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jokes of the day
never say it at work
twelve things you ' ll never hear an employee tell his / her boss
never give me work in the morning . always wait until 5 : 00 and then bring it to me . the challenge of a deadline is always refreshing .
if it ' s really a " rush job , " run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it ' s going . that greatly aids my efficiency .
always leave without telling anyone where you ' re going . it gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are .
if my arms are full of papers , boxes , books or supplies , don ' t open the door for me . i might need to learn how to function as a paraplegic in future and opening doors is good training .
if you give me more than one job to do , don ' t tell me which is the priority . let me guess .
do your best to keep me late . i like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do .
if a job i do pleases you , keep it a secret . leaks like that could get me a promotion .
if you don ' t like my work , tell everyone . i like my name to be popular in conversations .
if you have special instructions for a job , don ' t write them down . if fact , save them until the job is almost done .
never introduce me to the people you ' re with . when you refer to them later , my shrewd deductions will identify them .
be nice to me only when the job i ' m doing for you could really change your life .
tell me all your little problems . no one else has any and it ' s nice to know someone is less fortunate .
pick a starting salary
reaching the end of a job interview , the human resources person asked the young mba fresh out of mit , and what starting salary were you looking for ?
the candidate said , in the neighborhood of $ 125 , 000 a year , depending on the benefits package .
the hr person said , well , what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation , 14 paid holidays , full medical and dental , company matching retirement fund to 50 % of salary , and a company car leased every 2 years - say , a red corvette ?
the engineer sat up straight and said , wow ! are you kidding ?
and the hr person said , certainly , . . . but you started it .