALIESIN: No! No!
MARISHA: No!
TRAVIS: Oh, two ones! Two ones!
LIAM: Everybody speechless.
MATT: So as you go to push him into the wall, you
accidentally hit between where his foot and the
edge of the stone is and it causes you to stumble
forward and slam into him. You fall over. You, in
the process, she hits you in the side of the...
SAM: Do we accidentally kiss? Is that what's going
to happen here?
MATT: Almost, but instead, you both accidentally
end up elbowing the shit out of each other. She
falls over, you tumble over her and become this
tangled pile of soreness. The spell is lost.
SAM: Damn it!
MATT: However, you guys in the tavern, hear a
(flurry of blows) against the wall on the outside.
LIAM: I was starting to follow. I push the door
open...
SAM: You can't tell them! You can't tell them!
LIAM: Holy shit!
TALIESIN: I hear that and I start walking out.
LIAM: Holy shit!
LAURA: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Shush!
MARISHA: I bust through right behind Vax.
MATT: You guys all rush around to the alley.
MARISHA: You dick!
TALIESIN: Now I run.
MARISHA: I knew you were familiar!
LAURA: Everyone, shut up! Shut up, shut up. If you
need to do something, change back, do it.
SAM: How long does the hat take?
MATT: It takes an action to do the spell.
SAM: Okay. Hat on. (whoosh)
LAURA: Appearances are important.
ASHLEY: I make my way through. What's going on?
MARISHA: No one talks about Scanlan being handsome
as much as Scanlan does. That was your first
giveaway, mister!
LIAM: We're in an alley, though, off to the
side, right?
MATT: Yeah, you're in a dark alley.
LIAM: Well, then I'm giving him a big fucking
hug!
SAM: It's hard to do, but yes.
MATT: So, Lionel, everyone just charges out of the
tavern, and you hear a big commotion
and voices on the side.
JON: What's going on, you guys? What's happening?
Can I... I think they're attacking him.
MATT: At this point, you watch as the other one is
now grabbing him, merging.
JON: Yeah, it looks like they're attacking. So I
want to protect him.
SAM: As he should.
MATT: What are you going to do to protect him?
TALIESIN: You can go ahead and just say.
MATT: Are you going to scare them off, are you
going to attack them?
SAM: Kill them?
JON: Yeah. No! I want to scare them away, and...
MATT: Do you have an ability that does that?
TALIESIN: Or you can try and intimidate us, and
say something really scary, or make some noise.
JON: No, I want to do the Frantic Flail.
MATT: Okay, all right. So as you're hugging him,
you guys watch as the half-orc turns the corner,
spooks, and then, suddenly, you watch as something
beneath the armor glows briefly, and he starts
flapping his arms, going (honking) right at you. I
need you to make a wisdom saving throw.
TRAVIS: What?
JON: It'll be explained later.
LIAM: It's not... Does it have anything to do with
charm, or sleep, by any chance?
MATT: Nope.
LIAM: No. Okay. All right. Oh, that's fine. 20.
JON: Damn.
MATT: Okay, so it doesn't spook you off, it's just
a little weird, as this giant man is now honking
and waving and flapping his arms at you. He
doesn't seem to be affected by it, he just gives
you a strange look.
JON: Yeah.
SAM: It's okay, stand down, Lionel. I can defend
myself.
JON: Because you know I'm good for... That
normally works on everybody else.
SAM: You are my best man, and I appreciate your
concern, but these people pose no threat to us.
LIAM: That is a really good accent.
MARISHA: Yeah, you're so good at that.
JON: What are they talking about, accent?
SAM: They are beguiled by our foreign ways and
they are scared of what they do not understand.
LIAM: True.
TALIESIN: That's true. I'm going to start walking
back to the inn, and I'm going to start pouring a
lot of drinks and putting them on the table.
SAM: I do have information to share with you.
LIAM: We want to hear all of that information.
JON: You still gotta give us the designs. No?
LAURA: No.
SAM: I mean.
MARISHA: Why did you want the designs?
SAM: Percival's guns are really cool, and I've
always wanted to have some of my own, and I used
all of my ammunition over the year, and now I just
have this pistol. And I produce the pistol. But it
has no bullets! I don't know how to make any more
bullets! I need more bullets!
MARISHA: Are you a mafia don, Scanlan? Are you a
bad guy?
SAM: I'll take off the hat.
MATT: Okay. Lionel, you watch as your boss for the
past five months shifts
into this tiny little man.
SAM: Lionel, we'll talk about this later.
JON: (screams)
SAM: I have many forms and I am-- Did you just
piss your pants?
JON: I'll go stand in the corner now.
SAM: I have many forms and I master magic that you
will never understand, but know this: The money I
pay you is real, so you still work for me.
JON: That's true. Okay, I'm good.
SAM: All right. Just hang tight. I mean, you can
stay, stay here. Mop yourself up or something.
You're a good man. I'm sorry I do these things to
you.
JON: You're so tiny, though.
SAM: I'm strong of heart.
JON: You haven't been that strong, but anyway.
MARISHA: I pull Chod, Chard, Chode...
JON: Lionel.
MARISHA: Lionel. I pull Lionel aside. And I grab
him by the face, and I say, we need you to be
coherent and honest during this. And I cast
Enhance Ability and give him Owl's Wisdom.
MATT: Okay.
JON: I'll take that. I'm not going to fight back.
MARISHA: It increases your wisdom. You get
advantage on wisdom.
SAM: Yeah, but now I can't erase his fucking
memory.
LAURA: You've just been going crazy with that
Modify Memory, haven't you?
SAM: Hey, man, it's my bag of tricks, all right?
LIAM: So are we going to do this in an alleyway,
or are we going to go get a drink, and you tell us
where the fuck you've been?
LAURA: Should we go inside? It's an empty fucking
bar.
SAM: Okay. Let's go back inside the tavern, but
just know this. He doesn't drink, all right?
LAURA: Sure.
LIAM: Whatever. Come on. We want to hear what
you've been doing for a year. Come on!
SAM: All right.
JON: Thank you for remembering.
SAM: You're my guy.
MATT: You guys make your way back into the
tavern.
TALIESIN: It is set up.
MATT: You now have the delightful experience of
roleplaying two characters,
Sam, in the same scene.
LIAM: Boy, that's got to suck.
MATT: Welcome to my world.
JON: I can kill Taryon.
SAM: I have to go check on Doty! Look at the time!
Good-bye!
LAURA: Look, this is that guy we were telling you
about for so long.
SAM: The skeevy asshole that you always talk
about?
TALIESIN: Yes, the skeevy asshole, that would be
the one.
SAM: He's pretty handsome.
TALIESIN: You would say that, wouldn't you?
ASHLEY: I think I'll go with you, Tary.
LAURA: Pike...
ASHLEY: It's fine.
TRAVIS: Yeah. I'll go, too.
SAM: What? All right.
TALIESIN: I want to listen.
LIAM: I'm curious. Talk to us, man.
SAM: All right.
LAURA: Talk to them. Don't let them leave.
SAM: You all can stay. It's been a while.
TRAVIS: It has.
SAM: Yes. Yes, just stay. It's fine.
MARISHA: Is it, though, Scanlan?
TALIESIN: What would you have done if I had just
decided to open fire on you?
LAURA: I would've stopped you, darling. I knew it
was him right away.
SAM: I would've done what Scanlan would always do.
I would've won and killed you. I mean, I'm super
powerful and awesome.
TALIESIN: Yes. But really. This was not a good
plan.
MARISHA: Scanlan, there are some hurt feelings in
this room, and it might be time to address those.
SAM: I know. I know. But for now, let's just catch
up. What have you guys
been up to for the last year?
LIAM: No, no, no. After you, dear. After you.
MARISHA: I'm chief of my people!
SAM: Oh, you did your Aramente!
MARISHA: I did! I wish you were there! I mentioned
you and everything in my speech.
SAM: You did?
MARISHA: Yeah!
SAM: That sounds nice.
MARISHA: Yeah!
SAM: Anybody else ascend to new heights? No?
TALIESIN: Yes.
SAM: Yes?
TALIESIN: Yes. None of your business at the
moment. Tell us your business.
LIAM: Where have you been?
SAM: I went traveling a bit. I did what gnomes do,
I went into the forest with Kaylie.
ASHLEY: Oh, is that what gnomes do? They go into
the forest? I'm so sorry, please continue.
SAM: Forest gnomes do. And we talked, and we sang
songs, and we camped, not in the mansion, just in
a tent. We had some good times and bad times
together, and eventually we found our way to
Ank'harel, and some stuff happened, yadda yadda,
and I'm here now, you know?
LAURA: I try to pass my hand through Lionel's
stomach to see if he's actually Kaylie.
SAM: Is he?
JON: You feel tons of abs. It bounces off and hits
you in the face with your own hand.
TALIESIN: I was with you on that one.
LAURA: Serious, serious abs.
LIAM: Where's Kaylie now?
SAM: She's with me, yeah? No, did we leave her
back there?
MATT: Kaylie's in Ank'harel. Essentially, you...
SAM: She is... It's complicated, but right now,
she is the Meat Man. She is back in Ank'harel,
taking on the business while I'm off here.
LIAM: How are you two doing?
SAM: Pretty good. We're a good team. Yeah.
MARISHA: Does she like you now?
SAM: 'Like' is a strong word.
TALIESIN: It's really not.
JON: 'Love' is a stronger word. That's why people
use 'like'.
LIAM: There's that Owl's Wisdom right there.
JON: Whoa. What just happened?
TALIESIN: You have advantage on wisdom saving
throws.
JON: It's weird. It's new to me.
