Let's talk about
North Korea,
the world's largest
Escape the Room.
With the release of three
American hostages last week,
and a major denuclearization
summit set for June,
America's relationship with
insane Teletubby Kim Jong-un
has never been better.
In fact, things have
been looking so optimistic
that President Trump is
even getting some awards buzz.
Everyone thinks so,
but I would never say.
(laughs):
Nobel.
That's very nice.
Nobel.
(chuckles)
Trump's fake humility
is priceless.
-(laughter)
-He's like, "No, no, guys,
no, guys, please, no.
They're saying 'Nobel.'
"That's what they're saying.
'Nobel. Nobel.'
"You can't hear them? 'Nobel.'
That's what they're saying.
No, no. Please, no, no,
Nobel, Nobel, Nobel, Nobel."
But genuinely,
look at that smile.
Have you ever seen Donald Trump
this genuinely happy before?
He looks happier than Ben Carson
in a mattress store.
That's what he looks like.
He's like,
"It's a land of opportunity."
But maybe it was all
too good to be true.
Because last night North Korea
pulled out of a peace summit
with South Korea.
And now they're threatening
to pull out of peace talks
with the U.S.
Which is such a drag
for President Trump.
This was the one thing
that he was gonna do right.
Now they're screwing him so hard
it's gonna cost him 130 grand.
-(laughter)
-On the other hand,
on the other hand,
I will say this--
the Kim of the North
does seem to have
some valid reasons.
NEWSWOMAN: North Korea cancelled
 today's talks with South Korea
 over ongoing U.S.-South Korea
 military exercises.
It's an exercise
called Max Thunder
involving the United States Air
Force and South Korean forces,
with about 2,000 troops
participating,
according
to the Department of Defense.
Yeah, you see,
South Korea and the U.S.
are conducting
a big military exercise
right on North Korea's doorstep.
And I can see why this
would make Kim uneasy.
I mean, first of all,
Max Thunder is a badass name
for a military drill.
Yeah, it sounds like a Gatorade
flavor with cocaine in it.
But also, imagine you
and your enemy agree to...
agree to be friends, right?
And then all of a sudden
you see them outside your window
practicing karate moves,
just like, "Yaah! Yaah!"
You're like,
"What are you doing?"
"Oh, hey, Gary,
I'm just punching a dummy
"with your face in it, but it
has nothing to do with you.
We're cool.
I'm gonna kill you, Gary! Yaah!"
And North Korea's complaints go
beyond the military drill.
(laughter)
Does everyone remember
Trump's national security
advisor John Bolton? Yeah?
The guy whose mom definitely
cheated with a walrus?
-(laughter)
-Well... well, lately...
lately, Bolton's mustache hole
has been saying things
that have made North Korea
feel a little... not nice.
NEWSMAN: President Trump's
 national security advisor
 John Bolton was singled out
 by the North Koreans
 for suggesting that North Korea
 could be disarmed like Libya
 15 years ago.
I think we're looking at
the Libya model of 2003, 2004.
NEWSMAN: The North Koreans don't
 appreciate the Libya example,
 because eight years after
 dictator Muammar Gaddafi
 abandoned
 his weapons development,
 he was overthrown and killed.
What kind of moron uses
what the U.S. did in Libya
as a sales pitch
to another dictator?
"Uh, Kim Jong-un,
here's our opening offer.
"You shot on the head
on the side of the road.
Yeah? Yeah? Hello? Uh, hello?
Oh, this must be a bad line."
This is so dumb.
Like, that's not a sales pitch.
This would be like
Richard Branson saying,
"Buy a ticket
on my space flight,
I'll give you the full
 Challenger experience!"
And what John Bolton said
upset North Korea so much
that they specifically
called him out
for antagonizing them.
Which I think must have
made Trump so angry, right?
This whole thing could be
screwed up because of him.
I bet he ran into
Bolton's office and was like,
"You idiot! You might have
cost me my Nobel Peace Prize.
"I would punch you,
but I still want to win it,
"I still want to win it,
and many people are saying
"I should win, so many people.
Nobel. Nobel. Nobel. Nobel."
So... so as it stands right now,
things are not looking good
for the June nuclear summit.
But I don't think that we should
allow things to fall apart.
The president's happiness
is at stake, people.
And I guess so is world peace,
or whatever.
So... to make things right
with Kim Jong-un,
I would like to offer,
from The Daily Show,
John Bolton's actual mustache.
-(laughter) -Yes. As a token
of our goodwill, Kim Jong-un.
Don't ask me how I got it.
Just know that I did.
