Hello, Internet.
Seth Skorkowsky.
Periodically, I've done videos that are humorous takes on bad players or bad player characters, such as, you know,
"The Five Worst Characters That Good Players Make" and so on.
And one of the most common requests that I get when I'm talking about bad PCs is
what people refer to as the lone wolf, the Batman, or just simply edge lords.
I think most players have seen some iteration of this over the years, uh, they're what you get if you took the broodier
aspects of Vampire Hunter D, Blade, and The Crow, boiled them down, and painted yourself with it.
And while, yes, a lone wolf character is definitely a problem
if you're doing a group game with multiple players, lone wolves themselves really aren't restricted to just edge lords.
And yeah, while edge lords are certainly cliches,
they're hardly the only cliche out there, you know. Popular cliches also include, you know,
the absent-minded wizard or the big dumb
barbarian, and getting to play some of our favorite cliches is the entire reason that many of us game in the first place.
So, I really don't see edge lords themselves as a
problem as much as they're sort of a term that we use to describe a particular combination
or flavor of larger problems that PCs and players might have: the attention hog, the loner,
the clone. And those are all things that I feel are worth addressing
individually, but just because a PC is doing it while wearing black doesn't really make it any more or less of an issue than those
are already issues to begin with. To me, edge lords are more of a symptom of -
Yeah, I can't do this video.
TODD: We can do it for you.
Really?
MIKE: Yeah, brother. We can take it from here.
Are you sure?
DWEEBLES: No sweat. Even if you don't think edge lords are a real problem, they're still really fun to make fun of.
GMC SETH: Yeah, man, you've been working real hard lately. Just take the day off. We got this one.
Wait. Who are you?!
GMC SETH: Me? I'm your game master character, which you also named Seth, which is a bit narcissistic if you ask me.
I-I didn't think that you were one of the-
MIKE: Stop worryin' about it. You take the day off and we'll handle this one for ya.
Well, okay, then. You guys have fun.
DWEEBLES: Okay, he's gone. Let's do it!
[drum solo]
[crunchy guitar and drums]
GMC SETH: Mike, you step into the tavern and the air is thick with the smoke of tallow candles. A brightly clad minstrel performs near the bar.
GMC SETH: Dweebles, is give me a check.
[DWEEBLES rolls dice]
GM SETH: Oh, yeah. You have an audience watching you.
DWEEBLES: Darn right I do, but then I'm gonna get up on the bar and start playing across it like Desperado. Also, I'm gonna start making some moves on the ladies.
MIKE: Okay. Anyone else in here look interesting?
TODD: In the shadows beneath the stairs, a lone man sits, his face shrouded beneath a wide-brimmed hat.
MIKE: Well, Desperado looks busy. So I'm gonna buy an ale and head on over to hat guy.
GMC SETH: Mike, what does your character look like?
MIKE: Well, I'm a Dwarf, so I got a long, braided beard and a horn helmet and around my neck is an iron amulet in the shape of an anvil.
GMC SETH: And Todd, what about yours?
TODD: My character nods as you approach. He is of an indeterminate age, and his hair is of no particular color.
MIKE: What the hell does that even mean? and you didn't paint your mini, there. It's just primered.
TODD: He is a blank palette; his coloring unknowable.
MIKE: Is he serious?
GMC SETH: Yeah, dude. You're gonna need a painted mini.
TODD: Augh, fine. Here. Is that better?
MIKE: What? Did you just dip that in black and then paint a face on it?
TODD: No, that is midnight black, noir shadow, nightmare black, gothic black, and abyssal; a rainbow of darkness, just like my soul.
MIKE: Well, I'm jus' gonna go ahead and introduce myself.
"Well met, sir. I am the Liarthon, priest of Moradin. And who are you, sir?"
TODD: He nods. "Shadow."
MIKE: "Your momma named you Shadow?"
TODD: "No. It is the name that my life has given to me. You wouldn't understand. And I don't like to speak of my mother. It is too painful."