SAM: We're fine, she and I. We're a team, and
she's taught me some stuff, and I've taught her
some stuff, and we operate together.
MARISHA: And what kind of operation do you
operate?
SAM: We went to Ank'harel to get a little simple
revenge, and it turned into something more than
that, and I didn't mean to, but I guess I became
one of the
three largest crime bosses in Ank'harel.
LIAM: In a year.
SAM: Eight months, really. We traveled around
close to here. We were only 20 miles away for most
of the first couple months, and then it took us
time to get there. Don't worry, though, I'm not a
bad guy. I just sell things, trinkets, furniture,
art pieces, antiquities, that sort of thing.
LIAM: Nothing dangerous?
SAM: Nothing dangerous. All fake.
MARISHA: And to whom do you sell these things?
SAM: Rat bastards. People who deserve it. People
with money to burn, and people who have done wrong
in their lives. I take some back.
LIAM: Why now? Why have you come back? Not that
I'm not overjoyed to see you, but I'm curious.
SAM: I had information, and you had to know it.
It's important. We found another one. Lionel did.
The ziggurat.
LAURA: Did you go inside?
JON: Another? You didn't tell me there was more!
SAM: No, no, I mean, there's the one you found,
and then there's one here.
JON: (gasps)
SAM: Yes. Will you tell them what you saw?
JON: Well, me and my buddies, we went inside
this...
SAM: Can I clarify, these are all hired men of
mine. They're not his buddies. I pay them all.
LIAM: Could be both.
SAM: I mean, maybe they're friends now, but,
okay.
JON: Well, no, they're dead now.
SAM: That's fair.
JON: I guess, if they weren't buddies, then I
shouldn't feel bad anymore. The bad feelings will
go away. We went inside the mountain, following
some people that... Do I call you Aes, or?
SAM: That's fine.
JON: Okay. Aes here told us to follow some
people.
SAM: I had learned of someone new coming into town
and stealing some magical artifacts and leaving
some dead bodies, and it wasn't my organization,
and it wasn't any of the other two leading crime
organizations, I found out through my whispers. So
it was someone new, and I wanted to find out who
it was, so I sent Lionel, my best man, and his
buddies to investigate.
TALIESIN: There was a comma there.
JON: So, yeah, and he knew he could trust us
because we're awesome. We were going to go get
some information. So we followed them into this
big tunnel that goes into the mountain. We had to
go through, it took a long time and we had to
fight a lot of cool stuff along the way, but
nothing important to this.
SAM: I mean, all the details are good, just, when
you tell a story, lots of details.
JON: Lots of details?
SAM: Yeah, yeah, paints a picture.
JON: Well, I've never been good at stories.
MARISHA: You're doing great.
JON: But when we got to the middle, we found a big
giant pyramid. Or a ziggy-star-- what?
SAM: Ziggy stardust.
JON: Is that what you call it?
SAM: Ziggurat.
LIAM: Pyramid's good. We're with you, yeah.
JON: We found a pyramid, and we saw all these guys
hanging around it, and right at the top of the
pyramid was this big black ball. It looked like a
pearl, but it was giant. It was at the top of the
pyramid, and these guys, wearing these really cool
but scary hoods and robes, they were throwing
stuff on the black orb, and it was breaking and
absorbing the stuff. And then this one guy--
MARISHA: What were they throwing in?
JON: Oh, it was anything. Some of them threw
treasure, some of them
threw some real animals. Alive.
SAM: And a person.
JON: I was getting to that!
SAM: Sorry, sorry, I don't want to cut you off.
Keep going. Keep going.
JON: And then one of the guys actually jumped in
and it absorbed him.
LAURA: Did it look like he was in pain?
JON: No, it just went (sucking sound). And he was
gone. And so I had to get out of there. By then,
my buddies, they were dead and taken away. So I
was the only lone survivor, and that's why you can
count on me the most. He knew I would survive. Is
that why you sent them?
Because you knew only I would survive?
SAM: I assumed that... Yes?
JON: See, I'm the best. So that's what I saw.
LAURA: Was it a lot of guys?
JON: There was a whole bunch of these guys in
robes. It was really creepy.
SAM: And dark hoods, executioner-style.
JON: Yes, matching robes, and I got a really
creepy feeling when I saw it, besides being in the
middle of a mountain.
LIAM: Roughly how many?
JON: Oh, I don't know. I mean, it was dark.
LIAM: More than us?
JON: More than you.
MATT: When you were there, it would've been
about 12 or 13 of them there.
TALIESIN: That's a lot of matching robes.
LIAM: And they all looked the same? Nobody looked
a little more important than the others?
JON: I couldn't see their faces, I couldn't see.
They were all covered in these robes.
It felt like...
LAURA: How long ago was this?
JON: This was a couple months ago. I mean, you
know, I lost track of time when we
were on the ship.
SAM: It's a couple weeks.
(laughter)
JON: I was asleep for most of the ship ride. I was
pretty sick.
LAURA: I get sick, too. I understand.
SAM: It was hard to tell. His face is always
green, so we couldn't really tell.
JON: You guys were good. You guys gave me all the
leftover stew that you had.
LAURA: So, wait, and then you saw Allura there?
That's bullshit?
MATT: No, that was all bullshit.
SAM: No, I'm sorry. I lied to you.
LAURA: Oh. Oh, you suddenly lied to us. Wow, I
feel so shocked.
SAM: I didn't know. Listen, I wanted to tell you
this information, but I didn't know how to do so.
I still don't know what's going to happen. You all
might draw your knives and kill me right now, I
just wanted to get this information...
JON: No, they won't kill you. I promise.
SAM: Thank you.
LIAM: No one wants to kill you.
ASHLEY: Well, that's debatable.
TALIESIN: You tried to get me to give you my gun
designs?
SAM: Just some ammo.
TALIESIN: For what?
SAM: For my gun that I have.
TALIESIN: You have a gun?
SAM: Yeah.
MARISHA: He stole it from you.
LAURA: Remember?
MARISHA: No, you gave it to him!
TALIESIN: No, I didn't give it to him.
JON: Do you want it back?
SAM: No, please don't give it back.
LIAM: What's your best-case scenario here? What
did you hope would happen? You'd come and tell us
these things and then what happens next?
SAM: You would go investigate.
LIAM: With you?
SAM: No. You would go investigate and I would go
back to my job.
MARISHA: So you're just here to be an errand boy.
That's all you want. To help us out.
SAM: Yes.
MARISHA: You traveled to a separate hemisphere to
be a messenger.
JON: It was only a couple weeks.
ASHLEY: Can I insight-check him?
MATT: Sure.
ASHLEY: 23.
SAM: 37.
LIAM: He's back.
MATT: Hard to read.
SAM: I've thought about you all a lot, during this
year, and I owe you all an apology for leaving
you, and I don't know what I'll ever do to make it
up to you.
LAURA: We deserved it.
SAM: No, you didn't.
TALIESIN: No, we didn't.
SAM: There was a night. There was a night early
on, a few weeks after I left you. It was just me
and Kaylie by a campfire, and she was asking me
about myself and my life, and she has this thing.
I don't know if it's a spell or a special ability,
but she can always tell when I'm lying. She's the
only one. And I was trying to spin some sort of
bullshit to her about my past, and she called me
on it, and said, the truth. Let me hear it. And I
told her everything. I told her about all the
lives I had ruined, and about the women, and about
all the other Kaylies out there that I know of,
and the ones that I can only assume exist. And
everything. And she spat at me, and she gave me
this scar with her knife, and she left. And I
thought that was it. I had ruined it. But before
dawn, she came back, and she unrolled her bedding,
and she went to sleep, and woke up the next
morning, and said, what's for breakfast, Dad? And
I realized that I've been wrong, that you don't
leave your shit behind and keep going. You take it
with you, and the ones you surround yourself with
better get used to the smell. And she stayed with
me despite all my flaws. And when I left you all,
it was the first time that I had realized that you
were all really flawed people. Really flawed
people. And I left. And I did not come back. And I
was wrong, because family sticks around even if
you kind of hate the other person. And I didn't. I
betrayed you.
And I've lived with that shame for a year.
LIAM: Are you happier now?
SAM: Well, I have a purpose. I have a job. People
depend on me.
Strong people, like this guy. That's you.
JON: Me?
SAM: Yeah. And smart people, and Kaylie. And I'm a
pretty big shot.
JON: You're not so big anymore.
SAM: Well, it's a metaphor.
LAURA: You always were.
LIAM: That doesn't sound too bad to me.
MARISHA: Did you not feel like you had a purpose
when you were with Vox Machina? I'm not judging
you in the moment.
SAM: I knew I was part of something, but I always
thought I was... I've been a storyteller, but I
didn't think I was part of the story. And for the
last year I've been the story, and it's felt good.
But I'm back, and I've given you the information,
and you can tell me what you'd like me to do next.
MARISHA: You know, there is a point that we are
all family, but we are also all friends, and there
is that old saying, be careful of the friends that
drag you down. Maybe we were dragging you down.
TALIESIN: I'm going to put some pistol shot in a
small bag. What's Kaylie's mother's name? What is
it? I toss it to him. Dick. And I leave. For the
record, it's Sybil.
ASHLEY: I think I hear something. Do you hear
that? It sounds like small little violins that I
hear. Do you hear that?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
JON: I don't hear anything.
(laughter)
ASHLEY: I forgot I had to talk to Percy about
something. Bye. Good to see you.
MARISHA: You know, you've broken a lot of hearts,
Scanlan. I think you're still a heartbreaker. And
I leave with them.
LAURA: I think they'll come around.
SAM: I doubt it.
LIAM: No, I think she's right.
LAURA: I think more than anything they've just
missed you, darling.
