Hi there, I'm Emily Kats an Assistant
professor of Philosophy at Michigan
State University. So, I don't know about
you but lately I've been thinking even
more than usual about my friends and my
loved ones. It's been hard to have to be
apart from them and it's made me reflect
on the importance of love and friendship.
So I thought for this series it might be
timely to discuss some of the things
that Plato and Aristotle have to say
about friendship. I'm gonna do a sort of
Q&A with Plato and Aristotle on
friendship drawing on somewhat more Aristotle
than Plato. I'll keep it short, but
I hope that you'll use this as a kind of
starting point to keep thinking about
these questions and about how you would
try to answer them. So I'm gonna draw
mostly on Plato's Lysis and Aristotle's
Nicomachean Ethics, books eight and nine.
Before I get started with the Q&A, please
take a minute to just pause the video
and write down the names of five friends.
So, these can be family members, they can
be romantic partners, and they don't all
have to be your closest friends, just the
names of five people that you would
consider friends. This is gonna help to
anchor the discussion and I'm going to
refer to this activity as we go along; so
I really encourage you to take a few
minutes to do this and just pause the
video and when you're done with your
list start the video again. So let's
start with the most basic question: what
is friendship? In the Lysis Plato has a
young boy suggest that two people are
friends when one of them loves the other.
But Plato then has Socrates point out
that there's a problem with this: if you
love somebody but they dislike you, then
neither one of you can really say that
you two are friends. Still the boy is onto
something because friendship is some
kind of relationship that involves some
kind of love. In Nicomachean Ethics
8.2 Aristotle writes that the kind
of love involved in friendship
is something that he calls goodwill,
which is basically wishing good things
for the other person. But of course this
isn't yet sufficient for friendship,
because you might feel a lot of goodwill
toward a public figure or a celebrity,
but we wouldn't say that you two are
friends just because of that.
So, the goodwill has to be reciprocated,
that is, you feel it for them and they
feel it for you, and then another
condition is that it has to be
recognized, so you both have to be aware
of this mutual goodwill that you feel
toward one another. So if you and I wish
good things for one another and if we're
both aware of this mutual goodwill, then
according to Aristotle we're friends. Or,
as Aristotle puts it, friendship is
recognized
reciprocal goodwill. So what do you think
of this definition? Would you change
anything about it. One way to think about
whether or not you would change anything
about it, is to ask yourself a question
like this: are there any relationships
that I can think of, that fit this
definition but that I don't really think
are friendships. Maybe people that you
didn't put on that list of friends that
you made earlier.
If so, then, maybe another condition needs
to be added to the definition, or some of
the existing conditions need to be
modified in some way. Another question
you can ask yourself is, you can have a
look at your list of friends, and you can
ask whether Aristotle's definition of
friendship as recognized reciprocal
goodwill covers everyone on your list. If
the definition excludes anyone who's on
your list, then, maybe, again, some
condition of the definition of
friendship needs to be removed or
changed. So, for example, a good friend of
mine maintains that Plato is her best
friend. Of course, she and Plato don't
have recognized reciprocal goodwill for
a variety of obvious reasons, so maybe
that's a good reason to consider
revising Aristotle's definition of
friendship. Okay, time for our second
question:
let's say friendship is recognized
reciprocal goodwill; that still leaves a
bunch of questions and the next one is:
are there different kinds of friendship,
different kinds of recognized reciprocal
goodwill? So, Aristotle maintains that you
can have goodwill toward another person
either because of their utility, because
they give you pleasure, or because they
are good. So he concludes that there are
three kinds of friendship: friendships of
utility, friendships of pleasure, and
friendships of goodness. So I'm going to
unpack each of these in turn, and we'll
start with friendships of utility. So in
such a friendship you and your friend
have goodwill to one another because
each of you is useful to the other, each
of you has something that the other
needs or wants. So let's say, for example,
you're really good at chemistry and a
classmate of yours is really good at
mathematics; so, you decide to become
study partners, you'll explain chemistry
to her, and she'll explain mathematics to
you. As a result of this you spend a lot
of time together and you develop
goodwill and respect toward each other
because of what you can help each other
with. So, have a look at your list of
friends and ask yourself: are there any
people on this list who fall into this
category of utility friendship?