MIKE: "Your mama's dead?"
TODD: "Yes."
MIKE: "Murdered."
TODD: "Yes."
MIKE: "I'm guessin' that it was a betrayal, leading to you having trust issues and now you're on a quest for revenge."
TODD: "How do you know these things of me, stranger? Are you a seer?"
MIKE: Yeah, of cliches.
TODD: So? You're a textbook Dwarf and Dweebles is a horny bard. What makes your tropes any better than mine?
MIKE: I dunno. Maybe it's cuz our characters are fun and we interact with the world and with each other. Now, speakin' of which, I'm gonna go to the bar to get my partyin' and maybe some wenchin' on.
DWEEBLES: "Don't worry. I'll save the bearded wench for you."
MIKE: "Damn right, you will."
GMC SETH: After a bit, the door bursts open and a haggard man stumbles inside clutching a bleeding wound at his stomach.
GMC SETH: He reaches out toward you with red-stained fingers. "Help me!!!" and he falls to the floor.
MIKE: I'm gonna cast a healing spell on him.
DWEEBLES: And I'm gonna soothe him with my music.
GMC SETH: The color begins returning to his cheeks.
DWEEBLES: "Tell us what happened, good sir."
GMC SETH: "My farm was attacked by Orcs. There were so many of them, but I tried to fight them off, but-but, they took my children.
MIKE: "Damn. I hate Orcs. You know where they took 'em?"
GMC SETH: "To the slave pits of Ghanth Lor!"
DWEEBLES: "Don't worry sir. We'll save 'em"
[awkward silence]
MIKE: "Would, uh, anyone like to join us?"
TODD: Shadow is just sitting in the back of the room, like he doesn't even notice all of this.
MIKE: "Okay, then. I guess the bard and I are gonna go."
[TODD writes a note and hands it to GMC SETH.]
DWEEBLES: Ah, damn. Are we doin' secret squirrel notes?
GMC SETH: Okay, Mike, you're sitting by the campfire on your watch when all of a sudden you hear a sound come from the darkened woods.
MIKE: I shake the bard awake and I stand, brandishing my hammer. "Show yourselves, cowards!"
TODD: "Do not fear, for it is I."
MIKE: "Ah, damn. What are you doing here?"
TODD: "I've come to protect you."
MIKE: Yeah, but my character doesn't have a reason to like you.
DWEEBLES: And our characters have never met.
TODD: "That does not matter, for I could see that you are brave and in need of my help."
MIKE: "Then why didn't you join us when we left the bar instead sneaking around the woods here like a creeper?"
TODD: "I am a lone wolf. Making bonds with others is very difficult for me to do, for so often, they die and my heart is already so heavy with loss."
DWEEBLES: "Dude, wolves are supposed to be pack animals. Lone wolves die alone."
TODD: "Everyone dies alone, dude."
MIKE: Well, now that you're here and Seth ain't gotta run two games by you going solo, why don't you join the party and we can get to the adventure a whole lot faster?
TODD: I am a solitary creature, like Batman.
MIKE: Batman wasn't solitary. He had Robin and he had Alfred and he had Batgirl.
DWEEBLES: Sometimes Catwoman. Prrrrrrrooooooooowwwwww.
MIKE: He was also a super friend. And you know what the most common moral in a Batman story was?
TODD: That, uh, brooding and capes are cool?
MIKE: No. That Batman needs help, that there's strength in numbers, and not one man can do it all. He and Superman been swappin' that lesson back and forth for years.
GMC SETH: While you guys are arguing, a band of brigands emerges from the woods around you. Their leader steps forward, his crossbow leveled. "Yer gold or yer lives."
MIKE: "Quick! Everybody get back-to-back!"
DWEEBLES: "I'll stand with you."
TODD: Drawing my rapier and main gauche, I charge the four over there.
DWEEBLES: "What the hell are you doing?!"