LIAM: Can I tell you a secret? All this last year,
I've known we would see you again.
LAURA: He's full of shit. He totally said that you
were never coming back. I knew.
LIAM: It's good to see you again.
SAM: It's good to see you all. I don't really know
what to do now. I have... I really don't know what
to do now. And that's a new feeling for me. I have
information. We should travel back to Ank'harel so
I can show you.
LAURA: Of course.
SAM: And maybe then you all can decide what to do.
Whether to part ways, as friends or enemies. But I
can help you. I know people there, and I can get
you safe passage, fine accommodations, the best
food, even some realistic-looking antiques.
LAURA: Ooh. I like it.
SAM: Grog?
TRAVIS: I leave.
LIAM: Give him time.
LAURA: Scanlan. I think you need to talk to them.
Pike didn't get to say a word to you when you
left. Grog was...
LIAM: Grog.
LAURA: Grog was hurt.
SAM: All right. Should I go now? I should give
them some time.
LAURA: Maybe a little bit of breathing room, and
then, yeah.
SAM: Okay.
LIAM: Little steps.
SAM: Lionel. Thanks for sitting through all this.
I really appreciate it.
JON: I was just telling stories in my head again.
SAM: Oh, really? The good ones or the bad ones?
JON: The bad ones. They just pop in there.
SAM: I'm sorry. I know you've had a bit of a rough
life.
JON: Are you wanting me to talk about my life?
SAM: No, no, no, you don't have to. We're already
weird right now, so I'm cool.
MARISHA: Can we go to sleep now?
MATT: Okay.
SAM: It's eight AM.
MARISHA: Everyone's emotionally tired.
MATT: Right.
TALIESIN: So are we going to see an orb in the
morning?
MATT: It's midday at this point, so you guys all
go to your separate rooms and take time to
yourselves independently, converse amongst
individually.
TALIESIN: Pike, Grog, do you want a drink?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
ASHLEY: Yeah.
LIAM: Oh, I was just about to ask you the same
thing.
LAURA: Oh. Well, I mean, yeah.
TALIESIN: Grog, I want to go find that orb.
MARISHA: What? The orb in Ank'harel? Are we all
talking over our headpieces?
I think that's what we're doing.
LAURA: I'm sure Scanlan still has his. He can
probably hear us talking right now.
ASHLEY: Scanlan, can you hear me now? I take out
my earpiece.
MARISHA: He's a dick, he can hear us. I know the
range of these things.
TRAVIS: Yeah, I take off my earpiece, too.
TALIESIN: I kind of want to go work the blood out,
Scanlan or not. I like Lionel. He's funny.
LIAM: We're all agreed on that, at least.
MARISHA: Are we supposed to be angry, or sad, or
happy? I don't know what all these feelings are
all at once.
TALIESIN: You can have them all at once.
MARISHA: Can I?
TALIESIN: Yes. They're not exclusive.
TRAVIS: Percy. Where would someone like him stay
in Whitestone?
SAM: Where are you guys right now, by the way?
TALIESIN: We just went to the closest pub.
SAM: Is Lionel with them?
MATT: Lionel's left behind with you unless you
gave him instructions otherwise.
He's your bodyguard.
SAM: Would you like to go with them or stay with
me in my sad room?
JON: I'll go with them.
(laughter)
MATT: You guys sit down, you get your drinks, and
right as you're about to have this conversation,
Lionel just moseys up to the table. The barmaid's
like, "Um..."
TALIESIN: He learned a lot about his employer
today, I have no problem with him being here.
MARISHA: Yeah, he needs a stiff drink.
MATT: "Can I get you some wine, ale, beer? What
would you like?"
TALIESIN: Fruit juice, maybe?
JON: Do you have chocolate milk?
TALIESIN: We do have hot cocoa.
MATT: "I'll see what I can do." She walks away.
TALIESIN: Hot cocoa is doable. We've done hot
cocoa before.
MARISHA: And security blankets.
TALIESIN: It's the orange blanket wrap. Grog.
TRAVIS: Uh-huh.
TALIESIN: What do you think?
TRAVIS: Lionel. Real strong, are you?
JON: I'm really strong. I don't know a lot of
things, but I think I know that.
TRAVIS: Aes. Does he depend on you?
JON: He does.
TRAVIS: How long have you known him?
JON: Probably about... Well, I'm not really good
with years, or days or months, but probably a lot
of days. Maybe a year.
TRAVIS: How strong do you think you are?
JON: The other day I tried to high-five a--
TRAVIS: I reach across the table and I just punch
him in the face.
MATT: All right. Roll for an attack.
LIAM: I love the malice radiating this way, and
the absolute lack of recognition.
MARISHA: It stops here. It stops at the camera
line.
TRAVIS: 24.
MATT: So what's your armor class?
JON: 18.
MATT: 18. Go ahead and roll, for this here, I'd
say a d4. Why not? Because you guys are pretty
beefy. A d4 and add your strength modifier.
TRAVIS: Nine. Ten, sorry.
MATT: He comes across and cold-cocks you in the
chin. You take ten points of damage from a single
punch. You feel a looseness to one of your back
teeth, and the white hits you, and your vision
clears for a second, and you look over and you see
the beefy, gray-skinned goliath, his fist still
extended as he pulls it back, staring right at
you.
JON: Whoa, that hurt!
TRAVIS: Yeah. This bar, there's a lot more where
that came from. All you can eat, yeah.
JON: Show me! That was awesome!
TRAVIS: Rage.
LAURA: Oh no! Oh no.
TRAVIS: Total rage.
LIAM: We're not here.
LAURA: Yes, we are.
LIAM: I thought you and I-- I asked...
LAURA: I thought we all said we went.
LIAM: They all left, we were behind. This is the
problem when
everybody's thoughts are in different heads.
MATT: Do you guys want to be in the same bar or
not, that's my question right now.
LAURA: We don't have to be. Okay, then no. We're
not there, then.
MATT: Okay, so you're not there. This is happening
between you guys. Grog goes into a rage.
TRAVIS: Are we at a bar? At a table?
MATT: You guys are in a tavern. There's a few
people, and as soon as that punch happened, a few
people were like, "Ooh!" in the background, and as
soon as you stand up and go into a rage, people
begin to back out of the way. Tables are being
pushed to the side.
TALIESIN: I'm pulling gold out to pay for this.
JON: I think it's awesome. I'm like, I want to
fight back. But not-- it's play for me, now.
MATT: So then, I want you guys both to roll
initiative.
MARISHA: Grog, don't kill him! Grog, don't kill
him!
JON: What's my initiative? Oh, plus one. So what
is that, a six? That's a nine. So ten?
TALIESIN: Yep.
JON: Ten.
TRAVIS: 14.
MATT: All right, so as you get up, you're like
"All right!" And this guy-- you're used to being
the biggest guy in the room. He's a little bigger
than you.
SAM: I, Taryon Darrington, rolled a 14.
JON: You're not here.
SAM: I'm with you guys.
MATT: He did come with them, yeah.
JON: I thought you said-- Oh, Taryon.
SAM: I'm Taryon Darrington. I stand up and I say,
I've seen this before. He will attack brutally.
Drink this. And I shove a Swift Step draught in
his mouth. You can run 80 feet now every turn.
MATT: All right, so you can move pretty fast if
you want to.
MARISHA: Keyleth is just watching intently, and
more importantly watching Grog, making sure he
doesn't actually beat him to death. We'll stop
this if it gets bad.
ASHLEY: I take a seat on a bar stool and just
start drinking.
TALIESIN: Yeah, we're sitting next to you.
MATT: As you're preparing, Grog, this guy who's a
little larger than you are, and as soon as he
stands up you're like, "Oh!" And he's quicker than
you thought. Grog, what are you gonna do?
TRAVIS: Are we at a table or the bar?
MATT: You are, yeah.
TRAVIS: At a table or at the bar?
MATT: Oh, you were at a table within the bar.
TRAVIS: Magnificent. I flip up the table in my
hands and I smash it over his head.
MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll for an attack.
TALIESIN: That doesn't belong to you. That's
coming out of my coffer.
TRAVIS: 25.
MATT: 25, okay. That hits. Go ahead and roll
another d4.
JON: So I'm quick but not that quick.
TRAVIS: 12.
MATT: 12 points of bludgeoning damage to you as he
smashes the table over your head. Lionel, the wood
splinters and breaks around you, and you hear the
crack of the broken wood, and you can feel the
splinters shred across the edge of your shoulders,
causing the burst of warmth and blood begin to
flow to the top of your shoulders, and you're
like, "Oh, this is exhilarating." All right.
That's your turn? All right, Lionel, you're up.
JON: Okay! To fight?
TALIESIN: You can do anything you like.
JON: Yeah, I definitely want to fight back because
this is fun.
TALIESIN: Cool. Here to help.
MATT: It's a bonus action to rage if you want.
JON: Yeah, but I like the-- What?
MATT: It's a bonus action to rage, if you want to
do that.
JON: Yeah, I saw his rage, and I-- no, I'm going
to rage, because I want to mimic. Like, hey, I can
rage, too! Watch this! So do I roll that?
MATT: No, no. You're now raging, so now your
muscles swell, the veins bulge out, with this big
grin on his mouth. When Grog's raging, Grog's
angry rage. He's happy rage.
JON: Oh, check it out! You can see my veins go
(jingling).
MATT: So what do you want to do for your turn?
JON: I want to go and do... So I run up to him,
and I go to do the really cool thing I heard in a
cool story where I twist up my fist and I go
(whoosh) (pow). I've always wanted to try this,
and this looks like a better time than ever to try
it out.
