I have some big news to share.
My family is about to
get a little bit bigger.
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
Yes, Prince Harry just
announced that he is engaged.
[LAUGHTER]
Because, you know, Kate
Middleton is my 15th cousin.
So that makes Prince
Harry's fiance my--
other cousin.
And here's a picture of the
royal couple right here.
[AUDIENCE SWOONS]
Look at them.
Yeah, I don't know for sure.
I think he proposed to her
on the royal jumbotron.
I'm not sure.
[LAUGHTER]
I know they have one.
Her name is Meghan Markle.
She's from Los Angeles.
She's an actress.
She's been on General Hospital.
She's been on CSI New York.
And this is true-- she was once
the holder of case number 24
on Deal or No Deal.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
Which means if Harry had
picked the other model,
he could have gotten a
million dollars, so--
[LAUGHTER]
Darn it.
She's also the first American
member of the royal family.
We finally got somebody
on the inside, you guys.
[LAUGHTER]
This is absolutely true.
We have met before.
This is what she said about me
in an interview, "I was in LA,
and I went to this
dog rescue place.
Then Ellen and Portia
de Rossi walked in.
And Ellen goes,
'Is that your dog?'
I said, 'No.' And she's like,
'You have to take that dog.'
So I brought him home
because Ellen told me to."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
It's amazing.
I mean, she adopted a dog
because I told her to.
I even have a picture
of the dog right here.
There's the dog.
[LAUGHTER]
No, I found that on Google.
I don't know what the dog--
I don't even remember
the story, actually.
But obviously she does.
And she does whatever
I tell her to do.
So Megan, if you're watching,
I have something else
to tell you.
Invite me to that wedding.
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
I want to go.
Listen to this, you guys--
because she does whenever I
tell her--
OK, instead of plus
one, I want a plus 400.
I want these people to come too.
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
Yeah, I love that
you really think
you're going, that
you're so genuinely
excited there's a possibility.
The royal family hasn't talked
much about the engagement
so far.
But I'm close with them.
I have an exclusive.
So I texted the
queen this morning.
And she's going to
talk with us right
now through the
technology from Cisco.
And let's see if she's there.
Your majesty?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
(SHRILL BRITISH ACCENT) Yes?
Oh, goodness.
[LAUGHTER]
(SHRILL BRITISH
ACCENT) Hello, Ellen!
Hi.
Hi, Queen Elizabeth.
Are you excited
about the engagement?
(SHRILL BRITISH ACCENT)
Slow down, Ellen.
First of all, since I'm
appearing on this show,
do I get 12 Days of Giveaways?
No, I actually just wanted to
talk to you about Prince Harry.
(SHRILL BRITISH ACCENT)
Then I'm out of here.
I only agreed to this because
I thought I'd get the 12 Days.
I need a Vitamix!
Yeah, now how do you
need anything at all?
You're one of the richest
people in the world.
(SHRILL BRITISH
ACCENT) Well, yeah,
but who doesn't
like free [BLEEP]??
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
OK, that's-- I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
That's all right.
Cut her off.
That's, that's--
(SHRILL BRITISH ACCENT) Can I
at least get some headphones?
You're always giving away head--
No, she's gone.
[LAUGHTER]
It's OK.
No, I'm sorry about that.
I really am.