TODD: "Saving your lives."
GMC SETH: Todd, your character awakens to see the Dwarf kneeling above you, his hands glowing with healing light. Thank you good cleric
TODD: "Thank you, good cleric. So, what happened?"
MIKE: "You got flanked and they beat your ass unconscious."
TODD: "I did kill two of them first, which means that I turn the tide in your favor. There is no need to thank me."
MIKE: "I wasn't plannin' to."
TODD: I look down at the two men that I killed and then, with my dagger, I cut two cuts into my chest.
DWEEBLES: "What the hell, man?!"
MIKE: "I am NOT healing that."
TODD: "You can't, because the scars are on my soul and with each life that I take removes just another piece of it."
TODD: I open up my shirt to reveal hundreds of scars criss-crossing my flesh. "Each of these is a life that I have taken."
GMC SETH: Dude, you're only first level. You haven't killed hundreds of people.
TODD: Oh. Well, then, dozens.
GMC SETH: No, you've got, um [rolls dice]
GMC SETH: Five, including those two you just gave yourself.
TODD: Oh. Well, then, "It is a blank canvas that I shall soon paint with my pain."
MIKE: Look, brother, I get it. You're so edgy, you walk between the raindrops, but can you maybe tone this down like ten notches or something?
MIKE: Cuz I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out why my character would even be friends with your character.
TODD: "I have no friends, but I will protect you. Sleep well, heroes, for know that I am watching over you." And with that, I melt into the shadows.
DWEEBLES: Did he vanish?
GMC SETH: [rolls dice]
GMC SETH: No, you see him hiding behind a tree over there.
GMC SETH: Okay, after fighting your way through the dungeon, you barricade yourselves in a room for the night.
MIKE: "Once we're all rested up and we get our spells back for tomorrow, we can head on down to that final level. Who's on first watch?"
TODD: "I will serve as protector."
MIKE: "Fine. I'll take second watch, and Dweebles can have third."
[TODD writes another note which he hands to GMC SETH]
GMC SETH: Okay.
GMC SETH: Dweebles, you awake fully rested and the Dwarf is snoring beside you. The door to the lower level is open and Shadow is nowhere to be seen.
DWEEBLES: Oh, this is a bad sign. I'm gonna wake up the Dwarf and we're gonna head down.
GMC SETH: You emerge into a room at the bottom of the stairs to see Shadow dead, a pair of giant rats lying dead beside him.
DWEEBLES: He got killed by rats?
TODD: Giant rats, and I woulda won, too, if that brown one hadn't sucker-punched me from behind while I was busy kicking ass.
TODD: I was about to unleash my Steel Maelstrom Bladed Whirlwind Strike, but my Chi wasn't in full alignment yet.
DWEEBLES: He died as he lived.
TODD: Outnumbered and extreme.
MIKE: No, pointless and putting everybody else in danger. His leaving in the middle of the night could have gotten our characters killed.
DWEEBLES: So, do you think we should bury him?
MIKE: Yeah, I suppose we should.
GMC SETH: As your characters finish burying Shadow's remains, you turn to see a lone figure standing on the rocks behind you.
TODD: He is an all black, a brooding shadow across his eyes.
DWEEBLES: Oh my god. Is this just the same character again?
TODD: No, Shadow is a thief duelist. This is Dirk Bloodthorne, dark ranger and hunter of men.
TODD: "My origin is long and tragic and maybe one day once I have found redemption, I shall tell you all about it. I'm also a bit of a loner; a rebel."
MIKE: Yeah, while he's talking, I'm gonna start digging a second grave. Think we're gonna need it soon.
TODD: Hey, thanks for watching.
TODD: If you enjoyed the video, please give it a thumbs up. If you wanna see some more of our stuff like "how-to"s and
TODD: RPG reviews just hit that subscribe button. 'Til next time, amigos, stay awesome.
DWEEBLES: I think that one went pretty well. We should do more of these without Seth.