MATT: So, roll for an attack and it's plus ten.
We'll say plus ten for this.
JON: 17.
MATT: What's your AC? 17? Go ahead and roll a d4
and add your strength modifier,
which I think is a plus five.
JON: And I am looking for what?
TALIESIN: And you add five for your strength, so
you got--
JON: So, eight.
MATT: So, eight points of bludgeoning damage. You
take four, Grog.
SAM: Plus three damage.
MATT: Oh, plus three damage on top of that! So,
eight, so 11. Sorry, you take five.
SAM: He takes half-damage. But you did great.
MATT: You're both raging. You're both taking the
lesser damage of each hit.
SAM: You get two attacks, but you're raging, so
you get a third attack?
MATT: No, Grog has that ability. He has a
different-- he's not a frenzy barbarian.
SAM: But he does get two attacks.
MATT: He does get two attacks. So you get to
attack again.
JON: This time, I run around him because I'm super
quick and like using this new speed I've never
experienced. And I jump on his back from around
and I try to choke him.
TALIESIN: Grapple.
MATT: Go ahead and roll an athletics check.
TALIESIN: That plus ten.
JON: 23.
MATT: You go ahead and roll an athletics or
acrobatics check to resist it.
SAM: Oh, shit, his is huge.
TRAVIS: That's not great. That's a 14.
MATT: 14. You leap up behind him and put your arm
up under. His jaw's like concrete, but you still
find the one soft part and jam your bulging
forearm up into that space and you feel the
windpipe (choke) close and clench in.
TRAVIS: (choking sounds)
MATT: And your really, really fast feet are now
dangling about two inches off the ground as you're
on his back right now. That's the end of your
turn. You're currently grappled, Grog,
what are you going to do?
TRAVIS: (choking sounds) I'm going to put it in
reverse straight towards the wall.
MATT: Go ahead and roll. Are you just going to
stay holding on as you're doing it?
JON: Yeah. Yeah. Because this is the first
piggyback he's ever had.
MATT: It's kind of fun for a second before you hit
the wood. Wham! I'll say, go ahead and roll a
strength saving throw to see if you can maintain
the hold after the slam.
JON: 18.
MATT: 18. Okay, I'd say that's enough for the
strength of the hold. So he keeps holding on after
the slam in the back. Anything else you're going
to do with your turn?
TRAVIS: My action. I take my elbow, raise it up
and drive it into his ribs.
MATT: Okay, roll for an attack.
TRAVIS: Yeah, that's a 28.
MATT: Yeah, so 1d4.
SAM: Now he has to roll damage.
TRAVIS: Ten.
MATT: So, ten damage halved to five and you have
an ability as reaction, if you remember. It's in
your totem abilities that you can use as a
reaction.
JON: Oh! Off a Duck's Back!
MARISHA: Off a Duck's Back?!
JON: The duck is my animal totem, you guys. I can
explain that later.
MATT: So, as you go to slam him with your elbow,
you hit, but you feel like your elbow slips off
his body and doesn't quite do the damage you hoped
it would. So you take two points of damage.
JON: Sweet!
TALIESIN: Covered in duck butter.
LIAM: It's the saxophone player from Lost Boys:
greased up!
TRAVIS: For my second attack, can I throw my head
back in a headbutt?
MATT: Go for it, roll for an attack.
TRAVIS: Yeah, 23.
MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll 1d4 plus
strength.
TRAVIS: 11.
MATT: 11. So you take five points of bludgeoning
damage, because you can only use that reaction
once per round.
JON: I took five points.
MATT: You have to use an action to try and break
free of a grapple. So you took five, yeah. So
now it's back to your turn. He slammed you into
the wall, he's elbowed you twice in the stomach,
you've resisted some of it, you're still holding
him there.
JON: Okay.
MATT: So if you wanted to, because of one of the
feats you have, you could turn that into a pin if
you wanted to.
JON: One of the feats I have?
MATT: Yeah, it's on the bottom.
JON: Now this is turning into a wrestling match, I
like that.
MATT: Or you could just keep whaling on him.
JON: I want to take him out. Not kill. He's just
having fun.
MARISHA: It's going down in the Whole Foods
parking lot!
JON: So I'm still hanging on him.
MATT: Yeah, you're holding onto him by throat, he
slammed you against the wall, he's elbowed you in
the stomach twice.
JON: I'm, again, having fun, superspeed. I'm going
to, while holding onto him, crawl up his back and
jump over and try to land and try to do the move
where I do that and throw him.
ALL: Yeah!
JON: Yeah, against one of the pillars in the bar,
away from the innocent people.
MATT: Make an athletics check. And you have
advantage on this because you're raging, so you
roll twice and take the higher of the two.
JON: Oh, it's just the best?
TALIESIN: Roll again. Yeah, roll again, best of
two. Better!
JON: 22.
MATT: Okay, 22. Grog, I'm going to say, because
you're grappled, go ahead and roll an athletics
check with disadvantage.
TRAVIS: You got it.
MATT: It should be one roll, because you're
raging, you also
get advantage on it, technically.
TRAVIS: Just one roll? 24.
MATT: 24. You reach off, you leap over and you
grab him and you go to pull and it's like pulling
a pillar. Not budging. You can try again if you
want to, or do something else.
MARISHA: Oh, because he has a second...
MATT: He has a second attack, yeah.
JON: I tried to jump over, so now I'm just--
Actually, I did the flip but I didn't pull him, so
now I'm just hanging on the front of him. I'm
still holding on,
but now I'm in front of him, dangling.
MATT: He's stand-spooning you.
TRAVIS: What is this?
JON: Yeah, so now I--
SAM: Reverse pile-drive.
TALIESIN: Go for it! Don't think, act!
JON: Well, I want to start--
MARISHA: What would Chode do?
JON: Well, this is play for him, so I don't know,
this is not an attack, I just want to tickle him.
Kind of grinding on him. In a way, trying to use that
to his advantage to make him uncomfortable.
MATT: Make an intimidation check.
JON: That's an intimidation, okay.
MATT: Against Grog? Yeah.
JON: 27.
TALIESIN: Oh! Grog's ticklish!
MATT: Grog, make a wisdom saving throw.
TRAVIS: Minus two. Four.
JON: You guys get what I'm doing.
MATT: I'm going to say, for the purposes of this,
it catches you so off-guard and it's so unexpected
that you're stunned for the next round.
ALL: Oh!
MATT: As you do that, you see him walk up and he
starts pushing you away.
JON: Does he let go? I can let go now.
MATT: You can let go, yeah. He's like, "Uh, uh!"
You get a full other turn,
what are you going to do?
JON: Can I run back, and then do a (yelling) and
then I just dive in with the biggest punch I can.
MATT: Go for it. You back away, you leap--
JON: Yeah, everything I can put into it, all
force, because
I still want to get a good punch in there.
MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll for an attack. If
you want it, you can make it reckless.
JON: Yeah, he's definitely reckless.
MATT: So roll twice and take the higher on each
attack.
JON: 15. What is that?
TALIESIN: That's a 20.
SAM: Oh, that crits!
MATT: Go ahead and roll a d4.
TALIESIN: He's also got Brutal Critical, so that
adds 2d6 to that, but we'll get to that.
MATT: Technically, it would add a d4, because he's
not using his sword. So, roll that twice and then
add your strength.
JON: 15.
SAM: But he's raging, so another three.
JON: 16.
MATT: 16 points of bludgeoning damage to you,
Grog. That's eight.
TRAVIS: Eight, got it.
LAURA: How are you doing, Grog? Are you still
okay? Are you bloodied yet?
SAM: He's down 22 hit points.
MATT: As your first attack, you run in. Right as
soon as he looks up, you're smiling as you come at
him. You watch as the beard shakes in opposition
of the jaw quiver and you feel and can taste the
iron welling up in the back of your tongue as you
may have bitten off a small piece of the back of
your tongue. As soon as you land from that punch,
he looks a little stunned. You have a second
attack if you want to.
JON: I'm going to do my Wave Kick. That's just
something he's always wanted to try, he doesn't
know if it'll work. It's where he does a
full-body--
and then his foot kicks him right in the groin.
MATT: Awesome. You've practiced this alone many
times, this is your first chance to actually use
it. So go ahead and make an attack for your Wave
Kick.
JON: Right in the crotch.
LIAM: Lionel, with his nunchucks, in the family
den.
MATT: Basically.
JON: So just an attack?
MATT: Well, it's reckless, so you roll twice, take
the higher.
TALIESIN: Roll again. Better.
JON: 17.
MATT: So go ahead and roll a d4 and add your
damage.
JON: One.
SAM: Plus five is six?
TALIESIN: No, you only roll the d4 once.
SAM: So one plus five plus three.
MATT: Okay, so nine. You take four points of
bludgeoning damage, Grog, and you just took a
swift Wave Kick to the groin, as he kind of
(whack). Little snap right to the nuts, so it's
not like an immediate pain, it's the tap. The dull
nausea pain, and he seems to shake a little from
the impact as he kinda grins and glares at you
with his angry eyes. Well done. Grog?
ASHLEY: (deadpan) Grog, stop, no, don't kill him.
TRAVIS: I'm so confused. I've never had another
male do that to my body. He shimmied on me. And
then he punched me. And then he kicked me in the
jellies.
I turn around and I leave.
(gasping)
MATT: He just walked away.
SAM: It's over?
JON: That was fun, you guys. That was fun.
TALIESIN: Pike, do you want to go deal with that?
JON: I was just having fun. Is he all right?
TALIESIN: He'll be fine.
MARISHA: I've never seen Grog walk away from a
fight. He's not fine. What are you talking about?
