what's up everybody so yeah those of you
who aren't paying attention
I made an apology video because I'm
sorry for bombarding you with videos
this weekend that are a little bit
different but anyways I wrote a book and
a lot of people who watch YouTube don't
read books so the series of videos I'm
releasing this video it's nothing that I
hate I didn't talk about months ago it's
just a lot of people didn't read the
book so do me a favor in each of these
videos and they're all in my cancel
culture playlist if you want to check
them all out but anyways in each of the
videos check the description because I
ask of you that you read just one
specific chapter it's very short it's
only three or four pages because I do
leave some people anonymous where I can
I do not condone online hate mobs and
being nasty to people so if you figure
out who I'm talking about in any of the
videos while I leave this person
anonymous like I don't want you in my
community all right
form your own opinions I'm merely
sharing my side of the story taking back
my narrative and hoping that some of you
can learn from this because this story
I'm gonna share with you all right
is it's about it's it's just one of the
many people one of the many people where
I felt that I gave them a lot and when
the hate mob came after me they just
completely turned on me this person
still says nasty things about me on
Twitter and I just want to share my side
of things
because it's pretty hurtful and I know
some of you have dealt with this as well
where you've done nothing but try to be
a good friend or help somebody out and
then all of a sudden they just turn on
you so again with all these videos I
hope you take a lesson away from but
like I said I know a lot of people did
not read my book so a few of the videos
I'm releasing this weekend are gonna be
chapters from my book so here's the
audio version and my book the eBook
version is free until Monday October 1st
and the audio book is linked down in the
description below if you want to check
that out alright see you in the next
video
chapter 24 there's actually one more
person I need to tell you about who I
considered a friend who would later turn
on me
there was a creator who my girlfriend
absolutely loved
he made the type of content we liked and
she had been binge watching his channel
for weeks she told me that he uploaded
more frequently in that nice than any of
the other creators we watched and she
said that he reminded her of me so she
thought I'd like him I subscribed to his
channel but I didn't find the time to
watch his videos so one day I was doing
a live stream and all of a sudden this
creator showed up in there he thanked me
for the videos I made on borderline
personality disorder because he had an
ex with it who hurt him really badly and
he said my videos helped him understand
just a little bit more
I remember freaking out when he showed
up in the livestream because my
girlfriend was moderating that stream I
told him how much my girlfriend loved
his channel and that I had been meaning
to check it out too he was blown away
that I knew who he was so we were both
being fanboys over each other we ended
up following each other on Twitter and I
decided to finally check out his channel
now I'm going to leave him anonymous but
I feel I need to explain that genre he's
in so you understand why I felt like
he'd be a good person to have as a
friend I try my best to be a good judge
of character because back in the day I
had a ton of shitty friends who screwed
me over so I do my best to get a good
read on people and find out if they'd be
decent to talk to he had a reddit
channel and my girlfriend and I fell in
love with those channels from watching a
channel called sorrow TV what I liked
about this creator was not only was he
consistent and funny but he took a
different angle
most reddit channels just talked shit
about the reddit post in a funny way
but this creator was far more empathetic
when he read from our slash nice guys
post he tried to empathize he'd even
make videos making fun of how he used to
be with women and how awful he was I
liked that because I could relate I
to be really lame with women so I
respect men who also figure that out at
some point too and decide to become
better people so we ended up talking
quite a bit in Twitter DMS and getting
to know each other he had a lot of
emotional issues so I tried to do what I
do for everyone which is just be there
for him and provide suggestions if I
think I could help this creator
specifically struggled with a lot of
self-esteem issues whether that stemmed
from his previous abusive relationship
or not I don't know
he had a lot of issues with confidence
as well although his channel was 2 or 3
times the size of my channel
he felt like he hadn't accomplished much
I ended up becoming someone who he could
tell all of his problems to and listen I
say this not to make myself look better
either it's just what I was taught to do
for other people helping others helps me
too but this is also one of the reasons
it hurts so much when he eventually
turned on me I'd regularly open my DMS
from him and I'd be flooded with
messages about the self-esteem issues he
was struggling with and I'd always
remind him that he was a badass and
making great content and people loved
him so back in the day I used to be a
massive hater I hated all of the people
who were doing better than I was but
along my journey I learned that someone
else's success doesn't take away from
mine once I realized that things
completely changed and I legitimately
get so happy when others succeed if you
want to know what makes me happier than
anything on earth it's seeing people do
something they love and if they can make
a living off of it it's even better one
of the things this creator would talk to
me about was that his channel wasn't
monetized by YouTube which absolutely
blew my mind on YouTube in order to get
monetized all you need is one thousand
subscribers and four thousand hours of
watch time in a year
this guy had over two hundred thousand
subscribers and probably millions of
hours of watch time but he wasn't
monetized and it made no sense because
of his confidence issues he hadn't
really been bugging YouTube and I was
like you know what fuck that
and I personally tweeted a YouTube
multiple times
egging him like yo how come my boy ain't
monetized I felt awful that he was doing
so well on YouTube and had this awesome