Someone I spend time together with and
feel goodwill toward because they
somehow have something that I need or
want. If there isn't anyone on your list
who falls into this category maybe just
think: well, are there other people who
fall into this category who I know but
who I didn't include on my list? This
brings us to the next kind of friendship,
friendship based on pleasure. In such a
friendship you and the other person have
goodwill toward one another because you
give each other
pleasure. Basically you have good time
together. So, maybe the other person is
really funny, and makes you laugh, and
maybe you're really adventurous and fun
to do things with, so you two might
become friends because you find a good
laugh pleasant and she finds it pleasant
to do adventurous things with a
companion. So if you have a look at your
own list of friends
are there any on there who you'd say are
pleasure friends? People you're friends
with because they're just a lot of fun
to be with. Before I move on to talking
about the third kind of friendship, I
should note that these two kinds of
friendships that I've I've talked about
can mix. So you can be friends with
someone for pleasure and he can be
friends with you for utility. So this
might describe a good mentoring
friendship for example; the mentee finds
it useful to learn from his mentor and
she takes pleasure from mentoring him
and seeing him learn. Okay, so, onto the
last kind of friendship, friendship based
on goodness. In this kind of friendship
you and your friend have goodwill toward
one another, because each of you is a
good person. And since what you love
about the other person is for goodness,
or a good character, you love her for
her own sake. Aristotle maintains that
friendships based on goodness will also
be useful and pleasant, because two good
people are always pleasant and useful to
each other.
And Plato shows us in the Phaedrus and
the Symposium
that the most intimate kind of
relationship can help both parties to
become better and wiser. So is there
anyone on your list of friends who's
this kind of friend: someone you love
just because of the good person she is,
and who loves you just because of the
good person that you are. Aristotle would
say that this is your truest friend. And
here's something for you to think about
later: do you think that there are any
other kinds of friendship besides these
three? Are there people on your list of
friends who don't fit into any of these
three kinds, if you kind of mix them
together? So, if there are some people on
your list who don't fit into any of
these three kinds of friendship, how
would you characterize the friendship
that you have with these people. So this
brings us to our third question. Let's
see, we have these three kinds of
friendship. Are any of these kinds of
friendship better than the others? Well,
Aristotle's answer is that only friendship
based on goodness is friendship in the
truest sense; he calls this complete
friendship.
My goodness friendships are the most
lasting because they're based on each
friends' character and character is
something stable and lasty. Aristotle
argues that utility friendships dissolve
as soon as one or both of the friends is
no longer useful to the other. So to go
back to my study partner example, when
the semester is over you and your friend
are gonna have less need of one another
because you don't need as much help from
one another when classes are done. And so
you have less reason to get together, and
so your friendship may kind of peter out
over the course of the summer. And then,
as for pleasure friendships, these are
gonna dissolve when one or both of the
friends stops being pleasant for the
other. So returning to my example of this
kind of friendship, let's say you injure
yourself and can no longer do fun
adventurous things. Well, then, you and
your friend are gonna stop doing so many
things together and the friendship again
might kind of fade away. Okay,
so, just because friendships based on
goodness are the truest and most
enduring, does this mean that you should
strive to only have friends of goodness?
Well Aristotle and Plato both
characterized the highest kind of
friendship as something very intimate,
that you can only have with very few
people.