TALIESIN: I didn't say he's fine, I said he will
be fine.
SAM: I'm pretty sure this makes you a member of
Vox Machina now.
TALIESIN: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
SAM: Well, that's what happened to me, they
attacked me and then I was in.
TALIESIN: There was chocolate milk on the way.
MATT: You see the woman in the back is carrying
this mug and is like, "Right."
SAM: He'll need a straw.
MATT: "Here's your chocolate milk."
JON: Anybody else want to fight?
ASHLEY: I punch him across the face.
(cheering)
MATT: You get the chocolate milk to your mouth,
before (impact sound)
knocks it right out of your hand.
TALIESIN: Were you standing on the table when this
happened? I'm so excited.
MATT: And you watch, the fist comes across, and
the gnome that is in an arc of movement lands on her
feet. You look down and you can see the
white-haired, fully armored gnome there with her
big gauntlets is now there below you, kind of
grinning and growling.
MARISHA: That was good chocolate milk!
TALIESIN: We'll have another.
JON: I'm bummed about the chocolate. You guys have
any more chocolate milk?
MATT: "Yeah."
TALIESIN: Another round.
MATT: "Okay." She wanders off.
MARISHA: Chocolate's expensive, here.
JON: That was awesome.
TALIESIN: She can take it.
ASHLEY: I'm pretty awesome. I finish my ale, flick
a money on the bar, and leave. Oh shit, I don't
have any money, because I gave it all away. Tary,
Tary?
TALIESIN: I'm covering, I'm covering.
SAM: Thank you, because I don't have much.
MATT: She goes, "And the table?"
TALIESIN: Sorry. There's a pile that's been
growing on the table of gold for the furniture.
MATT: "All right, thank you." Brings you another
round of chocolate milk.
JON: Is anybody going to hit me before I drink
this?
TALIESIN: No, I think that's done now.
JON: I'm not, like, I'm not checking. It's fine if
you do. Okay.
MARISHA: Just drink it first.
TALIESIN: I think it's chocolate milk time.
JON: Mmm.
TALIESIN: Maybe I drink too much. I'm not sure.
This is really nice.
JON: I just want to say, you guys, this is the
most fun I've had in a long time. Aes, or you guys
call him Scanlan?
TALIESIN: Aes is fine, Aes is fine.
JON: He's all I've known for the past year, you
know? He took me in when, you know, things weren't
going too well for me. And it's been great. He had
a really cool speech about family, I've never
heard him talk like that. It was kind of weird,
because he's always been this really tough guy,
but I don't know if you guys realize that I just
found out he lied to me for a year.
TALIESIN: No, we know. It's why we took you to a
bar. He's lied to us, too.
JON: Well, I know that he lied to you, and I just
found out that he lied to me, but it's okay.
MARISHA and TALIESIN: Yeah.
JON: Because I realise that he was always there,
and even though I worked for him, and, you know,
he told me what to do, and would bark orders, he
always had my back, and he was the only one who
took care of me. So I think you guys should, like,
be nice to him. Or--
TALIESIN: That's the trouble, he does always have
your back, until he doesn't.
MARISHA: The idiot has a point.
SAM: Well, let's not call names.
JON: What's an idiot?
MARISHA: Oh hey, Tary.
SAM: Yes.
MARISHA: You're still here.
SAM: Yes. I am.
TALIESIN: I get confused because of the cup.
MARISHA: I know.
SAM: Taryon Darrington, pleased to make your
acquaintance. Hi. I'm going to be leaving soon.
(laughter)
JON: Can I kick you in the nuts?
SAM: Uh, please don't. I'm very dainty.
JON: Okay.
TALIESIN: Extremely dainty.
JON: You guys seem like you all enjoy that kind of
stuff, it's awesome.
TALIESIN: Well, you've met the couple that do.
MARISHA: You're not wrong.
MARISHA: Only Scanlan can make Vox Machina
speechless. It's happened a few times tonight. Did
you notice that?
TALIESIN: Hadn't.
MARISHA: I did.
TALIESIN: I'm really angry.
MARISHA: What do we do?
TALIESIN: I want to go see that bloody orb.
MARISHA: Hey, Chode?
JON: Mm?
TALIESIN: Lionel.
MARISHA: Sorry.
TALIESIN: You're so good about this normally.
JON: It's all right. At least you guys are
remembering one of my names. I had to come up with
a couple-- I used to have ten, just to make it
easier for people to even call me a name.
TALIESIN: I have quite a few names myself.
MARISHA: Chard? Where did you come from before you
met Scanlan?
JON: Well, I lived in the desert. I woke up, I
don't remember much when I was a baby. I'm sure
you guys all remember when you were babies, but--
SAM: Nope. Usually not.
JON: I always thought that's how it was done.
SAM: Nope. Nobody does. So far, so good.
TALIESIN: Don't break him, please.
JON: But the only thing I knew, I was orphaned, I
didn't-- I never know my parents, 'cause I woke up
in a basket, in a small creek, and the only thing
that was there were ducks.
SAM: Wait, wait--
TALIESIN: No, no, no, don't say wait! Go on.
MARISHA: Just let him tell his story.
JON: And ever since then, ducks have been my
spirit animal, and I feel like they bring me
strength, and bring me-- make me smarter and they
give me courage. So I grew up in the desert. It
was a rough time, but--
TALIESIN: Were these desert ducks?
MARISHA: Yeah, how'd you know they were ducks?
Normally ducks don't live in the desert.
TALIESIN: These must have been very interesting
ducks.
LIAM: They were actually vultures.
(laughter)
LAURA: You're not there.
JON: What's a vult--
TALIESIN: Nothing-- said a voice that wasn't
there. Carry on.
MARISHA: They were ducks.
JON: It was a small pond in the middle of the
desert.
Some people called it an oasis or something.
TALIESIN: An oasis, yes.
JON: Now, you know, I never saw ducks again there,
so, I don't know,
but I'm confident they were real.
TALIESIN: Migratory, perhaps.
MARISHA: The ducks blessed you. And your birth and
your survival.
JON: Yeah, I just, uh--
MARISHA: He doesn't know what a vulture is!
(chuckles)
JON: I realised I was strong, and I could do
really, you know, awesome things with my body, so
I did-- that kind of helped me when growing up,
and then finally I came to the city of--
SAM: (whispers) Ank'harel.
JON: Ank'harel.
MARISHA: That's a continent, but-- oh wait, no,
the continent-- no, Marquet is the continent.
Ank'harel is the city, okay.
JON: Yeah, stupid.
(laughter)
MARISHA: That's fair. I've earned that.
JON: Ever since I got to the city, I started using
it, but people would abuse me, and my body for
its, like, abilities. So until one day, I met Aes.
He was kind, and he brought me into his family.
MARISHA: Family.
JON: A lot of talk of family, today.
MARISHA: He talked a lot of family to you?
SAM: And ducks.
MARISHA: And ducks. Did he talk much more about
his family to you?
JON: No, I didn't-- I didn't know he had a
daughter. I mean, there was this really, like,
killer babe in our group, I didn't-- where is he?
Where's Aes, you guys?
TALIESIN: Aes ain't here right now.
JON: Well, don't tell him, but... I always had a
thing for her, but now that I know it's his
daughter, yeesh.
TALIESIN: You're not the first.
JON: Yeah, that's good to know. So. But no, I
didn't know much about, you know, he didn't tell
me much, I didn't ask a lot of questions. Nobody's
ever asked me questions. You guys are great.
TALIESIN: Boy, that's not true. But that's good.
You're a fascinating creature, sir. Good man.
MARISHA: We like you. We like you, Chode. Lionel.
We like you, Lionel. Hey, Lion. C'mere, c'mere.
SAM: No.
MARISHA: Parchment-boulder-shears.
Parchment-boulder-shears! I'm going to teach you.
SAM: It's like rock-paper-scissors.
MARISHA: Okay, ready, ready, ready? Boulder,
parchment, or shears. Okay. Ready? On three.
JON and MARISHA: One, two, three.
JON: I punch her.
(laughter)
TALIESIN: Never mind, not disappointed.
MATT: As this transpires, we come over to you two,
having a drink. So you guys find a separate pub.
LAURA: I figured we just sat under the Sun Tree.
LIAM: Yeah, I've got a flask.
MATT: Okay, so you guys sit under the Sun Tree.
It's midafternoon.
LIAM: This is complicated. Real complicated.
LAURA: Yeah. I was so happy to see him.
LIAM: Me, too. Grog and Pike were not happy to see
him.
LAURA: No. We've got to find a way to get them
talking again.
LIAM: Yeah. Yeah. I think they will, but you're
right, it will take some massaging. You know, I
wasn't lying, I knew we would see him again.
LAURA: I know. Couldn't let him know that,
though.
LIAM: This has been nice. It's always nice.
LAURA: Mm-hm?
LIAM: I'm real happy in my setup these days,
but--
LAURA: With Keyleth?
LIAM: That was the implication, yeah. But I miss
you busting my balls on the regular.
LAURA: I know, right? Yeah. I miss it, too.
LIAM: I think-- we were about to head back, but
we've got to get this sorted out first.
LAURA: Yeah.
LIAM: What do you reckon's next? We're going to
Marquet, then?
LAURA: Yeah, probably Ank'harel.
LIAM: You all right?
LAURA: Yeah, I'm fine.
LIAM: You don't seem fine.
LAURA: No, I'm great. You know, it's interesting,
Scanlan being back. Makes me realize that, you
know, he's not the only one who keeps secrets.
LIAM: Mm-hm.
LAURA: And you can't blame someone for keeping
things to themselves, so I'm not mad at him
anymore for the things that he keeps to himself,
because everybody's
got their something, you know?
