 
 
On the last day of our vacation, we are in Sydney, and
my wife is like "i wanna go see the Sydney Opera House".
I said "i 'm not interested in 
seeing touristic monuments"
I've seen all it's pics online.
Enough of it that
there's nothing left to surprise me.
I've seen it's X-rays!
You get it? What do i see now? 
"It's so famous. There must be something.
Don't be this...person. Lets just go check it out!"
See we all know, there are some people around us...
Everyone's met one person at least...
"I want to see the Eiffel tower once!
"Once! The Eiffel Tower! Just once.
The Eiffel Tower, ah!"
"Once, the Eiffel Tower! 
I wanna see the Eiffel Tower once!."
"I wanna see the Eiffel Tower once!."
Once.
Once.
"Once! Just once! 
I wanna see the Eiffel Tower once!."
You wanna see the Eiffel Tower?
You'll spend Lakhs. Book flights, hotels.
All sorted, you land into a country. Navigate through streets that don't speak your language.
All that done, after crossing those hurdles...
Your reach there.
There's a lawn. Thats the Eiffel tower in front.
They don't even sell food here?
And she's like "I will to go to the Sydney Opera house"
Cool. No issues. 
So we came to an amicable solution.
You go to the Sydney Opera House, i'll go somewhere else. Amicable solution.
Yup. Lets at the hotel 6 hours later.
Cool, sorted.
Now...i rejected her plan.
I have to do something amazing, right?
I cant just..you know... have Chhole Bhature in Sydney and come back.
Something thats...you get it, right?
So i decided to experiment,
and i went to a
contemporary art museum.
I have never been to  contemporary art gallery.
Its like learning 1+1 = 2 and going for the Maths olympiad right away.
I don't know if any of you have ever been to a contemporary art museum.
It's a place where
art and nonsense meet.
Intentionally, you know.
Yup. I entered, and the first gallery
consisted of
5 display walls, ok...5.
Each wall, huge!
So huge, that you can't see one standing
by the other. I entered and the 1st wall...
It was, compared to this wall here...
Almost 3 to 4 times bigger.
That huge...
Left to right,
top to bottom
Just...white.
Except, that the geometrical centre was figured.
Through efforts of, an artist.
And in that centre
There is this palm made of copper
Thats it!
That... you think!
About what i have made here.
There is a description of the art.
This is a palm.
Full stop. Thats all he wanted to say in a breath.
Could have told a bit more.
We cant figure shit.
People come, look at it, and...
they stay for a couple minutes.
And then everyone has that same question...
So?
So, what do we do now?
Yes,  you made a palm. So what? 
I have one too, i've seen it before.
You made it life size.
You could have made a big one, atleast.
Could have been installed at the delhi Airport -
Something bigger maybe, you know.
You make 27 fingers on a palm...i can see that.
Something....
This is the same.
I have it too!
So people aren't getting it - 
and there are -
At the same time there are some people
who come and just, full on....
I remember this one lady, you know.
Mid forties types.
She seemed like
one of those people who tries to follow art...
and she's folded her arms and she's staring
For 5 mins, she kept staring intensely.
People are coming over to look.
What can she see?
Is it visible at her angle?
I want to see it too.
And she did not move for a while. 
So we thought, is she a part of the art?
People are trying to figure if there is a connection.
What if this is the installation.
That we'll make something pointless
and someone will be staring at it.
and she just stood. 
But then she blinked.
Ah shit. She'd not it too.
It's something else.
We're clueless, as she just continues staring.
"Today, i'm going to make a dinosaur come out of this."
"That too coloured."
I don't know what she's staring at.
But she's staring.
It's a plain copper palm. Life sized.
Without even palm lies.
You cant even kill time with - "oh he has a crescent moon, he must have a beautiful spouse"
There's a cross on the heart's line.
He'd have a heart attack.
Academic line is short...
oh ya he's an artist.
Just staring. 5 mins, intensely, she's staring.
While she was staring...
from the opposite direction...
came a hipster-ish young guy...
and he Hi-fived on it!
"The hand has been lifted.
You can't let it go empty now"
Walking past, casually, he just - bam!
There you go!
And the second his hand contacted the plate
there was this sharp sound - *aein*
Which wasn't the alarm.
Apparently, that was art!
It was supposed to make you curious enough
that you touch it.
That lady got so jealous!
"This homeless guy is gonna teach are to ME ?"
"HIM? whose pants are lower than his underwear..."
