Yeah, what class are you doing?
Aren't you doing media and philosophy?
Oh, yeah, that was hiliarious.
I caught up with Kylie yesterday.
Mmhmm.
She said the kids would end up living with
me
'cause I'm their mum.
But Marissa said they'd end up spending
half their time
with me and half with Chris.
I don't know who's right.
Michelle, I think your friends are lovely
but I wouldn't listen to everything they
say.
You really need to talk to somebody that
actually knows what they're talking about.
Who?
I don't know. Make some phone calls, go
online.
Maybe Legal Aid would be a good place to start.
There's lots of good services out there to help.
Hi there, my name's Michelle. I don't
know where to start,
um...well my husband and I are separating.
Uh huh. Well, Chris and I can't seem to
talk about anything.
No, there are no risks to the children. We
just find it difficult
to talk to each other and work things out
together.
Yep. The Family Relationship Centre.
Yes, OK. Thank you.
Good morning, Family Relationship Centre,
Heather speaking.
Hi, my name's Michelle.
I rang Legal Aid and they gave me your number,
um...
I'm separating from my husband
and I need some help.
Hi, Michelle. Thanks for calling.
We use a process called 'family dispute
resolution'.
Have you heard of it?
Hmm...well, Legal Aid gave me a bit of a run-down
but it was only brief. I don't know much
about it.
Well, family dispute resolution involves a
qualified person...
helping people affected by separation or divorce
focus on the important issues in their family.
In many cases they're able to assist couples
come to an agreement that will work for the
whole family.
Um, so, if I wanted to do that what
would I need to do?
You and the other parent would need to attend
separate
appointments with the family dispute resolution
practitioner.
Everything you say is confidential
except as otherwise required by law.
You'll be asked a series of questions about
your relationship
with each other and the children to determine
whether family
dispute resolution is suitable and safe for
you.
Some family relationship centres also provide
child-inclusive
services if it is appropriate and both parents
agree.
Would you contact my husband?
With your permission, yes.
OK.
How do you think Hayley and Dylan
see you as a mum?
Hayley would probably think I'm really embarrassing.
Dylan just loves his mum. He's only a little
guy.
Can you tell me something about how you and
Chris
have resolved conflict in the past?
We used to be pretty good at it. But the last
few years
we just end up having the same fights.
And now Chris just walks away
and I'm left standing there.
How would you think Chris might respond
if I were to ask him that same question?
He'd say we struggle to resolve conflict.
He'd probably say it's because I don't
listen to him.
Have you ever been concerned for your own
safety?
No.
Did you ever feel unsafe if you and Chris
were
unable to reach an agreement about something?
At times he's been really angry
but I never felt unsafe, even then.
Do you have any concerns for your children's
safety?
No.
Michelle, a family dispute resolution practitioner
is independent of both parents...
and aims to help them work through the issues
and to build
a plan for their family's future now that
they're separated.
Our role is to help parents focus on their
children's needs
and not on the issues that led to separation.
We ask each parent to consider and listen
to the other parent's views...
to focus on what your children's future
will look like...
and to explore and test options
for resolving issues that are in dispute.
Now, those issues might include
where will the children live.
How to deal with important and special days
like birthdays and holidays.
Who'll take them to events,
activities, that sort of thing.
We also can help parents identify where they
need support and can refer them appropriately.
So, will you give me legal advice as well?
No, no, a family dispute resolution practitioner
cannot give legal advice.
Our job is to facilitate, not advise.
It is wise to obtain legal advice.
It's an important part of having an informed
discussion
and hopefully an informed agreement.
So, will I have to go to court?
This process is an alternative to going to
court.
After we've seen both you and Chris...
we'll be able to see if family dispute resolution
is a process that's likely to be suitable
in your case.
If it isn't, then of course you can consider
other options including court.
You want answers.
You want everything to just be sorted out.
The best advice that I could give anyone would,
seriously...
just be to go and see a professional
who can help, and don't put it off.
Likes to hold a pencil as a staff.
Hi, Dylan.
Hi, Mum.
Chris, can I have a word?
One sec, mate.
I think it's time we figured out
what we're gonna do with the kids...
I went to a Family Relationship Centre today.
You went where?
A Family Relationship Centre.
Hold up, what for?
You haven't talked to me about any of this.
I tried to, Chris. You wouldn't listen.
I needed to talk to someone to try to work out
Work out? Work out what?
So, suddenly you think we need someone
to tell us what to do with our kids?
Chris, I don't want to fight with you.
We both need someone to talk to.
So you don't want to fight
but you're gonna take me to court?
Please, just listen to me for a minute.
I'm not taking you to court.
I don't want to go to court.
I found out about family dispute resolution.
Dylan. You alright, mate?
You don't have to talk if you don't want
to.
It's Mum and Dad. They've broken up.
I think Dad's going to move out.
Sorry to hear that, mate.
My parents broke up when I was still at school.
Dad moved away but we still did all the same
stuff together.
You can talk to me any time.