LIAM: Are you getting at something?
LAURA: No, I'm just saying, I understand where
he's coming from, and I am all right with it now.
I'm fine with it. With the secrets.
LIAM: I feel like I'm missing something.
LAURA: No, nothing at all.
LIAM: Well, I'm not mad at him. I hope Pike and
Grog can come around.
LAURA: I think they will. He's quite charming. I
think everyone will come around.
LIAM: I hope so. I feel like, you know.
LAURA: The Sun Tree? Pelor? Raven Queen?
LIAM: Yeah.
LAURA: Hey!
(laughter)
LIAM: I wonder if it's time.
LAURA: Time for what?
LIAM: Nothing, I'm drunk, never mind. Did you see
this ring I picked up?
LAURA: (laughs) Oh, did you buy that off a little
caravan?
LIAM: Yeah, while you guys were fucking about with
him.
LAURA: That's great!
LIAM: It's very handsome.
LAURA: It's really nice. It's really nice.
LIAM: Yeah. Well. I love you.
LAURA: I love you. Glad we're all here. I'm glad
we're all here!
LIAM: All of us. All of us. Do you want to go find
the rest?
LAURA: Yeah!
LIAM: Let's go find the rest.
MATT: Okay, all right.
MARISHA: Right as Vax walks in-- Fuck!
MATT: You guys begin walking back to the pub. You've
been hearing the commotion in the distance. You assume
that's it. You watch as Grog walks by in a huff.
LAURA: Grog?
LIAM: Big man?
TRAVIS: What?
LAURA: Are you all right?
TRAVIS: Cat. C-A-T. And I leave.
LAURA: You're so smart! Do we see Pike come out
after him?
MATT: You're still in the tavern?
ASHLEY: I left after him.
MATT: You did. So then you watch Pike come out in
a huff a little after him.
LAURA: Pike?
ASHLEY: Hey!
LAURA: What happened in there?
ASHLEY: Oh, nothing. Just hanging out. Just having
a drink.
I'm going to go take a nap, I'm very tired.
LAURA: Pike.
LIAM: Insight check.
LAURA: Well, we don't really need to roll an
insight check to
see this one's not doing so well.
LIAM: It was really low.
ASHLEY: I'm great! I'm all right. Just going to
sleep it off, I think.
LIAM: Yeah, too much to drink, probably.
ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm feeling very drunk, so I'm going
to go to bed.
LIAM: Pickled Pickle.
ASHLEY: I'm a pickled Pickle, yeah. But I'll see
you guys tomorrow.
LAURA: Everything will be better in the morning.
ASHLEY: Sleep is the best medicine.
SAM: You are a cleric.
MATT: Pike wanders off. You guys make your way to
the tavern where the commotion's there. You walk
in just as you see Keyleth and Lionel in the
process and about to play an intense game of
Boulder-Parchment-Shears before Lionel just decks
Keyleth across the face.
MARISHA: Hey, guys! We're playing
Boulder-Parchment-Shears! And then I Alter Self my
fist into a rock elemental fist, a Keyteor fist,
and I go, see, look! Boulder!
And I backhand Lionel.
MATT: First off, you roll damage for her now.
That's going to be a d4 plus your...
TALIESIN: d4, you already hit. Just the d4.
MATT: I'll say you hit because she wasn't
expecting it.
SAM: Is he still raging?
MATT: He's still raging at this point. Why not?
JON: I'm still raging. How long does that last?
MATT: Actually, no, you'd have to be raging again
because you did do your whole duck speech.
JON: Six.
MATT: So you could rage and then attack.
JON: So I could rage-- yeah, okay, so, that was
just-- yeah, that was all right.
MATT: So you take six damage. Now, Keyleth, go ahead and
make an attack roll. With your earth elemental, I
believe it's a plus what, to hit?
MARISHA: Just with my fist? Sure, you want me to
use Earth elemental? I mean, yeah, yeah, totes.
MATT: Just the attack bonus.
MARISHA: 18.
MATT: 18? What's your armor class? You just hit.
Add your strength modifier to one. So what's your
strength modifier?
MARISHA: Just to one? Plus five. So, six, six
damage.
MATT: So, six damage, you take, whack! To the
chin. Her fist is a rock.
JON: And do I take half that or no?
MATT: If you started raging before that, then yes,
you would.
TALIESIN: But you weren't raging yet.
JON: Okay.
MATT: But you can use your reaction to-- Off a
Duck's Back.
JON: No, no, I don't want to.
MATT: So you take the five damage right to the
jaw. Whack! So now you got both sides of the jaw
ringing a little bit in pain.
MARISHA: This is the best game of
Boulder-Parchment-Shears!
JON: Who else wants to-- Is it just a two-player
game?
TALIESIN: I am walking away with my chocolate milk
and walking over to you guys. They're bonding.
JON: And as he's going, I sneak a bullet from
him.
TALIESIN: You can try. You can certainly try.
MATT: All right, go ahead and roll for that. Roll
your sleight of hand. And Percival, I want you to
go ahead and roll a perception check.
TALIESIN: Perception is 19.
MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll.
JON: So I have to get what?
TALIESIN: You're rolling with sleight of hand, so
add sleight of hand to whatever you roll.
JON: 13 plus 11. 24.
SAM: He beat it.
MATT: You pocket a little shot.
LAURA: Oh, shit, he beat my passive perception,
too!
MATT: Yeah. Nobody sees it. Nobody sees it.
TALIESIN: Well done.
MARISHA: Hey, guys, does anyone have any shears?
TALIESIN: Yes, and no.
MARISHA: Shears?
TALIESIN: I have them. You can't have them.
MATT: So Percival walks past and approaches them.
TALIESIN: They're bonding. He's a bit adorable.
LAURA: Seems nice.
LIAM: He's likable.
TALIESIN: I am angry, frustrated, and violent, and
so I'm going to try something new and drink
chocolate milk, and listen to you and do whatever
it is you think is best at this point. I don't
know what to do. What do we do? What do I do?
LAURA: I don't know what to do either, dear. I
think it's a matter of... Forgive.
TALIESIN: Well, I'm not there yet, but I know I'm
feeling emotional, and I know that's when I need
to shut up and listen to you.
LAURA: Well, it's going to take time, I think. I'm
surprisingly okay with it.
I'm just happy he's back.
TALIESIN: I'm less not-okay than I thought I'd be.
I'm worried about Grog.
LAURA: I'm very worried about him and Pike.
TALIESIN: I'm very worried about Pike. I don't
know what to do.
LIAM: Are they fist-fighting in the background?
MARISHA: I go, hey guys, hey guys! Shears! And I
grab onto his plate armor and I cast Heat Metal.
(sizzle)
MATT: Your armor suddenly begins to turn bright
orange and burn your skin. (sizzle)
JON: Oh! Okay, okay, that hurts, that hurts.
MATT: How much damage does that do, Marisha?
MARISHA: 2d8 damage.
TALIESIN: Oh, that's going to hurt. And you get to
re-roll that one, don't you?
MARISHA: Oh, I do. Elemental damage. Ooh, yeah.
Ten damage.
LIAM: Fuck him up, babe!
MATT: (sizzle) It sears into you, and you're like,
"Ooh, it burns! That's new! That's new!
"That's new pain!"
JON: I try to do a little bit of the Off a Duck's
Back.
MATT: Yeah, so you go ahead and you take five
damage. You shrink into your armor. You try and
minimize your torso.
LIAM: He's turtling.
TALIESIN: All right, one second. I'm going to
gently walk up behind them while this is happening
and I'm going to Vulcan neck pinch him with the
Diplomacy.
MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll for an attack.
TALIESIN: That's... Where is that? There it is.
JON: This is going to take a saving throw?
TALIESIN: 21 to hit.
JON: I have danger sense, so does that...?
MATT: Yeah, so what's the save on that?
JON: It just says I have advantage.
MATT: On dexterity saving throws.
JON: On dexterity saving throws. Is that a
dexterity?
MATT: What's it say on Diplomacy?
TALIESIN: It's a... I have to pull out the thing,
I didn't pull this together as much as I thought I
should've. It's a constitution saving throw.
MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll a
constitution saving throw.
TALIESIN: Which is a d20. I'm going to roll the
damage really quickly. Oh wow, this is a lot of
damage. I apologize. 17 points of lightning
damage.
MATT: So you take 17 points of lightning damage.
TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw now.
JON: 20.
TALIESIN: He saves. That's a natural 20. Oh well,
that didn't work.
MATT: You feel this burst of electrical energy.
TALIESIN: That was supposed to knock you out, and
now it didn't.
JON: Yeah, and it's just like, ha, that tickled.
I'm going to go to bed, you guys. That was fun.
Anybody else want to? No? Okay, I'm going.
MATT: And Lionel just leaves.
TALIESIN: This thing never works properly. I
really have to work on that.
JON: That was a weak hit, by the way, if you were
trying to hit me. See you. Oh, wait, hold on. Are
you going to drink this chocolate milk?
TALIESIN: You can take it. You've earned it.
JON: I'll take it.
SAM: Just leaves the bar with the glass.
TALIESIN: Another gold coin goes on the table.
LIAM: I mean, would you stop it?
TALIESIN: No.
MATT: So the four of you now sit there in the
bar.
LAURA: Five of us, Tary is there.
MATT: Tary is there, that's right.
SAM: He really would be good for the brigade.
TALIESIN: I kind of like him.
SAM: Yeah, yeah.
TALIESIN: He's the sort of positive energy I think
your family's going to need around.
SAM: Absolutely. I like him a lot.
LAURA: Are you sure you can't stay?
SAM: I'm staying for a little while. I have to
find Doty.