"HE, will teach ME, what art is?"
And as soon as that *aein* happened,
the sound echoed through the gallery.
"Oh fuck! An *aein* happened somewhere.
We wanna do the *aein* too!"
"We wanna do the *aein* too! We too have paid"
And people there are so polite.
They queued up to do an *aein*.
That poor lade took 4-5 seconds to overcome her ego.
She had to go stand at the end of the queue.
Now there's a queue of people.
First person is like - *aein*
Second person - *aein*
Third person - *aein*
Fourth person - *aein*
and i'm like- 5th guy, you moron,
cant you figure its gonna be an *aein*?
Why are you still standing in that queue?
Till where will this stupidity,
in the name of curiosity, keep on going?
The 2nd wall...
That too, equally huge.
And this time... actually...
left to right... top to bottom... completely white.
There's no palm either!
And i'm thinking -
"isn't this a little too much of a scam now?"
He wants us to think what he was GOING TO MAKE!
As in, make it atleast! 
This, i could do at home!
And then i thought i'm acting crazy,
it cant be so crude a scam.
I saw two guys standing at the centre.
They were at the wall's centre but were looking down.
I tried to see what they were looking at.
Down there, were 2 copper feet.
Which weren't even touching the wall.
And i'm thinking why waste a huge wall?
Put a sign "here".
People are going nuts- 
"What do we have to do here?"
"Did you find something? Anything?"
Clueless, people are switching the lights
on and off.  Like idiots.
With lights on -
"Oh that grey shade you see?"
"The top and bottom..." -
all that nonsense.
No one has a clue!
People who had done *aein* on the previous wall
They are randomly choosing
a part of the wall and ... *aein*
*aein*
*aein*
Where would a secret door open...*aein*
It was a nice clean white wall,
and now there are prints all over it.
And the people coming after their first *aein*,
see these prints and go - *aein*
*aein* *aein*
And i could see, visibly,
these two guys standing ahead
They also don't have it figured yet.
So i thought...
I'll tell you. I'll tell you what ART is!
So, i had taken a couple steps towards them.
Just then, from the other side,
that lady came running, shoes in her hands...
slammed an *aein* and ran away.
Now she's taken upon herself to ruin it
for everyone and not let anyone discover it.
Just.. ran...
Third one.
A little complex, just a bit.
3 walls, 120 degree to each other.
See by now, we know the game.
Find the *aein*
Show me copper and i'll touch it!
The shape you show it in, i'll touch with that shape!
But we cant find the copper.
And that lady cant be found either.
And i again see two guys standing at the centre.
Staring at the plain wall.
At a plain wall.
For 5 mins, i saw, they kept staring.
I don't know what they were doing.
Appreciating the texture maybe, i don't know.
So after a long thought and analysis, i concluded.
They are (slang for morons).
See there are many times in your life
when you'll think that someone is that thing.
Right?
But if two minutes later, you find proof...
Then you'd be like - "Oh fuck! I saw it beforehand!"
"I gauged someone from the back of their head"
So, for validation, if i was correct...
i did a small social experiment, okay?
They both were standing here...
I went 4-5 feet away from them.
And i crumpled a piece of paper and it into a ball.
And when they were't looking, i threw it.
Then i waited. Right when they looked towards me, i started looking at it.
2 min later, both...
This represents that there are no dustbins here.
I'm clicking a pic of them from behind.
Then finally, that lady appeared.
I was like fuc-fuc-fuc-fuck
Couple of us got elated,
that now we're going to see the *aein* of the room.
She must have been here before to ruin it for someone.
Turn out.
Of the 3 walls' 120 degree...at its radial centre...
at the opposite end of the gallery,
was kept a stool.
And on the top of that stool were imbibed
two round copper plates.
So she went there, turned around and sat down.
And this time, i'm not kidding,
it was a louder *aein* than usual.
And i cant help but believe
I think this was a fart joke
in a contemporary art museum guys!
I went back to my hotel room.
I remember, my wife had clicked 256 pictures. 256!
I remember the number clearly, 
because i had clicked 4.
Of which 3 were out of focus.
And what would have i clicked?
"See this is a palm?" Ya.
"Ya, You could do *aein* on it"
"Yup. thats it."
The fourth one, i told her "Look this is worthwhile"
Today, in a contemporary art museum, I made art!"
(She:) Where? Show!
"You see what those two (slang for morons) looking?"
Ya, i "made" them too.