It takes a long time to get to know someone
well enough to know their full character;
and also to maintain such a friendship
you have to spend a lot of time with the
other person. Since you only have so much
time to spend, you can only have very few
such intimate friends. So you can't
really have a lot of friendships based
on goodness. So, if you refuse to be
friends with anyone unless you can have
a friendship based on goodness, well
you're just not going to have very many
friends. What's more, friendship based
on goodness, or complete friendship, often
starts as friendship based on pleasure
or utility. So, think about your own list
of friends. Maybe some of these people
started off as people whose company you
just enjoyed, they just gave you pleasure
to be around. And because you enjoyed
each other's company
so much, well, you spent a lot of time
together, and really got to know one
another. And then your friendship
deepened, and became based on your mutual
love of one another's characters. And the
same thing can happen with utility
friendships. But I want to add something
that Aristotle and Plato don't believe
commit themselves to, which is that, even
if a utility friendship never evolves
into a complete friendship, it can still
be extremely meaningful. And, sometimes,
its limitations are exactly what makes
it able to play a powerful role in your
life. So sometimes, you know, when I talk
about this with with students, sometimes
they think, well, maybe you really
shouldn't be friends with someone just
for the utility, that there's something
wrong with this kind of relationship.
Isn't this using somebody if you're
friends with them based on utility? So,
I'm gonna argue that, if done right, a
utility friendship isn't one in which
the parties use one another. It's one in
which the two parties benefit one
another. And I'm gonna anchor the
argument in a personal example, but I
hope it's one that some of you can
relate to. So, I went through a difficult
experience a couple of years ago and,
since none of my closest friends had
been through the same experience, there
was only so much they could do to really
help me through it.
But I found a support group and, through
the support group, I was connected with
another person who had been through the
very same experience, and in the very
same way. Now, this other person and I really
didn't have anything else in common, and
we didn't even really know very much
about other aspects of one another's
lives. But we knew exactly how the other
person felt about this shared experience
that we've both been through. So we felt
deep goodwill and love and gratitude
toward one another because we could
really help each other through the
process of processing and healing from
this experience. And we could do this
even though we didn't really know each
other very well.
So after a year or so, when we were both
feeling a lot better, we gradually and
organically began to communicate less
frequently. We were very very different
people with really different values and
really different beliefs, and so the
friendship was never gonna be a complete
friendship. But even though our contact
eventually faded away, this was a really
meaningful friendship. And I wonder if
you've ever had a friendship like this,
where you and the other person were able
to help one another, and felt deep
goodwill toward one another because of
this, even though you didn't develop what
Aristotle would call a complete
friendship. In any case, I think this
shows that utility friendships can be
very important and need not leave either
friend feeling used. If done right, they
can leave each friend feeling benefited
and grateful. We're now at the last
question of our Q&A. And this is a
question that we may all be thinking
about now more than ever, since we're
having to stay apart from our friends
and many of our loved ones. And the
question is: how does being apart from
your friend affect the friendship? So,
Aristotle addresses this question in
Nicomachean Ethics 8.5 and he says that
friendship is a state that you and your
friend both maintain by engaging in the
activities of friendship: spending time
together and doing good things for one
another. So, when you and your friend are
separated and can't engage in the
activities of friendship with one
another, then what happens to the
friendship? Aristotle says that you
continue to be friends, but that you're
not actively being friends to one
another. And he argues that the state of
friendship can last for a while, quite a
while actually, without friendship
activities, but that, if the separation
lasts long enough, then the friendship
will probably fade. Of course, in Aristotle's time being separated by distance
meant being unable to engage in
friendship activities. We now have all
sorts of ways to do things with friends,
even when you're physically separated.
They might not be the same things that
you used to
do, you can't go hiking with your friend,
or even have coffee together right now,
but as long as you continue to talk,
spend time, and do things together even
if only virtually, then, at least
according to Aristotle's model, the
friendship will continue. So, if you like,
take one more look at that list of
friends that you made earlier, and if you
like consider today engaging in a
friendship activity with each of these
people. Thanks for listening
I hope you found something in these
ancient ideas that speaks to you. One of
the things that I find really wonderful
about reading Plato and Aristotle is
that they do speak to me, even though I
live in a world so different from theirs
that they could hardly have imagined it.
And whether this means that Plato and
Aristotle were visionaries or that there
are some questions that are always going
to be of concern to us as human beings,
or maybe even somehow both, I'll let you
decide.
Take care.