TALIESIN: I understand.
SAM: I have to find Doty and get some stuff, and
then I've got to be on my way.
TALIESIN: By the way, what you said back there,
with your family, about me.
SAM: Yes?
TALIESIN: That was very flattering.
SAM: Well, I know you're taken, and, you know.
TALIESIN: Doesn't mean I can't be flattered. I'm
quite flattered. That was very flattering.
SAM: I meant it.
TALIESIN: And, you know, if things were different,
I would feel the same way.
If things were very different.
SAM: I get it. I get it. You're sort of making it
worse.
TALIESIN: You're quite a catch. You're quite a
catch.
LAURA: Can you stop flirting with each other?
TALIESIN: I thought it might be fun. All right.
I'm going to gather up our things and prop up the
table again and leave-- How much gold would be
appropriate for the damage and then some?
MATT: The table isn't that expensive, to be
honest. Between the drinks you guys had, a solid
seven or eight gold will handle it.
TALIESIN: I'm going to leave ten gold and be like,
I'm so sorry, but try never not to make it worth
your while and not be too horrible.
MATT: "It's nice to know that the de Rolos are as
lively as the rest of the people who live here."
TALIESIN: Thank you for running this
establishment. Have a good day.
MATT: "You, too, my lord. My lady."
TALIESIN: Let's go find the kids and see if we can
make them feel better.
LAURA: I think they were going to bed, but we can
try.
MARISHA: Keyleth throws her arm around Vax and
catches him up the whole way we walk. I really
think you would really like Chode. He's super
nice, and he likes drinking chocolate milk...
LIAM: I do, I like him already. He's instantly
likable.
MARISHA: We got to talk a lot. We talked about his
background...
LIAM: I was trying to...
MARISHA: Yeah, gosh. Where were you?
LIAM: I was trying to pitch him to Tary, but I
really like him. I want him to stay.
SAM: No, this is all good. I love how you've all
fallen in love with Chod over here. It took you
guys a full two weeks to even stomach me for a
day, but that's all right. It's fine.
TALIESIN: We not asking him to join, while we were
thinking about having you join.
SAM: No, he's great, though. We're instant love
with him.
TALIESIN: He's not Vox Machina material, though.
JON: Are you Taryon right now?
LIAM: Hey, you know, I feel like we were about to
make our exit,
but it's a little more complicated now, right?
MARISHA: Yeah.
LIAM: Might need to stay on a day or two.
TALIESIN: Are we doing this thing?
LAURA: Oh, we're definitely doing this. We're
going to Ank'harel.
LIAM: I think we got to.
MARISHA: The ziggurat's kind of a big deal, right?
I feel like that's warranted for extra Ashari
leave time, for diplomatic duty. Right?
TALIESIN: You said duty.
MARISHA: I did say duty.
TALIESIN: I know. I knew you would know. Never
change.
MARISHA: I'll let Dad know he's going to have to
watch the tribe for a few more weeks.
TALIESIN: I'll let Cass know.
MARISHA: But one of these days I will have to be
getting back. Very soon.
TALIESIN: Let's talk to Pike. Let's talk to Grog.
Let's see how they feel.
LAURA: Pike? Grog? Did you put your earrings back
on?
MATT: You hear nothing.
LAURA: Scanlan.
SAM: Yes?
LAURA: I think they're really depressed, dear.
TALIESIN: I think they're angry and sad.
SAM: What? Percy?
MARISHA: Oh, this is like a one-channel frequency.
We can all hear you.
TALIESIN: Oh, is this a party line?
MARISHA: Yeah, definitely. Yeah.
LAURA: I'm just letting you know their earrings
are off. They can't hear us.
TALIESIN: Or they're not talking.
SAM: What should I do?
LAURA: Say you're sorry.
SAM: But they can't hear me.
LAURA: Well, go fucking find them.
MARISHA: Something like this is better done in
person,
as opposed to over a communication device.
SAM: I shouldn't text my apology?
MARISHA: Nope, you should not.
TALIESIN: Boy, there's a life lesson. D&D
continued.
LIAM: Don't use the Message spell to drop heavy
shit!
TALIESIN: Eye contact, motherfuckers. Eye
contact.
JON: Right then I walk into wherever he is,
right?
MATT: Right, you go back to the tavern.
JON: And I walk in. Hey. Boss. I got you the
bullets.
SAM: You did?
JON: Yeah.
SAM: You are my best man!
TALIESIN: I did give him a bag of musket shot.
It's okay. Carry on.
JON: So, anyways. I'm going to go to bed now.
SAM: Sure, sure.
JON: It's nighttime, right?
SAM: Yeah, no, it is. But did I buy him a room, or
is he just sort of...?
JON: No, you don't have to buy me a room.
MATT: You bought out the inn.
JON: I'll just go sleep in the corner either way.
SAM: Okay. Yeah. If anyone tries to kill me, kill
them.
JON: Oh, yeah, I got it. I have danger sense.
SAM: Oh, you do?
JON: And the ducks will tell me if there's
anything wrong.
SAM: The ducks. Yes, I know this about you.
JON: I actually have Commune with Ducks.
TALIESIN: He does actually have Commune with
Ducks. It is on the page.
Staring at it right now.
JON: You know what, I'm going to use it right
now.
SAM: Do we have ducks near us?
TALIESIN: There are ducks in Whitestone!
MATT: In Whitestone, there's a lot more ducks in
this area than there are in Marquet.
TALIESIN: There are ducks. We have ponds in the
local park. There's a small pond in the cemetery.
JON: I forget I can do that wherever I go, and I
never get the chance.
SAM: What are you going to ask them?
JON: They can tell me up to three facts about the
land.
TALIESIN: Yes, what do the ducks of Whitestone
say?
MARISHA: What do the ducks say?
TALIESIN: (quacking)
MATT: As you take a moment and you kneel, and you
close your eyes, you envision the connection you
had as a child to the ducks along the pond of the
oasis, and as you open your eyes again, you see
there, waddling in through the doorway of the inn,
as the sun in the afternoon is going down to dusk,
this one duck (quacking).
JON: Hey, Brownie! What do you have to say about
this place?
MATT: What do you want to ask it?
JON: Oh, I have to ask.
SAM: All I hear is quacking, right? He's just
quacking at the duck?
MATT: You're just hearing quacking back and
forth.
JON: Do we get bad weather here? Do you get bad
storms here?
MATT: You hear through the duck's quacks, "It
rains quite often, actually.
"It's pretty cloudy. Great."
JON: Okay, so don't leave the hut without an
umbrella, okay?
SAM: Okay, thank you.
JON: And then, do we have to worry about-- Are
there any pyramids? Have you seen any pyramids
around the place?
MATT: The duck's head turns the other way, and it
says to you through quacks,
"Actually, there's one below the city."
TALIESIN: How do the ducks know that?
LAURA: They wander everywhere.
TALIESIN: How did they get down there?
MATT: The essence of nature.
MARISHA: The same reason why pigeons are in
Costco, okay?
JON: He said there's another pyramid under the
city.
SAM: The duck knew that?
JON: Yeah!
SAM: That is crazy.
JON: Should we go?
SAM: No, no, no.
JON: Okay... Is there anything you need to know,
master?
SAM: Yes.
JON: About this area. It's pretty limited.
SAM: Have Vox Machina been happy?
JON: Ducks, do you know if that group over there,
have they been happy? Have they been happy?
MATT: "They didn't look happy when they left the
tavern."
JON: I think we all knew that you kind of wasted
that last one. It's okay, we did it. See you,
Brownie! That was awesome!
MATT: (flapping wings)
JON: Can we go to another city sometime soon so I
can do that again?
SAM: Yes, we will definitely do that. Absolutely.
Yeah. You need to use that skill more often. You
know what the problem is, we don't have as many
ducks in Ank'harel.
JON: I know. And most of the time I just find out
if it's going to rain or not.
It's not that useful.
SAM: You've been great this whole trip.
JON: Thank you.
SAM: I'll tell you what. I'm going to buy some
ducks, and just keep them back in Ank'harel for
you. They can be your little birds.
JON: I go to hug him, but then I forget that
he's... Is he still enchanted?
SAM: No, I'm a little guy.
JON: I squeeze him hard. A little too hard,
probably.
SAM: Ow, ow.
JON: All right, I'm going to go sleep in the
corner.
SAM: Please do.
MATT: Sleeps in the corner. All right. Scanlan,
are you doing anything?
SAM: I mean, I was told to come apologize and find
them.
TRAVIS: I was told...
SAM: I'll go seek my friends out there in the
world.
MATT: All right. Where do you go?
SAM: Where am I going? Hello? It's me, Scanlan
Shorthalt.
LAURA: Where do you want to go?
SAM: I don't know, where is everybody?
LAURA: Well. Pike and Grog went back to their
rooms.
SAM: I don't want to disturb them. They're by
themselves, alone.
Should I go knock on their doors?
LAURA: It's up to you.
SAM: Okay. I'll go find-- Do I know where they're
staying?
MATT: You do. You've been to Whitestone Castle,
you know where the rooms are in the castle, it's
just been a while.
SAM: I'll go knock on Grog's door.
JON: Do you need me for anything?
SAM: No, you sleep it off.
JON: Are you sure?
SAM: Yeah, you've had too much chocolate milk.
JON: Yeah, I am feeling a little bloated down
there.
MATT: You make your way to the castle. You're let
in, because the guards still recognize you as a
member of Vox Machina. Which room do you go to
first?
SAM: Grog.
MATT: Grog. Are you in your room?
TRAVIS: Mm-hm.
MATT: (knocking)
TRAVIS: Pike?
SAM: It's me! Scan-man! Can I come in?