It's going to be OK.
(CRICKETS CHIRP)
So, how have you been?
Michelle spoke to someone at
the Family Relationship Centre.
So?
What? She went behind my back.
Sounds like she's just getting some advice.
Maybe you should too.
Yeah.
OK, so just to put your mind at ease...
from what you've told me...
there's no reason that you shouldn't be
seeing the kids
and spending a good amount of time with them.
That's a relief...
The kids are living with Michelle at the moment.
I'm seeing them a bit but not as much as
I'd like to.
OK, first off, to give you a bit of background.
Let me tell you a little bit about how family
law works
and how the family court looks at things.
And then we can discuss the time you spend
with the kids
at greater length. Is that OK?
Sure.
So, Chris, the most important consideration
when making decisions about children...
is what's in the best interest of the children...
So, it's not about what mum or dad wants,
or parents' rights, or anything like that...
It's about finding what arrangements work
best for the kids...
so that all of their needs are met
and they're no exposed to any harm.
This may be different for different children.
It really is
a consideration of what's best for that
particular child.
Your youngest, did you say he's about two
and a half?
Yeah, almost.
So, for example, he may need slightly different
arrangements
to the other two kids just until he's a
little bit older.
OK, I understand that, you know, we need to
think about
what's best for the kids, it's what we've
always tried to do...
But aren't there set times or recommended
times
that kids spend with their parents?
I mean, I'm pretty sure that I heard that
kids live fifty-fifty
with their parents when they separate.
Every family's different, so there are no
automatic rules about
the amount of time that kids spend with each parent.
This really is a matter of you and Michelle
thinking about
what's going to be best for your kids...
and what you two can make work in reality.
You'll need to think about things like who
works when...
what arrangements can be made
for the kids to go to and from school...
and how changing these kinds of arrangements,
that the kids
have had in place for years, might affect
the kids.
Oh, right, so things are just going to
stay the same as they are?
Well, I have to work late sometimes. I don't
want to just see the kids on the weekends.
This is rubbish.
That's not what I'm saying.
It's really a matter of being practical
and finding out
what will work and that you and Michelle can
manage...
that also works for the kids.
You just need to figure out what will work
in reality and,
most importantly, what will work for the kids.
I guess that makes sense. If I'm honest
with myself...
it would be pretty hard for the kids to live
half the time
at my place, and a big change for them...
even if I'd really like it. And Jasper certainly
wouldn't cope,
he's still pretty attached to his mum.
But I would like to keep doing some of the
things
I did with them before the split...
like taking Dylan to basketball. But, um,
what happens
if Michelle and I can't agree on what to
do?
If you two have really tried and you've
been to family
dispute resolution and you still can't work
it out...
you can go to the family court and ask the
court
to make a decision for you...
based on what they perceive to be
in the best interest of the children.
Now, Chris, working on arrangements for kids
after a separation can be a bit of a slow
process.
It's a pretty difficult and emotional time
for everyone,
particularly the kids...
and you and Michelle may not have the same
ideas
about what's best for them.
Don't get discouraged, though. The majority
of people
are able to figure out things for themselves...
or with a little help from places like the Family Relationship
Centre
or a counselling service.
So, we don't have to go to court then?
No, not at all. In your circumstances
court would really be the last resort.
Going to court can take a lot of time and
money
and many people find it really stressful.
If you go to court, your matter will be heard
by someone who's trained in the law...
and they'll do their best to make the right
decision.
But at the end of the day, the decision is
imposed upon you
by someone who doesn't really know you or
your family.
You and Michelle are the best judges
of what's best for your kids.
OK, so, what about things like who makes
the day-to-day decisions? I don't want to
be cut out.
Now that you and Michelle are living apart...
obviously there are some day-to-day decisions
that you'll
each need to make by yourself when the kids
are with you.
But the more major decisions...
things like what schools the kids go to, if
they follow
a religion, or whether they go on an overseas
holiday...
these are the sorts of things that you and
Michelle will
need to discuss and try and work out together.
This can be a little difficult,
or in some cases a little unsafe.
In that case those sorts of decisions
might be handed over to one parent.
Doesn't sound like this is the case for
you
and Michelle though.
No. I mean, we're not getting on great at
the moment...
but I'm pretty sure things will settle down
and we'll be able
to work together to work out what's best
for the kids.
That's great. OK. We can
 look at the details of how that works later.
For now, let's spend some time looking at
what arrangements you think might work.
OK, sure.
Well, I was coming at it from the mindset
that
we were still together.
I just remember being so angry about her
speaking to someone else without telling me.
Because that's the moment I realised it
was over.
She did the right thing speaking to someone.
[Knock on door]
Hi, Dad.
Sweetie...
Dad!
(LAUGHS) Hey mate. I'll meet you in the
car.
There's my little man.
How's it going?
OK, thanks. So, you'll bring them back
from your dad's at five on Sunday.
Yeah, no problem.
I'll have them home in time for dinner.
Come on, mate. See ya. See ya
Bye!
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