fanbase who watched a ton of videos but
he was making no money from it because
of this he had to work some crappy job
that he hated and it sucked so I talked
to him and I convinced him to create
other streams of revenue to allow his
audience to support the channel if they
wanted to he didn't want to do patreon
because he felt like he didn't have
anything of value to offer them in
return but I convinced him to sell some
merch my girlfriend is an amazing artist
and she designs all of my merch she
loved him and his channel and she was
glad we became friends so she offered to
design his merch for free he looked at
her Instagram page and loved her style
so it was a match made in heaven she
ended up designing a shirt for him which
he absolutely loved but I'm not sure how
many he sold but he was extremely
grateful for our help he's actually the
person who introduced me to premix
channel I think him and permit became
friendly because they both made some
content about a creator who may have
been abusing children by now you're
probably putting the pieces together I
still why our relationship fell apart
too
when premon came out with his exposed
video on me this creator felt stuck
between a rock and a hard place and I
empathize with him if memory serves me
correctly I think after Pemex first
video this creator and I still
communicated but we started talking less
he felt that premium brought up some
quote/unquote good points and that I
wasn't that good of a person again this
confused the hell out of me because my
content hadn't changed this Creator
loved my channel and how I used
youtubers to teach people about mental
health he told me about how my videos
about Trisha Paytas helped him better
understand BPD so you can imagine how
confused I was because he didn't have a
problem with me until someone else
influenced him to have a problem with me
later when everything blew up this guy
completely ghosted me it hurt it fucking
hurt a lot although I give freely of
myself as best
as I can and try to give without
expecting anything in return I think
most people would be hurt by this I
spent hours upon hours upon hours
talking with this guy trying to help him
with his self-esteem and confidence
issues I tried to help him get over his
abusive relationship my girlfriend and I
felt bad he wasn't making money so we
helped him generate some income from his
channel on top of that the last thing I
helped him work through was the fall of
his discord server
he had a server for his community and
everything went sideways so he had to
shut it down he's a good guy so we felt
awful
that he had to shut it down he felt bad
because that was a place where many
people made connections with others and
developed friendships unfortunately as
with many discord servers some bad
actors can ruin it for everyone so I
talked to him many times and explained
that he shouldn't feel bad and then I
tried to help him come up with some
other ideas for his audience since he
had to shut the server down like I said
earlier I have massive trust issues when
it comes to making friends and this
messed me up I thought I was a good
judge of character and that this guy
would be right or die with me because we
had so many serious vulnerable talks
unfortunately that wasn't the case it's
like all of it meant nothing to him and
he had no problem switching his view of
me
this is something that confused me
throughout my canceling it makes perfect
sense
that strangers believe rumors and
develop the opinion that you're an awful
person because they've never met you it
was people like this who make me and
knew all the time and effort I put into
our relationship but then they turned on
me that's what confused me it just
doesn't make sense did people like him
just really think that I was that good
at pretending to care did he somehow
think I was using him here's the last
conversation we had where he gave me the
benefit of the doubt but it seems like
with all the other people who watch the
video facts didn't matter he said I'm
definitely interested to hear what you
have to say man I do really think that
you're a good guy that wants to spread a
message about taking care of your mental
health to as many people as possible
I really have to wonder if people
like this ever think about me months
later and wonder if I might not be as
bad as they thought this is something
that I think about often what's going on
in their mind I've done nothing but be
kind compassionate and giving but for
some reason he and many others who knew
me now think I'm a terrible person
oftentimes you need actions as evidence
that a person you were friends with has
done something terrible but in this case
and many others this creator has never
been hurt by me but he's been helped
quite a bit now fast forward to July
when I went to VidCon and started
writing this book although I haven't
talked to him in a while and don't
follow his channel I saw him post on
Instagram that he was there too
I left a comment and then I sent him
this DM hey dude I know it's been a
while since we've talked but if you want
to chill for a bit and catch up while
we're both at VidCon let me know he
never replied I get it I know him and I
know he hates confrontation but as
you've learned I'm more than happy to
have conversations with people and work
things out unfortunately he didn't want
that and I wasn't going to track him
down and force him to talk to me
throughout the event I was nervous that
I'd bump into him knowing that he
probably saw the message and ignored it
I started to chill out a bit knowing
that he was probably a thousand times
more nervous than me
because he doesn't like confrontation at
the end of the day I don't hate the guy
I feel bad for him I know he has a lot
of issues that he deals with and I hope
he's doing well much like everyone else
he's doing the best he can with what
he's got he may have been raised to
avoid confrontation and has never
learned to resolve issues through
meaningful conversations I don't know I
hope for his sake that this is something
that he'll eventually overcome because I
think it'll help him have better
relationships in the future lastly would
I be friends with him again probably it
would seem like he felt remorseful for
bailing on me like that then I
definitely give him another chance I'd
be more guarded for a bit and wouldn't
be as invested until we build some trust
again but he's not a bad person
so I forgive him