I Dimension Door into the room.
MATT: Scanlan (poof) appears in the center of your
chambers.
SAM: You okay? You didn't come to the door. Big
fella.
TRAVIS: I leave.
SAM: I let him go.
I take a shit on his bed -- no, I'm kidding.
MATT: Grog leaves the chamber and exits.
SAM: I'll walk over to Pike's room, then.
MATT: Okay. Pike, are you in your room?
ASHLEY: Yeah.
MATT: (knocking)
SAM: Hello? It's me, Scan-man.
ASHLEY: What do you want?
SAM: Just to talk and say hello.
ASHLEY: Oh, but we already said hello.
SAM: Just to apologize again.
ASHLEY: I'll open the door. Yes?
SAM: Hey, listen. I know that we haven't seen each
other in a while, and we left on weird terms. And
everything that's happened between us. But I want
you to know that I held no ill will towards you,
and I thank you for agreeing to my request, a
while ago, to look after Kaylie if I should fall.
And I'm glad it didn't come to that, but it's an
honor to know that
you would have even considered it.
ASHLEY: Yeah. Yeah.
I slap him across the face.
SAM: Sure, sure.
MATT: (echoing slap)
ASHLEY: Do you know... Do you remember what you
said, before you left? I mean, obviously you said
lots of things. But there was one thing in
particular that's always bothered me.
SAM: What?
ASHLEY: You said that you were kept alive by some
weird fucking magic. And that's what I do. And I
brought you back so you could be with your
daughter. So fuck you.
SAM: Well, that was a cheap shot.
ASHLEY: Sure. And you know what, I apologize for
putting you in my clothes, but the Scanlan that we
know would've thought that was funny. I'm sorry I
didn't know your mother, but I imagine you don't
know my mother's name.
SAM: I don't. Pike, I don't have anything to say
in my defense. I was wrong, about the whole thing.
I was not a good friend, and I was not a good
teammate. And I'll have to live with that. But I
can tell you this. I like who I am now, and I
didn't then. So maybe, someday, we'll meet, and
you'll get to know the new guy, but if it's not
meant to happen right now, that's okay, and I
understand. And I will go back to what I was doing
before.
ASHLEY: So you like who you are better without
us?
SAM: No. No, that's not what I meant. I meant, I
like who I am now that I know my daughter, and I
know that no matter what, I have someone out there
who's rooting for me. And no matter what happens,
I've got that. And I... Yeah. That's it. I don't
like what I've been doing the last year in terms
of, you know. I've been breaking the law a bit,
which I know you don't love.
ASHLEY: I don't care what you do.
SAM: But I'm doing things that I want to do for me
and my girl, and it's been rewarding and it's been
fun, and that's all that matters at this point.
I'm comfortable with the bastard that I've been,
because I know that the man I am now is different.
So I can't make everybody happy anymore, and I
think that was my problem before. I was trying to
make everyone happy, and that's not my goal
anymore. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry how I
treated you when we first met, how I ogled you and
flirted with you relentlessly. That was
disrespectful. But what I'm most sorry for is that
you met me then, and not now. And that's all I can
say.
ASHLEY: Well. Perhaps we'll meet again in
different circumstances.
SAM: Okay.
ASHLEY: Okay.
SAM: Good night.
ASHLEY: Good night.
SAM: I'll leave.
MATT: Okay. You make your way back.
SAM: And I'll just phone Vex real quick and say,
hey, didn't work. I'm going to go back to
Ank'harel now.
LAURA: No, no, no, Scanlan.
SAM: Yeah, it's not working, it's not great, so,
nope.
LAURA: Scanlan, it takes time. Things take time.
SAM: I'm sure it does.
LAURA: Scanlan, where are you?
SAM: I'm outside Pike's room, weirdly.
LAURA: Shit. Stay there.
SAM: I mean, I think she can hear me talking
through the door.
LAURA: She can't, I don't think she's wearing the
earring. Unless she put it back in.
SAM: No, no, no, I'm really outside her door,
talking.
I'm sure she can hear me through the door.
LAURA: Oh, seriously? Right there?
SAM: Yeah. Yeah. Pike, can you hear me?
ASHLEY: Yes, I can hear you.
SAM: Yeah, she can totally hear everything.
TALIESIN: This is an open channel. We can all
hear.
MARISHA: Hi, Scanlan.
SAM: Oh, hi! Hi, Keyleth.
LIAM: Maybe you should just sleep on it before
leaving town, buddy.
LAURA: Well, no, we're coming with you. You're not
just leaving us again.
MARISHA: Again!
LAURA: You just got here.
LIAM: And some of us are happy to see you.
TALIESIN: We're going to go see the pyramid.
MARISHA: Yeah, you can go to Ank'harel, but we'll
be right behind you, I guess. We know who you are
now, Aes... Agus...
TALIESIN: Tary, are you in for one more adventure
before heading home?
SAM: That would be a sweet close to it. I met you
in Ank'harel, didn't I?
TALIESIN: Yes.
SAM: I'm down.
TALIESIN: Excellent.
MARISHA: To Ank'harel in the morning, then.
Because I'm trying to sleep, you motherfuckers.
TALIESIN: Take your earring off, put it on silent
if you ever want to fall asleep.
MARISHA: The clasp is rusted from when we were in
the water plane, I can't take it off.
TALIESIN: We take ours off, I'm taking mine off
now. Good night.
LAURA: Okay, okay, shut up everyone.
MARISHA: It's stuck there.
MATT: All right. You all eventually find
yourselves to rest for the evening. Scanlan, you
make your way back?
SAM: I'm going to leave the little rock thing that
Grog gave me right outside his door, and I'll get
Lionel up at first light, and I guess we'll set
off for Ank'harel.
LAURA: No!
MARISHA: We'll see him there.
MATT: Okay. That's a two-week journey for you.
SAM: I got no other way to get there.
MARISHA: You could come with us.
SAM: It was not offered.
LAURA: Yes, you were, we didn't tell you to go!
Scanlan, we said don't go!
SAM: Didn't you just say I will see you there?
LAURA: No! Fucking Keyleth said that!
MARISHA: I said if you run away we'll still find
you.
ASHLEY: We'll still be right behind you.
LAURA: We're not telling you to fucking go.
SAM: Wait, so you want to travel with me?
LAURA: Yes!
SAM: Oh, okay, well, then I'll stick around.
LIAM: All over the earring.
TALIESIN: You know, I miss this drama. This is the
drama I missed. This is great.
MATT: So we'll say at the next morning light, as
you all come to consciousness, you find there, spry
and waiting in the center of town, one Scanlan
Shorthalt and one Lionel Gayheart, ready to join
you on a trip back to Ank'harel. And that's where
we'll pick up next week.
TRAVIS: Did you want to say something?
ASHLEY: No.
MATT: Is there something you wanted to do?
Something you wanted to button it on? Let's do it
now. As you guys are gathering in the center of
the city, on your way to the Sun Tree, they stand
there in the light. You guys have your equipment
on you, you're prepared for whatever may come on
the other side of the world in the deserts of
Marquet, wherever this mountain may be.
ASHLEY: Oh, you're still here.
SAM: Yeah. You need me to find this thing, so I'll
lead you to it.
ASHLEY: I throw him a bag of cookies. So we opened
a bakery while you were gone. We have these.
They're called shorties. They're after you. So
hopefully you like them.
TALIESIN: Much like you, they're a bit
disappointing.
ASHLEY: Yeah.
SAM: I'll try-- Well, does it have any...
JON: Cookies! (nom)
MATT: And that's where we'll end the episode this
week.
TALIESIN: Well fucking done, man! Well fucking
done!
LAURA: Holy crap!
MATT: Thank you so much for playing with us this
week! That was so much fun!
MARISHA: Yay Chode!
SAM: Chod?
JON: She still can't get it right.
MATT: By the way, I forgot earlier to mention that
PseudoSomething won the thing in the Twitch chat.
Congratulations to you. Denoba will contact you if
they haven't already to get your information.
LAURA: What was under the blanket the whole time?
MATT: We'll have to wait 'til next week.
TALIESIN: Next week is what's under the blanket.
That or cake.
MATT: Possibly.
LAURA: Oh my gosh.
TALIESIN: Actually, I was about to say, because
he's not seen a proper battlemap, so maybe...
MATT: I'll show him once you guys leave, but yeah.
Dude, thank you so much for coming and playing
with us. Seriously.
LAURA: That was so much fun.
TALIESIN: That was amazing!
MARISHA: Lionel!
TALIESIN: Prepare for so much duck art. There's
just going to be... It's going to be like a 50's
study. It's going to be so much.
SAM: Ducks everywhere.
MATT: I love it.
TALIESIN: Mallard art.
LAURA: Oh my God, next week's our 100th episode!
How fucking weird is it
that we got the T-shirts released...
MATT: Oh, dude. The minute that you showed that
the T-shirts had shown up to everyone in the store
tonight, me and Sam were like...
MARISHA: Like, if people didn't think we had a
writer's room before, they definitely are now!
This feels like a marketing campaign!
TALIESIN: I didn't know about the shirts until we
showed up. That's just been in process.
LAURA: Yeah, we've just been working on this shirt
for a while. And it came out this week.
TRAVIS: We didn't plan that in any way.
ASHLEY: Serendipitous.
MATT: It's kind of amazing. But anyway, guys,
we're going to go because some of us have flights
in the morning to go the Stream of Annihilation
tomorrow and Saturday at D&D. Big round of
applause for Jon Heder.
(cheering)
MATT: That's for you, that's for you. Have a
wonderful night, guys. Rest well. And is it
Thursday yet? Good night!
[music]
